I have been feeling fantastic, and I mean good. Better than I have in quite some time, the depression has begun to subside and the relief I've felt these past few weeks is unquestionable. KB treated me to a massage/pedi last night and wine/appetizers at a quaint little bar in Cherry Creek. My friends are such good people, so kind and giving to me. Spending a few hours with K last night was refreshing and intoxicating in the way that only the love and bond of those special few friendships in life can bring. The way that everyone has been reaching out to me recently has been a moving experience, that's for certain.
Last night, I came home...watched some Sex In The City (I love Samantha, I mean the cajones on that girl!) and went to bed by 11. Slept in until about 9, snuggled the dog and we did some morning yoga for about an hour and then I finally got moving. Slowly, slowly, slowly.
As I'm peetering around the house I notice that C called and left a vm. I don't always listen to my vm's, I just call the person who called back. Sometimes it's just easier, or I'm just lazy...I don't know. As I call C back, I am looking out my bedroom window and feeling so grateful for my home and all the love I feel in my life, my amazing family in CO which mostly consists of non-blood relatives and how much I love my pets. I also had a very strong flash of missing Max and I got teary at that point.
C answers the phone. The conversation didn't go well, let's just put it like that. The freaking nerve, I don't even know where to begin and I won't go into detail because I won't blast C to my readers and so public ally....but I left the conversation with that feeling in my stomach like I just wanted to scream and scream and break something. There is only one other person in my life that draws that kind of emotion from me and luckily, I've only had to speak to him about 3 times in the past 13 years. I maintained my calm though after the conversation which ended with me having to hang up on him b/c I just can't let him talk to me like that anymore and went down stairs to turn of my sprinklers. As I go outside to turn off the hose which is pumping water into the new sprinkler Howard just got for me...Gaia cat decides to come rub up against my leg right as I'm jumping from the cement steps to the area where my rose bushes are, which is where the nozzel is. I am wearing a pair of 3" inch chunky strappy sandals and yep, you guessed it....I went flying and twisted my ankle. And banged up my knee. And bent my wrists back funny. Not only did I not recover from trying not to kick Gaia in the head, I managed to ding up every part of my body that is already tender, strained or otherwise somehow not an area that is good to put under stress.
As tradition dictates, big drippy tears started pouring down my recently beautifully made up face and ruined my fresh eye make up and I felt like a child throwing a temper trantrum. My ankles instalty started throbbing, my knee began to bleed and my wrist tingles obnoxiously. It took everything I had to get up, turn off that stupid faucet and NOT kick the cat on the way in. If I was a cat kicker, Gaia would've been in HUGE trouble...even though this is in no way her fault (leave it to the snottiest cat on the planet who suddenly wants to give me lovies on her terms, that's faaaaaaaaaaabulous, Love you too Gaia smoochies) and I know she didn't do it on purpose b/c contrary to populate belief...black cats are not witches, even tho Gaia IS a little witchy, but not toward me. She did get out of my way though, so I suspect her cat intuition were telling her that vacating the area immediately was a good idea. In fact, she's kept her distance from me every since. Cats are smart, aren't they? Smarter than humans are sometimes.
After my little fit, I sucked it up and am now going about my day. But, let me tell you...I am in a damn funk now. Screw C and his attitude, I've been good and kind to him and I can no longer allow my feelings to interfere with the facts and the way things must be. Screw my stooopid ankles that have never been the same after that night at C & D's and screw the fact that I am broke beyond belief and am not sure how I'm going to eat the next 2 weeks and I have days where my trust in mankind plummets just a little more. Screw it.
Sandy Sassy Pants is taking me out for lunch, she will bring a smile to my face and buy me a glass of wine and she is newly in love so my faith will be restored that people are not total assholes. I also know that this does pass. My body in a biological sense knows that, my mind from a mental perspective knows that and the light within me knows that I'm going to have these days and they are going to suck...but it's not EVERY day and it does get better. And throwing a fit, crying or kicking the cat wont' help. What WILL help is doing something about it and that's what I AM doing whether C likes it or not. So, for the rest of the day...I am going to go back to the place where I am happy and take care of me and screw all this other BS. Call it over indulgent, call it selfish..whatever. It's better then sitting around being furious at things I cannot control.
1 comment:
I cringed for you when I read the part about the fall. The FIRST thing I thought of before you even mentioned it was how painful it must have been considering your ankle injury from our house.
You poor thing. I'm sorry you have to deal with all this at once. :-( I've been working all weekend but will make a point to call you sometime this week to chat. :-)
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