07/02/2007

Friday:
After a rather trying day emotionally for a number of reasons, I spent the evening with Mary and Howard, had a delicious meal (I haven't had real meal in a while it seems like) and a few hours of quiet, comfortable interactive time with just the two of them. I was reluctant to go because going home to my bed to cry and moan and spend the evening feeling pitiful sounded much more appealing. I took a bath, played with Kasha and fed the cats. I felt a little better after that. So I went, and I'm glad I did. Rhy and his g/f invited me out to coffee after downtown but I honestly just couldn't do much more than making it to Mary & Howard's. The fact that I made it all felt like a small miracle, so I thought I ought not push it too hard. I went home, had a brief conversation which C that ended up with him laughing at my attempts to stand up for myself and me feeling really humiliated in the process, but I ignored that and went to bed with Kasha snuggled up next to me and we both slept like there wasn't a care in the world.

Saturday:
Slept in longer than I anticipated and pittered around the house a little before I got my day started. This 'pittering' consisted of sleeping a little more, wandering about my house admiring the quiet and serene nature of my home when it is not boiling over with apathy and discord and eating peanut butter out of the jar for breakfast. I kept stopping by Max's room and trying to figure out if I wanted the door open or shut. He keeps it shut when he's home b/c that is what teenage boys do, they are private and especially don't want squirrelly nosey Mom's all up in their business. But, Max isn't here so I decided to keep it open until he gets home. Besides, Gaia likes his room as the window in this room over looks her vast kingdom in which she has a great many duties and responsibilities such as seeking and destroying moths, surveying the land for any intruders and sampling the various delicates of her land which all of her loyal servants happily provide her.

After showering and some more piddling, I spent the remainder of the daylight hours running errands, visiting with Kristen and her ladies and tidying up my home. Watered the plants, the grass and Kasha. Kasha needs to be watered, it apparently is an important aspect of her growth, otherwise...she rolls in things and smells bad and I'm sort of not into that smelling bad thing. So, she's had several baths recently actually after a unfortunate mishap while on a walk (muddy water, fresh cut grass, you do the math) and whatever it is in the back field that she wants to roll around in.

After all this, Max and I spoke at length and he sounded like he was having a total ball. My grandparents seem to be enjoying him a great deal as well. How fun to be 14 and carefree, it must be a good life. I am happy he's got the opportunities to do so!

I watched the cheesiest movie ever, I always think I'm going to get into chick flicks...and then am so sadly disappointed by the quality that I end up turning it off before I even get through it. Maybe I'm just a little cynical at the moment...I don't know. But, love isn't like what is portrayed in your typical chick movie. Come on! No wonder everyone is so confused with messages like that, can we PLEASE stop propagating the fairy tale bullshit and get real with love is really like? Let's talk about the patience and commitment and two parties who are able to be less selfish then the other when the time is needed and how much energy and time and work goes in to relationships? Anyone ever see "The Story Of Us?" That movie is slightly more realistic I think.

I spoke with my cousin Kenari, good to hear her voice. She's a good girl. Tried to call my aunty MB but I figured she was probably gallivanting about in a forest some where, breathing in the cool moist Washington sea air and observing life in it's infinite pattern of change and glory.

Colleen invited me over, I had thought Matt, Helen and I were getting together but it turned out Helen had a rough week and opted to stay in. Understandable, so I headed over to Colleens and spent the remainder of the evening giggling, laughing and eating. Came home late, slept well again!

Sunday:
Slept in, walked the puppy wuppy before it got to HOT...did I mention it's hot here? I mean wickedly hot, like not safe to be outside kind of hot. I have the AC on at home for the animals today, it's such a waste of money and terribly for the environment so I avoid it. Plus, ours isn't the most efficient. There's a leak somewhere in the piping so it makes it a little less than useful. But, it gets the job done when it's really hell-fire hot.

Watched Sopranos all day, ate more peanut butter, napped. Chance called, which again ended with me in tears and feeling like a fool after all was said and done, but that's the law of this land from what I can tell right now. We all have good and bad days I guess.

I thought about Crystal and Dane a lot this weekend. Feeling joyful for their progress and excited about the details from their trip. And sad that I can't be there right now. It doesn't seem fair to me some days, that all my plans have to be readjusted b/c of this shift in my life...but I guess that's how it works. I thought alot about the various relationships in my life, how things have changed and grown and that the entire direction of my life is pointing toward me living for me at the moment and how gratifying that is. I thought about the sense of sadness that I still feel and disappointment and how it's still there, but is dissipating slowly. I also thought that the pain will fade and I will be me again at some point and Chance will be a memory. I'll be able to know the lesson from this time with him will have been beneficial, we will have both learned something and taken that with us to the next phase. I then cried my eyes out over a wedding scene on The Sopranos and thought it was time for me to put all this love stuff on the back burner for the rest of the day.

Didn't sleep so well Sunday night, too hot. Kasha was restless and making weird noises and Gaia kept mewling for me to get up and turn the water on in her bathroom sink. And then I had to get up and turn it off. She must have a really good laugh at my expense. Freaking brat cat. I keep trying to remove that tiara from her magnificent little head, however she is pretty protective of it so I don't care to risk a swatting and possible blood loss over it. Gaia should watch her back though, Kasha is preparing herself for a fierce battle of who will rule in The House Of Mango's. While Gaia has maintained the coveted tiara for some time, Kasha is gaining points. It's really quite silly, this competition between them. Kasha thinks she is a cat and Gaia KNOWs she's a cat, so I don't get it? Oh well. Pumpkin and I (The House Of Mango's resident bitches) just roll our eyes and sigh. Silly baby tree fruits!