Today, I was driving and heard a live version of this song and had to stop the car I sat and cried so hard. I never understood this song when I was younger, I don't remember the first time I heard it but I was young, 16? I sort of dismissed it at the time as I was in a totally different musical head space a that moment, which reflected my life style at the time.
A few years later, around 21 or so...I heard it on a KBCO or something and I cried that day in my car too for all this song said to me, for all the pain of trying to understand this life and why it all feels so hard some days and not others, why some of us take ourselves so seriously and some of us can just put it all down at the end of day, the energies and loves we put into finding our way, thus the chorus that immediately grabbed my attention:
I went to the doctor,
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children,
I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
And here I am, 10 years later...feeling much in the same place of confusion. I think I've got it figured it out now though....there is no 'figuring it out' in this game. This is what life is, every day there is beauty and every day there is something to cry about. The balance is within us and not from an external source, this balance means something different to all of us. Some of us will spend our lives seeking it and some of us are just born with it.
Buddha teaches us that suffering is the first experience of many to achieve peace...release. To live, to exist is to suffer. It is only one small step, acknowledgement I suppose...because this life is so impermanent.
This is where I am stuck, the idea that suffering...just trying to understand so many things that maybe I am not meant to...that is where I am stuck in my spiritual journey. And it is the same place that I was 10 years ago, allthough not nearly as deeply. Since, experience has taught me a great deal about suffering and the possible and/or inevidable outcomes. Attaching oneself to the suffering is the very cause of it. Noble Truth #2.
It only took me a decade to reach some understand of the second Noble Truth. Perhaps it is time to revisit those concepts more carefully.
In any event, please read the lyrics to this song and watch the video if you've never heard it before. It is a profoundly moving piece of each art to me and I wish to share it with you as a gift to all of you.
Link To Lyrics
Watch The Video
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