...is that the world does not stop for your tears, your heartache.
This morning, when I didn't get my normal email from him...that says "Hello, have a good day. I love you." It reminded me that this is my life now, there will be no more "Hello Mango's" or hugs or waking up next to him in the morning.
I know this will pass, this feeling like my body will split in half from grief and loss and sadness. I know that someday, I will find a way to look back at this and not fall apart.
But today is not that day and I AM falling apart and I DO need to cry and be sad and feel everything because I don't know what else to do right now. Eventually, I won't be able to cry any more I know that too. My eyes will just dry up and there won't be anything else for a while...and then suddenly, it will all start up again at some random moment when I least expect it.
Hurting like this is awful....going to sleep and waking up to a new life, sans that big drippy tears and sobbing, and without that terribely gnawing my gut....that would be good. But I guess without this, I do not learn the lesson. What that is yet, I don't know.
2 comments:
*sob* I ache for you. I wish I could allocate your hurt for you so that you could only feel a fraction and the rest of us could a bit of the load. We could all report back to you on the lessons learned so you can compile a manual and move on having only felt 12% of the pain and heartache.
While I work on that, you work on having a good day. And by all means cry. Get it out.
I remember having lunch in your Paseo so many moons ago with hot chocolate and cigarettes and talking about Big Dave in the parking lot of the old End-of-Life Choices during Jan or maybe Feb. You remember that? I do. I remember hurting for you so much then too and wanting to just whisk you away from the pain. Oh sweety. I wish I could be there now lunching with you in the Jetta. For what it is worth, it will be okay. It wont be the way it was, but you already know that. *hugs*
I can bring my pot to Mexico if you think that will help. It's real Holland marijuana, not the ditch weed we have here in the States. :-)
Yeah, I remember all that drama with BD....drama was exactly what that was.
This situation with Chance is a different thing all together...but yes, I see your point...it DOES pass. Things change, life changes...you roll with it I guess. My hope is to use this time as a means of self development and growth...and maybe, just maybe...I can learn something here instead of just being hurt by it all.
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