It's Official....

Chance found a place, looks pretty nice. Upscale condo's off Speer. Big pool, weight room, club house...all that good stuff. Should make a nice bachelor pad.

The fact that he's found a place and will be moving out sooner, by the end of month at the lastest has it's comforts and I feel ready to start the real mourning of this relationship, healing, regrouping and having some time to myself to absorb these changes. I am very ready for that b/c having him here has been close to unbearable for me.

As predicted, however, I am sad and feel broken. Again. It is sadly, a reminder that I am loosing something that has meant something pretty profound to me. I am being rejected by someone who once claimed to love me so deeply that he would never leave me. I know he believed that then, I know he did. He's not a bad person and there's a part of me....that is still very deeply in love with him and my heart feels like it's breaking all over again now that it is real.

But, no matter how much I cry and feel sad...I know in my heart it's the right thing for both of us ultimately. I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore, that's how lost I've been in this relationship and that speaks volumes as to the importance of this seperation. I know he feels the same, plus...the bottom line is that he wants his freedom. He's getting it.

This is Jack Johnsons most recent release, which I essentially start to sob every time I hear it. I guess when we go through pain, things reach us. Music is a big one for me. When Carin passed, Sarah M's "I Will Remember You" pretty much broke me in two every time I heard it. This is when that song was brand spanking new and they were just starting to play it on the radio.

Maybe 7 years from now I'll feel the same about this song:
Jack Johnson - Let It Be Sung