I've been fighting the tears all day today, but after work was the worse. Oncey they start, I can't make them stop until all the big fat drippy ones are gone and just puffy dry eyes remain.
I feel betrayed, hurt and completely spent.
I talked to him briefly today, as he was out at the bar celebrating with his fellow classmates 'getting' through the class. This teacher has really been a challenge I know, so it is warranted. The celebration. But, I heard all these screaming voices...men and women, and Chance. And they are getting a hotel room down town tonight so no one has to drive and I immediately thought to myself, I should be the one celebrating with you. I've been the one supporting you and helping you create this life you've wanted, I've been the one taking care of the house for you and making sure you have food to eat and listen to your stories about how much your teacher bugs you and I've stood by you through so much and wanted to give up a few times and didn't b/c I beleived in you and I just feel....so ANGRY that I am hurting this bad. It's not fair.
I know this is just my ego talking and releasing ones ego is easier said then done. I also know that no one meant to hurt anyone in this scenario, it's just how this thing has worked out.
But it doesn't make it any less painfull. And I am mad at him dammit and I need to let myself feel that or else I'll never work through it.
"Hold on, hold onto yourself...cuz this is gonna hurt like hell." Sarah M.
1 comment:
A page from my life, here on your blog - once again. Sometimes the similarities in our situations astound me.
I know it isn't near enough, but I know how you are feeling, and I empathize with your position.
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