This new found sense of entitlement Max has is interesting to observe.

He whines and complains about why he can't get a job right now, but asking him to get up a little earlier so he can ride the bus to school so I can get off of work earlier, and thus be home with him earlier offends him somehow.

The endless (and I MEAN endless) discussions about getting a car, the zillions of dollars he seems to think he's going to have to actually purchase his first car never, ever stop. Within any given day, he will prattle on about this H3, Shelby GT or that Toyota Forerunner (yeah, I'm talking THAT huge) at least 10 different times. It's absurd. Not absurd that he'll have the success he desires some day, but absurd that he seems to think this kind of thing will just materialize with little to no effort on his part. When I remind him that he must have at least a C average (at least) to get his drivers permit, he acts as if I'm stomping all over his dream to become a BMXing, pro racing super stud star, like I'm just totally and completely full of shit.

When I attempt to assist him in getting organized with school on some level, for example a large English project he has due next Monday, he insists that he knows what I'm doing and to back off. All the while filled to the brim with attitude. I

Being a mother is one of the most beautiful experiences of my life thus far, I enjoy him and love him dearly. But today, I'm not really sure I recognize him and I wonder what Max will think of when he thinks back to these years. Right now, he pretty much hates my guts, which is not unexpected. It's not pleasant either.

I can't help but feel that the constant push/pull between teenagers and their parents not only benefits the child eventually, but the parent as well. The process helps the teenager begin to identify their own individuality and try on the many different archetypes they will explore through life. It gives the parent a glimpse of what life might be like for said teenager as he continues to grow and eventually leaves the nest. I think the idea, in the last remaining years at home, is to help Max polish the life skills he will need to achieve his own personal goals. In essence, it is the first real pre-test to life.

It's funny though, because this child resists my efforts at every single possible turn. I am left with little choice but to give it to him 100% straight.

Sorry Max, I know you won't always like me right now and I understand that. Mostly, the decisions you are making are equating in the current results you are experiencing right now. Unfortunately I am simply the messenger. Tough shit if you don't like riding the bus to school. If you think it's embarrassing or you don't want to get up that 20 minutes earlier to make it to the bus stop on time. Tough shit if you don't want to hear it that you can't have D's on your mid-term and get F's on finals and think your going to get your drivers permit before you are 16. It's too bad that you want to go riding all weekend with your friends, but haven't done your chores or your homework for the weekend. And I don't care if you don't think you should have to take out the garbage or walk the dog, guess what? At my house, you do. You will have to take out your own garbage when your a big grown up man and with all the dreams and aspirations you have, for which I am happy to hear that you do, you WILL have to walk your dog or someone's dog in some figurative sense.

I may not know much, but one thing I know for sure, nothing...not one single thing in life, just falls in your lap. It is all related, in some karmic way, to your efforts or lack thereof. Your work, your love, your spirit and your attitude.

In the amount of time you spent bitching and whining and complaining about what a horrible mother I am for reminding you that your grades are in poor shape so you should be working on that big English project diligently and that Monday night is garbage night, you could've spent that time doing something positive or loving or kind.

I love you son, with all my heart and I will always be there for you. No matter what, you may not always appreciate my methods or my choices and I the same in return, but we will always have each other. My love for you, however, does not mean I should coddle you or otherwise condone such negative behaviors or allow you to manipulate me. How I wish I could teach you everything you need to learn now so that life doesn't have to be difficult for you, but as always, you are teaching me volumes about life. And the one thing I'm learning in a big big way right now is that I can no longer hold your hand, especially if you will not accept my offers to do so. I cannot force your will. I can only guide you and be here for you.

I know it's been a hard year for us. I am sorry that you've seen the results of my own poor decisions and I am sorry that Chance disappointed you too. I am sorry that things are tighter for us financially more than ever and that I worry and that my stress level is so high. I know it's not fun to be around me when I'm in this place. These things are all unfair to you and for that I apologize. These things are not your fault and if nothing else, you have learned first hand what NOT to do from this situation. I will do whatever I can to rectify this situation, but ultimately, you are responsible for you and what you do. If you blow off school, you'll have to repeat those classes at your own expense. If you throw attitude at everyone, it's not going to help you achieve your goals. If you don't put some effort into your own life, you cannot point the finger at me and wonder why you can't have what you want like some spoiled little child. It's my job to nag you about school. It's my job to make you do your chores and take the dog for a walk. And it's my job to help you to learn how to treat people. It's my job to not always give you what you want, as much as I may want to. It's my job as the person who loves you more than anything on this planet, to be the one putting up the stop signs and setting up the boundaries when you can't do it for yourself.

As cliché' as it sounds, if I didn't care about you, I would've already given up. I know what that feels like, for people to give up on you. It's not good. I won't do that to you, but I won't casually sit by and watch you not take important things seriously, seriously enough at least. And, I won't bail you out every single you time you screw up. Not because I don't want to, trust me, I suffer right along with you. I can't bail you out every time Max, I just can't. It's not in your best interest, or mine as your mother. I believe in you, that is why. I know it makes you crazy that I do not submit to your every whim or that we aren't 'rich' like your friends or that you somewhere along the way got this notion in your head that you are not accountable for your own actions, but that's too bad. In time, it will all make a lot more sense.

And until then, we both need to take deep deep breathes.