Yesterday afternoon wasn't such a great way to wrap up my day. I think I am just over the limit on how much I can handle on any given day, I overwhelm easily it seems. Luckily, I got through the afternoon in tact and after a lot of tears, I felt alot better today. Maybe because I am just so tired, I don't really have any energy to fret about anything today.
I'm really done with it all though, feeling like a looser, fighting with the bank over Chance's bike, wondering if I'll have a place to live in 3 months, the crying. It's just exhausting me. And finally, I got it last night that I really am depressed. Probably in a very real way, unlike anything I've experienced before. One thing I keep counting on is that it will change, no matter good or bad, it will change. Something will move this along some how.
In the meantime, I am taking great joy in my son whom seems attached to me at the hip lately. Hey, I'll take it. He's a really specially dude, I've got 3, maybe 5 years left of him being at home with me and I'm not going to waste my time left with him. Besides, he gives me a reason to focus on something else besides how insane I feel lately. Plus, since he's hurt, he's sort of stuck with me at home and that's not so bad. We watch movies, eat pizza and ice cream and play with the animals.
We watched "You Kill Me" and "Sicko" last night. You Kill Me is hilarious, I love dark comedy. This was kind of a dark, comedy, surrealist, romance type of thing. Max and I both cracked up through most of it.
Sicko was a tough movie to watch, I've sort of had to put it out my mind and will try absorb it more when I am more able. Max fell asleep half way through it and kept kicking me on the couch in his sleep. Michael Moore is a brilliant individual, albeit one I'm not always sure is truthful or totally innocent of the spinning he so vehemently accuses the media and other public figures of doing. I did decide that I might just stop my bitching about life in general and move to France. It looks like that might be a good place for me. You can drink, smoke and eat alot of fatty food and STILL live much longer than the average American. Free health care, college, child care and support services. AND the government is terrified of it's people, not the other way around. What a concept! All joking aside, the movie was informative and sparked a sense of passion in me I haven't felt for a while. I cried of course through almost the entire thing, but I laughed pretty heartily during much of it as well. Sarcastic wit is hard to ignore.
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