Eh!

The weekend was ok. Thought I was going to have to put Pumpkin to sleep, she really perked up Friday and we did some more blood work on her. Vet says she probably has some kind of digestional/stomach cancer and gave me some meds that very literally almost brought her right back to normal. It's easy to administer, 2x a day, few drops on her tongue. Vet says she'll have a comfortable quality life for at least several more months if not years. So, after all that trauma of deciding to put her to sleep and then seeing her have such a 'good' day on Friday and then the doc and I deciding this simple medication could make life good for her for a while longer, I decided just to take it one day at a time with her. Friday wasn't an easy day tho. Really, it was all over the place and I'm still not sure I did the right thing. My thoughts were that if all of her other bodily functions are normal and these magic few drops are going to extend her life and her QUALITY of life, then I had no choice.

Sigh.

Kasha puppy decided to get into the ant bait I'd put out b/c of the trail of ants from my next door neighbors house directly into mine and right up to the dog food. I had to induce vomiting, call the vet in a total panic state and baby sit her most of Saturday. I'm sure my vet has seen enough of me for a while.

Whomever says domestic companion animals DECREASE stress should have been at my house this weekend.

Saturday night I let a friend take me out for a few glasses of wine, I had some beers and kicked 3 asses in pool! WOOP WOOP! YEAH ME! I'm not much of a bar fan these days, but getting out of the house seemed a good idea all things considered and who am I to turn down a free glass of wine?

Max went to Kristen's and helped her plant her fall foliage. I came home, slept like a baby. Woke up to discover my phone missing and tore the house apart searching for it. Max found it this morning, deeply embedded in the couch. Stoopid couch. Freaking me out like that. A pathetic state of mind I must live in to freak out like that over my phone...but it DOES have my life in it.

Thank goodness it's there. Decided I'd better back it up again soon so Id don't loose my contacts/pics in the event I should loose it.

Max try's out all this week for soccer. GO MAX!

Tomorrow morning I have to register him for high school. Hold on to yer britches kiddies...big man is on his way to becoming an even BIGGER man. Though between the vet bills and registering Max for school, I'm like CRRRRRRRRAP man. Hope I find out about that contract job soon.

No word on the C front, guess he's just going to blow everything off in typical form. How many opportunities can you give someone before they make it right? I've exhausted that route with him. Actually, I'm just totally exhuasted of him. Done. Over. Though I know better than to say I'd never see or speak to him again, life has a funny way of teaching you that lesson on it's own.

I'm marginally depressed today. Just low energy I suppose. I feel pretty drained these days. I love to beat myself up and tell myself that I just need to get it together and stop whinning...but I have to give myself some space to acknowledge that these past few months have been really hard and I need to give myself some room for that in all realms of my daily existence. So my house isn't perfectly clean, so I still haven't started that diet and so what if I only seem to have the energy to get through the day at this point and don't always even do a good job at that. I am totally non-committal in all ways at this point, with most people...except for all things pertaining to Max, my work, myself and my health....and the basics of getting by each day. Which all of that is a fair amount to consider on a regular basis, but all very manageable and doable and I'm happy for it. That's about all I can do and am not feeling to bad about these days, which is nice. I decided this isn't something you just "get over." There is no-one and nothing that is really going to make this pass or somehow "fix" the pain I feel right now, just time, patience with myself and others, introspection and the ability to forgive.

This summer has been one for the record books, I seem to recall a summer about 5 years ago that was similarly painful. It occurred to me that I must take notice of the cyclical nature of life and know somewhere that with the downward spiral brings and eventual upswing. Things WILL change, always have...always will. Life will even out and I will face more trying days in the future I am certain of that. But, I do have the ability to work in conjunction with the spiritual universe to create a loving and enjoyable life for Max and myself. I am not powerless, I am not destined to live my life in a fully vulnerable state not of my choosing and I'm certainly more able to avoid living my life at the whims and follies of others.

Just keep swimming.