Max has been an absolute doll this past week, reminiscent of his sweeter days as a young child. Loving, affectionate, humorous, considerate, helpful, not nearly as combative and visibly a much happier, brighter and more confident young man.
There are a number of reasons why I believe this change has come into affect and personally I feel it is a culmination of the 1+year in therapy, Howard's extraordinary efforts to work with him and get him on track, tutoring, and our being able to (possibly) work through some issues with his father.
His grades are steadily improving, as is his attitude. He seems confident and capable, he seems excited about his future, he's talking about girls in a way I've never heard before. Is it possible that some of this hard work, tough love and unwavering support has paid off for the big man?
Let's hope so, I know I've got my fingers crossed and some level of hope that maybe, just maybe he might end up being a balanced, healthy happy kid and that we might enjoy the next couple of years we have together before he's off and running out in the world.
~ sniff ~
He told G last night "It's my choice to treat people like poo, I just don't want to any more. I don't want to be unhappy, I want to have fun and get to do fun stuff. Who I want to be is my choice."
I almost started bawling.
Then he said:
"I like it when Mom and I get along, I like it when she's not stressed out because my teachers call her or because I didn't do my homework. Then she's a whole lot nicer to me and gives me more freedom. I also like it when she's relaxed because she can hang out with me more."
Then I did start crying, quietly.
FINALLY...The child has had some blinding flash of clarity?!?!?!
Who knows what prompted it and what ultimately his motives are (if any) but what I do know is that Max appears to be seeing the direct correlation between hard work and the subsequent possibilities and opportunities from his hard work. If I get a good grade on a test, everyone tells me how good I am and I feel good about myself. PLUS I get to stay out a little later with my friends. If I do my chores with out my mother having to ask 5 times (or even once in this case, he just came home and took the garbage out on Monday! w/o one word from me?!) then she trusts that I will do what I am supposed to do and that gives me more freedom to do the things I want to do. If I am cool to people and don't walk around with a chip on my shoulder, they might actually see what a great person I am on the inside! I am bright and can feel good about myself.
Then he proceeded to explain about all the hot girls that were hanging out with him at the skate park and how he liked that they were there to watch him. He didn't get any numbers that day, but he's got give it time to get the 'right' girl. ALRIGHTY THEN! Wayyyyyyyy to mature for a 14 year old, but okaaaaaaaay. Then I realized, he'll be 15 soon and that's no joke. It's the real deal, he's a big man now and his life is going to change soon in a drastic way when he starts high school. Maybe, just maybe we've been able to make some progress before the bigger challenges do come along?
If nothing else, Max has been a blast these past few days and just the idea that he CAN be this way right now gives me little glimmering happy butterfly feelings. If I had one wish in the world, it would be that Mj (and all children) would have a life that is fulfilling, loving, supported and full of opportunities. Thanks to his outstanding support system, he may just have that.
Though I know that taking this one day at a time is the most sane approach.
I thought this morning that it might be time to remind him about the condoms in his bathroom and the "Mom won't be counting them or invading your privacy, just promise to use them if you are in that situation!" talk. It also occurred to me that if he DOES get B's and A's his Freshmen year as promised, I will have to send him to that very expensive driving school so he can get his permit.
Oh. My. Freaking. Goddess!
Someone please hold me.
2 comments:
WOW!!!! MJ is growing up! I can't believe he's going to be 15. That's insane, I won't believe it.
I'm glad he's making progress - way to go MJ!
I was also impressed with your condom philosophy - I think that's a fantastic idea. Way to go Sarah! :-)
I know, I was looking through pics the other day when my Aunt was here and there were some from his 10th bday, remember....with you, Dane, Peck & Dre at Boondocks.
That doesn't seem that long ago...but things have changed...
And on the love glove thing, well deary I don't think I have much choice. Trust me, Max is maturing in many many ways. AND so are all the pretty young ladies around him and let me tell you something...14 year old girls now adays don't look a thing like I did at that age and I was considered risque for the time myself....WHOOOHOOOO MOMMA! These kids mature to quickly and have no clue what the hell they are doing, someone has to give them a clue.
My goal is to keep those lines open, clear and as honest as is possible between a son and his mom. Sure it's akward, for both of us in a way...but in so many more ways, the more I approach him and am open with him about it...the more comfortable I get. And the more comfortable I get, the more at ease he is. Sort of it. It's still wierd for him...think Peck screaming "SPONGEBOB SQUARE PANTS" at the top of her lungs...:)
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