Naturally, transitional periods bring about new understandings, experiences and processes. This is an understatement really when you consider what these past several years have been like but today I am going to focus on how I am experiencing living on my own for the first time in my life.
Emotional/Physical/Social:
Pro’s
• The decrease in crisis point stress is notable.
• I no longer feel held captive by the moods, behaviors and choices of others.
• I am able to sleep again.
• Every day I am being reminded of how strong and capable I am.
• I feel motivated to pay close attention to my health and general well being for the first time in 5 or 6 years.
• I have more time and able to focus on my own needs, wants interests and desires.
• I have a kind of freedom I have never known, not ever…..I can do what I want, when I want, with whom I want.
• I am suddenly “Sarah the Adult w/ no kid @ home” at 33 years old and it’s pretty damn exciting.
• I am feeling incredibly supported and loved.
• I have more time and energy to focus on my existing relationships and consider building new ones.
Cons
• I am suddenly “Sarah the Adult w/ no kid @ home” at 33 years old and it’s pretty damn scary (at times.)
• The crisis point stress reduction was definitely the only option for everyone involved, but given the circumstances a new form of anxiety and depression has taken its place.
• This experience has dug up some dark demons from my past.
• It has also sparked some drama between Pam and I, which sucks after all we’ve overcome.
• I have no idea what to do with myself half the time.
• I feel like I am constantly fighting to stay on track, focused, in control.
• My entire life is totally disrupted; I sometimes feel I am still in shock and trying to acclimate to new routines and ways of thinking.
• Some days I feel like I am screwed up beyond repair.
• Some times I feel a little overwhelmed by a couple of people in my life, like they aren’t giving me enough space or respecting the situation enough and I’m not always sure how to communicate that without hurting anyone’s feelings.
• I am having a lot of anxiety about my weight, more then usual.
Environmental:
Pro’s
• The only dishes are my own. The dishwasher is run once per week instead of every other day.
• The only laundry to be done is my own. There is also far less laundry because there is less need for towels, bed linens, etc…
• The garbage can is emptied twice per week versus every day or every other day.
• Everything (bathroom, kitchen, floors, and general surfaces) stays cleaner unless I have people over.
• Noise is kept to a minimum unless I am bumping the music or the animals are talking excessively.
• I don’t have to worry about whether I have clothes on (one of my personal favorites!)
• I love all the physical space, spreading out has its advantages.
• The house is my own, it’s starting to feel like my own little sacred space and I enjoy nurturing that. I am not contending with greasy bike parts, video game chords, baseball caps and other man crap all over the place. If I want to make it a little princess fairy land then I can.
• The animals are considerably calmer in general and I don’t feel I am fighting with someone else to be consistent in training Bailey or working with the cats. Also, Gaia is noticeably less aggressive.
Cons
• Right now, the door to Max’s room stays shut at all times. I’m still not ready to deal with it.
• I like having someone there when I go into the storage areas, there are huge bugs/spiders in there and I am not as trusting after the Brown Recluse incident.
• This hasn’t happened yet, but I know there are going to be days where I feel really lonely and the house is a little too quiet.
• I like the yard work actually, but I wouldn’t mind having someone to help out with that once in a while.
• I occasionally feel like a jerk for living in a 3 bedroom house with just one person. I know people with 5 kids who live in less space then I do. Not to mention the extra few hundred I am paying rent each month versus something smaller.
Economical:
Pro’s
• I am no longer responsible for food, clothing, school supplies/fee’s, sports equipment/fee’s, bike parts, health insurance, allowance, personal items, etc…for another person. The amount I am saving on food alone is ridiculous.
• I spend about 1/4th what I used to on things like toilet paper, paper towels, soap, shampoo/conditioner, dish-soap, dishwasher soap, laundry detergent, fabric softener (Max used to use 5 of them EVERY time he dried his clothes), etc.
• Now, if I can just get 100% caught up from all that car drama this summer we’ll be in better shape.
Cons
• I am no longer head of household and do not have a dependant. That’s going to affect my net worth each month, but I am thinking with everything else it’s going to work out in the wash.
This list does not feel conclusive for me, but I feel I need to stop here. What is probably apparent here is that there’s a large part of me that is enjoying, no….embracing this new “life” and running with it, trying to explore and experience every aspect of it with open arms and chin up.
Then, there are the voices and the old baggage that pop up and like to really cause my feathers to ruffle. Not to mention the situation with Max burning in the back ground at all times. Therapy is helping tremendously, some days it’s a struggle just to get there. Other days I wonder how I got through life this far without her. Max’s birthday was really bad. I barely could get out of bed, sobbed most of the day, had to go home early and had a panic attack in the car. I had an appointment that afternoon with her and I can truthfully say that without that appointment, I may have not made it out of bed the next day.
I can tell you that I am undoubtedly experiencing a change unlike any other before. I have really positive, exciting days. I have really rough, down days. But I’m getting through it and I’m doing ok, mostly. And when I’m not, I call my family or my friends who are like family and cry about it or let people hold me and comfort me.
Bottom line here for anyone wondering….unplanned, unexpected empty nest isn’t for wimps!
Till next time….
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