Weekend was really enjoyable, busy, but enjoyable. Matty & Amanda braved the storm to come over for pizza and silly what not’s. I really like Amanda, she is a good egg and has herself way more together then I did at her age. Good for her. Matty looks pretty good all things considered, he’s a trooper and is about as positive as one could get about the whole situation. I love his new cane; as long as he doesn’t chase me with it we’ll be fine. Everyone cross their fingers for a swift recovery from radiation this week, I’ll keep you posted on that front.

Saturday I did some work-work and some house work. Sunday was more of the same, nothing terribly eventful but busy. But this week looks busier then last. I forget how quickly schedules begin to fill up when the weather starts to get warmer. Kim, Nick & Baby Quinn are over for dinner Friday night, Winter Park boy may be in town this week in which case I’m sure we’ll get together and I’m supposed to go with F to look at guitars as he’s the perfect guy to ask for guidance on such subjects. The month of May looks like more of the same and I could see me settling into a pattern this summer of good times with Max and friends AND good times with me. It’s good when we focus on ourselves; it gives us the energy to give of ourselves to others.

I’m also really looking forward to Crystal’s visit over Memorial Day. We go through spurts of being uber connected via phone/text/email and that lulls at times with busy schedules and not enough hours in the day between the two of us. However, even in those lulls I don’t ever really feel disconnected from her and I believe the fact that we’ve had at least one visit per year since she’s moved to Seattle has helped to maintain that bond. I know that her visits to CO are always filled with more people to see in a day then she has days, but she always makes lots of extra time for me and I am grateful to her for that. I know this visit will be extra special since she’s staying at my house and my main concern is that she is comfortable. Dane and I have been talking more also and that’s been really good. The married Dane and the Dane I know from CO are vastly changed beings and I am enjoying getting to know him again here and there. I’ve decided I will call him more often, he seems to respond to that and maybe he just needed a little nudge. I am blessed to have friendships with both of them as individuals and as a couple.

After Crystal’s visit I’m hoping to get to Albuquerque to see Paula. If 4th of July does pan out, Max and I will probably take that whole week off and go on our own mini vacation of CO before heading out to P’s for 4th of July weekend. If I can afford it, I think I’d like to hit Ouray and head over to Pagosa Springs and do some hiking and maybe horseback riding. Max will love it.

As for other travel plans, sadly I don’t see us getting out of CO this year. My savings account simply doesn’t have adequate funds to commit to it, nor will it by end of year. Not to mention my PTO from work. I’m down almost 5 full days from last year due to my injury and subsequent time on the couch. I also used some during the move, so I’ve got about 6 left which isn’t much for the rest of the year. A minor annoyance really, but it could’ve been so much worse. I am still unbelievably thank full at how that whole situation turned out. Anyway, July is probably our big vacation for the year and that’s it.

Mj will be out of school soon which always presents its own challenges. I’m anxious about him being busy during the day as summers are prime for trouble, I’m encouraging him to find a job and he’ll have summer school for English from last semester. If he doesn’t bomb in Math this semester, he’ll get to do summer school online. If not, it’ll be the real deal in an actual class every day. It’s a huge motivator for him, that’s for sure. The idea of sitting in a class room a few hours a day when he should be “off” I know is a bit of a kick in the rear for him. He’s working so hard, he really is….he just struggles on tests and 75% of his grade is test grade in this Math class. I never really know how to help him on the test taking itself. He clearly knows the material, his homework assignments are always A’s and B’s. I think he rushes through the tests (like just about anything school related because there ARE far more important things to do like ride BMX with Steven or talk to Tasha on the phone LOL) and doesn’t check his work when he’s done. We are working on slowwwwing it down for the dear boy and that does seem to help some. We’ll see, math still could be in his summer school future if he doesn’t pull it together in the next 4 weeks.

In other Max news his visit w/ his father doesn’t seem to have any negative lasting effects. In fact, it seems the opposite. We had a few days of snotty comments and abrasive remarks, but that was expected and momma bear didn’t growl too much. Otherwise, he’s been great. Very helpful, communicative, not quite so withdrawn and generally I’d say we’ve got a pretty happy teenager on our hands. I also suspect some of it is the house, he’s really happy there. We are happy there together. He’s changing so much, sometimes I get these glimpses of him as an adult and I just hope he and I will remain close on some level throughout his life so I get to be around to see him grow into the really special dood I think he’s going to be. I expect we will honestly, it’s hard to believe we’d go through so much together and NOT stay close after the initial “get out of my life Mom” phase. He’s talking about La Crosse next year at school, let’s hope he goes for it…Max is such an athlete; I do hope he gives it a shot.

The moisture from last week has made everything absolutely gorgeous already and now comes a favorite time of year of mine in Colorado. Spring here can be incredible, especially if we get a bunch of weather in April, which we have. So, I am eager to get the yard cleaned up and planted. That’s kind of on my agenda in my ‘spare’ time this week. One of my favorite things about this house is that I don’t feel like I am constantly scrubbing, wiping, shinning or otherwise hunched over things trying to make it sparkle. One small bathroom to clean, one kitchen, one level. The floor is super easy, a sweep it every few days and wash it with vinegar once a week or so. It’s super easy to keep clean and I love it, it leaves me with so much more free time for which anyone would be happy I’m sure.

Pumpkin is hanging in there, she’s sleeping a lot and it’s clear she’s kind of at the end, but I think she is comfortable. No seizures for 3 weeks now I want to say? She’s such a special animal, I will surely miss her when the time comes but I think we are both more comfortable with how things are going right now. I think we both know it’s going to be any time now, it might be days or weeks….but soon. I can feel it and I’ve not been able to say that before which is why the decision to euthanize her has been so hard.

Work is good. I had a mini meltdown this weekend about whether or not I can really swing this .Net stuff now that it’s in my lap. I got here today, it’s really tough stuff…I’m not going to pretend I’m NOT struggling with the learning curve. But I expected that and my employers and fellow developers are more patient then I am with myself. I require knowledge and experience on a subject to feel confident that I know what I am doing. That will take time. I’ll get there. Rome wasn’t built in a day or some such cliché.

Today is the 10th anniversary of Columbine. It’s still pretty difficult to digest; especially when you’ve heard the tapes and read the transcripts and now that the detail has all come to the surface. It’s pretty horrifying. For all of us, I’m sure those not living in Co can feel it as well. Those moments never fade from your memory, the shock of those experiences live through you pretty authentically for a life time I imagine. Every generation has them and they should be acknowledged so that those kids and teachers know they are loved and not forgotten. Every year my heart breaks for those families who lost their loved ones and that heart break makes me remember. Those kids deserve that at the very least.