Tuesday

Today is a little brighter then yesterday on some levels. Max and I had a fairly civil conversation last night resulted in lightening the situation a little. I feel pretty confident with the current course of action on the Max-front and even though I still couldn’t predict how this situation will pan out, what I do know is that everything will be ok in the long run. The current plan of action is this:

a) I have contacted a family therapist and I have an appointment scheduled with her for Thursday. I will meet with her alone and lay out the situation, baggage and all. Max and I will then meet with until he goes to Wyoming after school is out. I will continue to work with this family therapist while Max is in Wyoming and upon his return we will begin therapy together again.

b) I have yet to contact Sean or his parents. I am still too worked up about their role in the situation to feel confident that I can have a conversation with them yet that won’t result in something negative. I have to be strong, firm and able to let their comments slide past me. I’m not quite there yet. But when I DO speak with them, my plan is to inform them (again) that communicating through Max is unacceptable and puts him in the middle. I intend to let Sean know that I feel if he plans to be a part of Max’s life on this level, he needs to start acting like an adult an acknowledge that we are BOTH the parents and that it is entirely inappropriate for him to undermine me. I do not do it to him and he should return the favor. Things like Max’s driver’s license and school are things we both have to be involved in. I am sure he will try to pacify me and my words will not matter, but I have to be heard.

c) Max will go to Wyoming for the summer probably sometime in the 2nd week of June. He will return the first week of August to register for school.

d) Sean will be responsible for Max’s summer school, including all financial cost involved. I will save any child support from the 2 summer months in a savings account to be used for school registration fees, supplies and clothes.

e) Max will return to CO for the school year and spend Christmas/Spring Break with his dad.

This is what I’m putting on the table. I have already spoken with Max about this and he is not happy about it obviously, I think he thinks something might change between now and the end of the summer, but I also sense that he doesn’t want to give up his life in CO either. I think he isn’t always happy with my choices (which is fair), thinks I’m too harsh on him about school and is trying to run away from his responsibilities. In essence, I think the kid is really fighting growing up and the grass looks pretty green on the other side of the fence. I am not sure how it’s going to go down but I do think it’s a good start. I know some of the people in my life don’t agree with me or think I am trying to control the situation and that I should just let him go live with his Dad and let that be that. I’m not saying that won’t happen, I am not saying I might not get to the point with him where I’m “done” but to me I still have to try and make the best effort I can to do what I think is right for Max because the fact is that I have been raising him his entire life and maybe I’m not a perfect mother, but I’ve stuck through it for him no matter what. Until there is no other choice, I feel like I at least have to try.

Now, if I could just restrain myself from reacting to his crummy attitude on the day to day we might get through this without further insult to injury. That’s sort of the hard part, how do we live together during this period of transition? No matter the outcomes, this IS a time of transition and that fact cannot be denied so I have to learn how to manage the situation for the next 6 weeks or so without driving either one of us batty. My natural tendency is to want to fix everything right away, but experience has finally taught me that this isn’t always the way.

I also spoke with Max more in detail regarding the sex text messages stuff. I didn’t berate the guy for being 16 and sexual, it’s pretty normal. I just took the time to talk with him about respect for women and to remind him that all young ladies have a daddy or a brother or an uncle or SOMEONE who will educate him on how to talk to their daughter/sister/niece/friend etc….should something like this ever come to their attention and I don’t know ANYONE that wants stare down a very pissed off daddy. I also explained to him the definition of harassment and to pay close attention to the many recent stories on the news about “sexting” and legal charges being brought about because of the more over the top stuff. I was really trying not to shame him. I think he felt a certain amount of that on his own. I also took it as an opportunity to have another safe sex discussion, for which he essentially ignored me but I reminded him that he’s got what he needs to protect himself and his future, don’t forget that.

So who knows what the coming weeks will bring. I’ve fully prepared myself for a lot of tension, attitude, conflict with Sean’s family and the fact that Max might not be home when I get off work one of these days. I know I can’t play the patsy with this kid either. I have a career, one that is beginning to really bloom and it’s pretty essential that my personal life no longer impact my day to day job. I also can’t spend my daily allotted emotional energy pining away over the whole situation. I think what I have to do here is focus on not being married to one specific outcome and be prepared for anything. That should be pretty simple with my one and only child right? Ha.