I've been slightly foul this week. In a funky funk. Sadly, anxiety and depression are real things and don't simply dissipate because one wills it so. Between the 2 weeks of upper respitory/sinus/ear infection; coming to terms with some hard realities and attempting to work and parent a teenager in the midst of it all, I'm a touch worn down. I'm only human, of flesh and blood I'm made.....whoa, 80's flashback. :) Anyway, yeah...I'm a little wiped out, but I tell ya, not anything I can't handle because one thing I've learned how to manage in this past year of rollercoaster rides is how to keep my head on (mostly) straight in the midst of challenge. Remaining calm is pretty critical, I have to say b/c when I get overly excited it's not good and my heart races and Max get's all whacked out from that energy and my work suffers also. So, I have to be on the level yo.
One might wonder what it is that helps keep a girl on such a level? Strange, I know....but I clean and clean and clean my house. Top to bottom, organize, scrub, shine and wax. I vacuum cob webs and wash walls and open up all the windows even if it's cold. I listen to my iPod and drink cheap beer and boogy with my broom. I shoo the critters off to other rooms (i.e....6 foot tall teenager who follows me around, 1 gorgeous yet grumpy ass cat who cusses when 'gently' prodded to move out of the way off the stair case and 1 puppy who insists on being under foot especially if I am any where near the kitchen) and make it clear that I'm cleaning and should be left alone. I am, what is commonly known as a periodic Type A personality. Or manic, I'm not sure. I attack my house like it's the enemy and it comes out sparkling and making me feel on the level. I'm no dummy either, I no exactly why I do this. Because it's an activity that is completely within my control and I can equally control the results. It's something I can do to make my life feel a little more sane, a little more "normalized" and I love love LOVE the feeling of freshly cleaned home. It is a simple pleasure I enjoy tremendously. Plus, it sort of lets me tune out my life for half a day and focus the things in my life that are incredible. My family, my home, the fact that my body is still able to work and feel the reward of physical activity. For 4 or 5 hours, I can just totally exist in my own insanity...sometimes it's mindless and I don't even realize I'm doing it and sometimes I have great intent and focus; either way it's strangely meditative for me.
Most people think I'm a total whacko. I know, I get that and trust me, I don't always go into this mode and approach cleaning my house like it's the best thing I've done in months. Nope, but today....I'm excited to get home and get moving. In one hour I will leave work, drop by the store to stock up on a few cleaning products (vinegar, it's your best friend - seriously!) and go home to an afternoon of existing in my own bliss. I will not hear my phone, the dog can bark and Max can give me the stink eye all he wants. I will be absorbed in my moment of clarity, however brief it might be and simply be happy. Plus, it's a good work out...can't go wrong there.
I took half a day off to go do my thing and catch up on my life for the day. Then I have FINALLY reached the end stages of this contract job and will finish that up tomorrow. Sunday, I will be outside playing with the critters and taking naps.
I should be a new woman by Monday!
WOOP WOOP
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