Labor Day Weekend Blogg

Friday:
After a demanding work day, I rushed home in the hopes of getting Max's first official soccer game, against Golden High School. Unfortunately, they lost, but they did play a good game and it seemed like everyone had a good time doing so.

Max and I had a nice meal after the game and he went rushing off with S to hang out at the skate park. A came over and we chatted, caught up and he decided to take me out for drinks at the Buffallo Rose. For those of you not from Colorado, you know that this place is widely known as THE biker bar in Golden. Not generally my scene, but after getting there it was a pleasant surprise. The entire interior has been remodeled and expanded. The patron genre has expanded as well, so there was a good mix of local yokels, tourists, bikers and so on. We chatted, listened to the band and drank lemon drops until we'd had enough. Then on the way home someone got the bright idea to hike up the south mesa at midnight. It was gorgeous. The moon and the wind were speaking to me on top of that mountain. Let it be noted that I did so in my black flip flops and A only had to help me over one nasty part. Not one single ankle broken or otherwise sprained. Woo hoot. It was slightly awkward, hanging out with him. He is, after all, C's best friend on the planet. I wasn't sure if he'd been sent to spy on me or somehow otherwise be malicious. Mostly, I think he just wanted to take me out for a night 1) to get me out of the house 2) because I think he's been concerned about Max and I and 3) because I think he wanted to be sure we'd keep in touch all things considered. He's a good guy and though I'm not sure how much we really will keep in touch over the long haul, I had a great time with him Friday night. Besides, some interesting factoids were illuminated during the evening that I think slathered yet another layer of glue on an already sealed deal.

Saturday:
Max and I had breakfast and I just sort of lounged about for a bit, then he was off again to the skate park. They went downtown that day, he came home happy (and tired) as a clam. I spent a good chunk of the day feeling a lot of anxiety about not wanting to go to a party I'd been invited to and agreed to attend that night. I just didn't want to go, I don't know why I agreed to go in the first place. There isn't some significant reason why I didn't want to go, other than large groups of people feel way to overwhelming for me right now. Not to mention the fact that this particular group seems to have little in common except for drinking too much and a high rate of dysfunction. I guess I just want to be over all of that....not wanting to surround myself with negativity should hardly be a crime. However, I've been dear friends with one of these people for about 10 years and we've been through alot together. I am sure it has disappointed her greatly and there is a smidgen of a voice inside that is nudging me to feel guilty.

But I just can't do it. I can't feel guilty any more for doing what's right for me. What I learned from this is that next time I should be less committal or just simply say "No." Funny how music can capture so much of one might be feeling in any given moment. This song seems to have done just that for me in recent weeks, I know it's about a romantic relationship....but for me, it is in general how I feel about almost all of my relationships at the moment...not that I must say goodbye or end them; just that I need some space and I have to do what's right for me right now and that really has to be ok, if it can't be then I can't be left with all this guilt over it either.

Fergie - Big Girls Don't Cry

Sunday:
Max and I both slept in, had breakfast and went to The Simpson's at matinee. If you haven't seen it, please do. I'd love to compare notes. The first half was hilarious, the second very typical Simpson's fodder and 'family values' for consumption. There is a full frontal of Bart which everyone giggled about, but I think that whole scene was some how tied into censorship issues. Again, if you haven't seen "This Film Not Yet Rated" I highly encourage that as well.

Max ended up babysitting Sunday afternoon, so I took my whole $20 I had left in the 'fun' budget for the weekend and went to a new place that just opened up last week down the street. Terrible, terrible atmosphere and the staff were literally RUDE but somehow I ended up meeting these two women from Seattle (funny heh?) and we spent the next 4 hours drinking awful, nasty cheap beer and doing karaoke. It was a blast. It was more than a blast, I felt about 15 again. We sang "Oh Mickey" by Toni Basil, "I Want Candy" 80's version by Bow Wow Wow and "Like A Virgin" by Madonna. Another friend of mine had invited me to her Labor Day Weekend party but I thought it best I not be out driving around after at least my share of 2 pitchers of the shwag beer. She offered to have someone come get me and then I wasn't sure what was going on with Max, if he was staying where he was or not. So, I cordially declined and walked home from where I was.

Max DID stay where he was and I went home and went to sleep. Only to be awoken by my phone buzzing off the table from the alarm I'd forgotten to turn off the night before.

Monday:
Decided I'd probably better get serious about this looking for part time work thing. Got on Monster, started updating my resume and then got distracted and started surfing the net. Then a Bridgette Jones marathon was on, so I was left with little choice but to snuggle up with Kasha an watch that. Max was (you guessed it) at the skate park most of the day after he got home from baby sitting. I got a sweet text message from the gals I'd met the night before who were on their way out of town. Connecting with these girls was liberating for me, it was a nice break from all the intensity of my relationships lately. If only to serve as a reminder that I have choices, that relationships are intended to be mutually beneficial and that I needn't feeling guilt for moving forward with my own life when others cannot either support that or be tolerant of my own personal growth.

It was a good weekend, mostly quiet and largely uneventful. But most of all, restful and relaxing. Yay Weekends....but they are never ever long enough! Youth is definately wasted on working hard!