Colorado had it's first snow last night, it was gorgeous. I love the sound of my feet crunching the snow down...stomp stomp...it reminds me of Wisconsin where the winters are VERY cold and snow is very crunchy and heavy. Colorado gets very cold in Jan/Feb, but nothing like Wisconsin where I once went out on the lake in the middle of the winter with my Grandpa Comer and my poor mother sat on the sidelines in utter agony while I squealed for him to do more donuts in that big ole heavy car, sliding atop a very deep and dark lakes in the depths of winter.
I liked Wisconsin when I was a little girl. I have some very interesting memories, it's very pretty up where my family lives and I always liked the house which consist of old school southern plantation style homes and this sort of over-sea's architecture (or so I was told) by the folks who settled there from France. I remember the fish that would nibble my scabs in the lakes, watching my Uncle water skiing on the lake, playing at the park...by the lake.
Lots of lakes, more water than you can imagine in all sorts of random places. Sometimes your driving and you see the massive water looming in the distance and bump right into an inlet of some other body of water. So, I suppose it makes sense that most of my memories as a child involve a lot of water. I was pretty terrified of it actually, the water out there is considered "dead" meaning that the life is not self-sustaining or something, ask my Grandpa Comer. I thought Grandpas must know EVERYTHING and be the nicest guys ever when I was a kid. Both of mine are pretty wonderful dudes.
There are also a lot of trains in Wisconsin too, and they are loud and seemed to go on forever. I used to get very impatient waiting for them, usually because I would have to pee. Why does it always take so long to get places when your a kid, especially when you have to pee? Maybe it was all that water that made me have to pee all the time:)
And of course, there was cheese. Cheese curds, cheese fondue, fried cheese, cheese this, cheese that...etc..etc..cheese! And bratwursts. And fried perch/catfish. Yum, alot of people don't do catfish or perch in other parts of the US, but in Wisconsin...it's GOOD STUFF AYE! I always liked the food growing up there, it taught me to eat hardily and fill up plenty. Mom did teach me to eat lots of veggies early on, for which I am grateful to her for that because otherwise the only vegetable we seemed to eat at family functions was potatoes and corn, which are not particularly high in nutrition. But tasty, with lots of butter and salt. You'd wonder how people out there make it to 40 the way we used to eat, that and EVERYONE smoked then...but...things change I suppose.
I won't touch the Packers football thing cuz I always hated Sundays. When football was on my Uncles and Grandfather weren't paying enough attention to me and since I was the only grand-child for a very long time, this was a pretty big deal when no one was paying attention to me. Actually, my Mom and Grandma were just as bad as the beer drinking, brat munching male traitors, so everyone was on my list by the end of the day. The only thing I liked about Sundays then was that my Mom's homemade potato salad was made the night before to chill and I would munch as much as I wanted while everyone else was distracted. That and deviled eggs, I LOVED THEM! I will admit though, if the Packers won, it was a good day. We would have ice cream and everyone would be happy. If they lost, ugh...you'd think the world had come crashing down upon my family in one afternoon.
Winter always reminds me of Oshkosh, I guess that's where this came from:) Those were strange and soft years in my life, some of them were very hard but I remember how much I liked being around my family as a young girl. Those boys, all of them, my uncles and my grandfather...all completely adored me and doted on me like I was a Princess. My Grandpa called me Princess and the biblical meaning for Sarah is "Princess" so naturally, I thought I was one. What's not to like about being showered with love? Especially when everything was so crazy with my Dad at the time and I was very confused about men, and then when he died...they all tried so hard to really be the "men" in my life. It was a sweet gesture and I think sometimes that's why we came to Colorado, was because my Mom's parents moved here and I think we both needed them at that time for different reasons. I clung to my Grandpa Comer like an annoying ankle biting puppy, followed him everywhere and he would pick on me relentlessly and love me just as recklessly, spoiled the crap out of me and gave me countless opportunities to learn about unconditional love. We could do no wrong in each others eyes, those were good times, even though we were both terribly flawed.
I think that I wasn't allowed to see my Dad's side of the family much for these years, which explains the blank in my memory of them from about 7 to 9ish or so. I thought about them a lot and I know I asked questions, but I think things were turbulent and maybe the dust needed to settle before I could go visit more. I know they loved me just as much as my Grandpa Comer did, I got letters very consistently from my GramE so I always knew they were out "there" though I didn't know where "there" really was. Moving to Colorado was a little disorienting for me at first, but I loved it pretty much right away. My Grandpa got "me" a dog (achem, not mine at all, but Baron loved ME the most anyway!HA) so I had a buddy and I found Maurice (my baby kitty that I grew up with) only a year after we moved here, so I was surrounded by fur and my Grandfathers unconditional love for several years while we all tried to heal from the craziness of those early years in Wisconsin.
Memories are interesting, bring out nostalgia and sentiment....I miss my Grandpa Comer a lot, that's why I have a butterfly tattooed on my butt. Just for him! LAUGH. Some things can't be explained easily sorry.
Our first snow is all but melted unfortunately, it is rather early though I must say and I think it caught us all of guard. Max insisted on riding his bike this morning to school, in the snow. And, tried to get out the door in shorts if you can believe it. Max's California roots bursting through I suppose. He loves the snow though, he used to try and eat it all the time and now he just likes to throw it at me:)
Besides the snow, life is good. I took yesterday off and cleaned and cleaned and cleaned the house to my hearts content. I think there is something wrong with me, the way I can clean for 12 hours and still not feel like it's clean enough. But it was good to be home by myself for a few hours, I appreciate the quietness of my home and the satisfaction of making it my home. I bought some lovely candles and stunk up the house pretty for the afternoon while I was home. I can't wait for Chances family to be in town for Thanksgiving, to show them how much work we've done on the house, how it's finally coming to feel like a "home." A home that would not be possible without them.
I had a real conversation with Pam last night, the 1st in many moons. Coupled with the snow, that might be were all this Wisconsin detail came from. It was good to talk to her, she's so busy with school and Jim is traveling alot so I know she gets sorta lonely when he's out of town. We are different birds, I think she's getting to the point of being able to see that just because I might think or feel or be a different individual, it is not some how a reflection of her...it is a reflection of me as my own person. I'm 30 years old, but I know she still finds herself thinking of me as a young child, which in terms of life is still very very young.....I can see how that's possible I think with Max being the age he is now. They are always your babies right? It's an awkward time now, between us too...I've grown and changed so much this past year, I don't know who I am sometimes when I'm around here. It's conflicting, old patterns and behaviors and new ones and how they intermingle and how you'd like them to separate into healthy progressive interactions. I guess it takes time? What I do know, is that like my father, I have some healing and forgiving to do with her. And like him, I owe it to her to try and do so. She deserves a chance, I no longer wish to harbor anger and resentment toward her.
I love you Mom.
BTW: This is a fantastic book, I just got done reading it from the library. Crys & Amy, I think you might enjoy it very much. It's a fantastic story about a brilliant and progressive young woman and her life story which touches on so many of the paths we find ourselves on sometimes as women.
http://www.amazon.com/Life-Gwyneth-Jones/dp/0974655929
Love to you all.
S
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