The Absent Blogger

Where to begin....mostly, it's just organized chaos.

Max's schedule is keeping us both insanely busy, November 4th (The last soccer game) cannot come fast enough as far as I'm concerned. I love it, and he loves it...but I long for the days when I can actually get things done around the house on weeknights and have dinner with Max instead of rushing to and fro.

He was playing flag football after school and opted out of that on his own b/c it really was just not working with everyone else. I was proud of him for making that decision on his own, I thought it was a very mature and proactive measure to avoiding the same downfalls he's found himself in before.

We've had some bumps along the way with the new school year, but I gather he's on the upswing and I defiantly see that he's putting in a great deal of effort toward achieving higher grades and all around generally better behavior. Maybe, just possibly, I am thinking he's starting to see that positive action and behavior has equally positive results, i.e....time with friends, more freedom to go to "cooler" locations like the skate park and hang out at Dairy Queen with his buddies, etc. There was about a 2 week period in which I essentially had to put the hammer down on him (not my favorite activity), which of course he did not appreciate and I then became The Ogre Mother From Hell. There was a lot of head butting, pissing and moaning and stomping of stairs. But it was needed, the transition between the freedom of summer and the mega-structured school year is quite an adjustment, plus, he seems to have to test the waters every now and then to see if I am going to be consistent. His timing with this, of course, is always impeccable. He has some sort of little radar that starts beeping when Mom is already ultra stressed, it's like "Her defenses are low, ready...aim...FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

One thing I know for certain, living with a teen age boy requires a great deal of humor, love, support and the occasional fire under his ass by the people who love him.

My work situation has exploded into a super-nova of upper management politics, middle level micro-management and some extremely needy and somewhat incompetent finger pointers. It was REALLY bad for about a week (about the same week Max's teachers were calling alot and I was getting the evil eye from EVERYONE at my house) and I almost walked out. Not because I hate my job, but because I just cannot tolerate any level of abuse at this point. I was getting no support from management, the clients were being on the verge of ridiculous and every attempt I made to put my foot down was met with yet more whining and finger pointing.

And then, I told the client if they weren't happy, they could find another developer. And then I went completely off on my supervisor. And then I left early for the day and went home and pet my cat and tried to envision a calmer, quieter place that involved the ocean, and my cat...and me. Just us, all alone...quietly purring the days away.

Putting my foot down seems to have quieted the nay-sayers as since my rather forceful, but still professional rebuttal to both my clients and supervisor must have made an impact, as since...things are just...better. I am not allowing the client to play their games and holding supervisors accountable. I don't think they like it all that much either, but I do think that whether they appreciated my confrontation about the situation or not, they know I am right and some changes need to be made. So, we'll see.

Needless to say, I am ever on the hunt to rejoin my much loved non-profit sector, so I am keeping my eyes open. In the interim, I am pleased with the results of my taking a stand. It's so sad, but so true...people often mistake kindness and tolerance for weakness (i.e....an excuse to stomp all over a person) and in my case, it is yet one more lesson in which I am learning that though laying down the boundaries isn't always easy, it's a necessary evil as it seems that the general population doesn't have alot of common sense respect for one another and you must send an openly explicit message that says "Um, no. You can't take advantage of me, be rude or inappropriate or a general all jerk-weed to me. Thanks anyway. Have a nice day!"

One exceptionally valuable lesson I've learned in these past several years is that I cannot assume that others will treat me with the same open, unassuming way in which I initially approach all relationships. This does not mean I have some gift in dealing with people (some times to quite the contrary) but I know that I trust until given a reason not to, and I am still learning that I must take action when that trust is broken instead of waiting around for the situation to become more satisfying on it's own. This applies to professional relationships as well as personal. It is a fact of life I don't truly understand, but accept as a truth that I am still learning to ground myself in and be open to learning from.

Proactive. good word.

Home life is ok. We've all been sniffling and coughing off and on, I was hit particularly hard this weekend. But am back on top today, sort of. The boys rarely seem to get sick. I've noticed that Chance and I have a pattern that involves nitpicking one another to death and bickering when our respective lives become overly chaotic or stressful. It's an unfortunate thing in my mind as I'd rather strive to make extra efforts to love one another more so during those times, to soften the blows and surround the outside harshness with our love...but this pattern we're involved is one I fear might be hard to break. We are BOTH guilty of it, we both handle stress differently and we are both still adjusting to the whole concept of sharing a life together and figuring out what that really means. We've been together 2 years in November, it certainly doesn't seem that long and we've accomplished so much together. We must be doing some thing right!

Chance starts school this week, I'm really proud of him. The camera that came with his supply kit is off the freaking hook! It's SUCH a nice camera, I'm shocked that they give these to the students as part of their supplies...but I guess this is real life college and you get the goods when you go to a school like AI. It better be for (brace your self) $400+ A CREDIT! Can you believe that?

Chance has already managed to catch me in a number of extremely unflattering poses, but I thought to myself yesterday as he was shooting pictures of me coming out of the bathroom in my pajama's...well this should make the folks happy:) I am terrible at sending pictures, now...everyone will have some high quality images of the house, the cat, Max, me...the stove...the sky, Chance is on a role already! I am quite certain that by the time he is through, Chance will no how to transform me into the goddess on film that I am in person. Ta Da....Mango On A Tree, Mango In The Bathtub, Mango's Shoulder....pure beauty LOL.

Outside of my glamour shot fantasies, I'm curious about how Chance will apply his new skills to his work and his art. Chance is extremely talented in a number of ways. It is one of the things that drew me to him like budding flowers to the sun. Sigh. I did fall for him so hard to, in such a way, I can't even tell you. Achem..anyway....I've also thought that a collaboration between (if we could let our ego's subside a bit) us could go places, but this is his time to shine and I am sure he will in the most luminescent ways. There's so much potential here for him, in terms of his future. I think this educational path provides him with numerous opportunities to tangible translate his art to the world. That's an extremely exciting possibility, isn't it? I am so proud of him for jumping on this, Chance has an exceptional eye for not letting a good thing pass him by:)

As for me...well, my focus is going to be on these boys pretty much for a bit. Keeping the house in order (our washer putzed out this weekend, draggg!) and I want very desperately to get on track with my physical self again. I've missed her, buried under the 25 lbs of smokers weight I've gained...it's time to reclaim that once shapely, voluptuous body of mine and feel the burn (and oh so satisfying) of loosing fat and building muscle. I'm sort of on this track of wanting to get us all in better shape at home and making better food choices. Chance is going to be so busy with school, his head will be spinning...so I want to try and make sure we are all eating well. Spiritually, I am feeling some draw toward doing some internal work. I've spent a great deal of time in these past few years on establishing work situations, relationships and trying to build a home with my family. At this point, it is now time for me to fit in the things I need for me to be a healthy and whole person into the mix and not in ways that are counterproductive to that healthy and whole being I strive to be.

Good times all, will keep you updated as updates become available.

Also, let me remind you that mid-term elections are coming up soon. Please, please, please for the love of humanity...VOTE!!!!!! If you aren't registered, you have like...I don't know, 2 or days at this point.... so get on it!