There is a lot of what is known as "referred" pain today to my ears and jaw area. It is kind of like this sharp, stabbing pain that comes and goes
I am able to sleep about 2 - 4 hour at a time, but that is about it at the moment. Last night was rough, today feels kinda the same. Swallowing is extremely painful, the pain in my ears resembles that of severe ear infections and I still cannot open my mouth all that much due to jaw pain.
I believe the fierceness of symptoms today are partly my own fault in having way over done it yesterday. I thought I felt decent enough to go to the store and at the time, I was. But after the store and getting home, I think, is when I ended up doing way to much. I gave the dogs a bath, cleaned up the kitchen and made soba noodles. Which I then attempted to eat, because I am reaching the stage where I'm beginning to feel moments of real solid hunger, and they were way to thick and firm for me to even consider. I don't know what I was thinking, but they tasted so yummy and my stomach went wild and I got about half a bowl down before it really started to hurt and I could feel my throat rebelling madly, so I gave up and tried on a bowl of mashed potato's and went to pour gravy and spilled it everywhere. I then had a bit of a mini meltdown, much like a toddler and breathed deeply and tried again only to then have poured so much gravy on the potato's that they weren't edible. It seemed like food was just not in the stars last night. Frustrating. Though, in retelling the story, mildly humorous.
I'm paying for it today, regardless. That'll put me in my place now won't it!?!?!
So enough whining, it's a bad day but we expected these didn't we? Let me tell you what I'm learning from this experience:
a) Every word requires a great deal of effort and has consequences, so it's important to choose them wisely.
b) Sometimes, it's just better to stick with the safe choice (like pudding.)
c) Pain does not discriminate and we are all battling pain of some kind. I think a plaque should be placed in public places so that it can perhaps us all to be a bit more patient with one another.
e) Vulnerability makes control freaks even freakier. Yeah, who woulda thunk but turns out, it's true. Dammit.
More soon, the other side of the couch beckons.
XO
S
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