If it's any indicator, I am at 4 AM with only about 2 hours of sleep but mostly, it's not horrible. Partly my lack of sleep is due to Bella's sudden rash onset, she's a mess and was gnawing and chewing all night and I have to sleep in THE most uncomfortable position possible to keep my head elevated so I just gave up, finally got out of my nest on the couch, got online and am drinking some Gatorade. Besides, time for my meds anyway and if I've learned anything in the last 18 hours, letting those lapse is a very bad thing.
So, I thought I'd blog since a) It's been forever and I miss it and b) I'm a weirdo and like to chronicle physical issues and ailments for later reflection to see what I am learning from them. I have a strong curiosity about the medical/biological field for all living things and have always figured I wouldn't make a very good doctor or vet because I think I would love the theory of helping to ease suffering and maybe help to heal along the way, but I am not sure I am strong enough to manage what actually goes into making that happen. The empathetic in me is almost overly so at times and it would hardly be appropriate for me to be crying while delivering the news that someones daughter has leukemia or that someones beloved fur baby doesn't have much longer. However, the nurses yesterday honestly made me seriously rethink some of that. I think I could manage helping people prep for surgery and helping them to feel comfortable post-op. It's a lot of documentation, pain monitoring, that kind of thing. I think I might actually be really good at that because I wouldn't have to like pull people's/animals organs out or give them bad news about a disease they may have, I can just be there to be there. Because we all need someone in those moments of need and these people do this for a living. Isn't that amazing? To me, nurses sadly fall into "the unsung hero" category of our community. I admire them so deeply and have very capable and kind ones and a few that might want to consider if they've chosen the right profession for them. But the nurses I had yesterday, every single one was so incredible I was emotional about it. I am sure the several nurses and anaesthetic techs I worked with yesterday got tired of me telling them how "nice" they all were and how much I appreciate them with that shit eating grin that only heavy anaesthetic and muscle relaxers can bring. I love you MAN :)
Ok, so on to the details of yesterdays surgery:
6:00 AM - 7:15 AM
Showering, getting goggies fed, played with and settled. Laundry, dishes, shaking the man to get his butt in gear.
7:15 - 7:30 AM
Driving in the rainiest coldest weather this fall yet (and it's DEFINITELY Fall in Colorado, where does the time go?) and listening to my boyfriend being his normally crusty self before his morning Pepsi and cigarette. He's like a whole different person after he's had his fix, kinda scary. Course, I remember those days and won't lie, I remember the very satisfying coffee sip and cigarette exhale first on the way to work in the mornings. ahhhh, if only those damn things weren't proven to kill you, HELLO! That's another story all together.
7:30 AM - 8:00 AM
Administrative admission: Confirming contact info, insurance etc, including an advance directives waver which I was prepared for in theory (b/c they make you do that everywhere these days) but not so much in practice. All I could think of was that I didn't want any heroic measures being taken in the event of zero brain activity and who would I want my puggies and kitties to go to (which was easy, Kristen or she would be responsible for finding them the best homes possible and strangely enough, the idea of being separated from my puggies got me more upset than anything involved in that whole document, hmmmm perhaps I'm a bit to co dependant on them?) It got me to thinking that this might be something I ought to put a bit more energy into at some point along the way. I had a living will for Max's care and what not, but he's 18 now and otherwise, I don't know what else I'd list? I know I want to be cremated and ashes spread in the Pacific Northwest San Juan Islands. I have a lot of pictures of Max I would want dispersed evenly amongst family I suppose and of course care of my fur babies and I guess it's a good idea to think about the financial stuff, I wouldn't want anyone inheriting any of my debt. I will ponder that all a bit more after I am healed.
8:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Pre-op prep/intake: Weight/height all that good stuff. BTW: First awesome nurse experience occurred here. She was sure to ask Dave to go into the waiting room while they were weighing me and all that, she said "Honey, there are some things they just don't need to know." which made me laugh the nervous giggle (b/c I was nervous after all) and then we did a urine test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Dave and I both laughed nervously about that one, that wouldn't be the most ideal setting to find something like that out, no?
So more questions about when I last ate, had water, etc...I think I answered that question at least 6 or 7 times yesterday. Makes sense, but I'm like PEOPLE, I'm freaking starving and thirsty here, I really don't want to be reminded of that every 5 minutes. But, I know it's just their job and ultimately, it's in my best interest. Anesthesia is serious business now isn't it?
They got my line in without a hitch, shocking! My veins crawl, they see that needle coming and they go running in the opposite direction. She got it on the first poke, barely even felt it it! The nurse and I discovered she knew my mom's side of the family from back in Wisconsin (Grandma's maiden last name was Buam) and we chatted and then she recognized Dave and they chatted for a while. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Dave worked in the ER and OR at Lutheran Medical Center for 10 years. He knows wayyyyy more than is safe for the average person to know about medical procedures without a license. The stories he has, oh ew. Seriously, the things people do to themselves. Anyway, he got a kick out of how so many medical staff he worked with while he was there 10 years ago, and before that for 10 years, are still there. While we waited for close to 2 hours before the show finally got on the road, we had a long philosophical discussion about why it does seem that medical professionals stay within the industry for a life time. He also did his best to make laugh while trying to manage his Pepsi/smoke break urges.
Then boom, there's the anesthesia-ologist - whom I had consult with last week and trusted him immediately b/c he was very concerned about my last experience and assured me no one would become semi-conscious during a procedure on his watch. He asked if I wanted a sedative before we got rolling because it was going to be a while yet and he knew I was anxious/nervous. I said "Yes please sir, may I have another?" to which everyone laughed and within about 2 minutes Dave was sent off and another very awesome nurse with cutest pink scrubs on (scrubs have come a long way! Some of them even look like faux-professional attire.) to deliver my "happy juice" and then another smiling friendly face wheeled me into the OR. By then it was getting blurry and I was totally relaxed, all withing about 1 minute of the happy juice injection, so I can only assume it was Valium. I vaguely remember them beginning to strap me down (with MORE warm blankets, those people rawk!) and I don't the whole counting back from 10 or anything.
10:30 - 11:15 AM
Time travel 45 minutes (which I of course didn't realize when I was coming out of it all, seemed like about 1 second) and there was ANOTHER awesome smiling face in my face named Steph, saying "Sarah honey, how are you doing?" and she was wiping my tears away diligently and smiling warmly. I don't know why, but going "under" causes a pretty serious emotional reaction in me when I am being brought out of it. When I had my wisdom teeth out at 19, I apparently told the oral surgeon my entire life story and she kept hugging me after and telling me "Oh honey, you've had a hard life." FACEPALM! How embarrassing! God only knows what I told awesome smiley post-op lady yesterday, but she just kept wiping them without a word about it, asking me what my pain was and feeding me ice chips with a touch of cranberry juice. You have NO idea how good that tasted in that moment. It was like heaven. The whole section between my adams apple up to about my nostrils was (and still is) on fire. So after I was responding to satisfaction, they doped me up with some morphine when she took a peek in my mouth and saw that I wasn't in fact lying and was in a lot of pain and I spent the next 30 minutes or so trying to come out of all of it. I really just wanted to get up and go home, but my blood pressure was still really low, so they had to keep an eye on me for a while longer. Dave was allowed in shortly after the morphine and started giggling at me, b/c I couldn't talk and I looked about as stoned as a person can be I suppose. I don't remember this but he later told me I was rambling on about a "fahaamaatastical dreammmz I was havingggsss" :D
Finally, they unhooked all the monitors and my line and Dave helped me dress in my street clothes which consist of gray sweats, my fav tennies and a very old and tattered Care Bears tshirt and my Seattle hoodie, it was Seattle weather! I was getting cold by this time, no more warmy blankets in post up. I guess they want you to be a bit more alert. Still super wobbly so Dave put my shoes on and everything and they plopped in a wheelchair while we waited for my Ear, Nose, Throat surgeon to the post-op consult and instruct Dave on my care.
Doc said those tonsils were in badddd shape and I should've had them out years ago. He said once this is over, I'm going to probably feel about 100% better on a regular basis, I'll still get sick like everyone else from time to time but there will be no more strep or tonsillitis and only the very rare sinus infection if any. Apparently the left tonsil was completely rotted out (can you say ew?) and the right one was about half way there. The right one I think is the adenoid, even though they are both referred to as the "tonsils." He jokingly tells me that I'll never forget his name after this, that the surgery is the easy part and it is CRITICAL from this point on that I stay 100% focused on hydration, rest and pain management, because they are interdependent on one another in this case. Bleeding is also a serious danger, happens to about 20% post op and usually b/c they are not properly hydrated, but could also be a clotting issue. So far, no blod THANK GOD, but he said there will be some and what to look for if I need to go to the ER, b/c you can lose a lot I guess in a relatively short period of time. He explained how everything will scab (again, double ew) and how it's best not to spit them out and let the body absorb them if possible. *GAG* So, it's basically sleep when you can, but head must stay elevated (I am a belly sleeper, I can't remember when I last slept on my back, I suspect eventually I won't care) and take those drugs every 4 hours and sip at least 4 - 6 oz water/juice/Gatorade etc...every hour. No ice cream, but he said I could have a little on the bad days if it helped me to feel better. I have a ton of oral numbing meds, suspension pain meds and pill form pain meds for the "bad days" which according to him start around day 3 or 4 when the scabs start to build up. There's a lot of blood and what not traveling to the area so it's going to be very swollen and painful and swallowing is going to be harder (is that possible?) than it is today. This period will last 5 - 7 days, then another phase occurs where scar tissue begins to form and the ears, neck, throat and nasal cavities are going to be very sore and painful as well. It's amazing how much these little guys affect. Here all these years I just thought it was stress and me being a wuss about being sick all the time, though this time last year we'd had the same convo at my primary care physician and the ENT I saw at that time said it was a "last resort only" because recovery gets harder exponentially based on age. I'm only 34 but apparently this is ANCIENT in tonsillectomy years. I was seriously cautioned against looking my mouth, he and Dave laughed hysterically (yes, Dave knows this guy too LOL) when the doc said this and I thought "What's so funny?" and then it occurred to me that I should probably follow this doctors advice on that b/c based on how it feels, I bet it looks horrid. Plus, getting my open wide enough at this point to do so seems impossible.
So, we have a laundry list of do's and don'ts. I don't feel horrible today, but it's not great either obviously. I am learning to drink down as much fluid about 30 minutes after I take my pain meds and then sip the rest of the time in between dosages. I also found that coating one side of a popsicle with the oral numbing solution works like a charm in getting everything coated properly. The main draw back of course is that this stuff tastes WRETCHED! Not even the sweetness of the popsicle hides it, but the combination of cold and the numbing solution seems to have a really positive affect so I'm using that in between pain meds as well and dealing with the nasty taste. Plus, popsicles count as fluids! So far, I've had 1 cup of pudding (yum, except I am not a fan of the binding material used in pudding, it's animal based and in a pretty bad way, but Im thanking them and trying not to think about it to much), several popsicles, 2 Slim Fasts which have become surprisingly nutritiousness in comparison to the old days. Much lower in sugar and higher in proteins, so I feel full-er when I drink them. They taste pretty good, I like the Royal Chocolate and Strawberry. Plus a few of those a day is giving me a good chunk of my vitamins and minerals and TONS of the healing powers of protein's. And let me tell you about the wonder that is Gatorade. My fridge looks like an add for Gatorade. It's affordable, highly hydrating and intended for use in just this situation or the hard core athlete (which at a time, Max was so I am pretty familiar with how to use it in conjunction with standard waters and juices to maintain proper hydration.) Now they have Gatorade G2, it all on sale right now b/c it's a new product, it's only 20 cals a serving and much less sweet tasting then it's predassessor which is a good thing, historically, Gatorade has always been way to sugary for me. Thank goodness this product just came out b/c it's been a life savor. What I am trying to do is mix 50/50 with actual water when I do the big drink after my pain meds, but mostly in between the pain meds getting just straight water down is really hard for some reason. So I'm not getting as much actual water as I'd like, but I'm trying. I need to find some kind of juice (nothing acidic, OW) and maybe water that down a bit. I was thinking white grape, grape, what else? I'm drawing a total blank on juices that aren't citrus based at the moment.
I can say that so far, this experience hasn't been horrible. The anticipation was though. I ended up going on the occasional med for panic attacks because I was getting pretty worked up, not sleeping, etc. It's scary stuff man, but now that the surgery is over and things are in motion, I feel surprisingly excited. Like I'm really ready to live a life where I'm not sick all the time, I honestly can't even imagine!
I also know this is going to get worse before it gets better, I can feel it sort of settling in today. My tongue aches and swallowing is becoming increasingly more difficult. My ears hurt and I am absolutely exhausted, I'm hoping to catch some naps today after I get Bella all squared away. I think she's having an allergy attack or something, so poor Dave is off to the store again once he wakes up for Benadryl, which if nothing else will get her more comfortable for the day and maybe then we can all catch a few zzzz's. Dave has been pretty great, though I'm not going to lie, the guys caretaker skills are surprisingly cool considering all those years in the ER. Or perhaps b/c of it? I don't know, I'm not complaining of course, I'm so thrilled to have him helping me so much. He's helpful and certainly does all the obligatory things one expects and appreciates in this situation, but I guess I am sort of surprised? Sometimes I think he gets anxious when I am not well. He's experienced a lot of loss in his lifetime, it may be residual stuff from that which is not at all surprising. Or, perhaps he's just a guy who's been a bachelor for a really long time and needs to be taught how to take care of me and I know I can be pretty demanding and dramatic at times, but I have gotten to a point in my life where I've stopped apologizing for being who I am. I yam what I yam:)
More soon as energy permits. I have many emails to respond to from all of you that I am hoping to be able to do so during this time.
Much love to you all
S
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