Sorry (you know who you are *giggle*) for not blogging in a while, over a week now I guess. Mostly it's been because I've been feeling decent enough to be doing things that allow me to get off the couch for a few hours at a time. Cleaned house, cooked a bunch of food (most of which I cannnot eat), walked the doggeh's, read some books and Facebook-ed. Facebooked? Is this like...a verb now? Jeesh, my generation is interested isn't it?
All in all, I'd say this experience was almost exactly what I expected and I am thankfull it has gone off without a hitch. There were bad days, but there were not so bad days to. It was really pretty tolerable overall. My follow up appointment went stellarly, Dr. Tonsils says everything is healing up normally and to expect some discomfort for some time on the left side because apparently that tonsil was deeply rooted into the tonsil bed and badly infected. He said they were some of the worst he's seen and that I can probably expect to be feeling about 100x better in the coming weeks and months as I heal up. YAY ME!
A few noteable lingering effects:
- Food. It's all to salty, sweet, spicy, crunchy, scratchy, dry, hot or cold. My taste buds haven't full recovered, not sure what's up with that, but apparently this is normal. I can tell you that it hasn't done wonders for my apetite. I've lost about 10 lbs and at this rate, may continue to lose or maybe at least not gain it back because food just isn't all that appealing, which honestly, is a bit of a drag.
- Energy. Some, not as much as I'd like. I have days where I'm totally beat still, and others where I have enough to be productive. I'm anxious about getting back to work, but not looking forward to the bulky inbox I am anticipating. I've gotten pretty lazy in the last few weeks, I'm sure it'll take me a few to get back on the bus and my sleep schedule is 7 different kinds of jacked up, so that should make for an interesting first week back at work.
- My voice. I am still sounding pretty froggy and I found myself singing in the car and I sound FUNKEH and it still requires a certain amount of effort. Dave says he can't quit nail it, but something about the tone and pitch seems to have changed. I am unsure as to whether this is permanent or not, I forgot to ask Dr. Tonsils and it does make sense that I sound different. Besides the obvious, I sometime find myself kind of babying my throat.
Other than this, there is no pain, it's just kind of annoying some times and perpetually feels dry. I drink so much water, or that's the other thing....my tap water suddenly takes extremely unpleasant. Like chlorine and something else gross, nothing like drinking a little swimming pool water to liven up the day huh? So, it's been bottled water and Gatorade, which I've suddenly taken quite a liking to and could become a very expensive habit.
This weekend we have Halloween festivities to attend, parties and I'm hoping to go to the King Tut exhibit at the musuem. We'll see how much energy I end up with.
FYI: Bella is wagging her tail in her sleep, little paws a twitching and "hrph roo roo hrph" - this tail wag is known as the "Happy Tail" in our house as Bella and Bailey do it exactly the same and it's beyond affirming to see that little tail curl up when I come home or when we are playing.
On the subject of Pugs, I received THE most charming book from my most wonderfully charming GramE. "Letters to a Young Pug" - I instantly sat down and read it and laughed and laughed. I just love it, it captures much of the Pug attitude and the pictures are great and of course, there is some wisdom to be received as a result.
Max and I spoke last night for some time, he's moved into his new place already! I sent him a huge box full of towels and blankets and what nots, cost me a small fortune in shipping but since I cannot be close to him physically, I must give to him what I can from afar. I miss him so much, sometimes it's painful. The seperation of child from mother is not something I've yet been able to describe in words or even clearly piece together in thought. His room-mate sounds nice, but all the bills are in Max's name (whoa huh?) and he's all Mister Big Stuff now, responsible and capable. He told me last night how much it sucks to have all these bills and I shared with him my thoughts on the perception of freedoms we have of adults when we are young, but it comes as a hefty surprise when we realize that those perceived freedoms come with a cost. Responsibilities are exhuasting for some of us, not so much for others, it's all in how you look at AND how much you take on. I.e...why you won't see me buying a house, getting married or taking on another fur baby any time soon. I'm on the "Keep It Simple Stupid" plan. Maximus, I suspect, will be learning all that in due time but I can tell that for now, he's on his own path with much gusto and I can also tell that he misses his momma to.
I will miss the puggies next week when I go back to work. A lot. We've spent a ton of time snuggling on the couch, long naps and movies. I am worried that they will miss me and be lonely. I see me driving home at lunch time for a while until everyone reacclimates.
I am thinking of going back to therapy, I need some help navigating some of the feelings I'm having about my relatinoship or...lack thereof, with the parental unit. Sometimes I get really angry, sometimes I feel nothing but forgiveness and empathy. All the time, I wish things weren't so complicated and I, for one, am putting a stop to my role in that complexity. There are a lot of people in my life who seem to love me just the way that I am and want to engage in a relationship with me that is consistently free of drama. Of course, this makes me sad, but I can honestly say that I feel a sense of freedom in letting go as well.
Kristen and Dave took mighty good care of me through all this. I am grateful for them and am learning a lot about loving someone who isn't perfect, but may just be perfect for me. Kristen is perfect though, she's the bestest friend a girl could ever have :D
Well, Dave should be home soon. I'm trying to muster up the energy to do something this evening, but right now...it's looking like another night on the couch :D Which is fine by me. I have to get out this weekend though and enjoy this gorgeous fall we are having. Plus, I can't wait to see my friends. I've been grounded for weeks and that's pretty hard for this Snuggle Bug, which btw...is what I'm going to be for a Halloween :D
Love to you all
S
Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 21, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 10
Minor set back today it seems. I'm ok, but a little frustrated. Seems like every time I eat anything of substance, it sets me back a day. Last night, it was again...noodles. I boiled those suckers in broth for ever, chopped them up uber tiny and while I was eating them, it seemed ok and they were SOOO good. But, sure enough...about an hour later, here comes the pain. So, I wait for the pain meds to kick in and attempt a popsicle. Popsicle turns out to be the worse mistake of all, I think it ripped of part of the scab on the right side and I was practically on the floor in pain.
So, no eating agian last night or maybe today either. I'm feeling a little impatient now, it's day 10, was hoping to start eating soon.
Oh well, suck it up butter cup as the saying goes anyway :)
This weekend should be quiet, no big fun for me that's for sure. Dave may go to WY Saturday night for a friends Halloween party which would probably be good for him so he's not all stuck up in this house with me. He seems shocked, that it's taking this long to recover. I knew it would take forever, the docs warned me and I've been trying to remain as patient as possible, so perhaps my external appearance seems a bit more calm then expected, don't know. I was prepared for this amount of total suckage, and with me, prepeartion goes a long way. Though, the popsicle incident - complete with tears and gagging - I think made it clear that I'm not a big ole faker.
I've gotten nothing achieved today except a whole lot of sleeping and watching indie movies on Netflix on the Wii, which are always thought provoking and often sad, but still good soul food.
Tomorrow Bella and Bailey have a follow up booster shot and then I need to get Bailey's teeth cleaning scheduled, not sure when we'll be able to swing that. She'll need to be sedated. I brush their teeth, but I'm not sure how good I job I do b/c mostly they just chew on the toothbrush:D
So, no eating agian last night or maybe today either. I'm feeling a little impatient now, it's day 10, was hoping to start eating soon.
Oh well, suck it up butter cup as the saying goes anyway :)
This weekend should be quiet, no big fun for me that's for sure. Dave may go to WY Saturday night for a friends Halloween party which would probably be good for him so he's not all stuck up in this house with me. He seems shocked, that it's taking this long to recover. I knew it would take forever, the docs warned me and I've been trying to remain as patient as possible, so perhaps my external appearance seems a bit more calm then expected, don't know. I was prepared for this amount of total suckage, and with me, prepeartion goes a long way. Though, the popsicle incident - complete with tears and gagging - I think made it clear that I'm not a big ole faker.
I've gotten nothing achieved today except a whole lot of sleeping and watching indie movies on Netflix on the Wii, which are always thought provoking and often sad, but still good soul food.
Tomorrow Bella and Bailey have a follow up booster shot and then I need to get Bailey's teeth cleaning scheduled, not sure when we'll be able to swing that. She'll need to be sedated. I brush their teeth, but I'm not sure how good I job I do b/c mostly they just chew on the toothbrush:D
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 9
I feel better today, considerabley better! Now, I know what you are all thinking. "That's great Sarah, but don't get ahead of yourself!" I know, I know. I'm heading my internal voice that is saying the same thing along with "Sarah, remember what happened LAST time you felt "better" and you wayyy over did it and payed for it for at least 2 days?" Yes, that voice is loud and powerful and I learned that lesson already.
So that said, I am keeping it low key today in spite of wanting to do a whole lot more than I already have, which is:
- Emptied the dishwasher.
- Made the bed.
- 2 loads of laundry.
- A trip to the gas station so me and my car could get out for a bit.
Actually, looking at that listis making that little voice tired so I'd probably better stop while I'm ahead.
The awesome news is that today, not only am I not in constant pain (only when I swallow and the ears are really stinging when I do that, ouch) but I am lengthening the time between meds doses. Still no appetite, no voice (unless you count Kermit The Frog voice) and since swallowing is still a chore, it does take effort. Oh and my ears are very sensetive to loud noises right now. But I tell you, this is the best I've felt in a while, even pre-surgery. Perhaps I have a glimpse of how I'm going to feel after this is all said and done? I'm pretty excited about that, I tell you! I keep thinking things like:
- Will I have more physical energy since I am not constantly fighting some kind of crud?
- Will I have more emotional energy since I am not constantly fighting some kind of crud and have more physical energy and therefore may feel like being a whole lot more active?
- Will I take this opportunity for what it is? An big shinning neon sign pointing to making some changes? Mostly about health, which as all know, is related to mental health.
I am excited!
Wish me luck, looks like I'm at the start of an upswing :)
WOOT
XO
So that said, I am keeping it low key today in spite of wanting to do a whole lot more than I already have, which is:
- Emptied the dishwasher.
- Made the bed.
- 2 loads of laundry.
- A trip to the gas station so me and my car could get out for a bit.
Actually, looking at that listis making that little voice tired so I'd probably better stop while I'm ahead.
The awesome news is that today, not only am I not in constant pain (only when I swallow and the ears are really stinging when I do that, ouch) but I am lengthening the time between meds doses. Still no appetite, no voice (unless you count Kermit The Frog voice) and since swallowing is still a chore, it does take effort. Oh and my ears are very sensetive to loud noises right now. But I tell you, this is the best I've felt in a while, even pre-surgery. Perhaps I have a glimpse of how I'm going to feel after this is all said and done? I'm pretty excited about that, I tell you! I keep thinking things like:
- Will I have more physical energy since I am not constantly fighting some kind of crud?
- Will I have more emotional energy since I am not constantly fighting some kind of crud and have more physical energy and therefore may feel like being a whole lot more active?
- Will I take this opportunity for what it is? An big shinning neon sign pointing to making some changes? Mostly about health, which as all know, is related to mental health.
I am excited!
Wish me luck, looks like I'm at the start of an upswing :)
WOOT
XO
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 8
Shew, rough night last night. Serious ear/jaw pain, couldn't get comfortable. Only made it about 4 hours before I sat straight up in bed choking on I don't know what. Supposedly, this is the time when the scabs are supposed to start sloughing and I do feel some strange stuff back there, but I can't really tell what's what. I can't get my mouth open wide enough to actually see what's going on and I'm not sure I really want to anyway. In any event, the night was rough (also, puggies decided they'd potty in the bed! HELLLLLO, bad poo poo's!) and I ended up on the couch with laundry running at 3:30 AM and poor Dave, no rest for the wicked in this house.
After sleeping most of the morning and choking down enough Slim Fast that I could take another dose of meds, I am feeling pretty ok now. Course it's not quarter to 3 in the afternoon and I've done absolutely NOTHING today. Thank god I have this time off from work, there's no way I could be working during all this. Even on the days when the pain is pretty tollerable, there is just no way I'd have the physical stamina and/or voice to handle a full day of work. I may end up being off a little longer than I really need to be, but I figure a few extra days of recovery time isn't the worst thing in the world.
Supposedly the scabs should start coming off some time in the next few days, which some report as the worst of all of it and others report as mostly just gross. Guess we'll see. I don't see me getting much in the way of actual food down until that happens, anything that isn't super liquidy rubs and makes it feel like my throat is going to split in half and I'm scared one of those little scabbies will come of before it's time and land me in the ER with the bleeding and all, so I'll just stick with what's working for now. Popsicles for dinner, it's seriously not the worst thing in the world :)
In other, more pleasant news, Maxter is moving into his first rental on November 1st. I'm so excited for him, I just can't believe how within a year, that kiddo has managed to march off down his own path in a blaze of glory. I keep telling him that we've got a ton of things for him if he can get to Colorado, furniture, desks, tvs, etc....mostly, I'm hoping it will be a way to bribe him to come visit so I can squeeze him, but I really do want to help him get set up in his first place. He says he's coming for Turkey Day, I sure hope so! If not, we'll go up there to have Christmas at his new place, if he's ready that it is.
I miss Max so very much and every now and then, the voices try to point fingers at myself and tell me that it's my fault he's not here with me, close to home. Mostly though, this all feels pretty ok and I believe Max and I will continue to grow in our relationship. I couldn't ask for anything more really, we talk regularly and I see someone who's experimenting and trying on different things. He's at a very exciting time in his life, I am very happy that I have the opportunity to be involved, even if from afar. It may be different then what I envisioned, but life never really turns out exactly how we expect now does it?
More soon, if I am lucky tomorrow will be a better day and I'll have more motivation/energy to manage some oneline picture maintenance.
Love to you all
S
After sleeping most of the morning and choking down enough Slim Fast that I could take another dose of meds, I am feeling pretty ok now. Course it's not quarter to 3 in the afternoon and I've done absolutely NOTHING today. Thank god I have this time off from work, there's no way I could be working during all this. Even on the days when the pain is pretty tollerable, there is just no way I'd have the physical stamina and/or voice to handle a full day of work. I may end up being off a little longer than I really need to be, but I figure a few extra days of recovery time isn't the worst thing in the world.
Supposedly the scabs should start coming off some time in the next few days, which some report as the worst of all of it and others report as mostly just gross. Guess we'll see. I don't see me getting much in the way of actual food down until that happens, anything that isn't super liquidy rubs and makes it feel like my throat is going to split in half and I'm scared one of those little scabbies will come of before it's time and land me in the ER with the bleeding and all, so I'll just stick with what's working for now. Popsicles for dinner, it's seriously not the worst thing in the world :)
In other, more pleasant news, Maxter is moving into his first rental on November 1st. I'm so excited for him, I just can't believe how within a year, that kiddo has managed to march off down his own path in a blaze of glory. I keep telling him that we've got a ton of things for him if he can get to Colorado, furniture, desks, tvs, etc....mostly, I'm hoping it will be a way to bribe him to come visit so I can squeeze him, but I really do want to help him get set up in his first place. He says he's coming for Turkey Day, I sure hope so! If not, we'll go up there to have Christmas at his new place, if he's ready that it is.
I miss Max so very much and every now and then, the voices try to point fingers at myself and tell me that it's my fault he's not here with me, close to home. Mostly though, this all feels pretty ok and I believe Max and I will continue to grow in our relationship. I couldn't ask for anything more really, we talk regularly and I see someone who's experimenting and trying on different things. He's at a very exciting time in his life, I am very happy that I have the opportunity to be involved, even if from afar. It may be different then what I envisioned, but life never really turns out exactly how we expect now does it?
More soon, if I am lucky tomorrow will be a better day and I'll have more motivation/energy to manage some oneline picture maintenance.
Love to you all
S
Monday, October 18, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 7
Compared to yesterday, today is a lot more manageable. Thanks to Dave's suggestion, I have learned that if I extend the period of time between pain meds to every 5 - 6 hours and take half a dose in the middle, it seems to even everything out pretty well and I don't end up on the tail end of my dosage in total agony. We started this last night and it's helped tremendously and I sort of feel like I'm taking less that way over all. My plan is to start weaning by the end of the week as healing progresses.
It is a rainy, cool Fall day in Denver and I am happily snuggled up with the puggies, a very warm blanky and my lappy. I've got a nice pumpkin spice candle burning and a silly day time TV program running in the background.
I haven't had any actual food since the noodle debacle on Saturday night, so I'm going to attempt some very mushy potato's to night or maybe some over-cooked mac n cheese. I am not really hungry, but I am having cravings. Mostly regarding taste and textures. Crunchy, spicy, cheesey, salty and vegetables. OMG, I haven't had salad in over a week and I'm going crazy for it! Also no fruit and I've become a daily fruit person in recent months (NOM) so I'm missing my apples, oranges, pears and berries to, big time. If nothing else, I know I'm going to come out of this appreciating the beautiful gift that is food and that it ought to be savored, not abused.
Keeping today very low key. I've not slept all that much and am pretty low on energy. I learned my lesson from Saturday night, overdoing it has serious consequences and they aren't worth it. Not even a little. Plus, I'd really like to be able to report to my doctor on my follow up visit on the 26th that I took uber good care of myself. I really don't need any heads shaking in dissapointment. Obviously, I want to be back on my feet as soon as possible, but I know rushing this is pointless.
On that note, I'm going to take a nappy with my puggies with the warm blanky.
loves and hugs
S
It is a rainy, cool Fall day in Denver and I am happily snuggled up with the puggies, a very warm blanky and my lappy. I've got a nice pumpkin spice candle burning and a silly day time TV program running in the background.
I haven't had any actual food since the noodle debacle on Saturday night, so I'm going to attempt some very mushy potato's to night or maybe some over-cooked mac n cheese. I am not really hungry, but I am having cravings. Mostly regarding taste and textures. Crunchy, spicy, cheesey, salty and vegetables. OMG, I haven't had salad in over a week and I'm going crazy for it! Also no fruit and I've become a daily fruit person in recent months (NOM) so I'm missing my apples, oranges, pears and berries to, big time. If nothing else, I know I'm going to come out of this appreciating the beautiful gift that is food and that it ought to be savored, not abused.
Keeping today very low key. I've not slept all that much and am pretty low on energy. I learned my lesson from Saturday night, overdoing it has serious consequences and they aren't worth it. Not even a little. Plus, I'd really like to be able to report to my doctor on my follow up visit on the 26th that I took uber good care of myself. I really don't need any heads shaking in dissapointment. Obviously, I want to be back on my feet as soon as possible, but I know rushing this is pointless.
On that note, I'm going to take a nappy with my puggies with the warm blanky.
loves and hugs
S
Sunday, October 17, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 6
There is a lot of what is known as "referred" pain today to my ears and jaw area. It is kind of like this sharp, stabbing pain that comes and goes
I am able to sleep about 2 - 4 hour at a time, but that is about it at the moment. Last night was rough, today feels kinda the same. Swallowing is extremely painful, the pain in my ears resembles that of severe ear infections and I still cannot open my mouth all that much due to jaw pain.
I believe the fierceness of symptoms today are partly my own fault in having way over done it yesterday. I thought I felt decent enough to go to the store and at the time, I was. But after the store and getting home, I think, is when I ended up doing way to much. I gave the dogs a bath, cleaned up the kitchen and made soba noodles. Which I then attempted to eat, because I am reaching the stage where I'm beginning to feel moments of real solid hunger, and they were way to thick and firm for me to even consider. I don't know what I was thinking, but they tasted so yummy and my stomach went wild and I got about half a bowl down before it really started to hurt and I could feel my throat rebelling madly, so I gave up and tried on a bowl of mashed potato's and went to pour gravy and spilled it everywhere. I then had a bit of a mini meltdown, much like a toddler and breathed deeply and tried again only to then have poured so much gravy on the potato's that they weren't edible. It seemed like food was just not in the stars last night. Frustrating. Though, in retelling the story, mildly humorous.
I'm paying for it today, regardless. That'll put me in my place now won't it!?!?!
So enough whining, it's a bad day but we expected these didn't we? Let me tell you what I'm learning from this experience:
a) Every word requires a great deal of effort and has consequences, so it's important to choose them wisely.
b) Sometimes, it's just better to stick with the safe choice (like pudding.)
c) Pain does not discriminate and we are all battling pain of some kind. I think a plaque should be placed in public places so that it can perhaps us all to be a bit more patient with one another.
e) Vulnerability makes control freaks even freakier. Yeah, who woulda thunk but turns out, it's true. Dammit.
More soon, the other side of the couch beckons.
XO
S
I am able to sleep about 2 - 4 hour at a time, but that is about it at the moment. Last night was rough, today feels kinda the same. Swallowing is extremely painful, the pain in my ears resembles that of severe ear infections and I still cannot open my mouth all that much due to jaw pain.
I believe the fierceness of symptoms today are partly my own fault in having way over done it yesterday. I thought I felt decent enough to go to the store and at the time, I was. But after the store and getting home, I think, is when I ended up doing way to much. I gave the dogs a bath, cleaned up the kitchen and made soba noodles. Which I then attempted to eat, because I am reaching the stage where I'm beginning to feel moments of real solid hunger, and they were way to thick and firm for me to even consider. I don't know what I was thinking, but they tasted so yummy and my stomach went wild and I got about half a bowl down before it really started to hurt and I could feel my throat rebelling madly, so I gave up and tried on a bowl of mashed potato's and went to pour gravy and spilled it everywhere. I then had a bit of a mini meltdown, much like a toddler and breathed deeply and tried again only to then have poured so much gravy on the potato's that they weren't edible. It seemed like food was just not in the stars last night. Frustrating. Though, in retelling the story, mildly humorous.
I'm paying for it today, regardless. That'll put me in my place now won't it!?!?!
So enough whining, it's a bad day but we expected these didn't we? Let me tell you what I'm learning from this experience:
a) Every word requires a great deal of effort and has consequences, so it's important to choose them wisely.
b) Sometimes, it's just better to stick with the safe choice (like pudding.)
c) Pain does not discriminate and we are all battling pain of some kind. I think a plaque should be placed in public places so that it can perhaps us all to be a bit more patient with one another.
e) Vulnerability makes control freaks even freakier. Yeah, who woulda thunk but turns out, it's true. Dammit.
More soon, the other side of the couch beckons.
XO
S
Saturday, October 16, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 5
Feeling about the same as I did this time yesterday, which if that is any indicator, I'll have a rough afternoon and make a rebound by late evening. Slept a solid 5 hours with no interuptions last night, that feels like quite the acheivement so I am pleased about that.
I managed runny mashed potato's and mushroom gravy last night for dinner, which tasted beautiful and while I only got half of it down or so, it felt great to get something in my belly. Dave happily munched on chips, queso and salsa while I gave him the stink eye the whole time and I've never seen him laugh so hard. I'm glad I can ammuse him :)
Didn't make it to Target yesterday, am hoping to go this afternoon when Dave is off work. He's working a ton of hours at the new job, I'm glad he's happy there. It's time repelenish the stocks and get out of the house for a bit, I'm getting a wee bit weepy. Last night I cried becuase my face is all puffy and I can't open my mouth very wide and when I do speak, my voice sounds foreign and distored. I had horrifying visions of my karoke career having been ended all to abruptly, though the doc assures me it's nothing like that and my voice will return to normal, albeit a bit less "husky" which is fine with me. My speaking voice has always been a bit rough around the edges, slighly leaning on the prepubscent boy side. Here's hoping it changes for the better, perhaps that rock star dream of mine can come true at age 34?
Pam texted me last night asking to come pick up her all weather tires. She should be here this afternoon sometime to pick them up. Nothing like a little awkward familial interaction to aid in the healing process eh? We haven't been on speaking terms for months, she didn't know about my surgery and when I let her know I am on bed rest and cannot talk due to surgery, there was no response. Just a "please leave my tires where I can get to them" type of thing and that was it. I am not at all surprised, but it still stung a little considering the state I'm in. So, there was another mini melt down and Dave listened kindly as he always does and that was it, it is what it is. So, her tires and a few other odds and ends are sitting in the carport and she can pick them up whenever I suppose. I truly don't have the wherewithall at the moment to really be objective about the situation, so I'm trying not to dwell on it. Whatever the outcomes are, in the end of all it, I know we will find our own understanding and peace in the situation.
Sigh.
That said, I am off to paint my toes and try to get motivated enough to get out of the house in a few hours. I should probably attempt some pudding or something too before actually going out in public so I don't pass out or something.
Much love to you all
S
I managed runny mashed potato's and mushroom gravy last night for dinner, which tasted beautiful and while I only got half of it down or so, it felt great to get something in my belly. Dave happily munched on chips, queso and salsa while I gave him the stink eye the whole time and I've never seen him laugh so hard. I'm glad I can ammuse him :)
Didn't make it to Target yesterday, am hoping to go this afternoon when Dave is off work. He's working a ton of hours at the new job, I'm glad he's happy there. It's time repelenish the stocks and get out of the house for a bit, I'm getting a wee bit weepy. Last night I cried becuase my face is all puffy and I can't open my mouth very wide and when I do speak, my voice sounds foreign and distored. I had horrifying visions of my karoke career having been ended all to abruptly, though the doc assures me it's nothing like that and my voice will return to normal, albeit a bit less "husky" which is fine with me. My speaking voice has always been a bit rough around the edges, slighly leaning on the prepubscent boy side. Here's hoping it changes for the better, perhaps that rock star dream of mine can come true at age 34?
Pam texted me last night asking to come pick up her all weather tires. She should be here this afternoon sometime to pick them up. Nothing like a little awkward familial interaction to aid in the healing process eh? We haven't been on speaking terms for months, she didn't know about my surgery and when I let her know I am on bed rest and cannot talk due to surgery, there was no response. Just a "please leave my tires where I can get to them" type of thing and that was it. I am not at all surprised, but it still stung a little considering the state I'm in. So, there was another mini melt down and Dave listened kindly as he always does and that was it, it is what it is. So, her tires and a few other odds and ends are sitting in the carport and she can pick them up whenever I suppose. I truly don't have the wherewithall at the moment to really be objective about the situation, so I'm trying not to dwell on it. Whatever the outcomes are, in the end of all it, I know we will find our own understanding and peace in the situation.
Sigh.
That said, I am off to paint my toes and try to get motivated enough to get out of the house in a few hours. I should probably attempt some pudding or something too before actually going out in public so I don't pass out or something.
Much love to you all
S
Friday, October 15, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 4
Today is a far improvement since yesterday, my gawd I hope not to have another day like that again. If I do, those are the days that I very literally can't do much of anything except get through the day and wait out the pain.
But since today isn't one of those days and I can swallow ok and am not experiencing was is known as "referred pain" as badly, I plan to:
a) Really focus even more on the fluids. I am beyond thirsty, even though I'm drinking a fair amount of fluids, I just can't seem to get enough. It might be the creepy taste/texture of my mouth, it's like I can't get enough to wash it down/out.
b) Clean house a touch. It's in remarkabley good shape and no one panic, I'm only going to dust and fold some laundry, that kind of thing. No heavy lifting or strenous excercise.
c) We are going to try and get to the grociery store after Dave gets off work. The puggies need food, we need TP that kind of thing. Plus, I kinda feel ready to get out of the house for a bit. I also really need to think of something else I can try to eat, maybe starting working on some noodles or something b/c the pudding thing, while delicious, is getting old.
d) REST, I still feel like I could sleep for a week.
In other news, there are bills to be paid and emails to be answered. Still waiting on the books I ordered over a week ago, sigh...some good ones in there too danget! Hurry up USP. Guess I should be checking on all the "admin" stuff I need to be doing.
Everyone, please wish me luck in that this day continues to be a "good" day b/c I know there's going to be good and bad ones in the coming weeks. Yesterday reminded me of that very much so I'm going to take the ones where I can do more than sit on the couch and ache and run with it. It also helped me to remember that those crappy parts will pass, they always do don't they?
XO
S
But since today isn't one of those days and I can swallow ok and am not experiencing was is known as "referred pain" as badly, I plan to:
a) Really focus even more on the fluids. I am beyond thirsty, even though I'm drinking a fair amount of fluids, I just can't seem to get enough. It might be the creepy taste/texture of my mouth, it's like I can't get enough to wash it down/out.
b) Clean house a touch. It's in remarkabley good shape and no one panic, I'm only going to dust and fold some laundry, that kind of thing. No heavy lifting or strenous excercise.
c) We are going to try and get to the grociery store after Dave gets off work. The puggies need food, we need TP that kind of thing. Plus, I kinda feel ready to get out of the house for a bit. I also really need to think of something else I can try to eat, maybe starting working on some noodles or something b/c the pudding thing, while delicious, is getting old.
d) REST, I still feel like I could sleep for a week.
In other news, there are bills to be paid and emails to be answered. Still waiting on the books I ordered over a week ago, sigh...some good ones in there too danget! Hurry up USP. Guess I should be checking on all the "admin" stuff I need to be doing.
Everyone, please wish me luck in that this day continues to be a "good" day b/c I know there's going to be good and bad ones in the coming weeks. Yesterday reminded me of that very much so I'm going to take the ones where I can do more than sit on the couch and ache and run with it. It also helped me to remember that those crappy parts will pass, they always do don't they?
XO
S
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 3
It seems today my body has just realized it's been Through something a bit out of the norm and is rebelling. I finally got some sleep, about 5 - 6 hours last night and woke up in the most horrible pain. Most likely because this was adequate time for my throat to dry out and my meds to lapse. I was SO tired though, I needed the sleep. Sleep seems to present a catch 22 situation however. On the one hand, you sleep which is GLORIOUS. On the other, you wake up miserable. I won't be able to let that happen again this early in the game, it's taken me close to 4 hours to get half-way comfortable again and now, I get it.
My throat, ears and sinus area have grown their own heartbeats and are all happily drumming away in there in time with my actual heartbeat. Where I could barely speak earlier, I can't at all now without extreme effort and it is definitely a strain to do so when I do have to. My neck is swollen, circa Jabba The Hut and I can't open my mouth wide enough to get anything more then a sip of Gatorade, water or Slim Fast in.
On the flip side, the puggie brigade is keeping me company and I did manage to get a bit more sleep after I got a bit more situated.
Dave bought me new humidifier yesterday that is definitely doing its magic, he was reluctant to leave me this morning, what a sweet sweet man.
Work sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers, the vase will definitely find itself in the game again. It's a gorgeous blue and very heavy, I'll find something awesome to put into it in the future.
So, I guess here we go then eh? I am in good spirits as I anticipated this (I was a bit unprepared for the pain this morning though, it was easily an 8 on the pain scale for about an hour and that's no good!) and am doing my best to enjoy the whole concept of bed rest. Mostly, the snuggling of fur babies aspect of all of it.
Bella's rash has subsided due to much needed Benadryl and Kristen's coming to the rescue with hyrocortisone spray. She's wearing a little blue Colorado bear shirt I'd gotten for Clark William and wanted to be able to hand deliver, but was not able to achieve that goal:( Regardless, it's serving a wonderful purpose now by keeping her squeeeashy little face out of the spray so it can do it's business and moisture/anti-itch her little rash.
Bailey is thrilled to have me home, because she knows that means she has access to the couch all day and her favorite blanket. We are all going to get smpoiled by this experience I suspect.
Dave is working a long day today so I am pretty on my own and it's meds time. I read somewhere that this surgery has been done for thousands of years, doing it without pain meds seems horribly cruel. I think I'd rather just be knocked unconscious then have to deal with this morning again. YUCK.
More soon, love loves to all you wonderful people!
S
My throat, ears and sinus area have grown their own heartbeats and are all happily drumming away in there in time with my actual heartbeat. Where I could barely speak earlier, I can't at all now without extreme effort and it is definitely a strain to do so when I do have to. My neck is swollen, circa Jabba The Hut and I can't open my mouth wide enough to get anything more then a sip of Gatorade, water or Slim Fast in.
On the flip side, the puggie brigade is keeping me company and I did manage to get a bit more sleep after I got a bit more situated.
Dave bought me new humidifier yesterday that is definitely doing its magic, he was reluctant to leave me this morning, what a sweet sweet man.
Work sent me a lovely bouquet of flowers, the vase will definitely find itself in the game again. It's a gorgeous blue and very heavy, I'll find something awesome to put into it in the future.
So, I guess here we go then eh? I am in good spirits as I anticipated this (I was a bit unprepared for the pain this morning though, it was easily an 8 on the pain scale for about an hour and that's no good!) and am doing my best to enjoy the whole concept of bed rest. Mostly, the snuggling of fur babies aspect of all of it.
Bella's rash has subsided due to much needed Benadryl and Kristen's coming to the rescue with hyrocortisone spray. She's wearing a little blue Colorado bear shirt I'd gotten for Clark William and wanted to be able to hand deliver, but was not able to achieve that goal:( Regardless, it's serving a wonderful purpose now by keeping her squeeeashy little face out of the spray so it can do it's business and moisture/anti-itch her little rash.
Bailey is thrilled to have me home, because she knows that means she has access to the couch all day and her favorite blanket. We are all going to get smpoiled by this experience I suspect.
Dave is working a long day today so I am pretty on my own and it's meds time. I read somewhere that this surgery has been done for thousands of years, doing it without pain meds seems horribly cruel. I think I'd rather just be knocked unconscious then have to deal with this morning again. YUCK.
More soon, love loves to all you wonderful people!
S
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
The Adventures Of Tonsil Girl: Day 1 & 2
If it's any indicator, I am at 4 AM with only about 2 hours of sleep but mostly, it's not horrible. Partly my lack of sleep is due to Bella's sudden rash onset, she's a mess and was gnawing and chewing all night and I have to sleep in THE most uncomfortable position possible to keep my head elevated so I just gave up, finally got out of my nest on the couch, got online and am drinking some Gatorade. Besides, time for my meds anyway and if I've learned anything in the last 18 hours, letting those lapse is a very bad thing.
So, I thought I'd blog since a) It's been forever and I miss it and b) I'm a weirdo and like to chronicle physical issues and ailments for later reflection to see what I am learning from them. I have a strong curiosity about the medical/biological field for all living things and have always figured I wouldn't make a very good doctor or vet because I think I would love the theory of helping to ease suffering and maybe help to heal along the way, but I am not sure I am strong enough to manage what actually goes into making that happen. The empathetic in me is almost overly so at times and it would hardly be appropriate for me to be crying while delivering the news that someones daughter has leukemia or that someones beloved fur baby doesn't have much longer. However, the nurses yesterday honestly made me seriously rethink some of that. I think I could manage helping people prep for surgery and helping them to feel comfortable post-op. It's a lot of documentation, pain monitoring, that kind of thing. I think I might actually be really good at that because I wouldn't have to like pull people's/animals organs out or give them bad news about a disease they may have, I can just be there to be there. Because we all need someone in those moments of need and these people do this for a living. Isn't that amazing? To me, nurses sadly fall into "the unsung hero" category of our community. I admire them so deeply and have very capable and kind ones and a few that might want to consider if they've chosen the right profession for them. But the nurses I had yesterday, every single one was so incredible I was emotional about it. I am sure the several nurses and anaesthetic techs I worked with yesterday got tired of me telling them how "nice" they all were and how much I appreciate them with that shit eating grin that only heavy anaesthetic and muscle relaxers can bring. I love you MAN :)
Ok, so on to the details of yesterdays surgery:
6:00 AM - 7:15 AM
Showering, getting goggies fed, played with and settled. Laundry, dishes, shaking the man to get his butt in gear.
7:15 - 7:30 AM
Driving in the rainiest coldest weather this fall yet (and it's DEFINITELY Fall in Colorado, where does the time go?) and listening to my boyfriend being his normally crusty self before his morning Pepsi and cigarette. He's like a whole different person after he's had his fix, kinda scary. Course, I remember those days and won't lie, I remember the very satisfying coffee sip and cigarette exhale first on the way to work in the mornings. ahhhh, if only those damn things weren't proven to kill you, HELLO! That's another story all together.
7:30 AM - 8:00 AM
Administrative admission: Confirming contact info, insurance etc, including an advance directives waver which I was prepared for in theory (b/c they make you do that everywhere these days) but not so much in practice. All I could think of was that I didn't want any heroic measures being taken in the event of zero brain activity and who would I want my puggies and kitties to go to (which was easy, Kristen or she would be responsible for finding them the best homes possible and strangely enough, the idea of being separated from my puggies got me more upset than anything involved in that whole document, hmmmm perhaps I'm a bit to co dependant on them?) It got me to thinking that this might be something I ought to put a bit more energy into at some point along the way. I had a living will for Max's care and what not, but he's 18 now and otherwise, I don't know what else I'd list? I know I want to be cremated and ashes spread in the Pacific Northwest San Juan Islands. I have a lot of pictures of Max I would want dispersed evenly amongst family I suppose and of course care of my fur babies and I guess it's a good idea to think about the financial stuff, I wouldn't want anyone inheriting any of my debt. I will ponder that all a bit more after I am healed.
8:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Pre-op prep/intake: Weight/height all that good stuff. BTW: First awesome nurse experience occurred here. She was sure to ask Dave to go into the waiting room while they were weighing me and all that, she said "Honey, there are some things they just don't need to know." which made me laugh the nervous giggle (b/c I was nervous after all) and then we did a urine test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Dave and I both laughed nervously about that one, that wouldn't be the most ideal setting to find something like that out, no?
So more questions about when I last ate, had water, etc...I think I answered that question at least 6 or 7 times yesterday. Makes sense, but I'm like PEOPLE, I'm freaking starving and thirsty here, I really don't want to be reminded of that every 5 minutes. But, I know it's just their job and ultimately, it's in my best interest. Anesthesia is serious business now isn't it?
They got my line in without a hitch, shocking! My veins crawl, they see that needle coming and they go running in the opposite direction. She got it on the first poke, barely even felt it it! The nurse and I discovered she knew my mom's side of the family from back in Wisconsin (Grandma's maiden last name was Buam) and we chatted and then she recognized Dave and they chatted for a while. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Dave worked in the ER and OR at Lutheran Medical Center for 10 years. He knows wayyyyy more than is safe for the average person to know about medical procedures without a license. The stories he has, oh ew. Seriously, the things people do to themselves. Anyway, he got a kick out of how so many medical staff he worked with while he was there 10 years ago, and before that for 10 years, are still there. While we waited for close to 2 hours before the show finally got on the road, we had a long philosophical discussion about why it does seem that medical professionals stay within the industry for a life time. He also did his best to make laugh while trying to manage his Pepsi/smoke break urges.
Then boom, there's the anesthesia-ologist - whom I had consult with last week and trusted him immediately b/c he was very concerned about my last experience and assured me no one would become semi-conscious during a procedure on his watch. He asked if I wanted a sedative before we got rolling because it was going to be a while yet and he knew I was anxious/nervous. I said "Yes please sir, may I have another?" to which everyone laughed and within about 2 minutes Dave was sent off and another very awesome nurse with cutest pink scrubs on (scrubs have come a long way! Some of them even look like faux-professional attire.) to deliver my "happy juice" and then another smiling friendly face wheeled me into the OR. By then it was getting blurry and I was totally relaxed, all withing about 1 minute of the happy juice injection, so I can only assume it was Valium. I vaguely remember them beginning to strap me down (with MORE warm blankets, those people rawk!) and I don't the whole counting back from 10 or anything.
10:30 - 11:15 AM
Time travel 45 minutes (which I of course didn't realize when I was coming out of it all, seemed like about 1 second) and there was ANOTHER awesome smiling face in my face named Steph, saying "Sarah honey, how are you doing?" and she was wiping my tears away diligently and smiling warmly. I don't know why, but going "under" causes a pretty serious emotional reaction in me when I am being brought out of it. When I had my wisdom teeth out at 19, I apparently told the oral surgeon my entire life story and she kept hugging me after and telling me "Oh honey, you've had a hard life." FACEPALM! How embarrassing! God only knows what I told awesome smiley post-op lady yesterday, but she just kept wiping them without a word about it, asking me what my pain was and feeding me ice chips with a touch of cranberry juice. You have NO idea how good that tasted in that moment. It was like heaven. The whole section between my adams apple up to about my nostrils was (and still is) on fire. So after I was responding to satisfaction, they doped me up with some morphine when she took a peek in my mouth and saw that I wasn't in fact lying and was in a lot of pain and I spent the next 30 minutes or so trying to come out of all of it. I really just wanted to get up and go home, but my blood pressure was still really low, so they had to keep an eye on me for a while longer. Dave was allowed in shortly after the morphine and started giggling at me, b/c I couldn't talk and I looked about as stoned as a person can be I suppose. I don't remember this but he later told me I was rambling on about a "fahaamaatastical dreammmz I was havingggsss" :D
Finally, they unhooked all the monitors and my line and Dave helped me dress in my street clothes which consist of gray sweats, my fav tennies and a very old and tattered Care Bears tshirt and my Seattle hoodie, it was Seattle weather! I was getting cold by this time, no more warmy blankets in post up. I guess they want you to be a bit more alert. Still super wobbly so Dave put my shoes on and everything and they plopped in a wheelchair while we waited for my Ear, Nose, Throat surgeon to the post-op consult and instruct Dave on my care.
Doc said those tonsils were in badddd shape and I should've had them out years ago. He said once this is over, I'm going to probably feel about 100% better on a regular basis, I'll still get sick like everyone else from time to time but there will be no more strep or tonsillitis and only the very rare sinus infection if any. Apparently the left tonsil was completely rotted out (can you say ew?) and the right one was about half way there. The right one I think is the adenoid, even though they are both referred to as the "tonsils." He jokingly tells me that I'll never forget his name after this, that the surgery is the easy part and it is CRITICAL from this point on that I stay 100% focused on hydration, rest and pain management, because they are interdependent on one another in this case. Bleeding is also a serious danger, happens to about 20% post op and usually b/c they are not properly hydrated, but could also be a clotting issue. So far, no blod THANK GOD, but he said there will be some and what to look for if I need to go to the ER, b/c you can lose a lot I guess in a relatively short period of time. He explained how everything will scab (again, double ew) and how it's best not to spit them out and let the body absorb them if possible. *GAG* So, it's basically sleep when you can, but head must stay elevated (I am a belly sleeper, I can't remember when I last slept on my back, I suspect eventually I won't care) and take those drugs every 4 hours and sip at least 4 - 6 oz water/juice/Gatorade etc...every hour. No ice cream, but he said I could have a little on the bad days if it helped me to feel better. I have a ton of oral numbing meds, suspension pain meds and pill form pain meds for the "bad days" which according to him start around day 3 or 4 when the scabs start to build up. There's a lot of blood and what not traveling to the area so it's going to be very swollen and painful and swallowing is going to be harder (is that possible?) than it is today. This period will last 5 - 7 days, then another phase occurs where scar tissue begins to form and the ears, neck, throat and nasal cavities are going to be very sore and painful as well. It's amazing how much these little guys affect. Here all these years I just thought it was stress and me being a wuss about being sick all the time, though this time last year we'd had the same convo at my primary care physician and the ENT I saw at that time said it was a "last resort only" because recovery gets harder exponentially based on age. I'm only 34 but apparently this is ANCIENT in tonsillectomy years. I was seriously cautioned against looking my mouth, he and Dave laughed hysterically (yes, Dave knows this guy too LOL) when the doc said this and I thought "What's so funny?" and then it occurred to me that I should probably follow this doctors advice on that b/c based on how it feels, I bet it looks horrid. Plus, getting my open wide enough at this point to do so seems impossible.
So, we have a laundry list of do's and don'ts. I don't feel horrible today, but it's not great either obviously. I am learning to drink down as much fluid about 30 minutes after I take my pain meds and then sip the rest of the time in between dosages. I also found that coating one side of a popsicle with the oral numbing solution works like a charm in getting everything coated properly. The main draw back of course is that this stuff tastes WRETCHED! Not even the sweetness of the popsicle hides it, but the combination of cold and the numbing solution seems to have a really positive affect so I'm using that in between pain meds as well and dealing with the nasty taste. Plus, popsicles count as fluids! So far, I've had 1 cup of pudding (yum, except I am not a fan of the binding material used in pudding, it's animal based and in a pretty bad way, but Im thanking them and trying not to think about it to much), several popsicles, 2 Slim Fasts which have become surprisingly nutritiousness in comparison to the old days. Much lower in sugar and higher in proteins, so I feel full-er when I drink them. They taste pretty good, I like the Royal Chocolate and Strawberry. Plus a few of those a day is giving me a good chunk of my vitamins and minerals and TONS of the healing powers of protein's. And let me tell you about the wonder that is Gatorade. My fridge looks like an add for Gatorade. It's affordable, highly hydrating and intended for use in just this situation or the hard core athlete (which at a time, Max was so I am pretty familiar with how to use it in conjunction with standard waters and juices to maintain proper hydration.) Now they have Gatorade G2, it all on sale right now b/c it's a new product, it's only 20 cals a serving and much less sweet tasting then it's predassessor which is a good thing, historically, Gatorade has always been way to sugary for me. Thank goodness this product just came out b/c it's been a life savor. What I am trying to do is mix 50/50 with actual water when I do the big drink after my pain meds, but mostly in between the pain meds getting just straight water down is really hard for some reason. So I'm not getting as much actual water as I'd like, but I'm trying. I need to find some kind of juice (nothing acidic, OW) and maybe water that down a bit. I was thinking white grape, grape, what else? I'm drawing a total blank on juices that aren't citrus based at the moment.
I can say that so far, this experience hasn't been horrible. The anticipation was though. I ended up going on the occasional med for panic attacks because I was getting pretty worked up, not sleeping, etc. It's scary stuff man, but now that the surgery is over and things are in motion, I feel surprisingly excited. Like I'm really ready to live a life where I'm not sick all the time, I honestly can't even imagine!
I also know this is going to get worse before it gets better, I can feel it sort of settling in today. My tongue aches and swallowing is becoming increasingly more difficult. My ears hurt and I am absolutely exhausted, I'm hoping to catch some naps today after I get Bella all squared away. I think she's having an allergy attack or something, so poor Dave is off to the store again once he wakes up for Benadryl, which if nothing else will get her more comfortable for the day and maybe then we can all catch a few zzzz's. Dave has been pretty great, though I'm not going to lie, the guys caretaker skills are surprisingly cool considering all those years in the ER. Or perhaps b/c of it? I don't know, I'm not complaining of course, I'm so thrilled to have him helping me so much. He's helpful and certainly does all the obligatory things one expects and appreciates in this situation, but I guess I am sort of surprised? Sometimes I think he gets anxious when I am not well. He's experienced a lot of loss in his lifetime, it may be residual stuff from that which is not at all surprising. Or, perhaps he's just a guy who's been a bachelor for a really long time and needs to be taught how to take care of me and I know I can be pretty demanding and dramatic at times, but I have gotten to a point in my life where I've stopped apologizing for being who I am. I yam what I yam:)
More soon as energy permits. I have many emails to respond to from all of you that I am hoping to be able to do so during this time.
Much love to you all
S
So, I thought I'd blog since a) It's been forever and I miss it and b) I'm a weirdo and like to chronicle physical issues and ailments for later reflection to see what I am learning from them. I have a strong curiosity about the medical/biological field for all living things and have always figured I wouldn't make a very good doctor or vet because I think I would love the theory of helping to ease suffering and maybe help to heal along the way, but I am not sure I am strong enough to manage what actually goes into making that happen. The empathetic in me is almost overly so at times and it would hardly be appropriate for me to be crying while delivering the news that someones daughter has leukemia or that someones beloved fur baby doesn't have much longer. However, the nurses yesterday honestly made me seriously rethink some of that. I think I could manage helping people prep for surgery and helping them to feel comfortable post-op. It's a lot of documentation, pain monitoring, that kind of thing. I think I might actually be really good at that because I wouldn't have to like pull people's/animals organs out or give them bad news about a disease they may have, I can just be there to be there. Because we all need someone in those moments of need and these people do this for a living. Isn't that amazing? To me, nurses sadly fall into "the unsung hero" category of our community. I admire them so deeply and have very capable and kind ones and a few that might want to consider if they've chosen the right profession for them. But the nurses I had yesterday, every single one was so incredible I was emotional about it. I am sure the several nurses and anaesthetic techs I worked with yesterday got tired of me telling them how "nice" they all were and how much I appreciate them with that shit eating grin that only heavy anaesthetic and muscle relaxers can bring. I love you MAN :)
Ok, so on to the details of yesterdays surgery:
6:00 AM - 7:15 AM
Showering, getting goggies fed, played with and settled. Laundry, dishes, shaking the man to get his butt in gear.
7:15 - 7:30 AM
Driving in the rainiest coldest weather this fall yet (and it's DEFINITELY Fall in Colorado, where does the time go?) and listening to my boyfriend being his normally crusty self before his morning Pepsi and cigarette. He's like a whole different person after he's had his fix, kinda scary. Course, I remember those days and won't lie, I remember the very satisfying coffee sip and cigarette exhale first on the way to work in the mornings. ahhhh, if only those damn things weren't proven to kill you, HELLO! That's another story all together.
7:30 AM - 8:00 AM
Administrative admission: Confirming contact info, insurance etc, including an advance directives waver which I was prepared for in theory (b/c they make you do that everywhere these days) but not so much in practice. All I could think of was that I didn't want any heroic measures being taken in the event of zero brain activity and who would I want my puggies and kitties to go to (which was easy, Kristen or she would be responsible for finding them the best homes possible and strangely enough, the idea of being separated from my puggies got me more upset than anything involved in that whole document, hmmmm perhaps I'm a bit to co dependant on them?) It got me to thinking that this might be something I ought to put a bit more energy into at some point along the way. I had a living will for Max's care and what not, but he's 18 now and otherwise, I don't know what else I'd list? I know I want to be cremated and ashes spread in the Pacific Northwest San Juan Islands. I have a lot of pictures of Max I would want dispersed evenly amongst family I suppose and of course care of my fur babies and I guess it's a good idea to think about the financial stuff, I wouldn't want anyone inheriting any of my debt. I will ponder that all a bit more after I am healed.
8:00 AM - 10:30 AM
Pre-op prep/intake: Weight/height all that good stuff. BTW: First awesome nurse experience occurred here. She was sure to ask Dave to go into the waiting room while they were weighing me and all that, she said "Honey, there are some things they just don't need to know." which made me laugh the nervous giggle (b/c I was nervous after all) and then we did a urine test to make sure I wasn't pregnant. Dave and I both laughed nervously about that one, that wouldn't be the most ideal setting to find something like that out, no?
So more questions about when I last ate, had water, etc...I think I answered that question at least 6 or 7 times yesterday. Makes sense, but I'm like PEOPLE, I'm freaking starving and thirsty here, I really don't want to be reminded of that every 5 minutes. But, I know it's just their job and ultimately, it's in my best interest. Anesthesia is serious business now isn't it?
They got my line in without a hitch, shocking! My veins crawl, they see that needle coming and they go running in the opposite direction. She got it on the first poke, barely even felt it it! The nurse and I discovered she knew my mom's side of the family from back in Wisconsin (Grandma's maiden last name was Buam) and we chatted and then she recognized Dave and they chatted for a while. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Dave worked in the ER and OR at Lutheran Medical Center for 10 years. He knows wayyyyy more than is safe for the average person to know about medical procedures without a license. The stories he has, oh ew. Seriously, the things people do to themselves. Anyway, he got a kick out of how so many medical staff he worked with while he was there 10 years ago, and before that for 10 years, are still there. While we waited for close to 2 hours before the show finally got on the road, we had a long philosophical discussion about why it does seem that medical professionals stay within the industry for a life time. He also did his best to make laugh while trying to manage his Pepsi/smoke break urges.
Then boom, there's the anesthesia-ologist - whom I had consult with last week and trusted him immediately b/c he was very concerned about my last experience and assured me no one would become semi-conscious during a procedure on his watch. He asked if I wanted a sedative before we got rolling because it was going to be a while yet and he knew I was anxious/nervous. I said "Yes please sir, may I have another?" to which everyone laughed and within about 2 minutes Dave was sent off and another very awesome nurse with cutest pink scrubs on (scrubs have come a long way! Some of them even look like faux-professional attire.) to deliver my "happy juice" and then another smiling friendly face wheeled me into the OR. By then it was getting blurry and I was totally relaxed, all withing about 1 minute of the happy juice injection, so I can only assume it was Valium. I vaguely remember them beginning to strap me down (with MORE warm blankets, those people rawk!) and I don't the whole counting back from 10 or anything.
10:30 - 11:15 AM
Time travel 45 minutes (which I of course didn't realize when I was coming out of it all, seemed like about 1 second) and there was ANOTHER awesome smiling face in my face named Steph, saying "Sarah honey, how are you doing?" and she was wiping my tears away diligently and smiling warmly. I don't know why, but going "under" causes a pretty serious emotional reaction in me when I am being brought out of it. When I had my wisdom teeth out at 19, I apparently told the oral surgeon my entire life story and she kept hugging me after and telling me "Oh honey, you've had a hard life." FACEPALM! How embarrassing! God only knows what I told awesome smiley post-op lady yesterday, but she just kept wiping them without a word about it, asking me what my pain was and feeding me ice chips with a touch of cranberry juice. You have NO idea how good that tasted in that moment. It was like heaven. The whole section between my adams apple up to about my nostrils was (and still is) on fire. So after I was responding to satisfaction, they doped me up with some morphine when she took a peek in my mouth and saw that I wasn't in fact lying and was in a lot of pain and I spent the next 30 minutes or so trying to come out of all of it. I really just wanted to get up and go home, but my blood pressure was still really low, so they had to keep an eye on me for a while longer. Dave was allowed in shortly after the morphine and started giggling at me, b/c I couldn't talk and I looked about as stoned as a person can be I suppose. I don't remember this but he later told me I was rambling on about a "fahaamaatastical dreammmz I was havingggsss" :D
Finally, they unhooked all the monitors and my line and Dave helped me dress in my street clothes which consist of gray sweats, my fav tennies and a very old and tattered Care Bears tshirt and my Seattle hoodie, it was Seattle weather! I was getting cold by this time, no more warmy blankets in post up. I guess they want you to be a bit more alert. Still super wobbly so Dave put my shoes on and everything and they plopped in a wheelchair while we waited for my Ear, Nose, Throat surgeon to the post-op consult and instruct Dave on my care.
Doc said those tonsils were in badddd shape and I should've had them out years ago. He said once this is over, I'm going to probably feel about 100% better on a regular basis, I'll still get sick like everyone else from time to time but there will be no more strep or tonsillitis and only the very rare sinus infection if any. Apparently the left tonsil was completely rotted out (can you say ew?) and the right one was about half way there. The right one I think is the adenoid, even though they are both referred to as the "tonsils." He jokingly tells me that I'll never forget his name after this, that the surgery is the easy part and it is CRITICAL from this point on that I stay 100% focused on hydration, rest and pain management, because they are interdependent on one another in this case. Bleeding is also a serious danger, happens to about 20% post op and usually b/c they are not properly hydrated, but could also be a clotting issue. So far, no blod THANK GOD, but he said there will be some and what to look for if I need to go to the ER, b/c you can lose a lot I guess in a relatively short period of time. He explained how everything will scab (again, double ew) and how it's best not to spit them out and let the body absorb them if possible. *GAG* So, it's basically sleep when you can, but head must stay elevated (I am a belly sleeper, I can't remember when I last slept on my back, I suspect eventually I won't care) and take those drugs every 4 hours and sip at least 4 - 6 oz water/juice/Gatorade etc...every hour. No ice cream, but he said I could have a little on the bad days if it helped me to feel better. I have a ton of oral numbing meds, suspension pain meds and pill form pain meds for the "bad days" which according to him start around day 3 or 4 when the scabs start to build up. There's a lot of blood and what not traveling to the area so it's going to be very swollen and painful and swallowing is going to be harder (is that possible?) than it is today. This period will last 5 - 7 days, then another phase occurs where scar tissue begins to form and the ears, neck, throat and nasal cavities are going to be very sore and painful as well. It's amazing how much these little guys affect. Here all these years I just thought it was stress and me being a wuss about being sick all the time, though this time last year we'd had the same convo at my primary care physician and the ENT I saw at that time said it was a "last resort only" because recovery gets harder exponentially based on age. I'm only 34 but apparently this is ANCIENT in tonsillectomy years. I was seriously cautioned against looking my mouth, he and Dave laughed hysterically (yes, Dave knows this guy too LOL) when the doc said this and I thought "What's so funny?" and then it occurred to me that I should probably follow this doctors advice on that b/c based on how it feels, I bet it looks horrid. Plus, getting my open wide enough at this point to do so seems impossible.
So, we have a laundry list of do's and don'ts. I don't feel horrible today, but it's not great either obviously. I am learning to drink down as much fluid about 30 minutes after I take my pain meds and then sip the rest of the time in between dosages. I also found that coating one side of a popsicle with the oral numbing solution works like a charm in getting everything coated properly. The main draw back of course is that this stuff tastes WRETCHED! Not even the sweetness of the popsicle hides it, but the combination of cold and the numbing solution seems to have a really positive affect so I'm using that in between pain meds as well and dealing with the nasty taste. Plus, popsicles count as fluids! So far, I've had 1 cup of pudding (yum, except I am not a fan of the binding material used in pudding, it's animal based and in a pretty bad way, but Im thanking them and trying not to think about it to much), several popsicles, 2 Slim Fasts which have become surprisingly nutritiousness in comparison to the old days. Much lower in sugar and higher in proteins, so I feel full-er when I drink them. They taste pretty good, I like the Royal Chocolate and Strawberry. Plus a few of those a day is giving me a good chunk of my vitamins and minerals and TONS of the healing powers of protein's. And let me tell you about the wonder that is Gatorade. My fridge looks like an add for Gatorade. It's affordable, highly hydrating and intended for use in just this situation or the hard core athlete (which at a time, Max was so I am pretty familiar with how to use it in conjunction with standard waters and juices to maintain proper hydration.) Now they have Gatorade G2, it all on sale right now b/c it's a new product, it's only 20 cals a serving and much less sweet tasting then it's predassessor which is a good thing, historically, Gatorade has always been way to sugary for me. Thank goodness this product just came out b/c it's been a life savor. What I am trying to do is mix 50/50 with actual water when I do the big drink after my pain meds, but mostly in between the pain meds getting just straight water down is really hard for some reason. So I'm not getting as much actual water as I'd like, but I'm trying. I need to find some kind of juice (nothing acidic, OW) and maybe water that down a bit. I was thinking white grape, grape, what else? I'm drawing a total blank on juices that aren't citrus based at the moment.
I can say that so far, this experience hasn't been horrible. The anticipation was though. I ended up going on the occasional med for panic attacks because I was getting pretty worked up, not sleeping, etc. It's scary stuff man, but now that the surgery is over and things are in motion, I feel surprisingly excited. Like I'm really ready to live a life where I'm not sick all the time, I honestly can't even imagine!
I also know this is going to get worse before it gets better, I can feel it sort of settling in today. My tongue aches and swallowing is becoming increasingly more difficult. My ears hurt and I am absolutely exhausted, I'm hoping to catch some naps today after I get Bella all squared away. I think she's having an allergy attack or something, so poor Dave is off to the store again once he wakes up for Benadryl, which if nothing else will get her more comfortable for the day and maybe then we can all catch a few zzzz's. Dave has been pretty great, though I'm not going to lie, the guys caretaker skills are surprisingly cool considering all those years in the ER. Or perhaps b/c of it? I don't know, I'm not complaining of course, I'm so thrilled to have him helping me so much. He's helpful and certainly does all the obligatory things one expects and appreciates in this situation, but I guess I am sort of surprised? Sometimes I think he gets anxious when I am not well. He's experienced a lot of loss in his lifetime, it may be residual stuff from that which is not at all surprising. Or, perhaps he's just a guy who's been a bachelor for a really long time and needs to be taught how to take care of me and I know I can be pretty demanding and dramatic at times, but I have gotten to a point in my life where I've stopped apologizing for being who I am. I yam what I yam:)
More soon as energy permits. I have many emails to respond to from all of you that I am hoping to be able to do so during this time.
Much love to you all
S
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