Hmmm, time for an updated I suppose eh? Well, I’ll do my best….

Max:
We talk regularly. He seems ok, but I never really know what’s going on which I guess is part of the deal when the baby bird leaves the nest? He is a young man getting to the age where he’s not going to be telling the momma bear all that much to begin with so you KNOW there’s something of interest going on out there that he’s not sharing. Not to mention, I have strong reason to suspect (based on recent conversations) that there isn’t a whole lot of supervision if any at all. In recent weeks he has divulged that he’s gotten a traffic violation that will reap a hefty fine, which he doesn’t have a job to pay for, that he’s failing 3 classes and that he’s spending most nights at his cousin Robin’s house rather than at his dad’s house to which he proudly proclaims “We haven’t done anything TOO stupid yet mom, don’t worry. Robin is 21, he knows what he’s doing”. To which my internal mother voice is screaming “What the hell does that mean, NO ONE knows what they are doing at 21? And is having someone who is legal to purchase alchohol a GOOD thing AND this is where you are spending your time regularly and that’s a GOOD thing?” But I keep her voice quiet, because it’s a dance you know. This whole mothering from afar, it’s definitely an exercise in self control. It’s concerning stuff I know, and while I fear he’s heading toward a downward spiral with out anyone really being there to hold him accountable, I am not loosing hope. That wouldn’t be very motherly now would it? Besides, I believe in him. Plus, if he does fall down? Well, sometimes that’s how it goes when you are a youngster striking out on his own without a lot of supervision. I do worry from time to time that he might do something that might land him in trouble that only he can get himself out of, because no one wants to see that for him. Except, that I’ve had to accept that this is the potential reality and it just might be how he has to learn. I’ll still love him no matter what, he’ll still have a home life with me (even if he can’t live with me if that makes sense) and I would leave him at the mercy of the world without at least someone to talk to and love him the best that I can. Let’s all cross our fingers.

Work:
Wow, work is really…uh complicated at the moment I guess. I am acclimating to my duties and finding that I enjoy them because I’m good at them and I know what I’m doing. I am pretty capable of managing data and files and systems quite well, people? Not so much, but I am learning about how my new duties (as assigned depending on the day LOL) require me to interact with the project managers and ITC’s. So far, I haven’t really blown anything up, and that’s a good sign. Our first production build is tomorrow and I’ve done all that has been requested of me successfully without looking like a fool and really having very little questions because as a developer, I know the applications and code intimately so I have a good idea of what needs to happen .

The data conversion from our previous issue management software is going to be a dog. I’m not looking forward to it. I’m certain that if you fail to learn the lessons of this life, there is a special nerd hell in which you must perform data conversions from out dated systems and structures to shiny new systems and structures and they don’t talk to each nicely at all, so you sit in cube hell and sweat and agonize over mapping the data to the new system forever and it never really quite works out without some kind of manual data manipulations and those data manipulations never really quite work out as expected either so sometimes, but not always, you have to start all over again. Side note: Bill Gates will be there, micro managing and hovering, laughing his fool head off and telling us how we just need to upgrade this and patch that and no, we aren’t allowed to customize unless it’s to MS standard (which changes constantly and no one ever truly knows who is the official authority on this standard) and he’ll have big scary clown shoes on and enormous glasses that make his eyes bug out. Yes, that is my idea of hell.

I am also having some strong internal whisperings about whether this is what I really want and am I comfortable with being pulled out so suddenly of the development realm. I am also a little…well, I feel a little pissed off that I wasn’t really approached about whether this was something I even wanted to take on or would I be interested or anything else in any kind of formal way. It kind of feels like it’s just being dumped on me and here I’ll have massive quantities of responsibility and will be privy to meetings, information and access to everything and anything that only project managers do. In theory, I am now a manager of some kind. Except, so far, still no one has taken me aside and indicated what any of this really means for me in terms of my position in the organization. Which begs so many questions about my future there, like is this going to be my full time position? Is this a promotion? Does anyone care that I was hired to be a developer and suddenly I’m thrown into something much higher level in terms of accountability and responsibility and I’m still making a Jr. Level Developers salary? Obviously, it would be wise to determine whether I am indeed a good fit for this type of responsibility before giving me a raise which I am willing to put the hours in, but part of me wants to know that if this is a raise, I’m not going to STILL be making less money than everyone on the team. Don’t ask me how I know this, I’m not supposed to tell. Anyway, did anyone even think to ask what I might think or how I feel about this? I feel left with many questions, a constantly full queue of work (which I like that part a lot, especially since I’m so good at it, it feels very productive) and this sort of unstable unknown limbo.

That said, I am finding myself really enjoying the work so far and thinking a lot about whether or not this is the path to go down. Clearly, it’s not something I would just walk away from without giving it a solid shot not to mention, my supervisor and most of the project managers are extremely capable and I trust my supervisor a lot. If she feels I’m capable of this, it must mean that I also feel I owe her, I can tell she’s overwhelmed and needs me to do this, she asked me directly. Maybe I’ll get this stuff set up and I’ll do development part of the time, though this stuff could easily be a full time job from what I’m seeing. We’ll see, sometimes once you get the procedures down it frees up your time for other things and all of our marketing sites are my responsibility so I’m going to have to assume that this will still come to me, but they aren’t very complicated at all. Obviously, the conundrum here is clear, but my heart says to just keep plugging along and prepare myself for playing on a different team soon.

Dave:
Big man has also had some recent new career developments. A supervisory position at CDOT has opened up that he’s a) been waiting on for 2 years, b) is more than adequately qualified for and he’s worked with this team before and c) one of his former employees now works there and has offered to recommend him, which as anyone knows, having an “in” is always a leg up. This position would literally double his salary (at the minimum salary listed in the position, which he’d make for the first year and then they’d give him a fairly substantial raise according to this person he knows that works there) and it’s a state job, the benefits kick some serious ass to say the least.

How this has involved me is that he needed to update his non existent resume covering the last 20 years of his employment history and could easily say we spent a solid 12 hours doing so over the course of a week. It was a good lesson for us in how we work together and we learned that when I know what I am doing (i.e…wordsmithing, resume writing, application processing) that he needs to give me the information I need and stand back and let me do my job and interject only when nessisary. And strangley, vice versa….he’s SO good at things that I can’t even wrap my head around like measuring things and putting things together and math.

I sure hope this happens for him. It would make a pretty big difference in his life, this is the kind of job you keep until you retire, I’d like to see him have that.

As for our relationship? Well, it rocks mostly. We’ve had a few ups and downs, mostly having to do with boundaries (big surprise right?) but we seem to work through it well. I really like how well we communicate and he spoils the crap out of me whenever he can. How can a girl NOT like that? He’s a solid mans man type of guy and I find myself enjoying it just fine. I might be a feminist to the very end, but I still like my man to take out the garbage and help me put stuff together and treat me like a princess from time to time. And I’m not ashamed to say it  Plus, it’s pretty cool to trust him enough that I feel ok about letting him do/’be these things for me. We worked the dog thing out to btw, that was a small victory I felt. He respected my boundaries around the issue and I gave a little on how often he could be at my house (i.e…on the weekends) I’ll post more pics as time allows.

My Mom:
She moved into her own apartment. She’s filling for divorce. I’m incredibley proud of her. It’s been exhausting and I expect I will have to have to put down some boundaries (ha, there’s that word again) with her while she acclimates to living on her own and in town, but so far, it’s going well. I’m really happy for her. I know this must be SO hard, but she’s really managing well. Now, if I could just stop worrying about her health so much. That would be nice.

More soon, love to you all.
Xo
S