The Courage To Love

So, I have this puppy right? Her name is Bailey, she’s probably the sweetest most adorable creature to ever walk the face of the Earth. She is kind and loving and innocent like a child. She does not care if I showered that day, if I am having a bad hair day, if I am moody, if I am tired, whether I have baggage or shame, whether my imperfections are showing that day. She does not care about my past, my future or whether I am successful. She does not see me as a “bad“ anything….friend, daughter, sister, lover, mother or employee.

She does not judge me about anything, unless of course I have to scold her for some reason, then I have committed a horrible atrocity against animal kind and this is made evident by the droopy ears and downward facing eyes as her head rest on her paws. Because you see, the worst thing I can do is tell her “no” and even, she gets over it pretty quickly. In no time flat she’s licking, wiggling her tail, ready to play and be held again.

All she sees in me is someone to love and someone who loves her in return. It’s that simple to her. She is not haunted by past emotional disappointments, she does not know that humans can be lost and hurt each other both intentionally and unintentionally, she does not feel despair about the state of our world.

She simply lives for the moment. Completely and totally. Sometimes the moment might include noms of some kind, a new squeaky toy, a kitty to chase and play with or a new canine friend to sniff butts with. It’s not that hard for her, there’s no fear in her love for anything or anyone. She just dives right in with totally unbridled abandon, ears a’flopping and tail a wagging. It’s unconditional.

I protect this virtue in her like it’s the Hope Diamond because to me, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. Her world is limited to me, our cats and a select few humans and 4 legged creatures alike. Selfish? Maybe, but why even risk soiling such a lovely thing as she?

I think to myself, Max must’ve been this way at some point. I was young and inexperienced, I don’t really remember seeing this in him, though I’m sure it existed, because I see it in all children of a certain. I didn’t yet possess the ability to appreciate the moments with him when he was a small child, though if I squeeze my eyes real tight and click my heels together, I can vaguely remember moments of unabashed mother/son bonding that was all about his innocence and unconditional love and mine too. It is true that I see Bailey as my baby, especially since my human baby is off in the world, experiencing life without me. Somehow, Bailey has given me insights into life in general and something about her makes me think of my son an awful lot. Don’t tell him though, he may not appreciate being in the same league as a “dog” – but even he would agree, Bailey is much more than a “dog.” The fact that everyone who meets her instantly falls in love (even a tried and true dog disliker-er LOL) is a testament to how special she is.

I could wax on for hours about her and how amazing I think she is, because that much is plainly obvious. But my message is this:

We could all learn a lot from the likes of Bailey. About how to love without fear, how to live in the moment, how to forgive quickly and be ready to play at a moments notice. And…never to underestimate the irresistible charm of a soft, sweet, googely eyed friend for they are unfettered by your idiot behavior, all they want to do is love you.

Now if only I had the courage to love the way she does. And, in that same note, love HER the same way she loves me because I have brief flashes of panic and fear. My little feelers get triggered in a big way and I feel scared, really truly scared. Not because she does not deserve all the love in the world, but because I am afraid my heart will break if something happens to her and the tears well just thinking about it, so I don’t and I push the thoughts out of my mind and trust the Universe that whatever happens, it will all be ok.