Friday:
Fantabulous time with the crew at El Noa Noa and Rhy's show. He sold a piece that night, yay Rhy! I wonder, does that somehow cement your status as an artist externally? When your work is displayed to the world and someone finds it interesting enough to actually pay money for it? That must be pretty damn affirming, like getting a raise or when you child squeezes you tightly for no particular reason. A sign that your passion and efforts have not gone unnoticed?
The night was a success. The food was fantastic (I Heart Fish Tacos) and I managed to join two groups of unknown friends together in one night and all worked out swimmingly. Why I have more friends from the midwest in Colorado than I do natives to Colorado is beyond me, but it works out that way these days. It is my hope to eventually have my many facets of unique relationships intermingled so that they will all find as much joy in one another as I do. Plus, it cuts down on tedious process of introductions each and every time we get together. Works for me.
Saturday:
Gaia Cat had her sutures removed and the vet said she should make a complete recovery. The infection is totally cleared up, the one iffy area where the stitches were super tight are scabbed perfectly and she only has to wear her crazy clown cat thingy for another week. Which is good for all involved, because she REALLY needs a kitty bath and I know she's looking forward to having one. She's been attempting a good lick at her hind quarters for some time now, she probably feels like I do after a solid week of camping and no shower.
Max had a soccer game in Pueblo, carpooled and didn't get home until 9:30 ish. I worked most of the day after he left, we are trying to rebuild the stoooopid dev server at work and I wanted to make sure my work was all there. POO! Some of it isn't, but most is so thank goodness for the small blessings!
Sunday:
Bad bad BAD funk day. Sometimes I just have these days where I'm mad at the world for no real reason. Sunday was my mothers turn. I spent a good portion of the day fuming over her, why? I don't know. Nothing really prompted it, which is exactly what probably did spark it.....there's simply nothing there unless I pursue it, nurture and maintain it. I don't know why I let it get to me. I am after all, a well adjusted, educated and fairly capable woman right? Maybe it's because I see now what families are like based on the family that's been built up around Max and I these past years and see that a general concern and actual caring about the well being of one another is something you inherently do when you love someone and you make an effort to check in, send updates, tell each other that you love one another and mean it. I know I shouldn't take it personal because my logical mind can see that it has nothing to do with me. My inner child explodes with fear and anxiety and something that feels alot like abandonment.
I seriously seriously need therapy.
I'm kind of laughing here, just in case that's not obvious. About the therapy part, actually. Not my mom. Right now it's probably good that things are the way they are, an unexpected phone call could lead to a burst of disharmony amongst us I'm sure.
But on the therapy, I've decided I really do need to find a way to get my ass to a therapist I connect with that takes my insurance because on the days that I take myself too seriously, I feel like one super messed up cookie. Like REALLY screwed up somewhere deep down inside and while being melancholy and cynical make for interesting poetry and a rather unintentionally eventful life, it doesn't always make for such a happily fulfilled and centered human being and really, if I am at all lucky, I have a while yet before I'm done with this life so wouldn't it be more enjoyable if I wasn't harboring all this crap from when I was a kid that can't be changed but still haunts me? That's probably the worst part of it, I think I have a pretty good idea about the various poisons inside me, I just don't know what to do about them. They are like little gremlins that I wish to eradicate completely.
And on that rather heavy note (though I'm not in a heavy mood today, so if this sounds like I'm horribley depressed I am not) I bid you all ado until next time.
peace out
S
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