I have decided to release Kasha to the animal rescue down town. It is a no kill animal rescue and they will do their best to match her with a good home.
It makes my stomach turn just to think about it, but I've decided this just isn't working out for anyone involved, most of all Kasha, poor thing. Dogs need their mommies and big brothers to be home more. Doggies need a lot of attention, patience and energy. Especially doggies like Kasha, whose breed is known to be extremely high energy and require a lot of interaction with their owners. Kasha came to our home more against my will than with my consent and while I love her dearly and I will miss her tremendously, the disharmony that her energy is causing in my home has become unbearable.
The final straw was this morning. Kasha is not at all pleased that Gaia gets to sleep with me each night now, this was after all Kasha's highly coveted place in the pecking order. Kasha is also quite curious in general, but when it comes to the cats she is about as nosey as they come. I also believe that Kasha can smell that Gaia is vulnerable right now and this interests her. So, Kasha hovers around the door. Smells, scratches at the door and whines basically. I'll be blunt, it's obnoxious. In fact, her behavior in general has become increasingly obnoxious because she just isn't getting enough exercise, time outside and time with Max and I. Anyway, I was getting out of the shower and going to dress for the day and Kasha slipped past me and instantly attacked Gaia. Like attacked her, went right for her wound area. Gaia who just got her stitches out a few days ago. Gaia who was absolutely terrified but still will not turn down a fight, even if she is still recovering from major kitty surgery. The look Gaia's face when Kasha went after basically broke my heart and I decided, this just can't work any more. All of the animals in our home are basically not getting along and require separation in order to avoid chaos. Kasha has taken over my home and one thing I've learned is that no matter how painful it might be, you have to know when to say when and move on. This truly will be for the best in the long run.
I absolutely adore dogs and I will have one again someday, but right now I simply don't have the time, energy or resources to devote to the needs of a dog like Kasha. Some day, but not today. Not any more and I sit here typing this, tears streaming down my face, I know too that like many things in my life, Kasha also represents an aspect of Chance (this was his dog, he wanted her badly and I conceded b/c I fell in love w/ her immediately as well not fully realizing what I was getting in to) and Chance's irresponsible and reckless behavior. Kasha, in some ways is another piece of the wreckage and I opted to keep her because I knew he could not and that was my choice and certainly I don't allow this aspect of the situation affect my life for her, it's not her fault that the person who adopted her didn't have the maturity to realize that taking a dog into your home is a pretty major committement. And committement, is not one of Chance's strongest suites unfortunately. I've tried so hard to make this work with her, but it's just not happening and I give up. My white flag is raised and I guess it's ok to say, Hey you tried it and it didn't work and go forward.
Except it's not that simple because this is a living, breathing, loyal spirit and it's hard for me. I feel like I am abandoning her. I wouldn't ever dream of taking Gaia to the animal rescue, EVER. Or Pumpkin. I feel terribly guilty and pained by the decision.
However, I have to say that I am more and more able to see possible growth from these difficult decisions. In this case, I can clearly see the need for change and I am acting on it, rather than being fearful of it. And rather than allowing my pain to rule my decision making process, I am doing what is right. Per The Fray's ever powerful lyric: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
So dear Kasha, I will miss you. I know you will find the perfect home for you, one with a huge yard and an energetic parent to walk you twice a day and play with you all the time and there will most definitely be NO cats, hamsters or other dogs within your wide ranging ear shot! Best of luck to you dear one, you are a special little girl and I am grateful for our time together.
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