Turns out Gaia doesn't care for cheese. Weird huh? I figured ALL cats like dairy products, but not Gaia. uh huh. Not acceptable, too chewy? Not her favorite cat food? Yeah, unless it's actual milk....no can do. Not for Gaia. Good to know.
In other news, went to the doc today cuz my fever hit 102.3 today and I decided Hey.....when do you call a spade a spade? I finally caved after a good 3 days of feeling pretty bad, but pretending it wasn't there. Doc did this AWFUL swabby thing in my nose. Ever had a strep culture? It's like that, except opposite direction, right up your nose. Like instead of tickling your tonsels, it tickles your brain stem. Freaking gross and strange, like something out of The Matrix. This test is to determine if one have the flu, well guess what kids? I sure as heck do. Nice huh? It's a milder strain of the earlier strain of flu's that have gone around this year, but seems I caught the crud from an unsuspecting fellow traveler on the plane or in the air port.
As it also turns out (sorry guys) poor Jeff (of Paula and Jeff fame) also has a flu of some kind. My suspicion is that I brought it to them cuz I was feeling realllly bad Sunday, but sucking it up and enjoying the Easter Egg hunt and pretending I just had a mild hangover rather than feeling like a slight case of death warmed over. I probably brought it with me from Denver or someone on a connecting flight, cuz there are many...someone gave it to some one who gave it to some one else.
Paula accused me of licking her tissues while she was sleeping. I told her I licked her eyeball while she was sleeping instead(like a geicko you know?) and she thought that was reallllly gross. I think it would be cool. I've always wanted an extra apendage like a tail, or wings or a really long lizard tongue. There are many things u could do with all those things that would really get a reaction out of others.
Anyway, I've been home today and most of yesterday and I suspect tomorrow which sucks cuz it means I'll be working ALL weekend until I finish up my issues. On a really positive note, Max comes home tomorrow:)
YAYYYYY! Missed him, the house has been almost a little too quiet and it does make me think long and hard about what I'll be doing when he's grown up and I have much more time to myself cuz a) Kids in and of themselves require a lot of attention/energy/devotion b) Kids make messes, thus more house cleaning c) Kids dirty up clothes, thus more laundry and d) Kids eat more, thus more cooking/dishes oh and in Max's case we have an e) Soccer practice/games...which consume approximately 7 - 10 hours of my free time each week depending on the location of games and my "free time" is a sort of a funny way of putting "time I don't spent at working, cooking, cleaning, eating, sleeping, shopping or otherwise doing household things" which isn't much.....but I have been walking at the park while he's at practice.
This entire week I spent $40 on food for myself, did about 2 hours of house work and maybe 1 hour of laundry. That's it. Wow.
Ok, I'm off to bed now. There's something creepy dripping down my throat, which hurts like the dickens from coughing, last I took my temp it was 101 and I was waiting to my NyQuil and the strangest thing? My back and neck hurt, like ACHE....ick. NyQuil, take me away...................
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Tibet Protests
Please take a moment to visit the following site.
Various parties are attempting to censor the details associated with the protest deaths and beatings in Tibet, hoping to avoid negative publicity aimed toward the Chinese governemnt, as well as the 2008 Olympics scheduled to be held in China.
100's of peaceful protestors have been murdered and the injuries are far wider, including several monks who have been burned and/or beaten.
There are links to video as well as additional articles at the top of the page, I would encourage you to take a moment to visit those as well.
http://wikileaks.org/leak/tibet-protest-photos/index.html
Various parties are attempting to censor the details associated with the protest deaths and beatings in Tibet, hoping to avoid negative publicity aimed toward the Chinese governemnt, as well as the 2008 Olympics scheduled to be held in China.
100's of peaceful protestors have been murdered and the injuries are far wider, including several monks who have been burned and/or beaten.
There are links to video as well as additional articles at the top of the page, I would encourage you to take a moment to visit those as well.
http://wikileaks.org/leak/tibet-protest-photos/index.html
Spring Break!
Friday:
Up bright and early, snuggled and kissed Max goodbye, got the cats settled and was at the airport parking garage by 6:30. Hitched a ride on the shuttle from the airport, waddled through security with the rest of the herd and was on my plane by 7:55 and taxing to the tarmac for flight. My flight was less than 45 minutes total, smooth sailing all the way. Exited the plane and made my toward the Albuquerque Sunport terminal to find a beautifully blond and bubbly Miss Paula waiting for me.
We did a little shopping at World Market (my favorite) and Sams for the weekend. Tea's, beer, food. Supplies! And then headed back to Paula's to settle in for the weekend and grill up some yumalicious food!
I was greeted by 5 furbabies. All with their own unique personalities and varying degree's of kitteh krazy. Steiney is the old lady of the group, sweet as pie and ultra affectionate. I'd say the crone of the group, watching out, keeping an eye on things. Tia is the princess, quite beautiful with a big ole puffy tail that compliments her personality well. Spot (LOL, he's so FUNNY!) is essentially a male version of Gaia with white spots all over him. A bit of a tom cat, big and very vocal and really isn't going to take any crap from anyone. Harry is their most recent addition, a feral kitten that was found stuck to their screen door last summer. And Neil, awwww Neil....hims so sweet. He is basically a big cat stuck in a house cat sized body. He's HUGE, big ole paws like a lion. In fact, he moves and looks a lot like a lion in general. I enjoyed all of them throughout the weekend.
Of course, this was also my first real 'getting to know Jeff' experience. I found him to be pleasant, caring of Paula's needs and he and I got on well with one another. As it turns out, Miss Paula ended up becoming quite ill and took a nap Friday afternoon. During that, Jeff and I spent a few hours talking and in that time I learned that he and I have some interesting things in common. Primarily technology and crazy mothers :)
After Paula's nap, it was decided that she would need to get to the doctor as she was wheezing and gasping and freaking Jeff and I out. Paula has both asthma AND intense seasonal allergies. In late February, she came down with a nasty flu/cold thing while on travel in DC for work and hasn't ever really recovered. So, off to urgent care. We were in and out in less than an hour, with antibiotics and cough syrup with hydrocodone. Yessh, that stuff works good!
After urgent care, Paula stuck it out and we grilled and ate yum yum food and watched some Lost and everyone was tired after that.
Saturday:
Let me first say that Friday evening, around 3 AM I was visited by some kind of energy in the house. It freaked me out a little bit at first and I cannot describe it without sounding like a crazy person, but I know it was there and it knew I was there. Later, I realized it was just curious about me. Let me also say that this isn't the first time I've experienced this while on visit to New Mexico. In fact, I spent 2 weeks there several years ago and had similar experiences at an area we camped in and a small bed and breakfast we slept in only one night because THAT was a little freakish and Max with me. I believe this land is sacred and it has been defiled through the years in various ways. I always feel a sense of both sadness and proud strength during my visits to NM. More on this later but, I am affected highly by these energies of the area and while my intuition of these matters is typically strong, in this case on Friday night, I think any one would've noticed the presence. I spoke with P about the next day and she wasn't surprised at all, that there's all kinds of things going on in her home. Which I should say, is charming and epic on some level. It is filled with all kind of interesting things and I enjoyed perusing the house each day I was there, noticing things I hadn't the day before. It is a fairly older building, in the heart of down town and definitely unique in it's structure. I suspect alot of people have been in and out of that building from the time it was built, there is alot of speculation on what it was before it was residential. It does appear to be an cafe of some kind or a bread and breakfast perhaps.
Anyway(s - ha P!) Saturday morning, I woke up after having slept pretty well and we had brie for breakfast with fruit (oh yeah baby!) and I played playstation for a bit with P while she rested in the AM. Poor thing, she was still feeling really bad on Saturday but she bucked up and really made us all proud. We went to old town and spent a few hours perusing and oooohing and ahhhhing. I have to say, tourist as it may be, it is a fun way to spend an afternoon. For those of you who don't know, it's a mall of sorts I guess. My favorite part are the local artists (most native American) selling their wares on the blankets. P and I scored big time with the sweetest butterfly silver pieces you've ever seen and with the appropriate stones for both of us. I spend a lot of time admiring it, today I keep thinking about how cute it looks on my chubby little fingers:)
Jeff came to meet us and we sat and had ice cream and listened to the local music, gorgeous day. I kept looking to the sky and thinking it felt good to be somewhere different than my standard romp, how much perspective one gains from travel.
After old town, we headed home for a nap. Paula and I were both kind of tired after shopping LOL. After naps, everyone got moving for P's bday dinner. We went to pizza at Mario's, YUMMMMM! Way yum. There, we were met by several members of Paula's crew, including Alley, who I feel a lot of genuine warmth from. I enjoyed her a great deal. After dinner, we headed home and Jeff and I spent the remainder of the evening drinking wine and playing Playstation. I am newly addicted to this Star Wars game, I will have to have it for certain. I remember abruptly being VERY tired and falling asleep on the couch. Then I woke up and it was morning.
Sunday:
We had a light breakfast and I had a light hangover from the wine and bourbon shot I did. I've never had bourbon of this nature and as a general rule I don't drink whiskey, but my arm was relentlessly twisted (ha!!!! yeah.....as it always is to try new things LOL) and as it turns out, I enjoyed it. Paula and Jeff don't drink cheap booze, that helps. I felt better after breakfast and we began to prepare for Alley's son Riley to come for an Easter egg hunt. Actually, I played Star Wars and drank tea and Paula did most of the work. The mother in her came whizzing out in about 2 seconds flat, I could tell she wasn't having ANY fun with getting the whole thing set up:) It was probably the happiest I saw her all weekend and I can see why. Riley, is undeniably one of the cutest kids I've seen in while. 5 year old little bundle of compassion and intelligence. What a doll and his momma gives to that kid her all, we might just make it after all if there are more Riley's in the world. I enjoyed the Easter egg hunt a lot, he warmed right up to me and we spent the remainder of the day munching, playing with Easter things and visiting.
Then I was at the airport, on the plane and home! I came home to well cared for cats in my absence and was in bed and passed out by 9 last night. One tired girl!
Now that the detail of the trip is accounted for, some random reflections:
- This is my first time really spending any in person, one on one time with Paula. Contrary to the picture painted to me of her by others in the past, she is quite an endearing, compassionate and kind person. I already knew this obviously as we've become close this past year in particular, but spending time with her in person gave me the ability to firm up my own insights and affections for her. It is true that she is an awful lot of woman in a little teeny tiny body, with a little teeny tiny voice and big huge brown eyes that are pretty intense. It is true that she is direct, honest and I see careful with what she shares with others. It is true that like all of us, she is growing and changing and evolving regularly. You can't fault a person for any of these things. Besides, you'll find all of the women I am close with to be strong, highly intelligent and capable. We all get labeled bitches for that once in a while at least ;)
- I enjoyed getting to know Jeff more, he's alright. Loves Paula, can't go wrong there. He was extremely kind and complimentary to me the entire time I was there. He earned some brownie points too with a few things that I know men are supposed to do, but not something I see a lot. Like being considerate of their woman's needs and helping her out. Oh and Manly Things. Jeff has at least 10 high ranking Manly Traits to be appreciated LOL.
- Immediately, when I got off the plane I noticed the amount of diversity in Albuquerque. You don't see Native American's in Colorado and you don't see Hispanic/Native American babies. It made me very sad, that this beautiful culture has been holed up in a few scattered states where white people come to gamble and be waited on by the people who originally inhabited this land. I can't really put my head around it all, but I know that I can sense the cavernous divide between white people and brown people, it's hard not to notice and it's hard not to feel shame for what history has dictated.
- Albuquerque is sprawled out and probably populated in it's entirety by approximately 500,000 people. The Denver Metro area (which not only includes Denver, but west to the foothills, the south to the tech center approximately, the east ending at the Aurora city limit b/c Aurora is it's county now and to the north to roughly Thornton) is 2.5 million. 2.5 MILLION people is astronomical in proportion to where I spent the weekend, this was also hard not to notice. Rush hour in Albuquerque felt like standard I70 traffic to me and the lack of people milling around, except in the old town mall area, was also noticeable. It made me realize that I really do live in a pretty big city, it's a metropolis now. It wasn't when I was growing up and maybe that's why it's taken me this long to realize it because I still see Golden as Golden, not a suburb of Denver. But the truth is, that the population has exploded here so much in the past 15 years that the clear delineation of suburbs no longer exists. Everything is just build on top of each other. This realization was a surreal one for me.
- And finally, Paula commented on something that almost brought me to sobbing tears. It's not something I need to repeat because it is between her and I, but it's something I've thought long and hard about. The reality of my transformation this past year was made quite clear to me, that I have changed. It made me a little sad to see that others had noticed, that I'd become someone different than I was. I realize that this is an inevitable aspect of life and I embrace that, but this is the kind of difference you notice when someone has been beaten down and sand kicked in their face. I realize that my psyche has suffered, my body has been terrorized and I've come out of it on the other side stronger and most definitely wiser, but I realize that it still doesn't show on the outside. Externally, I am not who I feel like internally. Not in how I look, speak, carry myself or otherwise engage with others. Why this is, I'm not sure....but the cautious side of me tends to win. I am slowly becoming a girl I recognize, slowly. But it's taking time and I have changed, there's no denying that. And a disservice has been done unto me, how I am dealing with that, I am not entirely sure. One day at a time, I guess?
The trip was enjoyable and peaceful. Paula and Jeff were both generous and extremely hospitable, I felt very comfortable with them and being in their home and we are already coming up with "reasons" LOL for me to come again! Particularly, the hot air balloon festival! COOL!
More To Come Soon....
I will blogg on my most enjoyable trip to Albequrque to see Miss Sweet P as soon as possible, however I came to work to find that I've been given a rather large project this week which promises to keep me both busy AND challenged. WOOT WOOT!
In short, the trip was relaxing, enjoyable, comfortable and loving. Paula and Jeff were extremely generous and hospitable AND I made 5 new furbaby friends; Harry, Niel, Stieney; Spot and Tia. My flights to and fro were short and sweet (unbelievely short!) all was well at home. Couldn't have asked for a smoother long weekend! I came home with a renewed sense of warmth and love, a pretty new piece of silver on mah finger and all kinds of fun smells for Gaia and Pumpkin to explore. Gaia nosed me rather aggressively for a good hour last night. Silley kittehs!
More to come soon!
Xo,
S
In short, the trip was relaxing, enjoyable, comfortable and loving. Paula and Jeff were extremely generous and hospitable AND I made 5 new furbaby friends; Harry, Niel, Stieney; Spot and Tia. My flights to and fro were short and sweet (unbelievely short!) all was well at home. Couldn't have asked for a smoother long weekend! I came home with a renewed sense of warmth and love, a pretty new piece of silver on mah finger and all kinds of fun smells for Gaia and Pumpkin to explore. Gaia nosed me rather aggressively for a good hour last night. Silley kittehs!
More to come soon!
Xo,
S
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Groove IS In The Heart
1) One Birthday Girl
Check
2) Travel arrangments to Albequrque
Check
3) Booty shaking, body rocking song to blast off a long weekend:
Check
2) Travel arrangments to Albequrque
Check
3) Booty shaking, body rocking song to blast off a long weekend:
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Quick Update
It's a busy busy week over here. Not much time at the moment to update in depth but here's a quick over view:
- The Kasha issue has been painful, I've spent a few nights agonizing over my decision. Worrying about her, feeling guilty. I called the rescue today to get an update, she was spayed over the weekend and is scheduled for surgery next week on her little knee's. She'll be able to go with a family 2 - 4 weeks after that, given the family can handle her medical care. Sigh. I do miss her. I don't miss feeling like I couldn't take proper care of her OR the chaos that tends to follow her around
- The cats have won the lottery. Gaia specifically, I haven't seen her so playful in well....years really. She's really coming out of her Gaia shell and turning into a beautiful Gaia butterfly. She actually runs to the door when I get home now to greet me? Wow. Pumpkin's appetite has improved tremendously, she gums chicken and turkey regularly now :) She is a knee cat, so Max happily obliges while watching movies and all is well accordingly.
- Thanks to Miss Paula, I'm going on a mini vacation this weekend. Her efforts to visit Colorado have been unsuccessful thus far due to a large project at work and school. Her birthday is this weekend, she said "Hey, I'll buy you fly?" I figured since she was coming out already, who am I to turn down such a sweet gift? 3 days and 2 nights in beautiful Albuquerque, New Mexico. Bless her heart. I leave early Friday morning and return late Sunday night. Max is on Spring Break and going to his Grandma's and Kristen is watching the kitteh's. SWEEEEET! Thanks P!
- I am wickedly broke though, King Stoopids decided to cash the same check twice (from over 3 months ago now?) and said they will reimburse me, but that I would have to wait. Apparently they don't understand how closely some of us follow our pennies. Poo on you King Stoopids!
- I now have unlimited, nationwide cell service. This means I can talk to whomever, wherever and however much I like no matter what time of day. I could be at Red Rocks talking to Crystal in Seattle or in Seattle talking to Kristen in Arvada. It's all good in the hood. THIS makes me quite happy, I'm tired of being controlled by my phone company.
Off for now, more to come. xo.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Never Again
I just got done taking my dog to the animal rescue because I can no longer meet her needs. I just got done taking my dog to a rescue where she's going to be spayed, operated on and sent to a new home and she'll be doing all of this without her momma. She's going to be scared and alone. I couldn't even look at her on the way down there because I feel a very strong need to remain composed in this situation and acknowledging her would crumble any remaining ability I have to do so. I've been trying to avoid her for days because when I look her in the eyes I fall apart. I didn't even get to say goodbye and she was so overwhelmed that she immediately went into insane mode and she was isolated immediately. It may very well be one of the coldest and most heartless things I feel I've ever done.
I will miss her so much. I feel I've faced more than my share of "unfair" things in the past 9 months of my life and this ranks up there in the top 10, that's for sure. I loved this dog. Everyone knows why I feel this thing with Kasha was incredibly unfair, no need to rehash the gory details. And everyone knows why she is where she is and it is not because I am irresponsible. If anything, it's because I am responsible enough to do the right thing even when it hurts like freaking hell. I could just throttle somebody though, sometimes I wonder how much suffering one person can endure based on things that are totally out of that persons control. For how long will this linger?
I keep telling myself Kasha is going to find a great home, that this is the right thing for everyone, that Gaia and Pumpkin will no longer be terrorized and attacked and that Kasha will be getting the medical care she needs to have a long and happy life. I will repeat it like a mantra until I believe it and this hole in my soul fills up again. Because right now I feel sick, like I might throw up sick.
I will keep her in a vision of a white protective circle around her and know that the outcomes will be positive for all of us.
I will miss her so much. I feel I've faced more than my share of "unfair" things in the past 9 months of my life and this ranks up there in the top 10, that's for sure. I loved this dog. Everyone knows why I feel this thing with Kasha was incredibly unfair, no need to rehash the gory details. And everyone knows why she is where she is and it is not because I am irresponsible. If anything, it's because I am responsible enough to do the right thing even when it hurts like freaking hell. I could just throttle somebody though, sometimes I wonder how much suffering one person can endure based on things that are totally out of that persons control. For how long will this linger?
I keep telling myself Kasha is going to find a great home, that this is the right thing for everyone, that Gaia and Pumpkin will no longer be terrorized and attacked and that Kasha will be getting the medical care she needs to have a long and happy life. I will repeat it like a mantra until I believe it and this hole in my soul fills up again. Because right now I feel sick, like I might throw up sick.
I will keep her in a vision of a white protective circle around her and know that the outcomes will be positive for all of us.
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
What A Lucky Girl I Am!
This arrived on my desk today at 3PM from a very sneaky Miss Paula:
My friends so freaking rock. Could I be any more loved?
The flowers are fragrant and vibrant and gorgeous, the bear is soooooper soft and definately will be making it's way to Cuddle Buddy status at home after it's outlived it's current status as "Desk Cuddle Buddy" and the vase this arrangment came in is TOO freaking cool. I could do lots of fun things with it after all the pretty flowbers (Max used to call flowers "flowbers" as a young child LOL) have made their way to flower heaven.
Awwwww. I can tell you today hasn't been the easiest day and P must've picked up on it, cuz she's been holding my hand through this thing with Kasha.
So thanks to you P, for brightening up my day on many levels. For letting me whimper and lament and expell all my emotions about the doggeh and you know who and all the what nots that got with it.
And thanks for sending me something fun at work! What a cool feeling. I've never received flowers at work and this is actually on the 4th time in my entire life that I've even received flowers from anyone, so it's like a huge huge treat.
No WONDER girls like flowers, durh. I now see the value of having a beautiful boquet of smelly good things within eye shot (and nose shot, flowbers on your desk are pretty yummy!)
Seriously, my friends freaking rock. I am humbled by all of you.
YAY P. Thank you.
YAY ME:)
The flowers are fragrant and vibrant and gorgeous, the bear is soooooper soft and definately will be making it's way to Cuddle Buddy status at home after it's outlived it's current status as "Desk Cuddle Buddy" and the vase this arrangment came in is TOO freaking cool. I could do lots of fun things with it after all the pretty flowbers (Max used to call flowers "flowbers" as a young child LOL) have made their way to flower heaven.
Awwwww. I can tell you today hasn't been the easiest day and P must've picked up on it, cuz she's been holding my hand through this thing with Kasha.
So thanks to you P, for brightening up my day on many levels. For letting me whimper and lament and expell all my emotions about the doggeh and you know who and all the what nots that got with it.
And thanks for sending me something fun at work! What a cool feeling. I've never received flowers at work and this is actually on the 4th time in my entire life that I've even received flowers from anyone, so it's like a huge huge treat.
No WONDER girls like flowers, durh. I now see the value of having a beautiful boquet of smelly good things within eye shot (and nose shot, flowbers on your desk are pretty yummy!)
Seriously, my friends freaking rock. I am humbled by all of you.
YAY P. Thank you.
YAY ME:)
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
The Decision I've Been Dreading For Months
I have decided to release Kasha to the animal rescue down town. It is a no kill animal rescue and they will do their best to match her with a good home.
It makes my stomach turn just to think about it, but I've decided this just isn't working out for anyone involved, most of all Kasha, poor thing. Dogs need their mommies and big brothers to be home more. Doggies need a lot of attention, patience and energy. Especially doggies like Kasha, whose breed is known to be extremely high energy and require a lot of interaction with their owners. Kasha came to our home more against my will than with my consent and while I love her dearly and I will miss her tremendously, the disharmony that her energy is causing in my home has become unbearable.
The final straw was this morning. Kasha is not at all pleased that Gaia gets to sleep with me each night now, this was after all Kasha's highly coveted place in the pecking order. Kasha is also quite curious in general, but when it comes to the cats she is about as nosey as they come. I also believe that Kasha can smell that Gaia is vulnerable right now and this interests her. So, Kasha hovers around the door. Smells, scratches at the door and whines basically. I'll be blunt, it's obnoxious. In fact, her behavior in general has become increasingly obnoxious because she just isn't getting enough exercise, time outside and time with Max and I. Anyway, I was getting out of the shower and going to dress for the day and Kasha slipped past me and instantly attacked Gaia. Like attacked her, went right for her wound area. Gaia who just got her stitches out a few days ago. Gaia who was absolutely terrified but still will not turn down a fight, even if she is still recovering from major kitty surgery. The look Gaia's face when Kasha went after basically broke my heart and I decided, this just can't work any more. All of the animals in our home are basically not getting along and require separation in order to avoid chaos. Kasha has taken over my home and one thing I've learned is that no matter how painful it might be, you have to know when to say when and move on. This truly will be for the best in the long run.
I absolutely adore dogs and I will have one again someday, but right now I simply don't have the time, energy or resources to devote to the needs of a dog like Kasha. Some day, but not today. Not any more and I sit here typing this, tears streaming down my face, I know too that like many things in my life, Kasha also represents an aspect of Chance (this was his dog, he wanted her badly and I conceded b/c I fell in love w/ her immediately as well not fully realizing what I was getting in to) and Chance's irresponsible and reckless behavior. Kasha, in some ways is another piece of the wreckage and I opted to keep her because I knew he could not and that was my choice and certainly I don't allow this aspect of the situation affect my life for her, it's not her fault that the person who adopted her didn't have the maturity to realize that taking a dog into your home is a pretty major committement. And committement, is not one of Chance's strongest suites unfortunately. I've tried so hard to make this work with her, but it's just not happening and I give up. My white flag is raised and I guess it's ok to say, Hey you tried it and it didn't work and go forward.
Except it's not that simple because this is a living, breathing, loyal spirit and it's hard for me. I feel like I am abandoning her. I wouldn't ever dream of taking Gaia to the animal rescue, EVER. Or Pumpkin. I feel terribly guilty and pained by the decision.
However, I have to say that I am more and more able to see possible growth from these difficult decisions. In this case, I can clearly see the need for change and I am acting on it, rather than being fearful of it. And rather than allowing my pain to rule my decision making process, I am doing what is right. Per The Fray's ever powerful lyric: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
So dear Kasha, I will miss you. I know you will find the perfect home for you, one with a huge yard and an energetic parent to walk you twice a day and play with you all the time and there will most definitely be NO cats, hamsters or other dogs within your wide ranging ear shot! Best of luck to you dear one, you are a special little girl and I am grateful for our time together.
It makes my stomach turn just to think about it, but I've decided this just isn't working out for anyone involved, most of all Kasha, poor thing. Dogs need their mommies and big brothers to be home more. Doggies need a lot of attention, patience and energy. Especially doggies like Kasha, whose breed is known to be extremely high energy and require a lot of interaction with their owners. Kasha came to our home more against my will than with my consent and while I love her dearly and I will miss her tremendously, the disharmony that her energy is causing in my home has become unbearable.
The final straw was this morning. Kasha is not at all pleased that Gaia gets to sleep with me each night now, this was after all Kasha's highly coveted place in the pecking order. Kasha is also quite curious in general, but when it comes to the cats she is about as nosey as they come. I also believe that Kasha can smell that Gaia is vulnerable right now and this interests her. So, Kasha hovers around the door. Smells, scratches at the door and whines basically. I'll be blunt, it's obnoxious. In fact, her behavior in general has become increasingly obnoxious because she just isn't getting enough exercise, time outside and time with Max and I. Anyway, I was getting out of the shower and going to dress for the day and Kasha slipped past me and instantly attacked Gaia. Like attacked her, went right for her wound area. Gaia who just got her stitches out a few days ago. Gaia who was absolutely terrified but still will not turn down a fight, even if she is still recovering from major kitty surgery. The look Gaia's face when Kasha went after basically broke my heart and I decided, this just can't work any more. All of the animals in our home are basically not getting along and require separation in order to avoid chaos. Kasha has taken over my home and one thing I've learned is that no matter how painful it might be, you have to know when to say when and move on. This truly will be for the best in the long run.
I absolutely adore dogs and I will have one again someday, but right now I simply don't have the time, energy or resources to devote to the needs of a dog like Kasha. Some day, but not today. Not any more and I sit here typing this, tears streaming down my face, I know too that like many things in my life, Kasha also represents an aspect of Chance (this was his dog, he wanted her badly and I conceded b/c I fell in love w/ her immediately as well not fully realizing what I was getting in to) and Chance's irresponsible and reckless behavior. Kasha, in some ways is another piece of the wreckage and I opted to keep her because I knew he could not and that was my choice and certainly I don't allow this aspect of the situation affect my life for her, it's not her fault that the person who adopted her didn't have the maturity to realize that taking a dog into your home is a pretty major committement. And committement, is not one of Chance's strongest suites unfortunately. I've tried so hard to make this work with her, but it's just not happening and I give up. My white flag is raised and I guess it's ok to say, Hey you tried it and it didn't work and go forward.
Except it's not that simple because this is a living, breathing, loyal spirit and it's hard for me. I feel like I am abandoning her. I wouldn't ever dream of taking Gaia to the animal rescue, EVER. Or Pumpkin. I feel terribly guilty and pained by the decision.
However, I have to say that I am more and more able to see possible growth from these difficult decisions. In this case, I can clearly see the need for change and I am acting on it, rather than being fearful of it. And rather than allowing my pain to rule my decision making process, I am doing what is right. Per The Fray's ever powerful lyric: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same"
So dear Kasha, I will miss you. I know you will find the perfect home for you, one with a huge yard and an energetic parent to walk you twice a day and play with you all the time and there will most definitely be NO cats, hamsters or other dogs within your wide ranging ear shot! Best of luck to you dear one, you are a special little girl and I am grateful for our time together.
Monday, March 10, 2008
The Weekend In Wonderful & Weird
Friday:
Fantabulous time with the crew at El Noa Noa and Rhy's show. He sold a piece that night, yay Rhy! I wonder, does that somehow cement your status as an artist externally? When your work is displayed to the world and someone finds it interesting enough to actually pay money for it? That must be pretty damn affirming, like getting a raise or when you child squeezes you tightly for no particular reason. A sign that your passion and efforts have not gone unnoticed?
The night was a success. The food was fantastic (I Heart Fish Tacos) and I managed to join two groups of unknown friends together in one night and all worked out swimmingly. Why I have more friends from the midwest in Colorado than I do natives to Colorado is beyond me, but it works out that way these days. It is my hope to eventually have my many facets of unique relationships intermingled so that they will all find as much joy in one another as I do. Plus, it cuts down on tedious process of introductions each and every time we get together. Works for me.
Saturday:
Gaia Cat had her sutures removed and the vet said she should make a complete recovery. The infection is totally cleared up, the one iffy area where the stitches were super tight are scabbed perfectly and she only has to wear her crazy clown cat thingy for another week. Which is good for all involved, because she REALLY needs a kitty bath and I know she's looking forward to having one. She's been attempting a good lick at her hind quarters for some time now, she probably feels like I do after a solid week of camping and no shower.
Max had a soccer game in Pueblo, carpooled and didn't get home until 9:30 ish. I worked most of the day after he left, we are trying to rebuild the stoooopid dev server at work and I wanted to make sure my work was all there. POO! Some of it isn't, but most is so thank goodness for the small blessings!
Sunday:
Bad bad BAD funk day. Sometimes I just have these days where I'm mad at the world for no real reason. Sunday was my mothers turn. I spent a good portion of the day fuming over her, why? I don't know. Nothing really prompted it, which is exactly what probably did spark it.....there's simply nothing there unless I pursue it, nurture and maintain it. I don't know why I let it get to me. I am after all, a well adjusted, educated and fairly capable woman right? Maybe it's because I see now what families are like based on the family that's been built up around Max and I these past years and see that a general concern and actual caring about the well being of one another is something you inherently do when you love someone and you make an effort to check in, send updates, tell each other that you love one another and mean it. I know I shouldn't take it personal because my logical mind can see that it has nothing to do with me. My inner child explodes with fear and anxiety and something that feels alot like abandonment.
I seriously seriously need therapy.
I'm kind of laughing here, just in case that's not obvious. About the therapy part, actually. Not my mom. Right now it's probably good that things are the way they are, an unexpected phone call could lead to a burst of disharmony amongst us I'm sure.
But on the therapy, I've decided I really do need to find a way to get my ass to a therapist I connect with that takes my insurance because on the days that I take myself too seriously, I feel like one super messed up cookie. Like REALLY screwed up somewhere deep down inside and while being melancholy and cynical make for interesting poetry and a rather unintentionally eventful life, it doesn't always make for such a happily fulfilled and centered human being and really, if I am at all lucky, I have a while yet before I'm done with this life so wouldn't it be more enjoyable if I wasn't harboring all this crap from when I was a kid that can't be changed but still haunts me? That's probably the worst part of it, I think I have a pretty good idea about the various poisons inside me, I just don't know what to do about them. They are like little gremlins that I wish to eradicate completely.
And on that rather heavy note (though I'm not in a heavy mood today, so if this sounds like I'm horribley depressed I am not) I bid you all ado until next time.
peace out
S
Fantabulous time with the crew at El Noa Noa and Rhy's show. He sold a piece that night, yay Rhy! I wonder, does that somehow cement your status as an artist externally? When your work is displayed to the world and someone finds it interesting enough to actually pay money for it? That must be pretty damn affirming, like getting a raise or when you child squeezes you tightly for no particular reason. A sign that your passion and efforts have not gone unnoticed?
The night was a success. The food was fantastic (I Heart Fish Tacos) and I managed to join two groups of unknown friends together in one night and all worked out swimmingly. Why I have more friends from the midwest in Colorado than I do natives to Colorado is beyond me, but it works out that way these days. It is my hope to eventually have my many facets of unique relationships intermingled so that they will all find as much joy in one another as I do. Plus, it cuts down on tedious process of introductions each and every time we get together. Works for me.
Saturday:
Gaia Cat had her sutures removed and the vet said she should make a complete recovery. The infection is totally cleared up, the one iffy area where the stitches were super tight are scabbed perfectly and she only has to wear her crazy clown cat thingy for another week. Which is good for all involved, because she REALLY needs a kitty bath and I know she's looking forward to having one. She's been attempting a good lick at her hind quarters for some time now, she probably feels like I do after a solid week of camping and no shower.
Max had a soccer game in Pueblo, carpooled and didn't get home until 9:30 ish. I worked most of the day after he left, we are trying to rebuild the stoooopid dev server at work and I wanted to make sure my work was all there. POO! Some of it isn't, but most is so thank goodness for the small blessings!
Sunday:
Bad bad BAD funk day. Sometimes I just have these days where I'm mad at the world for no real reason. Sunday was my mothers turn. I spent a good portion of the day fuming over her, why? I don't know. Nothing really prompted it, which is exactly what probably did spark it.....there's simply nothing there unless I pursue it, nurture and maintain it. I don't know why I let it get to me. I am after all, a well adjusted, educated and fairly capable woman right? Maybe it's because I see now what families are like based on the family that's been built up around Max and I these past years and see that a general concern and actual caring about the well being of one another is something you inherently do when you love someone and you make an effort to check in, send updates, tell each other that you love one another and mean it. I know I shouldn't take it personal because my logical mind can see that it has nothing to do with me. My inner child explodes with fear and anxiety and something that feels alot like abandonment.
I seriously seriously need therapy.
I'm kind of laughing here, just in case that's not obvious. About the therapy part, actually. Not my mom. Right now it's probably good that things are the way they are, an unexpected phone call could lead to a burst of disharmony amongst us I'm sure.
But on the therapy, I've decided I really do need to find a way to get my ass to a therapist I connect with that takes my insurance because on the days that I take myself too seriously, I feel like one super messed up cookie. Like REALLY screwed up somewhere deep down inside and while being melancholy and cynical make for interesting poetry and a rather unintentionally eventful life, it doesn't always make for such a happily fulfilled and centered human being and really, if I am at all lucky, I have a while yet before I'm done with this life so wouldn't it be more enjoyable if I wasn't harboring all this crap from when I was a kid that can't be changed but still haunts me? That's probably the worst part of it, I think I have a pretty good idea about the various poisons inside me, I just don't know what to do about them. They are like little gremlins that I wish to eradicate completely.
And on that rather heavy note (though I'm not in a heavy mood today, so if this sounds like I'm horribley depressed I am not) I bid you all ado until next time.
peace out
S
Friday, March 07, 2008
Learn To Take A Compliment Woman, Jeez!
Our development environment is basically down at work today and what happens when an application development shop doesn't have access to it's development files? Yep, you guessed it: No work gets done! Not a lick and I feel for our network admins, because they have to rebuild the servers and reinstall everything and then pull from the back up to re-establish all the network files and shares. What a pain. SOMEONE is going to pulling long hours this weekend. Poor guys.
This happens about twice a year here. Last time we were down for about 3 business days, this time it's looking like more of the same. There's really nothing that can be done, it happens all the time, all over cyber space. Servers go down, hardware blows up and users unwittingly corrupted code/data/files. It happens. What can you do? *shrug*
And, on top of this technical issue, we have about half of our staff out this afternoon. It's not uncommon around here, I tend to leave pretty early on Fridays also unless I'm wickedly busy. So it's ultra quiet in here. And what do the bored remaining employee's do with their time? Play Suduko online, chat with friends and co-workers, clean out their desks/desktops, etc....I'd prefer to just go home, but I can't yet. Waiting for the one issue I could work on today to be moved to production.
In the midst of all of this downtime and silence, the co-worker to co-worker chatting has begun. I work with a man named Vadim, his Russian accent is thick and like me, he is very very white, stocky and light hair/eyes. He joked with me that if I didn't speak (western accent) I could easily pass for Russian if I were to visit. I told him that might be hard, I speak. Sarah speak alot :)
Anyway, he stopped by my cube and we started blabbing on about what not and life and out of nowhere he said "Sarah, you deserve and award or a medal or something." I nervously giggled (when I receive compliments, I become VERY uncomfortable and turn red and play with my hair and laugh nervously, this has been pointed out more than once) and said "Ok. Sure. Why?" Giggle giggle. Face feeling red and flushed. He proceeded to share with me that he's never met a single mom who seems to have it together so well, that he doesn't know how I do it, how Max and I've come so far alone, how do I work so hard all day and go home and do the mom thing and finally how is that I'm still single because I seem so social and bubbly and in his opinion, I'm a very pretty girl.
Face burning up, hot, beyond flushed. I'm certain I am visibly blushing now.
And since his accent is SO thick, it was like I had to listen extra carefully and really allow the words to permeate through me to clearly get a picture of what he was trying to say to me. So when he stopped speaking, I was still absorbing it all and as it was all sinking in I really just felt like I wanted to end the conversation immediately. Not because he'd done anything wrong, but because.....what do you say to that?
Talk about red red red. I know, I know....most of you are going "Ok, the Sarah I know doesn't embarrass or offend easily, what gives?"
I'm not embarrassed or offended, but to have a co-worker be so forward with me and out of the blue, it just really took me by surprise. So once I screamed in my head to cut the blushing off already and I gave him the answers to why I think things are the way they are for Max and I. We've had an incredible support system almost since the moment we set foot back in Colorado. I have a best friend who's never lived more than 10 minutes from me and has, in essence co-parented Max in a way through all these years. Kristen's love for Max is immense, and my love for her daughter the same. We are, a smalll family all our own of sorts. I have many trustworthy resources. I have witnessed how Mary has raised her children through the years and she is there to advise and gently encourages me (which she does perfectly) and nurtures me when I fall apart. The Conlee aspect of our family tree is quite powerful, much love and unending support emanating from that source. Max and I are surrounded by those who only want the best for us. My close friends have offered up their time, energy, even money through the years to help Max and I survive. Consistently for all this time. Crystal has always been there at the drop of a dime for anything, I know if I need her all I have to do is call. Matt will always help me in a pinch if it's an emergency. P and I have gotten closer this past year and I would easily add her to my list of confidants. This doesn't even go into the countless others, Kim & Sandy and Stacy and people I've worked with through the years who have supported us both.
I've been incredibly lucky in the range of employers I've had also, sans TNT, I couldn't ask for any better. They are all flexible and trusting of my abilities. I am a loyal employee and work hard. It all works out in the wash really. But I believe this to be an equally contributing factor in addition to our existing support systems. Without a flexible, tolerant and otherwise family friendly work environment, we would NEVER be where we are now. It is not to say that I demand special treatment, but kids get sick, get bit by dogs at the dog run, fall off bikes and need stitches, plumbing events occur, Moms get the flu, relationships explode and lives go into turmoil. This is the just the reality of life and when you are a single parent, you can't just call your partner to say "Hey, I'm in the middle of a huge project here that has to go live by the end of the day, can you go pick up Max, he just stuck a bead up his nose and needs to go to the ER again?" Nope, that's not how it works.
I explained this all to him as briefly as possible, but he wasn't letting me get away with it. He said "This may be true and you are fortunate to have so much support, but none of this would be without you. Max is a lucky kid to have such a strong mother."
Freaking eyeballs betrayed me and I started to tear up quickly, lip began quivering. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and simply said "Thank you." and let it be what it was. The guy was congratulating me on managing to raise a great kid, work hard and make a life for myself and my family. What's the harm in taking the compliment and owning it? And just saying "Thank you" and being done with it?
Not so hard really, once you get through the tears and blushing and stuff. Why I don't think I deserve it, I'll never know. I think my guilt as a mother is massive. The flashbacks to the times I was selfish or made poor decisions that have affected Max. I have guilt about things I can't even control, like his Dad or the fact that Max was born to a relatively inexperienced human, let alone someone who could scarcely call herself a mother at 16. I can't change of these things, but I still feel anxiety over them sometimes. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But even guilt, can't kill the feeling that if a relative stranger (who has met Max and sits near me so I'm sure he hears a lot) can come up to me and say, "Hey....your doing alright! Hang in there!" that maybe I should just accept that and believe him?
This happens about twice a year here. Last time we were down for about 3 business days, this time it's looking like more of the same. There's really nothing that can be done, it happens all the time, all over cyber space. Servers go down, hardware blows up and users unwittingly corrupted code/data/files. It happens. What can you do? *shrug*
And, on top of this technical issue, we have about half of our staff out this afternoon. It's not uncommon around here, I tend to leave pretty early on Fridays also unless I'm wickedly busy. So it's ultra quiet in here. And what do the bored remaining employee's do with their time? Play Suduko online, chat with friends and co-workers, clean out their desks/desktops, etc....I'd prefer to just go home, but I can't yet. Waiting for the one issue I could work on today to be moved to production.
In the midst of all of this downtime and silence, the co-worker to co-worker chatting has begun. I work with a man named Vadim, his Russian accent is thick and like me, he is very very white, stocky and light hair/eyes. He joked with me that if I didn't speak (western accent) I could easily pass for Russian if I were to visit. I told him that might be hard, I speak. Sarah speak alot :)
Anyway, he stopped by my cube and we started blabbing on about what not and life and out of nowhere he said "Sarah, you deserve and award or a medal or something." I nervously giggled (when I receive compliments, I become VERY uncomfortable and turn red and play with my hair and laugh nervously, this has been pointed out more than once) and said "Ok. Sure. Why?" Giggle giggle. Face feeling red and flushed. He proceeded to share with me that he's never met a single mom who seems to have it together so well, that he doesn't know how I do it, how Max and I've come so far alone, how do I work so hard all day and go home and do the mom thing and finally how is that I'm still single because I seem so social and bubbly and in his opinion, I'm a very pretty girl.
Face burning up, hot, beyond flushed. I'm certain I am visibly blushing now.
And since his accent is SO thick, it was like I had to listen extra carefully and really allow the words to permeate through me to clearly get a picture of what he was trying to say to me. So when he stopped speaking, I was still absorbing it all and as it was all sinking in I really just felt like I wanted to end the conversation immediately. Not because he'd done anything wrong, but because.....what do you say to that?
Talk about red red red. I know, I know....most of you are going "Ok, the Sarah I know doesn't embarrass or offend easily, what gives?"
I'm not embarrassed or offended, but to have a co-worker be so forward with me and out of the blue, it just really took me by surprise. So once I screamed in my head to cut the blushing off already and I gave him the answers to why I think things are the way they are for Max and I. We've had an incredible support system almost since the moment we set foot back in Colorado. I have a best friend who's never lived more than 10 minutes from me and has, in essence co-parented Max in a way through all these years. Kristen's love for Max is immense, and my love for her daughter the same. We are, a smalll family all our own of sorts. I have many trustworthy resources. I have witnessed how Mary has raised her children through the years and she is there to advise and gently encourages me (which she does perfectly) and nurtures me when I fall apart. The Conlee aspect of our family tree is quite powerful, much love and unending support emanating from that source. Max and I are surrounded by those who only want the best for us. My close friends have offered up their time, energy, even money through the years to help Max and I survive. Consistently for all this time. Crystal has always been there at the drop of a dime for anything, I know if I need her all I have to do is call. Matt will always help me in a pinch if it's an emergency. P and I have gotten closer this past year and I would easily add her to my list of confidants. This doesn't even go into the countless others, Kim & Sandy and Stacy and people I've worked with through the years who have supported us both.
I've been incredibly lucky in the range of employers I've had also, sans TNT, I couldn't ask for any better. They are all flexible and trusting of my abilities. I am a loyal employee and work hard. It all works out in the wash really. But I believe this to be an equally contributing factor in addition to our existing support systems. Without a flexible, tolerant and otherwise family friendly work environment, we would NEVER be where we are now. It is not to say that I demand special treatment, but kids get sick, get bit by dogs at the dog run, fall off bikes and need stitches, plumbing events occur, Moms get the flu, relationships explode and lives go into turmoil. This is the just the reality of life and when you are a single parent, you can't just call your partner to say "Hey, I'm in the middle of a huge project here that has to go live by the end of the day, can you go pick up Max, he just stuck a bead up his nose and needs to go to the ER again?" Nope, that's not how it works.
I explained this all to him as briefly as possible, but he wasn't letting me get away with it. He said "This may be true and you are fortunate to have so much support, but none of this would be without you. Max is a lucky kid to have such a strong mother."
Freaking eyeballs betrayed me and I started to tear up quickly, lip began quivering. I swallowed hard, took a deep breath and simply said "Thank you." and let it be what it was. The guy was congratulating me on managing to raise a great kid, work hard and make a life for myself and my family. What's the harm in taking the compliment and owning it? And just saying "Thank you" and being done with it?
Not so hard really, once you get through the tears and blushing and stuff. Why I don't think I deserve it, I'll never know. I think my guilt as a mother is massive. The flashbacks to the times I was selfish or made poor decisions that have affected Max. I have guilt about things I can't even control, like his Dad or the fact that Max was born to a relatively inexperienced human, let alone someone who could scarcely call herself a mother at 16. I can't change of these things, but I still feel anxiety over them sometimes. I'm sure that has something to do with it. But even guilt, can't kill the feeling that if a relative stranger (who has met Max and sits near me so I'm sure he hears a lot) can come up to me and say, "Hey....your doing alright! Hang in there!" that maybe I should just accept that and believe him?
Monday, March 03, 2008
I'm exhausted this morning, I've been working like a mad woman and my weekend kind of caught up to me this morning.
Friday night was Sushi at Sa Sa's (mmmmmmmm, what a treat!) compliments of Mary & Howard for my birthday, yes it took us this long to make it finally happen. Between their schedule, mine and at least bouts of flu/cold/crud it took us over a month to arrange a time that worked best for all involved. It was well worth the wait, I've missed them so much! I also had THE most incredible martini, I may begin exploring gin martini's as it seemed smoother than my standard dirty vodka. I suppose it's like all things alcoholic, the higher the grade of poison, the better it tastes :) These were amazing though, soooo yummy!
After lots of laughing, catching up, amazing food and Max's incredibly brave attempts at trying each and every dish (this is the picky kid who doesn't let his food touch at home, but he seemed pretty open to the experience) we went home and Max crashed out, I ended up talking with Crys until 1 in the morning. We've also needed to catch up for some time and it was good to hear her voice, plus she is facing some painful personal situations in her life and I feel we needed to connect on that so I could fully gauge where she's at.
Saturday we FINALLY finished the nasty ghetto houses. Seriously, these places need to be condemned, torn down and be rebuilt as HUD homes for the area's population that can't afford to live in Arvada, but have most of their lives. In fact, two of the places actually ARE condemned. Scary stuff. Anyway, it's over and Kristen and I are officially in complete and utter appreciation for the lives we've been given. This experience was a wake up call for both of us, let's just put it that way. Considering where we've been and where we could be and where are now, life is damn good for two single mothers who had children when they were children themselves.
Saturday night Matty came over a few, we had some beers and chatted about life for a few. He seems good, steady. We like that. After he left, I watched movies for a bit, chatted with a friend from Kansas for a few and the couch became my bed after not to long. Which I slept like crap on, but that's ok....it was sleep.
Sunday, Max and I watched movies all day and ate chicken taquito's :) Yum. I ended it with "Gone Baby Gone" and have to tell you that while I think the premise of the story is fascinating AND the social quandaries posed in the story, some of it wasn't very well acted and I found the lead characters a little flat. Really, it could've been even more powerful than it was. Worth watching though for some people though. Was in bed by 9. Gaia is still isolated in my room and beginning to let me know that she's had it with all this nonsense, she keeps trying to rub on me with the nasty spot and it makes me cringe....but she's my kitty and I love her so she can pretty much do what she wants at this point. I spent a good half an hour with her on the floor last night with a feather from my red boa, good to see her getting back to her playful self.
This week promises more of the same business. Drs appointments, taxes to file, my own house to clean, big things going on at work and Max has CSAP/soccer this week which means his schedule will be demanding. Friday night is Rhy's show, hopefully I'll get a chance to meet up with Sandy for drinks before hand as we discussed and I guess Andy wants to come meet us also, we'll see on that. Saturday Gaia gets her sutures out and I am in desperate need of grocery shopping, house cleaning and laundry at home so I'm sure I'll be pretty much home bound Saturday (nice, I'll take it) while Max has his first soccer game in Pueblo, luckily he can carpool. I can't afford the gas right now anyway!
Oh, I've recently discovered an enchanting band (courtesy of Rhy) named Devotchka. Can't really describe it, you have to hear it yourself....you can hear some influences, I hear a little Ween in there amongst others, but these guys are all their own sound. Gypsy meets indie? I dunno, but I love it and can't get enough which is good b/c alot of what is on the radio is crap. What was life like before iPods anyway? HA!
Check it out:
http://www.devotchka.net/
My personal current favorite from their first release:
Too Tired To Be In Love
Love to you all, more to post as it becomes available.
Xo,
S
Friday night was Sushi at Sa Sa's (mmmmmmmm, what a treat!) compliments of Mary & Howard for my birthday, yes it took us this long to make it finally happen. Between their schedule, mine and at least bouts of flu/cold/crud it took us over a month to arrange a time that worked best for all involved. It was well worth the wait, I've missed them so much! I also had THE most incredible martini, I may begin exploring gin martini's as it seemed smoother than my standard dirty vodka. I suppose it's like all things alcoholic, the higher the grade of poison, the better it tastes :) These were amazing though, soooo yummy!
After lots of laughing, catching up, amazing food and Max's incredibly brave attempts at trying each and every dish (this is the picky kid who doesn't let his food touch at home, but he seemed pretty open to the experience) we went home and Max crashed out, I ended up talking with Crys until 1 in the morning. We've also needed to catch up for some time and it was good to hear her voice, plus she is facing some painful personal situations in her life and I feel we needed to connect on that so I could fully gauge where she's at.
Saturday we FINALLY finished the nasty ghetto houses. Seriously, these places need to be condemned, torn down and be rebuilt as HUD homes for the area's population that can't afford to live in Arvada, but have most of their lives. In fact, two of the places actually ARE condemned. Scary stuff. Anyway, it's over and Kristen and I are officially in complete and utter appreciation for the lives we've been given. This experience was a wake up call for both of us, let's just put it that way. Considering where we've been and where we could be and where are now, life is damn good for two single mothers who had children when they were children themselves.
Saturday night Matty came over a few, we had some beers and chatted about life for a few. He seems good, steady. We like that. After he left, I watched movies for a bit, chatted with a friend from Kansas for a few and the couch became my bed after not to long. Which I slept like crap on, but that's ok....it was sleep.
Sunday, Max and I watched movies all day and ate chicken taquito's :) Yum. I ended it with "Gone Baby Gone" and have to tell you that while I think the premise of the story is fascinating AND the social quandaries posed in the story, some of it wasn't very well acted and I found the lead characters a little flat. Really, it could've been even more powerful than it was. Worth watching though for some people though. Was in bed by 9. Gaia is still isolated in my room and beginning to let me know that she's had it with all this nonsense, she keeps trying to rub on me with the nasty spot and it makes me cringe....but she's my kitty and I love her so she can pretty much do what she wants at this point. I spent a good half an hour with her on the floor last night with a feather from my red boa, good to see her getting back to her playful self.
This week promises more of the same business. Drs appointments, taxes to file, my own house to clean, big things going on at work and Max has CSAP/soccer this week which means his schedule will be demanding. Friday night is Rhy's show, hopefully I'll get a chance to meet up with Sandy for drinks before hand as we discussed and I guess Andy wants to come meet us also, we'll see on that. Saturday Gaia gets her sutures out and I am in desperate need of grocery shopping, house cleaning and laundry at home so I'm sure I'll be pretty much home bound Saturday (nice, I'll take it) while Max has his first soccer game in Pueblo, luckily he can carpool. I can't afford the gas right now anyway!
Oh, I've recently discovered an enchanting band (courtesy of Rhy) named Devotchka. Can't really describe it, you have to hear it yourself....you can hear some influences, I hear a little Ween in there amongst others, but these guys are all their own sound. Gypsy meets indie? I dunno, but I love it and can't get enough which is good b/c alot of what is on the radio is crap. What was life like before iPods anyway? HA!
Check it out:
http://www.devotchka.net/
My personal current favorite from their first release:
Too Tired To Be In Love
Love to you all, more to post as it becomes available.
Xo,
S
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