I've made some stupid decisions, I mean that's clear. However, just HOW stupid remains to be seen. I have been fighting with my home equity line bank for a month now, and let me tell you, never ever EVER use HFC. For anything. I've found them nothing but unresponsive, irresponsible in their lending practices and 100% unprofessional. It's like working with a bunch of 2 year old turkey's.
sigh.
I am currently on Max's list, I get tired of that sometimes. Being the only one to bare the brunt of tirades, attitudes and frustrations. Especially when I say "No" to him, oh boy, it's pathetic. He acts just like you know who and I've pointed this out to him. He pouts, he rants, he raves, he makes accusations and worse, he tries to rationalize and manipulate.
Case in point:
In my house, if you don't have at least a C average, you don't get a drivers permit. Period. Not to sound like every other parent of a teenager on the planet, but driving is a privilege. If you can't handle the responsibility of doing the bare minimum of school work required to keep your grades up, how can you handle the responsibility of driving? That's pretty much the argument anyway.
This guide line was laid down the day he turned 15 and he's had almost an entire semester to take it into consideration. Unfortunately, he's not been able to pull it together in time for the end of the semester and now, he won't be allowed to get his permit until the end of next school semester and then, it still will only be if he has AT LEAST all C's. I am not a stickler for grades, grades don't necessarily measure intelligence as we all know. But, I DO expect him to at least give enough effort to maintain a C average. C's = average. I think this is a fair expectation and stand behind it 100%.
He, of course, thinks I'm being a total hard ass. And continues to test it. So, he asks me if for Christmas, instead of presents, can he get his permit? It was a total set up, he KNOWS I'm going to say no. He's got 2 D's for cripes sake, hello! But I guess he just had to ask anyway. In the immediate moment, I tell him I'll think about it and table the discussion for another day.
I approach him last night as follows:
- The agreement, from day one has been that if your grades are not to par, you don't get a permit.
- You've had a minimum of one 2 D's since Oct 1st and I see little effort being made to correct that.
(A side not here, Max refuses to study, he doesn't think he has to. Except when quizzes and tests come around, he can't figure out why he bombs them and we all know that in High School, quiz's and tests are about 1/3 - 1/5 of the final grade - so if he studied a little more, he'd probably have high C's if not B's in his classes. However, when I attempt to work with him on this issue, he becomes incredibly defiant and arbitrary. Basically I don't know what I'm talking about and frankly, it's gotten to the point where I'm just like...ok, what else can I do? Short of holding his hand and sitting with him in class, taking notes for him and preparing mock tests for all of his classes....hello? Come on, he's 15 years old and thinks he can handle driving but can't take the time to take a basic note and study it each night?)
- However, if you can pull together your studies for your finals on December 20th and you have B and C's on all of your finals (which he can TOTALLY do) I will sign a work permit for you, allowing you to work 10 - 15 hours per week.
- This will allow you to begin saving money for your driving school and insurance AND show that you are able to manage responsibilities outside of school effectively.
- Again, if grades aren't maintained at C level through your second semester, there will be no permit and we may have to re-evaluate your hours if your grades fall to low.
- Target and Safeway are hiring right now, if you'd like I'll be happy to take you there and help you to fill out an application.
This was met with total stony silence. I asked him what he thought about this idea. He just stared at me and then proceeded to pout the entire night and not speak to me. I let it alone, I suspect he'll come to his sense and realize he's getting a good deal here, but had to get over the initial brattiness of not getting what he wants. poor poor Max. Life IS hard.
The irony of this? He's been BEGGING me to let him get a job, I mean BEGGING. He makes comments all the time about how he could have this or that "If I'd only let him get a job" or "If I had a job _____" This is several times a week and the comments are sometimes dripping with challenging sarcasm.
So, I'm left a little confused by his reaction. I did think he'd jump at the chance and see it as a fair compromise, but I realized quickly that he had to throw that manipulation in there and see if it got him anywhere. I'm not sure where he gets this from really, I have my suspicions. After all he lived with someone who got away with and is STILL getting away with a helluva lot and manipulated the women in his life quite efficiently for 2 years. Kids aren't stupid, they pick that stuff up and Max wasn't blinded with love for Chance, so he probably had Chance's number earlier on then I did.
But, that can't be all of it. Some of it must be standard teenager crap, he certainly is full of himself at the moment I have to say. And I felt a little anxious about his reaction to my proposal, why? Because I feel it's a risk, allowing him to get a job when he's having a hard time managing his job. My fear of course is that it'll be to much or that he'll think, hey I can just get a job and drop out of school! There's an idea! yuck.
On the other hand, I'm wondering if he'll even go after it. He really didn't seem thrilled about it last night. Interesting that when confronted with the option he gets all pissy. I don't know if he really has it in him right now for all the crap he talks. And if he does, my hope is that maybe having a small part time job will give him a sense of success, capability and maybe, just maybe, motivate him to that next level in school. Sometimes, when you are given more responsibility, you rise to the occasion. Sometimes you don't, but it can't hurt to try in my book.
In any event, he's got this whole attitude right now that makes him rather unpleasant to be around and it's all thrown right in my direction. I know that's a terrible thing to say and there can never be any question that I love my son with all my heart, but the growing pains make me tired some days.
These are the times when I feel like I might go bat-shit at any moment and run screeming down the street in my underwear in 30 degree weather!
No comments:
Post a Comment