No one ever said this was going to be easy....

I get it now, soooo many more things are becoming clearer.

You know how something can make sense in your mind, it is logical and is real to you. You can reference it when your brain receives information, you use it to calculate accordingly.

But sometimes, these facts, this knowledge, it does not become concrete until a certain event or thought or emotion brings it to the forefront of your daily experience. At this point, I suppose, you have no other choice but to acknowledge this piece of information as true, and even more so...the gravity of what it means.

Here is the fact: Max, from the very depths of his inner self, wants so very badly to have a relationship with this unknown figure...his Father. He would go to almost any lengths to make it happen and has. He see's me, The Mother, as the one who is withholding The Father from him. Max must satisfy his curiosity with his ideas of what The Father is and will not relent until his thirst has been quenched.

In part, this explains much of his behavior as of the past 6 months or so. So very much. The other part is that he's just 13 and it's really hard to be 13 in a lot of ways. But I've been attributing far too much of his behavior to his age and not taking into account (perhaps out of denial) the reality of this little man's world.

As Max's behavior continues to peak and valley, I am seeing a pattern. As he continues to see counselor's at school, through discussions with friends (his and mine) and as we begin to embark on a path of family and individual therapy, I am able to see so much more than I did several months ago. My heart aches for having these blinders on, that I've been so wrapped up in myself and my life to really be able to see that my son needs me and I am not doing my job as well as I could.

You couple Max's state of mind with the sum of all the unique parts in our current equation and how it is that they got there, and you've got one pretty mixed up little guy. Anyone would be. Let's consider the following:

a) About 2.5 years ago, Dad pops in Max's life after 0 (ZERO) contact with Max since Max can remember.
b) The visits are minimal at best, but they do exist.
c) Since then, Max has started Junior High.
e) Also since then, Mom's life has taken a drastic turn in many ways.
d) Theses changes have been positive and healthier moves, but are changes nonetheless.
f) It's always just been Max and Mom for the most part, enter Chance who Max has expressed to Mom and many others that he thinks is great, but it is a change and Max is no longer the ONLY man in Mom's life, at least not the only man Mom is close to.
g) Mom starts a new job.
h) Everyone picks up and moves into a new house.
I) The stress of the last year, has been high even though everyone has been relatively happy in it all.
j) Clearly, every aspect of the above is going to impact Max tremendously. More than any of us can really know.

I am so angry at myself for being so hard on him as of late, this kid is dealing with the whole gambit of issues and I am not making it any easier on him. This does not excuse his behavior, but it realizing what is going on does make me accountable for mine and how I am approaching things with him.

I am very confident with the direction I am taking with him and the decisions being made about his Father and his Father's side of the family. I will move forward accordingly with child support action, visitation issues and standing my ground about what I believe is to be in Max's best interest. I will be the one to face their anger and accusations, not Max. In case you don't know, his Father's side of the family is so not happy that I am being putting my foot down and going against their desires, they have become increasingly manipulative and inappropriate. It's getting ugly, it could get worse.

At this point though, I must do what ever I can to help Max build a healthy relationship with his Dad. I can only do so much, much of his rests on his Father but I will do what I can to help him through it and if it doesn't go according to the idea Max has built in his head, I will hold him when he is hurting over it. This is a very complicated situation unfortunately, something Max cannot really understand. Court and jurisdiction issues are going to make this process seem like an eternity to him, but I will do my best to encourage written and verbal communications between Max and his Dad in the interim.

As the Dad issue progresses, we will need to continue to work on our relationship as Mom and Kiddo and of course, at some point, the relationship between Chance & Max will build and I think Max does want this with time. I know C will handle it well and I think ultimately they will both find the interaction beneficial. Mom can see many things that can be done differently, one of them being that I could learn to listen more proactively and perhaps learn some communication skills with this "new" Max.

This is only the beginning I think really. But it is where we need to start and I feel hopeful about it. School is also a huge issue obviously, I am not quite sure where that one will go...but it's on the radar screen for sure.

There is already much in the way of progress in this situation, Max is a fantastic individual. He has such a warm heart, he is kind and giving and loves to build relationships and have interactions with others. He is a social being, a little shy I think, but does really enjoy engaging with others. He is also very bright and intuitive, he knows that things aren't as great as they could be between he and I at the moment AND that school is an issue, I think he is willing to work with me to a degree...as much as he is capable of at 13 I suppose.

Anyway, I have a great deal of hope that this Little Man will grow into a healthy Big Man...but I do have some shifting of my own mentality to do about what it means to be the parent. I suspect it is going to be a test of patience unlike I've ever known, but he is worth it...he is everything to me and I, like every other Mother on the planet, only want him to be happy, healthy and safe. Let's all pray he stays that way.