Monday Moods

Today is a little gloomy, though I generally feel pretty good. I think like everyone, I just have days where I have so much swirling about in my brain I'm not always so sure what to do with it. These are the days when I must ground my energy and reconsider why my heart may feel heavy or my mind filled with worry. Old patterns and cycles, however dysfunctional, have been faithful companions to me and it takes time for those thought processes to be retrained. In the interim, I am pretty good at confusing others in my life, but hopefully they all can continue to find patience and love within themselves.

We had a good weekend, got to show off the new house a little, had some friends over for dinner Saturday evening and Chance made us a delicious meal. It's always a joy to see this group of folks in our lives, like all of our friends they are very special and unique and I enjoy their company tremendously. It was nice to have some down time yesterday. Max and I watched the Superbowl together, not exactly my favorite event on the planet but Mj is 13 and needs someone to do that sort of thing with, I try. It was a pitiful game though, we were disappointed in our Seahawks as we were rooting for them naturally:) Das alright, they can make it up next time. It was their first trip the Big Game, so you can't blame them for being a little nervous. I felt bad for them, it's a good thing I don't play football...I would've been balling my eyes out after the second half.

This weeks plans:

a) Gym Time
Yep, it's time to get back in the habit and start getting my butt to the gym. I know me and once I really get into it, it's easier to make it part of my routine. It's just getting to that place. I am hoping to get in 1.5 - 2 hours in 3 days a week, plus what I do at home and my daily walks at lunch. A few people have pointed out to me how my weight is having an impact on my self-esteem, or how I view my weight I should say, thus how I view myself over all. It's funny because even when I've been thin, I beat the crap out of myself for being "fat." I was NOT fat then, I look at those pictures from my mid 20's and I look pretty hot. I miss those days and that jean size, but have to wrestle with myself about the idea that I may never be a size 8/9/10 again. I'll settle for a 10/11 though! I also have some idea's on why this obsession exists within me in the first place, I think if I spend some time on myself and working on my health the obsessive will become more sane and I will feel more grounded generally. We'll see, any who...I am sure Chance and Max will support me in the venture and if that means I am not around as much in the evenings, I'm not so sure that's a bad thing. A little space seems in order.

b) Post Photos Of The House To My Blogg
The good news is that I know where the digital camera is, but not the power source. As we learned this weekend, we really are still in the midst of unpacking. It seems it might never end. But it sure is a lot of fun and I am happy to finally feel like we have a "home." We went nutso at Bad, Bath & Beyond this weekend. Really, like crazy. But it's so worth it as it's just adding those final touches to certain area's that make all the difference.

c) Dr.s Appointments
Dentist, Eye, OBGYN (NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
I'm not a huge fan of any of these doctors, I'd rather just avoid it all together as I am not a shy individual but I despise being uncomfortable. Yes, I am a big baby. How I ever even had a baby in the first place is beyond me and the fact that I can tolerate a tattoo or piercing but flat out refused to get a tetanus shot during my last major owie (about 5 years ago) is completely irrational. Doc made me do it anyway by the way, he totally pulled a guilt trip and reminded me that dying from something awful like tetanus is not nessisity in this day and age. I still gave him every dirty look in the book when the nurse was sticking that thing in my arm and I also made sure he saw that I was crying and totally traumatized. He just laughed at me and gave me a hug...I laughed later at how pouty I'd behaved.

d) Keep Up On The House
I am determined to keep our house in order, laundry, dishes all that crap. It doesn't feel nearly as overwhelming as at the old place. The new place is just easier to keep clean, but still requires effort.

e) Library
I swap books with my friends and family generally, but I am looking forward to a lot more reading time so I'm going to get Max and I down to the library this week and get back in that habit to. We used to go a lot when he was younger, we both like it and it's something we can do together. Not sure how cool that is for a 13 year old, but we'll see.

f) School
Think about school and which class I'd like to take this coming semester, my work reimburses....gotta jump on that!

Doh, I need to get back to work...I have several issues in the queue that need attending and I just got what I needed from our lead developer to get started. Talk to you all soon, much love.

~ peace ~
S