Woooosh

My gosh, it's the middle of the month already. WTH?

Trying to comprehend time right now seems almost impossible, I have lots of moments where life just doesn't feel real. It's not a scary feeling, but definitely pronounced. I notice it regularly, daily almost as of late. I suspect it's due to all the changes, I read somewhere that our minds become very lazy with routine. Spicing up something you do daily like alternating where you put your socks and pajamas in dresser drawers or talking a different route to work stimulates the left brain more, thus causing more creative and dynamic thought in daily life. My routine has definitely been spiced up a little, holy wowzers yo!

My brain crinkles are all sort of stimulated, in such glorious ways.

In many ways, I feel more alive than I have in years. I am sure it has much to do with the ever-changing hormones of the truly magnificent Maxter, the unconditional love and support from the man I adore and the house where I intend to create a positive and nurturing environment for years to come. Plus, I work at the best job I've had since CORRA and that in and of itself is a blessing. You should not despise the environment in which you spend 8 - 10 of your working hours, not at all. My annual review this morning went well, it was quite a relief actually as I tend to worry alot about my job performance. Actually, I just don't like to fail. Seems I am not, I received a glowing review and happy to know that my supervisor and company is quite pleased with having me on board. Helps me to relax a little. My position is very solitary in comparison to others in the office and rarely requires little if any contact between myself and other staff members, I tend to feel isolated sometimes. Most of the time, I like it cuz I am used to it...but with such little feedback, I find myself questioning my ability and performance. I wish I were more self sufficient, but I need an occasional pat on the back or "Good work!" I might create my own star chart and give myself a star for every day I did good and then buy myself a toy at the end of the week if I've been good. LOL. So anyway, life feels really good today and I am happy to report that I am beginning to feel less anxiety each day about so many things, the idea that I may find myself in a life that feels complete and whole and really positive is pretty overwhelming, I cannot let the opportunity presented to me be The Universe pass.

On a sadder note, Mathew is leaving us to venture off to Reno Nevada to make good money and meet women:) Matt is one of my closest male friends, I trust him and love him very sincerely. He has a good heart and a warm hug and we were all but instant friends. This will not change with distance, but I will take it upon myself to tsk him and nag him if he doesn't write and post to his blogg REGULARLY so we have updates and know that he is safe and happy. And if/when he is done sowing his wild oats he may return and life might seem different, but we'll be here waiting with open arms and a big frosty beer:) Love you Matt, it's been fun...it's been real...it's been real fun. Take damn good care of yourself and be safe.

sigh.

The house is coming together, we have so much to do still but it starting to feel like a real house. I've never had so much fun shopping in my life and since my amazingly generous GramE and Grandpa John (thank you soooo much) gave me extra to play with I can now buy the things I so desperately wanted and needed really. We've got new bedding, new bath stuff....new dishes, new silverware and glasses. This weekend we are buying a gorgeous kitchen table, GORGEOUS! I am working on Chance about putting "hardwood" in the kitchen (it's pretend but looks great for the price) as the kitchen linoleum is a little...um, well it bugs me. I don't know why, it just does. It's brand new and clean, but I think it's the patterns. I am learning in all my shopping that I just don't like most patterns all that much. I like some, symmetrical and geometrical are cool..otherwise, flowers and such sort of bug me. And the linoleum bugs me, so it's got to go. And it's MY house to do whatever I want so I am having ALOT of fun playing with ideas. The only problem is getting carried away, I want everything right now, I don't like to wait to much really. I'm not the most patient person in the world, but I am working on it.

The only thing I am feeling even remotely agitated about is my weight. I keep trying to tell myself that in the past year, I've moved in with my boyfriend, started a new job, quite smoking, bought a house and became a parent of a teenager. But those all feel like excuses and now the holidays have come and gone and I am chubbier than ever, it's depressing...but not as much today cuz I've managed to be fairly good today. I am looking forward to getting back to the GYM though, I miss it very much. Now if I could just stay out of the Peanut Butter Fudge that Ginger & Carl gave me for Christmas that I KNOW I should take to work to share but am feeling toooo selfish to do such a thing!

I ~ promise ~ to get pictures posted soon, sorry gang. Now that I can posted photos to my blogg it is time to do so. I will get some of the house and Max so everyone can see how ginormous he really is. I will also post some of Chance for those of you who haven't met or seen him yet. Both my men are absolutely adorable! I'm a lucky lady.

I should get, love to you all.

~ peace ~