Friday, June 01, 2012

Pain, part 2

Well, the ole toothers is gone.  No amount of root canalling, crowning, antibiotics or pain medication was going to manage that puppy.  Fractured teeth typically aren’t salvageable and we’d suspected all along it was fractured, but went ahead with doing what we could to save it.  No dice.   Such is life and while I feel strange having this hole in my head where my tooth should be (bottom left farthest back molar btw) I feel just as strangely relieved.  It’s actually smarting quite a lot today, pretty angry.  That makes sense I guess.  I’ve heard up to 2 weeks for the pain to really subside, luckily though, my body is being kind and it’s not bleeding like there is a hole the dam, as a lot of people have reported.

Here’s the real rub though, and yes I can hear all of you sighing and rolling your eyes, but it is my reality.  Since I am again, hopelessly addicted to nicotine, I am about on my last nerve from withdrawals.  Yes, I’m still smoking ever ever so carefully.  Packed with gauze and then immediately rinsing with salt water.  This is only twice per day and let me tell you, I’m about to come unglued these past few days.  Addiction is such an ugly thing and I know smoking is H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E for me, but let’s tackle one thing at a time, yes?  I’m still learning how not to have a drink in my hand every Friday night, so I’ll take what I can get.  Which now that I re-read that sounds like addict talk, making excuses and living in denial.  I hate you nicotine.  Truly, you and I must part ways eventually.  But for now, I’ve got to get through another few days with very limited intake and between the pain, the antibiotics and smokers withdrawl, I could gnaw off my own foot if I had the chompers to do it with.

Oh well, at least I can have my other favorite drug in the world – COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  Oh latte’s, how you light up my life.

In other news, I have a major working session next week at work on Monday and Tuesday.  With all of the managers, attempting to get buy in on a new process I am proposing. Through hashing out this new process with my team, I have gained some valuable insights on how things function and the culture and frankly, I’m feeling a little discouraged.  I’m trying to remain positive and insightful.  Growth takes time and I was brought on, in a very open manner, as means to try and curtail the circumvention of process and get things more in line, especially since we are legally bound to do so.  This isn’t just about best practices, this is real deal being held accountable type stuff.  BUT - SO much of what I do is about processes.  I feel I am losing my technical grasp slowly but surely.  I have a ton of skills that are being underutilized and I’ve brought this to the attention of my supervisor, but one thing I’ve learned is that change is slow go around here.  There are a lot of steps and approvals required before something, anything gets put into motion.  It’s a touch frustrating.  I’ve vowed to give it a solid year here and I will do so, but I can’t deny that I’ve already begun considering looking elsewhere.  Then I feel like I’d be crazy to do that.  On paper, this is my dream job.  I am doing community work, that at the end of the day, helps people and in amazing ways.  The employee benefits are outstanding and when I say benefits I mean the full spectrum of benefits, pay, flexibility, medical, dental, vision, retirement, etc…etc…etc…why would I leave such an incredible opportunity and there surely is that here, for me to grow and potentially move up should I so desire.  Right now though, I think I’d have to really ride it out for a long while to get there and things like disorder and bureaucracy drives me crazy and there is a lot of that.  A lot.  Isn’t that every where tho?  There is no “perfect” situation.  At least I can be in the same room with my boss now without cringing, yes?  That is progress if you ask me J

Well, I ought to get to it.  I’ve got to march through the day and then try to come up with an awesome meal on the fly for my company tonight.  My energy level has been poo this week, so it’ll be a mad scramble to pick up the house and cook something edible.  Thank the good sweet powers that be that I have really tolerant and understanding friend.
 
Happy weekend!


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