Kids.  They can fill your heart with love and break it all in the same day.  The boy is opting to return to Wyoming for the summer and forgo school this fall.  Just like that.  Last night he announces this, out of the blue, after a graduation party and starting the process of registering him for vocational school, including financial aid subsidized by mom, just *poof*

It’s a cycle sadly.  I wish it weren’t.   Things get to “deep” or “hard” where he’s at and he bails, runs like the wind.   I know he’s got to go his own way and become his own man and blah blah blah, but after a lot of tears last night and feeling REALLY hurt that he’s just not buying what I’m selling, today at least I’m not feeling mean.  Last night, I felt mean.  REAL mean.  Like, how dare you pull this crap after I’ve tried and tried and gave and gave.  What gives you the right to change your mind after I’ve put SO much into trying to help you.

That’s a mom’s mantra tho, right?   We love and love, we give and give, we sacrifice, we martyr (LOL) all for our children.  MY dream for him, may not be HIS dream for him.  Do I feel a little used?  Yes.  Do I feel a little manipulated?  Yes.  Do I think he did it on purpose?  No.  I think he’s a young man, out in the world, trying to make his way.

What I DO get to do though, is choose how “I” will react and my reaction is this:

I will no longer provide a roof over your head, food, financial support of any kind unless you are in school.  If you choose to hit the road off to Wyoming and NOT return for school in the fall, the gravy train is over my friend. 

He’s still going.  He wants what he wants.  Too bad momma’s hearts break so very easily, huh?

I’ll get there in time, but right now, I’m riding the waves of how I feel (I’ve learned this is ok to do that, and then get over it) and wishing him the best.