Settling Dust

Now that the dust is settling a little and I am able to think a bit more clearly I am seeing many positive and rewarding opportunities as these next few months play out. As follows:

1. There are times in life when you must simply step up and do what is right, even when it is scary or uncomfortable. ESPECIALLY when it is scary or uncomfortable because that means it has become an opportunity for growth and personal development. This is one of those times and instead of resisting, I find myself more able to cope and manage it rather than feeling as if I want to crawl into a hole and avoid it.

2. When I serve as a support system for another woman, I find myself feeling more empowered and stronger as well. It’s an odd sort of energy. I sometimes forget how independent I am now. I too, once let someone rob me of that independence and make me feel less than the woman that I am. It’s painful to see it happening to someone else from the outside. None of us deserve to be treated any less than humanely and I won’t reject her if she needs my support to start a life that brings her happiness, whatever that means.

3. We all need a little help from our friends sometimes. If I counted the amount of times that the women in my life loved, nurtured and bailed me out of heartbreak I’d be counting for an eternity.

4. It is ok for me to feel selfish about loosing some of the privacy I’d recently gained. It is ok for me to feel concern about maintaining a sense of boundary and self. It is ok for me to express this and I have and it has been heard and that is all one can hope for. Certainly, this isn’t an ideal situation and there is bound to be conflict, but I know we’ll get through it.

5. I am nothing if not loyal and she is my mother. She gave birth to me, she tried to love me the best she could, she took care of me last year when my leg was broken and she has been trying to take care of me for a long time and I’ve pushed her away because I’ve been rebelling against her for so long that I haven’t known how to let her in. In spite of our faults, we love each other and have been through hell and back together. What’s a few more months of working through the mud?

6. Changes take time. They are swift to come into action and happen when you aren’t even looking, but rebuilding after major life changes take the most amount of time of anything I know. She’ll need time. She’ll need time to mend herself and decide what she wants for her life, whether that means going back up the mountain or staying in Denver or something else all together, I don’t know. Regardless, she’ll need time and I have to be patient as she figures out her own life while going on living my own.

7. She really has no other choice and I’m not going to do anything to shame her further or hold it over her head. It’s hard enough to ask for help, let alone ask for help in the situation she’s in. I know how it feels to be humbled to such a degree and its pretty tough stuff.

8. I intend to make the best of this situation and enjoy it. I’d be stupid of me not to, you just never know how long you have with the people you love.