We watched “Lilo & Stitch” this weekend because a) It makes me laugh hysterically. I’m talking the full on, can’t help myself laughter that sometimes annoys people because it’s so high pitched and b) I insisted my mother see it immediately.
A common theme throughout this movie is that family is intended to be a safe, secure haven in which you can retreat from the sometimes harsh nature of the world outside and all of its challenges. Your family might include an alien life form with a soft interior and crusty outer shell to your biological family members to the fur-babies we gladly bring into our homes to your best human friends who you can’t go longer then a day or two without checking in with via phone, text, chat or email. There is no one formula for the perfect family, but all of them are beautiful in their own ways, no matter how “dysfunctional” or “untraditional” they may be and every family has its share of disputes, black sheep (achem) and trials to face along the way as we all do our best to grow into the people we are to become in this lifetime.
This and a good, solid dose of humor and sillyness are the lessons I learned from this movie when I first took Max to see it in theatre all those years ago, plus I thought it might be of benefit to share it with those I thought might get a similar message. She didn’t laugh once, Dave and I rolled around in fits of laughter and buttery popcorn kernels and I realized in that moment that she’s just in too much pain right now and that’s ok. Sometimes laughing is harder and more painful then it’s worth. I understand that all too well, though I rarely give up the opportunity bust a gut over an animated film.
I then got the news that my nephew was born on Saturday morning and I feel so much emotion about all of it that I’m not really sure how to manage it all. Rose seems so young to me, but then I realize it’s been some time since I’ve seen her and she’s well into her 20’s now. She’s not that 19 year old kid who stayed at my house with her college girlfriends that weekend. She’s well on her way to being a grown up, she’s married and has a baby now. She has a family all her own and this sort of boggles the mind and gives me little stabs of sadness over not having had a closer relationship with her. Because now that she’s got a baby and I have a nephew, I feel this really strong sort of primal urge to be near her and see the little critter. It’s like some deep intuition in me from my long distant cave dwelling relatives tells me I need to run to her side and protect her and help her with that baby. I suddenly feel I MUST see the baby before he magically grows up and I never get a chance to know meet him or know him. Part of me wonders if it’s ok for me to feel this way. Rose and I have never been close. I think we’ve sort of gotten comfortable with the fact that we are very different and we will keep in touch a few times a year, but other then that it just is what it is and that’s been ok with me and I gather with her as well. To be truthful, I’ve never thought of her as my sister. We did not grow up together, we barely know each other now and as stated before, we are such vastly different people, I’m not sure how much we have in common. Of course I love her and care for her, I have since the first day I heard from her and have enjoyed getting to know what I do know about her. She’s a lovely young lady, but we just haven’t really ever gotten past the formalities of it all and I’ve been ok with that on all levels. But now that there’s this baby, I feel this really strong desire to be closer to her and him. What is that all about?
Then there is the fact that the baby’s middle name is named after our father. Surely, this must have been an intentional thing? They didn’t randomly pull the name “William” out of the air, right? Unless there’s someone on her husband’s side, which is possible but I can’t help but feel sort of amazed and awed that she chose this name for her first-borns middle name. What does this mean? She must know I noticed, that we all (Conlee’s) “noticed” and I feel like asking her about it might be to tender of a subject, but the thought of it is burning a hole in my head. Mostly, I just want to know if she did that in honor of our father or if it was for some other reason. Obviously, if that wasn’t her intention, asking her might make her feel insulted or guilty or something. If it was her intention, well then I guess I want to thank her and let her know how sweet I think it is that she did that to carry on our father’s namesake. It’s all kind of confusing for me, something I probably won’t get a lot of answers to, so I should probably just leave it alone.
So much lately swirling around in my mind about the concept of “family” and what it means. I spent so many years in my youth being out in the world and feeling like I had no grounding, no home base really. That it was me and Max against the world. In the last several years it’s been made abundantly clear to me that this isn’t true at all and now that a core piece of my family unit is not there any more and I have all this other family surrounding me who both suddenly need me and I those that I want very badly to be involved in their lives and support them, I don’t really know what to do or how to do it. My relationship skills are sub-par you see and I am not all that familiar with how to be available, but not suffocating and give space without disappearing. What a strange balance. Help.
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