Black Tuesday

It’s a moody Tuesday for sure.

I waxed my eyebrows this morning and one rogue eyebrow resisted. I finally got the little bugger only for it to turn out to be a bleeder.

Much to my dismay, when I went to power up my laptop it wasn’t at my desk. Duh! I forgot it in the car. Out the front door, past the smokers once (how I’ve been craving cigarettes lately, those things are the devil I tell you!) to the car, grab the laptop again and then past the smokers again through the front door. Damn you smokers, can’t you tell a girl is feeling weak over here?

Upon reviewing my work queue for the day an issue has come back to me from the ITC (again) and I don’t know how many different ways I can explain this scenario to them to help them understand that this report IS populating according to the requirements. The requirements need revision before I can adjust the report. And since this particular ITC is in Chicago, getting him on the phone is close to impossible so most communication is done via email, which as well know can leave a certain amount to interpretation. And frankly, I’m interpreting his tone as a little snarky this morning and I don’t appreciate it.

For the last several weeks I’ve had this overwhelming urge to confront my nearest and dearest friend about something that has really been bothering me as of late, but I don’t know how to go about it because I know confronting her won’t resolve a thing. This is who she is, we are different people and this is often celebrated in our friendship, but sometimes it’s a challenge as well. I am that girlfriend that talks on the phone, hangs out, likes to be active with said friend. She is much more introverted, leaves the house only for the nessisary reasons and I cannot tell you how long it’s been since my phone rang and her number came up, at least not without me calling her first. I know this probably sounds very childish to the reader, but it’s been close to 20 years of me feeling like I am putting far more effort into the friendship. She knows me better then probably anyone and I will always love her, sometimes I get tired of being the one to call, the one to try and get her to spend time with me (which is almost impossible, literally) and frankly, why should I put so much effort into someone who seems to care very little about my presence in her life. I’ve even wondered at times if she is merely being polite to me because she cares for Max very deeply. Then I get sweet birthday cards that tells me how much she appreciates me and loves me and so on. Rarely, but on occasion, I am acknowledged as an important part of her life. But I still feel hurt that there seems to be very little, if any, attempts on the other party to call, hang out, jeesh even spend an afternoon with me. This is all probably very silly, like a silly high school scenario, but this situation wears on me at times and I am experiencing a phase in my life where I’m evaluating my relationships and this one in particular seems to keep popping up in the lime light as one that I am not always sure I feel I am being met halfway.

Sigh.

It’s 8 AM and I am tired, bloated and moody. And overwhelmed with the move and all that needs to be done. I want to smoke cigarettes, drink coffee and go home and pack my basement. I know this is a total bitch session and my apologies for spewing all this poo poo out to the world, but I have to get it out or I’ll cry and I’ve avoided tears now for quite some time. I’m getting pretty capable of holding them back these days, I like it.

My saving grace at the moment is that I will meet Mary for a walk this afternoon. I will put a smile on my face, try to stay positive and plug through the day. Then I will get out in the sunshine and spend time with a much wiser woman then myself. That will help :)