The Hormone Monster Has Attacked

Max's birthday is rapidly approaching, he'll be 13. Consider the following:

A) According to my Grandma Barbie who has raised 4 of them, it's best to just lock them in a closet for about 5 - 7 years and then *presto* you've got a fully acclimated, matured and a healthy young man/woman who loves you again.

B) According to my GramE who has raised 5 of them, while there were many difficult times with her children, she has some of the fondest memories of her kids during their teen years and she did not lock them in a closet.

I choose Option B, but right now Option A sounds much more appealing. I'm sure they both have excellent points, but would it really be so bad if my baby just went quietly into adult hood without becoming a little butt head in the process? I really like him the way he is, he is exceptionally sweet and kind and used to really like me. Until about the last month or so.

However, there must be some magical switch because true to form...he is turning into one of THEM! Yes folks, the ones you hear about on Television and see walking the Mall with their parents...it's my 2 year old trapped in a 13 year old body! More whine for your buck! All the temper tantrums you can't handle! And within just a few months, more like weeks really. All for the low low price of "Mom I need _____ !" and "Mom can I have _____ ?" and don't forget "Mom can you take me _____ ?"

I thought this all to be just an ugly rumor, a fable, perhaps a hoax or urban legend, but no. It's true. They are Little Monsters, a mere imposter of the sweet little baby you once knew. And don't let the fact that you changed their diapers, and held them screaming in the middle of the night when they had colicky, took them to their first day of kindergarten, washed and kissed every owie, went to every Soccer game and snuggled them for hours on the couch for 13 years fool you...those days are over. All I have left are the memories *sniff*

I now know that my child is going to be a strange little bird for the next several years. I am now (by default) She Who Must Be Tested Constantly. Boy does this seem familiar? I thought we already went through this when Max was like 2 and 4 and 8...sigh. Ok, so I got lucky, he's been a great kid over all and still is, I know it. It's not his fault he's in Hormone Hell and apt to travel the landscape speaking in tongues and shape shifting.

It's ok, I will be there with him to battle the strangeness and awkwardness of this new experience. Through the snarling, high pitches outbursts and moody wanderings about the house; new memories will emerge. I embrace it and am finding a great amount of humor in the whole situation, because from what I can see, a good sense of humor and a strong backbone are going to be essential in this situation.

Yesterday afternoon as he was stomping about the house and really carrying on whenever I asked him to do something, it all clicked in my head and heart. Just as when he was a toddler, learning to walk and shoveling grass in his mouth to see what that was all about; he is now facing the challenges of becoming increasingly independent and forming who he is as an individual. And just as like when he was a toddler, it is my job to patiently and consistently create a firm, but flexible and adaptable structure. A structure allowing him space and freedom within reason, all the while waiting in the wings should he need me.

I have to excuse myself, Little Man just phoned and has apparently managed to smack his head hard enough on the locker above him to establish a goose-egg size lump on the top of his forehead. For those of you who don't know, this is yet another symptom. His body is growing faster then his senses and cognitive ability can keep up with. Now he's 10 times as likely to bang his head, trip over his own sweet little feet and randomly catch his fingers in the cupboards or refrigerator door, I feel bad for him. How frustrating for him! It's almost painful to watch and hard not to giggle sometimes too, I guess I can't really laugh at him but I am thinking of investing in a full body suit with padding an a helmet, just in case.