Who knew I’d even make it this far? The specters from my teens would probably tell you it’s really only by accident that I survived at all, the manic moods of my 20’s would tell you that it’s a miracle I’ve learned to sing songs that don’t involve the long blue pining away hopelessly after unobtainable loves and grieving morosely about all I didn’t have or know as a child, and my early 30’s would tell you that it was just around that I started to feel a bit more like someone I could relate to when I looked into the mirror, even though I was a goddamned mess in those early years. I might have been a mess and screwed my (and my son’s) life up righteously, but I was doing so authentically at least because one is quite raw in the throws of a mid-life crisis. Which I finally realized is exactly how you learn about who you really are, which is sometimes a frightening experience.
Here I am though, somewhat worse for wear. My health isn’t in the greatest condition (more abnormal tests, this time “women” related. Gawwh, that’s the LAST time I get an annual physical - KIDDING) and as much as I hate to admit it, it’s my own doing. Not intentionally of course, but lifestyle and the stress of recent years have taken their toll and now it’s time to pay the bill. Let’s cross our fingers and hope it can all be managed, with minimal discomfort at least.
That bothersome physical stuff aside, what I wonder is what do the next 5 years of life have in store for me before another big birthday – the big 40? Let’s make it a good stretch shall we? I’ve learned not to plan for anything and expect everything and to try and not be disappointed OR cocky about a given circumstance because life always has a sooprize in store for you, and you probably won’t see it coming. Even if you try to control everything, it’s still waiting around the corner. So why try? It’s exhausting. It might just be more exciting to roll with it on it’s own terms anyway and remain content and grateful, ever think of that? I have, but old habits die hard. I’m getting there.
I have some things I’d like to experience. Reconcilliation with Pam would be nice. I’m not going to undercut or go to great lengths to sacrifice myself in the process of attempting to do so either. I am open and willing, in time. I’d really like to do a little traveling and see more of my family and friends who live out of state. Lose some weight. Spend as much time as with Max as possible. Maybe I'll get married and run off to some other country? HA, that would be nice. The other country part *giggle*! Get the health back on track (which in spite of recent events, I feel is possible) and maybe, if I am really lucky, find my next calling in life? I don’t feel lost so much right now as I feel the winds are hinting at redirection, which they do from time to time.
We’ll see I suppose, something in me feels excited for another phase in my life. I can tell you I don’t feel 35 at all. Somehow, I doubt I will feel 40 or 45 or 50 when/if I get there either because we are all children in side. Let’s hope huh?
CHEERS TO ANOTHER YEAR!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Nobody Panic
It’s my fault, so nobody panic. Actually, it’s no one’s fault really, it’s more that I just haven’t been able to focus on it until now. Or, that it hasn’t become such an issue until now? Last year it was the tonsils. This year, it’s going to be the kidneys me thinks. Sometimes me thinks I’m mental and a total hypocondriach, it’s hard to dissect. There are considerable health issues that require attention within my own little microcosm of genetics and as much as I’d like to say it ain’t so, it is and as much as I’d like to pretend it ain’t happening, it is. So, here’s the detail, in short and as I understand it.
My recent physical indicates an increase in kidney function, high for even someone with Alports Syndrome. My most recent renal ultra-sound shows that the size and shape of my left kidney has change since the last time I had one (like 10 years ago, not such a big surprise) but it’s also something that is monitored for Alports. It is nothing to get freaked out about right now, my kidneys are still functioning, we aren’t talking dialysis or anything (yet) but it is somewhat cause for alarm because it’s a significant jump since last year and, it is common for the disease to begin progressing around my age. Though, 85% of the time, the progression is in men. Women generally only present 10-15% of the time with anything other than high protein and blood in the urine for the duration of their lifetime. I, however, do have the high blood pressure, cholestoleral, visual and hearing issues in addition to the higher kidney function levels, so…it’s possible I am part of that 10-15% of women who have Alports who may actually experience significant progression. What does this mean? It means my kidneys may gradually (or quickly) stop working, which will require dialysis and eventually transplant. It’s really that simple. The problem is, there is no real way to stop the progression once it is in motion. They can manage my blood pressure and some other things which will help, but the main way to stop it is to lose weight and take uber uber good care of myself. Dammit, I knew these extra lbs were really going to be a problem at some point. Frack.
So, there will be more monitoring, lab work and ultra sounds and office visits where I’ll be lectured about losing weight, getting active and watching my water, caffeine, alcohol and sugar intake. From here on, all we can do it monitor and hope for the best. Sigh…I guess I can do my part too. Though, it is irritating as ALL get out because there’s no real proof that watching all these things carefully and losing a bunch of weight is going to have any real affect at all. It’s sort of one of those “it is what it is” things, but on the flip side, I hardly have any reason not to right? I’m just cranky b/c it means I have to change up my routines a little – poo on that, I’m a creature of habits and rituals my friends and all of my “vices” are included in them, so tghghgbhtttttttttt! Is it terrible that I’m more cranky about the idea of having to give up my Friday night cocktails, coffee and sugar than I am about the thought of what it might do to my health if I do not? What a tangled web we weave indeed.
In the mean time, I also developed a kidney stone (related to the excess proteins) and let me tell you my friends, that is not something I wish to experience again. Promptly followed by a migraine (from the stress and exhaustion of the previous 2 days I’m sure) so I was off work for 2 days. Big big fun. I’d like to note here that for the “average” person, if you wish to avoid kidney stones…drink your water! NO COMPLAINING, just do it. I would rank passing a kidney stone up there with child birth and broken legs, and it was teeny tiny one so…yeah, just drink your water.
The past week of pondering all the implications and resulting discomfort from this new information has been stressful, but I’m managing. I cannot control it and I’m not doing myself any favors by agonizing over it. Of course, you must remember I’ve been dealing with this possibility since I was a young girl and we don’t really know what it means yet, just that we need to start keeping a closer eye on things and as I know more, I’ll let you know more. The first few days my mind did spin out of control, going directly to the most negative possible outcome and panicking and then, panicking about Max because this really causes me to consider him and how this disease will more than likely affect him as well before he’s 40. Again, there is little I can do but share with him the situation. I have offered to pay for him to see a kidney doctor in Casper, he just ignores me. *rolls eyes* STUPID MOMS! What do they know? Friggen kid. It’s like talking to turtle who thinks his shell is totally invincible. For a time, it surely is sturdy and strong, but given the proper circumstances, even a tough turtle shell can become vulnerable. Often, through no fault of the turtle’s at all and no matter what the turtle thinks in his little turtle brain, if he’s not keeping an eye on how strong his shell is, it could suddenly just fail on him and his little wiggly underbody will be totally exposed and vulnerable and needing a lot of support to stay safe. Friggen turtles.
More soon my lovely readers, and you are…lovely I mean. No worries, just prayer and love us like you always have and always do. How blessed are we?
My recent physical indicates an increase in kidney function, high for even someone with Alports Syndrome. My most recent renal ultra-sound shows that the size and shape of my left kidney has change since the last time I had one (like 10 years ago, not such a big surprise) but it’s also something that is monitored for Alports. It is nothing to get freaked out about right now, my kidneys are still functioning, we aren’t talking dialysis or anything (yet) but it is somewhat cause for alarm because it’s a significant jump since last year and, it is common for the disease to begin progressing around my age. Though, 85% of the time, the progression is in men. Women generally only present 10-15% of the time with anything other than high protein and blood in the urine for the duration of their lifetime. I, however, do have the high blood pressure, cholestoleral, visual and hearing issues in addition to the higher kidney function levels, so…it’s possible I am part of that 10-15% of women who have Alports who may actually experience significant progression. What does this mean? It means my kidneys may gradually (or quickly) stop working, which will require dialysis and eventually transplant. It’s really that simple. The problem is, there is no real way to stop the progression once it is in motion. They can manage my blood pressure and some other things which will help, but the main way to stop it is to lose weight and take uber uber good care of myself. Dammit, I knew these extra lbs were really going to be a problem at some point. Frack.
So, there will be more monitoring, lab work and ultra sounds and office visits where I’ll be lectured about losing weight, getting active and watching my water, caffeine, alcohol and sugar intake. From here on, all we can do it monitor and hope for the best. Sigh…I guess I can do my part too. Though, it is irritating as ALL get out because there’s no real proof that watching all these things carefully and losing a bunch of weight is going to have any real affect at all. It’s sort of one of those “it is what it is” things, but on the flip side, I hardly have any reason not to right? I’m just cranky b/c it means I have to change up my routines a little – poo on that, I’m a creature of habits and rituals my friends and all of my “vices” are included in them, so tghghgbhtttttttttt! Is it terrible that I’m more cranky about the idea of having to give up my Friday night cocktails, coffee and sugar than I am about the thought of what it might do to my health if I do not? What a tangled web we weave indeed.
In the mean time, I also developed a kidney stone (related to the excess proteins) and let me tell you my friends, that is not something I wish to experience again. Promptly followed by a migraine (from the stress and exhaustion of the previous 2 days I’m sure) so I was off work for 2 days. Big big fun. I’d like to note here that for the “average” person, if you wish to avoid kidney stones…drink your water! NO COMPLAINING, just do it. I would rank passing a kidney stone up there with child birth and broken legs, and it was teeny tiny one so…yeah, just drink your water.
The past week of pondering all the implications and resulting discomfort from this new information has been stressful, but I’m managing. I cannot control it and I’m not doing myself any favors by agonizing over it. Of course, you must remember I’ve been dealing with this possibility since I was a young girl and we don’t really know what it means yet, just that we need to start keeping a closer eye on things and as I know more, I’ll let you know more. The first few days my mind did spin out of control, going directly to the most negative possible outcome and panicking and then, panicking about Max because this really causes me to consider him and how this disease will more than likely affect him as well before he’s 40. Again, there is little I can do but share with him the situation. I have offered to pay for him to see a kidney doctor in Casper, he just ignores me. *rolls eyes* STUPID MOMS! What do they know? Friggen kid. It’s like talking to turtle who thinks his shell is totally invincible. For a time, it surely is sturdy and strong, but given the proper circumstances, even a tough turtle shell can become vulnerable. Often, through no fault of the turtle’s at all and no matter what the turtle thinks in his little turtle brain, if he’s not keeping an eye on how strong his shell is, it could suddenly just fail on him and his little wiggly underbody will be totally exposed and vulnerable and needing a lot of support to stay safe. Friggen turtles.
More soon my lovely readers, and you are…lovely I mean. No worries, just prayer and love us like you always have and always do. How blessed are we?
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Grumpapatamous
I am a giant grumpapatamous….hear me RAWR. Soooo skerrry, I know. I am utterly terrifying, just ask my minions (puggies.)
No really, I am a raging crab-ass at the moment. I basically feel as if I am in prison for my 8+ hours each day and it’s wearing a little thin. The environment now resembles a police state, everything is monitored and everyone is being scrutinized in detail. In return, some of us are behaving like rebellious arbitrarily defiant teenagers because we aren’t used to being treated like kindergartners. It makes me sad to think that this is the state of corporate America these days and that, I am now one of “them.” It never felt that way here before, just in the past 8 months or so. This is how it is though, that’s the reality. Fakey, fake fake FAKE! I feel no one can be trusted (except one individual) and all relationships are strained, the team has disintegrated into a free for all, every man for himself type of mentality and the irony is that we are all working harder then every and under more and more pressure every day, yet it often feels as if we are spinning in circles and end up being our own worst enemies.
I am reading a valuable book suggested by my oh so wise in the literature department (and other departments as well obviously) about working with your manager’s management style. I hope it helps. Mostly right now, it’s just fun to read on my iPad. Which, besides my puggies and basically every other thing outside of my 7 AM – 4 PM, makes me extremely happy!
On that note, we are celebrating D’s bday this weekend with his sister and some friends. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping my mood perks up, I am super low on energy as well. I am also acknowledging that perhaps some of my disdain is also the “coming down” period after all the excitement that comes from the holidays. Life is back to “normal” – ho hum – hum drum. Jeez, what a whiner I am!
One thing I know for sure is that I’d better find a way to manage this situation with a smile on my face and learn to leave it at work, or else I’m going to end up acting out or doing or saying something I regret later. I’m far too mature and professional to do something hasty, besides, I like being able to pay the bills you know. Still, it does seem I must find a different method because the current isn’t working.
RAWR.
No really, I am a raging crab-ass at the moment. I basically feel as if I am in prison for my 8+ hours each day and it’s wearing a little thin. The environment now resembles a police state, everything is monitored and everyone is being scrutinized in detail. In return, some of us are behaving like rebellious arbitrarily defiant teenagers because we aren’t used to being treated like kindergartners. It makes me sad to think that this is the state of corporate America these days and that, I am now one of “them.” It never felt that way here before, just in the past 8 months or so. This is how it is though, that’s the reality. Fakey, fake fake FAKE! I feel no one can be trusted (except one individual) and all relationships are strained, the team has disintegrated into a free for all, every man for himself type of mentality and the irony is that we are all working harder then every and under more and more pressure every day, yet it often feels as if we are spinning in circles and end up being our own worst enemies.
I am reading a valuable book suggested by my oh so wise in the literature department (and other departments as well obviously) about working with your manager’s management style. I hope it helps. Mostly right now, it’s just fun to read on my iPad. Which, besides my puggies and basically every other thing outside of my 7 AM – 4 PM, makes me extremely happy!
On that note, we are celebrating D’s bday this weekend with his sister and some friends. I am looking forward to that. I am hoping my mood perks up, I am super low on energy as well. I am also acknowledging that perhaps some of my disdain is also the “coming down” period after all the excitement that comes from the holidays. Life is back to “normal” – ho hum – hum drum. Jeez, what a whiner I am!
One thing I know for sure is that I’d better find a way to manage this situation with a smile on my face and learn to leave it at work, or else I’m going to end up acting out or doing or saying something I regret later. I’m far too mature and professional to do something hasty, besides, I like being able to pay the bills you know. Still, it does seem I must find a different method because the current isn’t working.
RAWR.
Monday, January 10, 2011
It’s complicated!
I have a friend who is in the midst of a custody/visitation dispute that is all too familiar to this gal. It is, almost identical in nature to that of my own with my son and his biological father. It’s so similar in fact, that I can’t help but feel that this person and I are in each other’s lives to support one another through these types of things for a reason.
He’s been such a support to me in regards to my own baby daddy drama and given me great insights on the thought process of a teen age boy of a single mom as his mom was a single mother of 3 children for the duration of his childhood - brave woman! I honestly am not sure where I’d be now emotionally on the subject with out his valuable and most appreciated support.
Now, here we are, 15 months later, facing what I suspected all along would come along some day as it is the natural progression in these situations. Boy wants more interaction with father, father wants more interaction with boy, and mother is hesitant and controlling. Sound familiar? Scarily so. Mother and father in this scenario had a terribly ugly divorce, on all levels, including financially. Everyone got screwed in the situation and of course, everyone involved feels wronged in some fundamentally deep way.
It is ironic that I can now empathize with both the father and the mother in this situation. She says and does all the same things I did, motivated by protecting her bear cub. I gather that she’s grown considerably since the divorce (as 10+ years will do to a person) and only wants what is best for the kiddo. My friend constantly questions her motives (naturally, as they don’t even know each other any more) and is most certainly on the defensive. Meanwhile, boy child is in limbo while mom and dad hash it out. Good times for everyone involved. Blech.
Thankfully, I also know that my friend is a wonderfully solid and loving person. He isn’t the person she knew 10 years ago either. Certainly more stable and experienced and most definitely more disconnected from the situation between the two of them and more focused on his relationship with his son. He’s been doing his best to keep the communication open, but I know it’s been met with a lot of resistance until now. Because now, man child wants to get to know his papa more and mom is left with no choice but to give the situation a chance and see where it goes from there. All the while trying to manager her own fears. How I know difficult this is, it’s some of the most challenging situations I think life can throw at us.
This situation isn’t exactly as it was in my own in the sense that there aren’t safety issues involved here, there was never any abuse or 10 years or more at a time with zero contact and/or no child support agreements. But I can see that it doesn’t make the pain or sensitive nature of the situation any less intense. There is so much history here; so much residual hurt that it is clear that everyone involved is on edge regarding the subject.
I wish I could wave my magic wand and instill the knowledge in all parties involved that some how, it is very likely that everything will work out ok in the long run, but not without a certain degree of growing pains and agony so get ready because it’s not easy at all, but SOOOO worth it! Kids need to know where they come from, whether you agree with how things are or not, it is what it is and denying them that gets nobody anywhere. Not anywhere good anyway.
Wish him (us) luck.
He’s been such a support to me in regards to my own baby daddy drama and given me great insights on the thought process of a teen age boy of a single mom as his mom was a single mother of 3 children for the duration of his childhood - brave woman! I honestly am not sure where I’d be now emotionally on the subject with out his valuable and most appreciated support.
Now, here we are, 15 months later, facing what I suspected all along would come along some day as it is the natural progression in these situations. Boy wants more interaction with father, father wants more interaction with boy, and mother is hesitant and controlling. Sound familiar? Scarily so. Mother and father in this scenario had a terribly ugly divorce, on all levels, including financially. Everyone got screwed in the situation and of course, everyone involved feels wronged in some fundamentally deep way.
It is ironic that I can now empathize with both the father and the mother in this situation. She says and does all the same things I did, motivated by protecting her bear cub. I gather that she’s grown considerably since the divorce (as 10+ years will do to a person) and only wants what is best for the kiddo. My friend constantly questions her motives (naturally, as they don’t even know each other any more) and is most certainly on the defensive. Meanwhile, boy child is in limbo while mom and dad hash it out. Good times for everyone involved. Blech.
Thankfully, I also know that my friend is a wonderfully solid and loving person. He isn’t the person she knew 10 years ago either. Certainly more stable and experienced and most definitely more disconnected from the situation between the two of them and more focused on his relationship with his son. He’s been doing his best to keep the communication open, but I know it’s been met with a lot of resistance until now. Because now, man child wants to get to know his papa more and mom is left with no choice but to give the situation a chance and see where it goes from there. All the while trying to manager her own fears. How I know difficult this is, it’s some of the most challenging situations I think life can throw at us.
This situation isn’t exactly as it was in my own in the sense that there aren’t safety issues involved here, there was never any abuse or 10 years or more at a time with zero contact and/or no child support agreements. But I can see that it doesn’t make the pain or sensitive nature of the situation any less intense. There is so much history here; so much residual hurt that it is clear that everyone involved is on edge regarding the subject.
I wish I could wave my magic wand and instill the knowledge in all parties involved that some how, it is very likely that everything will work out ok in the long run, but not without a certain degree of growing pains and agony so get ready because it’s not easy at all, but SOOOO worth it! Kids need to know where they come from, whether you agree with how things are or not, it is what it is and denying them that gets nobody anywhere. Not anywhere good anyway.
Wish him (us) luck.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
2011 Goals!
I am reluctant to label this post in any way as a New Year’s Resolutions, though I suppose that’s what it most closely resembles. It is true that the New Year marks a period of reflection and retrospective insight. But for me, I’m not sure that it is any more or any less than say Max’s birthday (BIG one for me) or my own birthday or any random Sunday morning while I’m brewing my coffee for the morning, watching the squirrels in my backyard ravenously searching the yard for some glimmer of a snack that wasn’t there the night before.
I do know, however, that these are items I’ve been procrastinating for some reason or another for some time now and I feel more able and energized to address them and why not use the New Year as starting point? It’s a perfectly legitimate excuse in my book and perhaps, a fine motivator as well?
1) Organize My Life
This may seem utterly monotonous (and it is for me, I can’t even tell you) but it is absolutely necessary. Partly due to the fact that I will be officially cohabitating with another adult in less than 30 days, partly due to the fact that my living space feels a little like a tornado hit it at one point and was sort of haphazardly thrown back together and partly because I’ve just been lazy about such things and it makes my Type A cringe.
a) Sort and determine what items can be set aside for yard sale in July 2011. This includes cleaning out all closets, dressers, drawers., boxes in storage….etc and clearing out the stuff that isn’t being used! Just get rid of it!
b) Establish a solid filing system (shoving everything in a drawer DOES NOT COUNT!)
c) Work on getting into a routine that incorporates my goals for healthy cooking, exercise, hobbies, fun AND downtime.
d) Get the 1,000’s of physical photographs I have of Max, friends, family, my dad, etc….in digital form.
e) Get the 1,000’s of digital images (in addition to d above) cataloged and published.
f) Get all cd’s migrated to digital copy and cataloged.
g) Get all digital music cataloged.
h) Get all address and contact information in one central location.
i) Back up all data and files regularly to external hard drive.
2) Health & Healing
This goes without saying I suppose, but I know I have to stay conscious about these aspects of the many types of health (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental) or it falls by the wayside as I am easily distracted. This includes, but is not limited to:
a) Enjoyable physical activity 3- 5 times per week (this does not include cleaning the house!) this needs to include the puggies at least a few times a week as well, they really need exercise!
b) Dental care is a priority this year (I haven’t been able to afford it and it’s becoming increasingly necessary)
c) Focus on healthy food choices and portion control, but I refuse to diet any longer. Dieting is not living. I have a much healthier relationship with food when I’m not obsessed with every calorie, fat gram and carb that I’m putting in my mouth. When I am less obsessed, I don’t punish myself for “messing up” and feel driven to binge. I like ice cream and I’m going to eat it sometimes. I like cheese and chocolate and peanut butter, I’m going to eat it sometimes too. I like sushi and every kind of vegetable and fruit that exists and I will eat that as much as is possibly available to me. I’m tired of trying to trick my brain into thinking it’s full on foods that don’t satiate but are deemed “healthy” by the dieting community. My goal is to return to eating in the most organic sense of the word, eat when I’m hungry and eat the foods that are the best suited for my needs, which include treats now and again.
d) Staying conscious indulgences and over-indulgences (sugars, alcohol, caffeine, the occasional cigar, etc….)
e) Continuing to focus on herbal assistance regarding mood and mental health, as well as daily multivitamin and probably should begin incorporating a calcium supplement since I’m going to be 35 soon and that’s when bone loss supposedly begins.
f) Incorporate regular meditation and deep breathing exercises.
g) Incorporate time with nature regularly.
h) Remain grateful and conscious.
i) Get Puggies/Kittehs to vet regularly (Bailey needs her teeth cleaned ASAP)
j) Pamper myself from time to time (pedicures, manicures, getting my hair did, new shoes/clothes, etc…)
k) Continue to focus on immune system improvements.
3) Hobbies
a) I really love to write, it is my passion and I must embrace it. Find a creative writing class!
b) Blog & Journaling.
c) Dance class: Belly, Zumba, African Beats.
d) Possibly something crafty, like knitting or crocheting.
4) Communications and Travel
a) Maintain better communications with friends and family from afar.
b) At least one visit out of state to see family.
5) Work Related
a) C# class (online or physical) & books
b) ASP.Net class (online or physical) & books
c) Software development best practices and guidelines research/documentation
d) Continue to build on SQL skills
e) Vacation one week in July, November, December 2011!
6) Financial
a) Save money each pay check.
b) Make larger payments on car/credit cards to pay off sooner.
c) Set aside funds for a bit of pampering from time to time.
This feels like a good start. I am going to book mark this entry and reference (and edit) as needed when I need a good reminder of what my priorities for myself are. I tend to get lost in what everyone else needs from me. Balancing giving and loving with remaining conscious of what my own needs and goals are going to be a priority for me this year. I’m looking forward to it!
Happy New Year!
I do know, however, that these are items I’ve been procrastinating for some reason or another for some time now and I feel more able and energized to address them and why not use the New Year as starting point? It’s a perfectly legitimate excuse in my book and perhaps, a fine motivator as well?
1) Organize My Life
This may seem utterly monotonous (and it is for me, I can’t even tell you) but it is absolutely necessary. Partly due to the fact that I will be officially cohabitating with another adult in less than 30 days, partly due to the fact that my living space feels a little like a tornado hit it at one point and was sort of haphazardly thrown back together and partly because I’ve just been lazy about such things and it makes my Type A cringe.
a) Sort and determine what items can be set aside for yard sale in July 2011. This includes cleaning out all closets, dressers, drawers., boxes in storage….etc and clearing out the stuff that isn’t being used! Just get rid of it!
b) Establish a solid filing system (shoving everything in a drawer DOES NOT COUNT!)
c) Work on getting into a routine that incorporates my goals for healthy cooking, exercise, hobbies, fun AND downtime.
d) Get the 1,000’s of physical photographs I have of Max, friends, family, my dad, etc….in digital form.
e) Get the 1,000’s of digital images (in addition to d above) cataloged and published.
f) Get all cd’s migrated to digital copy and cataloged.
g) Get all digital music cataloged.
h) Get all address and contact information in one central location.
i) Back up all data and files regularly to external hard drive.
2) Health & Healing
This goes without saying I suppose, but I know I have to stay conscious about these aspects of the many types of health (physical, emotional, spiritual, mental) or it falls by the wayside as I am easily distracted. This includes, but is not limited to:
a) Enjoyable physical activity 3- 5 times per week (this does not include cleaning the house!) this needs to include the puggies at least a few times a week as well, they really need exercise!
b) Dental care is a priority this year (I haven’t been able to afford it and it’s becoming increasingly necessary)
c) Focus on healthy food choices and portion control, but I refuse to diet any longer. Dieting is not living. I have a much healthier relationship with food when I’m not obsessed with every calorie, fat gram and carb that I’m putting in my mouth. When I am less obsessed, I don’t punish myself for “messing up” and feel driven to binge. I like ice cream and I’m going to eat it sometimes. I like cheese and chocolate and peanut butter, I’m going to eat it sometimes too. I like sushi and every kind of vegetable and fruit that exists and I will eat that as much as is possibly available to me. I’m tired of trying to trick my brain into thinking it’s full on foods that don’t satiate but are deemed “healthy” by the dieting community. My goal is to return to eating in the most organic sense of the word, eat when I’m hungry and eat the foods that are the best suited for my needs, which include treats now and again.
d) Staying conscious indulgences and over-indulgences (sugars, alcohol, caffeine, the occasional cigar, etc….)
e) Continuing to focus on herbal assistance regarding mood and mental health, as well as daily multivitamin and probably should begin incorporating a calcium supplement since I’m going to be 35 soon and that’s when bone loss supposedly begins.
f) Incorporate regular meditation and deep breathing exercises.
g) Incorporate time with nature regularly.
h) Remain grateful and conscious.
i) Get Puggies/Kittehs to vet regularly (Bailey needs her teeth cleaned ASAP)
j) Pamper myself from time to time (pedicures, manicures, getting my hair did, new shoes/clothes, etc…)
k) Continue to focus on immune system improvements.
3) Hobbies
a) I really love to write, it is my passion and I must embrace it. Find a creative writing class!
b) Blog & Journaling.
c) Dance class: Belly, Zumba, African Beats.
d) Possibly something crafty, like knitting or crocheting.
4) Communications and Travel
a) Maintain better communications with friends and family from afar.
b) At least one visit out of state to see family.
5) Work Related
a) C# class (online or physical) & books
b) ASP.Net class (online or physical) & books
c) Software development best practices and guidelines research/documentation
d) Continue to build on SQL skills
e) Vacation one week in July, November, December 2011!
6) Financial
a) Save money each pay check.
b) Make larger payments on car/credit cards to pay off sooner.
c) Set aside funds for a bit of pampering from time to time.
This feels like a good start. I am going to book mark this entry and reference (and edit) as needed when I need a good reminder of what my priorities for myself are. I tend to get lost in what everyone else needs from me. Balancing giving and loving with remaining conscious of what my own needs and goals are going to be a priority for me this year. I’m looking forward to it!
Happy New Year!
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