Turkey Day Recap

Wednesday
Excused from work early, went home and baked and prepped for Thanksgiving. Bowled with D on the Wii, getting better every day. Some day, I will win.

Thursday
Up at 7 AM with the dogs and started cooking/cleaning immediately. Lots of coffee. Dinner by 1 PM, was way to much food for two people and two puggies. Puggies indulged (see below) happily, Gaia and Pumpkin just licked the gravy off their turkey. Didn’t even eat the turkey! Cats…such food snobs. Cleaned up the kitchen (sort of) and Dave and I basically slept the rest of the day, we had an extremely busy week, both in preparation for the holiday and at work. I heard from Pam via text, she wants to “talk soon?” I don’t have a response for that whole issue at the moment. I’m not ready, I don’t think. I didn’t call anyone on the holiday. I don’t feel guilty for some reason. Maybe I’m getting more comfortable with being ok with people not liking me all the time for not living up to their standards or what I’m “supposed” to do. There are STILL leftovers in the fridge and we are going on almost a week later. It will be the last time I cook an actual turkey tho, so gross. All that skin and bones and tendons and stuff. I’m just not cut out to be a carnivore, even though it was delicious and I thanked it a number of times while Dave stared at me like I was fresh out of the loony bin.

Friday
Woke up early, continued cleaning up the volumes of dishes from the previous day’s festivities. Played with the dogs and dinked around for about an hour before heading up the mountain to see Max. Was a beautiful morning in town, but the clouds were looming once I got up the mountain a bit. It was spitting snow and wind once I got to Idaho Springs and I anxiously awaited Max’s arrival at our pre-determined spot. He was there rather promptly, got out of the car looking like natural born snow border, clad in all the gear, complete with hat. AND A GOATEE! He’s got fuzz on his face, what the heck! It’s adorable, I loves it, but it took me back a bit. We went to a lovely café for brunch, I had the vegetarian eggs benedict, he had French toast and sausage. We chatted over tea and Coca Cola, did a lot of catching up. Much of which I’m still processing, most profoundly though seem to be his insights on the previous few years and his behavior and my behavior and how we landed to where we are today. He mentioned that he was sorry that he’d been such an “ass” to me, that he really was acting like a jerk and doing his best to make me feel like crap so he’d get what he wanted. He admitted that living in WY wasn’t at all what he expected and that getting to know his dad has been a good experience, but again, not at all what he expected. He said, and I quote “Now I know why you guys aren’t together. There’s no possible way you two could put up with each other.” We both laughed at that and for maybe the first time in a long time, I saw it like that instead of having mixed feelings about the man that is my baby’s daddy. I also got a serious glimpse into Max’s young psyche, has he been wondering all this time why we aren’t together? I honestly hadn’t really thought of that, I guess perhaps I just assumed it was obvious. But not to someone who doesn’t know Sean and Max, didn’t really know Sean until probably the last 18 months or so and living with someone is a whole different set of rules. Which was a natural segue in the conversation about living with his room-mate and what that’s like and he’s curious about Dave and I. He went on to tell me how much he likes Dave. That he feels more comfortable at east knowing Dave is there with me, he said “I know he’d know what to do if anything happened.” I don’t know what that means, except that man-child is clearly protective of his momma bear, even from afar. I hope not to much tho, I realllly don’t want him to have the same crappy baggage I do. Some other kind of baggage, fine, so be it and I’m sure it will be. We talked for a few hours, did some window shopping at all the quaint little mountain shops. He bought Kristen a Christmas ornament and kept trying to buy me this little doo dad or that. At which I smiled a great deal, it’s very clear he’s trying to assert his independence AND wants to prove he’s doing “ok.” I think he wants me to be proud of him. And I am. Totally, he’s really coming into himself and while I know I’m not getting the whole story, I think he’s doing pretty ok for himself. I probed about school, not to much tho, we all know how private kids can be when they get out on their own. He gets a little prickly when I bring it up, so I tread that water carefully. He says he’ll think about it. I told him I just wanted him to at least get his GED and think about Vocational Training of some kind when (?) he returns to CO, which he assures me is by about age 21. The kid has been in his own apartment about one month now. He may find that he wants more then Capser has to offer him before the next 3 years come to pass. There’s very little available to him now out there, he admits it. Ultimately, I know he’ll find his way and this may not include formal education. I always tell him “You got the best of me and your dad, you are smart and capable. You are street savvy and can read a book, those are two things that will never fail you in life.” He laughs, but he knows I’m right. He gave me the most awesome hug goodbye, good solid manly squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. I tried not to cry, he reminded me he’d be down at Christmas time for a whole week. That made me smile. I left the visit feeling like my baby boy is out in the world, finding himself, but knows where his momma’s heart is and that it’s always open to him. What else could I ask for? Spent the rest of Friday cleaning house and kicking Dave’s but at Wii golf. He then, kicked my butt at ping pong and baseball. My arms are still sore, he admits I gave him a good run for his money at the ping pong.

Saturday
Slept as late as possible, which is like 7:30 AM at the most. By this point, I’m pretty tired. Got the puggies nice and worn out, showered and headed out the door to meet Rosebud and Clark William at DIA. Dave wakes up as I’m walking out, smooches and goes out to smoke in his boxers. I’m thinking, man you are dedicated to that stuff! I don’t say anything, he knows I want him to quit. I know nagging him won’t change a thing and really, who am I to say a word? I smoked for a solid 15 years before I quit and still sneak an occasional clove smoke here and there when the occasion calls for it. Drive to DIA, not much traffic, I’m thinking right on. Find a parking spot right in front, another RIGHT ON. I was expecting total chaos due to the holiday and don’t get me wrong, the airport was busier then normal. However, as I later told Rose, it’s designed to keep people moving in all it’s enormity and modern transportation-oriented design. So people are hustling and bustling all around me, I grab some water and a snack and settle in patiently near the train exit. I’m nervous to see Rose, I don’t know why, but I am. Maybe because it had been so long, maybe because I didn’t know how she’ll react to me or what if there was nothing to talk about? Those little insecure voices are SO annoying. The second she walked up with little Clark strapped to her, my eyes welled up and one of those big wet drippy tears came running down on both sides. We hugged, I apologized for the tears she looked at me and said “Oh your fine”, kind of waiving it off and smiling a little and we were off on our way. We were able to spend about an hour and a half together. I don’t know why wouldn’t have anything to talk about, we haven’t seen each other in ages. So much has happened, so much to get caught up on and plus, the little monkey really is very entertaining. No lack of interest there! Rose has grown up so much. Motherhood becomes her, she’s warm and loving and honest about what being a mom means for her. Clark is easily the most mellow baby at age 1 I’ve ever met. He just takes it all in, watches and gauges the situation and dives right in. It only took him about 10 minutes to warm up to me, which I thought given the circumstances was pretty flattering. Imagine, sitting in a busy air port on a holiday weekend meeting this big tall lady you’ve never met who just keeps trying to hug and kiss you! The horror! Clark was all over it though, we walked around and had lunch. We played and talked and he gave me some good hugs. Clark shared his rice with me and has quite the appetite. It must run in the Conlee blood. As Rose and I sat there talking, about being a mom and work and life, I had this epiphany that it was only because of a small twist of fate that we didn’t end being in the same house together, growing up as sisters on the day to day. She seems familiar to me. I feel inherently comfortable and an ease communicating with her, like she really does understand me. I think she feels the same with me too. I see mannerisms and physical features that I recognize. Later, I think to myself that neither of us grew up with a sister and she’s approximately the same difference in age with her brothers as I am with her. I try not linger on the thought, but there is this strange connection I feel to her that I don’t totally understand and I can’t tell if it’s because we are blood related in a significant way or our circumstances, though very different, are also very similar. It’s hard not knowing your father, it’s hard knowing you have a sibling out in the world that circumstances did not allow you to know until recently and it’s work to be a mom and women and wife and all those things that we both have been. Feminine unification perhaps? In any event, the visit left me pondering much and there were a lot of tears in parting from her and Clark. A longing overcame me to be a part of their lives, in a regular way. To know Clark as he ages and get to know my sister. She’s very warm and loving, I sense a similar ongoing balance and battle with the logical and emotional selves, there are many things I was able to gleem from that one interaction that has stuck with me and I think the biggest, most profound one was that my fears about us not being able to get along or have a quality relationship because of the very different ways in which were raised are not fair to either of us. It wasn’t her fault, or mine, that this is how it is and there’s no reason to taint the waters with things that are in the past and not really relevant to us. I mean what can we do about it anyway? Not a whole lot, so let’s put it in the past and move forward.

Sunday
Slept and cleaned up the house a bit more, but mostly slept. The holidays wear me out! Shew!

That said, here we are more than a week since the big event and I’m pooped out still! Not just from that but also from the various activities since, getting decorations in order, having friends over for meals, etc. I’m hoping to keep this weekend low key as I’m a bit fried already. I also jacked my back up doing yard work this weekend. My body is now going to start screaming at me to get the “rest” of me in shape now that my tonsils are no excuse? Danget.

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