Babies

Babies

Rose is far more efficient at sending out pictures of Clark than I ever was with Max. Although, I would like to point out that the technology available to do so today wasn’t really around when Max was that age, or at the very least, I was far less accessible and affordable. But I won’t hold that against her 

This Clark thing gets me thinking a lot about biology and how babies do this weird thing to me. My baby makin’ days are long over, unless by some miracle of the Universe (because it really would take one at this point and I would have to hope that the powers that be might be extra kind at this stage in the game), I am 100% sure I won’t be having any more babies, even if I wanted to. Which, I definitely do not. I like other people’s babies just fine, especially when I can give them back.

Now that THAT is clarified, these images of Clark spark strong biological stirrings to be closer to him and his momma. I simply cannot deny that it’s real and it happens every time I see his little soft baby face and Rose smiling like a shiny new momma right next time. The pics I have of him on my fridge remind me that I have a sister and a nephew out there and she’s the only sister I’ve got and who knows, there might be more nephews/nieces, but man…this thing feels really big to me sometimes.

So I ponder the basics like, “Well it’s not that far to Texas from CO“ and “Theoretically I could drive there over long weekends.“ and “I have to hurry, he’s going to be all grown up before I see him!” because you know that’s how it works right? Babies? They grow up over night. If you don’t catch them while they are cute and wrinkly and soft and smell good, they grow up into teenagers who are still cute, but don’t always smell so good and are definitely NOT soft or wrinkly. The clock is a’tickin’ me thinks!

This doesn’t happen with everyone’s babies. I have several friends with brand spanking new babies and I like to hold them and look at them watch them do their little baby thing, but I’m not longing to hold them or hear all the details about childbirth and what it’s like for the new momma to have an infant. Nope, that only happens when I think of Rose and Clark. I mean, all the sudden I want to knit him a blanket and buy him baby clothes and when I see baby stuff in the store I’m oohing and ahhing.

Kristen and I talked about this at length recently as her brother and his wife were pregnant (lost the baby sadly) but we were all very excited and she mentioned she was having similar reaction. So, I don’t think I’m like completely crazy or needy or anything for feeling this way. I am just not sure how to manage it. Because we aren’t close (in all ways, physically tangible or otherwise) and the truth is that it might seem a bit odd to her if I was suddenly trying to be all up in her business after all this time. Thing is, I don’t care any more. That’s the crazy part. Something about this baby makes me want to be there, in her life, in his life, to hear the details and be there when the challenges strike. It feels like a calling of sorts.

Maybe I have aspirations of being a rockin’ Aunty like mine are, because goodness knows I have about the best examples on the planet on how to “Aunty” someone. Perhaps now that I AM someone’s Aunt, I can look at the amazing role MY Aunts have played in my life and want to strive to be that for someone else. Maybe not now nessisarly, but some day.

I keep thinking of how cool it is to know a child from the time they are infants until they are grown. Case in point, Kristen’s daughter Bethany. That little girl has grown into a lovely young woman, her birthday is next week (17 gasp) and I feel honored to know her and to have such history with her. After all, I literally did change her diapers, feed her baby food, burp her and let her puke all over me. I’ve seen her cry, laugh, grow, test all of us (she’s an Aquariaus just like me, same day and everything…she comes by it honestly) and now she is a sweet, beautiful young woman and I can look at her and still see what she was like as a child. We all practically lived together, while the kids were between 6 and 11 or so and Max and Bethany are bonded. We do family things together, birthday parties, holidays, etc every year. Bethany calls me when she needs computer help or wants me to help her with her computer lab homework. I cannot predict what the future holds for any of us, but I cannot fathom a reason why I wouldn’t at least be privy to what’s going on B’s life via Kristen over the years. I like that. I’m growing up and seeing the children I’ve loved grow up too.

Maybe all these reasons are why I want to be closer to Rose and Clark. Now, how to go about seeing what I can do about it? Finances could prove problematic (traveling is SOOOO expensive) but I can’t let that be a deterrent. We’ll see, it’ll come to me I’m sure. Always does.