shew

It’s been a literal whirl of activity in the past month or so and I finally feel more able to breathe a bit, thank goodness!

Work has been incredibly demanding as of late and I dare say, it’s not been my favorite activity recently, but I surely cannot complain. As someone recently pointed out to me, the economy has everyone on edge and we are all having to work harder to prove our worth and justify the expense of our salaries. Mostly, I feel lucky to have a job, even if I am not always happy here. All positions have their ups and downs, mine just happens to be in a “down” period at the moment. My team is getting a lot of heat about turn around time on development and accuracy of code. It’s an ongoing issue, and not specific to just one developer (i.e..me b/c I take my work performance very personally) so as we all know, the extra good gooey stuff rolls down hill and it’s definitely been rolling into my lap these past few months. I just try to roll with it and take the good with the bad. My supervisor is amazing for the most part, I like the work I do and my co-workers are pretty cool. We are getting ready to move buildings, just across the highway from where we are now and I am looking forward to that. No more black crap spewing out all over my from the vents over my desk and new cube walls too! Plus, the building is beautifully done and considerably more modern then our current location. Moving will be hectic, as moves generally are, but I know we are all looking forward to getting it over with and acclimating to our new building.

Max will be here on the 19th for about a two week visit to Colorado. He’ll be with me until the 28th and then off to his Grandparents for the remainder of his visit. I am bouncing out of my skin with excitement, as well as some apprehension and anxiousness. It’s been five months since we last saw one another and that’s long enough for me to sense changes in us both. It’s not like I will forget how to wear my mommy crown when we are in one another’s presence. The boy has been part of me since the day he was conceived and you don’t spend 17 years being someone’s mother just to have that dissipate in a period of five months. I just wonder how the dynamic will change. How has he changed? How have I changed? In many ways, I find this whole concept of having him a few times a year and playing Disney Land Momma pretty enticing. The truth is that I feel much less pressure. Almost like I can let my guard down and enjoy him for a change because let’s face it, I can be that mom that worries and hovers and clucks when he’s in the house, under my roof and my responsibility. But, since that is no longer the case and I’m not the one responsible for meeting with his teachers and making sure he’s doing his homework and worrying about where he is and who he’s with and reminding him to pick up his room and do his laundry and blah blah blah blah (which in the grand scheme of it all, is relatively unimportant I know can now actually see that in reality and not just in theory) I do feel a load lightened a bit. Plus, I think he’s really grown. Sometimes I sense that being with Sean is what had to happen to help the boy child grow into a man child and find some sense of independence, not just from me, but from the grips of the “evil adults” who have surrounded him his whole life. We are such bastards. Only wanting the best for him and laying down boundaries. How dare we !?!?!? *giggle*

The really cool thing? The really really cool thing is that I know Max is a wicked interesting and beautiful person in there. Behind all that teenage acne and hormones and acting out. I’ve always known it and I adore him, regardless. Space, time and change can be a grand healer of many wounds. It’s something I learn time and time again, but am never surprised by. I’ll have much to report on this subject I am sure after his visit. One never knows how something will pan out, but I surely am looking forward t seeing him.

Many holiday events already passed and to come have kept me fat and happy this season. Not only is the food decadent, the wine flows, friends hug and laugh, life feels good. January is going to be a bitch, getting back to eating like a normal person again. So much holiday goodness to be had all year!

I expect New Year’s Eve to be quiet. Just Dave and I, dinner, maybe a movie. I like this Dave fella. He makes me happy and treats me wonderfully. He’s a good poo poo for sure. More to report on that as the situation progresses.

Rose responded with open arms to my visit idea. I am thrilled. Hoping to make that happen around the 1st of April 2010. Finances could prove troublesome because traveling is pricey no matter how you slice it, luckily though….Dallas tickets are totally reasonable and it only takes about an hour to get there. All I know is that seeing my nephew and sister feels important. Family is family and I find myself more inclined to put energy into building that relationship then in years past. She’s a mommy now, there’s a new baby in the family, hello!

I’m also hoping to take a trip to Yellowstone this coming year. It’s a total win/win vacation. Location = driveable, accommodations = camping fee’s/gear, pets = allowed, beautiful wilderness = check!

I’ll have to think about what my goals are for 2010. Going back to school feels high on my radar screen, even if it’s just one class a semester. There’s really no excuse not to in light of Max’s absence from my daily life. I know I’d like to loose some weight, exercise more….but I say that every year. Actually loosing weight is a pretty serious endeavor, especially at first. It takes a real shift in life style, especially after all these years of eating, drinking too much and not enough exercise. I feel more ready though, that’s for sure.

Ok, I should get some work done. Off for now my lovelies, love to you all.