Just My List

1) I am a single mother of an oustanding, amazing, intuitive little man.
2) I loved being pregnant with Max, my feelings for him are undescribable in words.
3) I worry about my son a lot, I worry about me a lot.
4) My son phsycially looks a lot like me, there is no question he is my child, though as he ages his father's features become more prevalent.
5) The hardest part of being a single mother for me is feeling alone in the process, like I don't have anyone to bounce the day to day stuff off of. Some days I feel very alone in life.
6) There are also days when I get overwhelmed with the volume of things that have to be done and I sometimes wish I had someone to share the load with.
7) I think I am a good mother, but wish I were more patient.
8) I am 28 now, I had Max when I was 16.
9) I feel myself getting older, it scares me a little..
10) Sometimes I am resistant to "behaving" like an adult.
11) I am a voluptous, naturally blonde haired women with green eyes.
12) My physical self image is somewhat disorted and I have suffered with eating disorders of some sort since my early teens.
13) I wish I was more athletic.
14) I love to be outside, hiking, camping, doing anything physical outside of my home and get depressed if I don't get to do it as much as I'd like.
15) I live in Colorado and feel it is my home, but am insanely drawn toward the Pacific Northwestern States.
16) I am inately connected to the ocean and water.
17) I have an irrational fear of bats.
18) I love animals of every variety, even bats.
19) I want to go bungee jumping, sky diving and river rafting.
20) I am in IT, but have always wanted to become a Marine Biologist in my dream world ;-)
21) If it were up to me, I'd put my 40+ hours in at a non-profit, I can think of nowhere I'd rather spend my work hours.
22) My most influential professional women are Gail Wilson, Carin Carper, Oprah Winfrey & Gwen Stefani.
23) Carin Carper was and is one of the most beuatiful women I've ever known, we lost her to breast cancer 5 years ago and not a day goes by I don't think about her.
24) Her soul is beautiful and kind and true and I've never known anyone quite like her. I miss her.
25) I've lost a lot of people in my life and have seen alot of people loose their loved ones.
26) There is nothing worse than that kind of loss, it is not something I understand.
27) My father died when I had just barely turned 8.
28) I still mourne not having a father growing up and even now as an adult women.
29) My mother and I have had a difficult relationship, but it is growing in a healthy one that I am greatly appreciative of.
30) I am fascinated by the human condition.
31) I think I am special, but not any more or less special than anyone else.
32) Some people have labled me a complex individual, but I don't see that, I am just me.
33) I love music and am profoundly connected to musical elements in my soul.
34) I don't like country all that much though I respect it for what it is.
35) I have sung off and on for years and sang back up vocals briefly in a band.
36) I am a writer, specifically poetry and lyrics.
37) I wish to learn an instrument so I can write my own songs and not rely on others for the sounds I can hear in my mind when I am writing lyrics.
38) I am intuitively creative, but do not always know where to put that energy.
39) I also like painting and photography.
40) Radiohead is my favorite band.
41) I saw Radiohead live, front and center at Red Rocks in 2003 and it was an experience I know will follow me through the years.
42) My experiences with music will live in my memory forever.
43) I do not feel that alot of other people truly understand me.
44) I have an outstanding support group and feel a lot of love from all of them.
45) The women closest to me share common personality traits amongs them: Exceptional Strength, Strong Sense Of Self, Independance, Intellegence, Intuitiveness and Tolerance.
46) I often feel the most vulnerable and weak of all of them, but draw a great deal of inspiration and strength from each of them for different reasons.
47) I love being a women, in spite of the constant struggle and double standards I see in our culture.
48) My closest girlfriends are Kristen, Crystal & Mary. Colleen is also on that list, even though she drives me crazy sometimes:)
49) These are my safest friendships, they are my sisters and fellow soldiers in life.
50) My mother has been my greatest teacher and I love her unconditionally.
51) My grandmothers & aunts are also important to me.
52) I have a biological sister, we are not close and did not even talk until 2 years ago.
53) I wonder a lot if our relationship will develop.
54) Equally, the men closest to me share common traits: Sensitivity, Intuitiviness, Intelligence, Kindness; Love, Fascination & Respect For Us As Women.
55) I cannot spend time with men who are arrogant, women hating, abusive in any way, biogts, liars, conceded, jealous, insecure or intolerant. I will never waste my time on men that meet any of these criteria again.
56) I love men and they also irritate the shit out of me, I sometimes struggle greatly in my romantic relationships with men.
57) I wonder if I am capable of the kind of love I desire with a man.
58) My grandfathers, step-father, Bryan, Dane & Justin are my most trusted male relationships.
59) I understand them and they understand me, whatever the context of our relationship.
60) Unfortunately, like the majority of women in my life I have been sexually violated.
61) I went through years of rage and acting out becuase of this, but am blessed to have come to a place of healing.
62) I am quite curious about "Love" between men & women, it's such an interesting dynamic.
63) I'm not sure if I've ever really been in love, at least not the love I've envisioned in my heart.
64) Next topic.
65) I am a fairly political individual and have strong, but open political beliefs.
66) I am kind and honest, sometimes to a fault.
67) I can be "bad" and scandelous and sometimes I like it.
68) I think we all can be, we all have darkness inside of us.
69) I have great internal struggles and overthink things a lot.
70) I am smarter than the average bear, but sometimes have little or no common sense about everyday things.
71) I want to be a better listener to my friends.
72) I think individuals who are accutley aware of their surroundings, with higher than average intelligence can be quite tortured.
73) I've also found folks who are intensley creative can be quite eccentric.
74) I am drawn to these sorts of entities.
75) I lived in San Francisco for 3 years and it taught me a lot and I met such a diverse group of people there that I am forever changed from the experience.
76) I have struggled off and on with my drinking and partying.
77) I smoke cigarettes.
78) I can party like a frat boy and dance all night.
79) I like to push my body and mind to it's limits.
80) I also like to test sociatal standards and ethics.
81) I am a highly sexual women, but do not believe I am promiscous.
82) I have an issue with authority but often feel I need guidance.
83) I love to drive fast and want to learn to drive a motorcylce and quad.
84) I think I am more screwed up than some people think and less than others seem to think I am.
85) I do not believe in God the way that any one else in my life does and I have huge issues with organized religion.
86) I've always admired others ability to have faith, it is simply something I do not understand and wish that I could.
87) I do consider myself a highly spiritual individual, but cannot put a name on it.
88) I have explored many religions and find the most connection with Eastern based philosphies.
89) I am highly logical, but equally an emotionally driven thinker.
90) I believe in karma.
91) I will forever be searching.
92) I love living life for everything it has to offer and luckily have cared a lot less about what people think about me through the years.
93) I think people spend too much time worrying about what others think of them.
94) I am open to getting married some day, but am not sure I ever will.
95) Sometimes I think I have no idea what I think and am a walking study in contradiction.
96) I have learned how to put down boundaries with others in my life, this was not easy.
97) I have learned to laugh at myself and think humor (like love) is part of what makes it all work.
98) I believe most people are truly good in their hearts.
99) I love make up, clothes and to play dress up and to feel sexy. Thus my love for Halloween!
100) Isn't it sad I could punch out 100 random thoughts and could go on for 100 more! Oh yeah...I can be very long winded!