Wow, my blogging activity is a little lack luster these days, isn’t it? In part, it’s simply that I haven’t had the time or energy to actually write something that accurately reflects the current state of life these days. Not really sure I do today either, but I ought to at least give it a try, huh?

The last few weeks have been a challenge on the relationship(s) front. In the matters of the heart, the Universe has surely been sending me some very strong and clear signals about loving, letting go and attachments. Loving in that I can see how love changes its shape and form through the duration of any given relationship, but it still remains if it was there to begin with. Letting go in the sense of letting go of the history that no longer serves me well and releasing its pains and resentments to the Universe. Attachments in general, but specificailly attachments to outcomes. The latter of which I seem to struggle with on the regular. I get so caught up in what I see the outcomes becoming that I forget to enjoy getting there in the first place OR that it may not even go down that way to begin with. In fact, it’s most likely NOT going to go down the way in which one predicts, so why get stuck to it at all? Silly, SILLY rabbit.

This is also a reoccurring theme at work. I was notified today that my position will likely take a pretty drastic turn in the coming months and I will be doing considerabley less development and being required to pay my attention more to configuration management. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet. I like development and I feel I am consistently put on the back burner when it comes to new development for the company. Sure, I can manage all the legacy apps with my eyes half shut, no coffee and on 4 hours of sleep should I need to. But NEW development, that’s what I was really hoping for this year and now I’m going to be doing even less than I already do? Hmmmmmm, I don’t know about all that. Of course, the reality is that what I “want” and what I “need” are often two different things (why is that?) and I may not have much choice but to look at this transition as an “opportunity.” An opportunity to further my skill set in other area’s, there is a demand for “Configuration Managers” out there in the world and it would be a rather large transition in responsibility as well, so perhaps I should be flattered that my boss is considering me for the these tasks. Maybe. That or she just doesn’t have any other developers who consistently have gaps in their schedules b/c I am the ONLY one not doing .Net development on the new in house apps. I feel a small roar of discontent brewing over this new development, that’s probably obvious. To me it may represent a time to make choices and changes and I get anxious just thinking about that, so I should do what is best for now and that is, let’s just ride the wave and see what happens until reason is given to make decisions.

Love and life, it all kinda works the same doesn’t it?

I’m also starving and want to eat everything today, so that a surefire sign of hormone induced agony approaching. BOO FRIGGEN HISS.

We should start a “This is what I do when the Hormone Monster visits ME” website. As long as it says I can eat chocolate, potato chips and cheese all I want I’ll be the moderate AND no one will get hurt *wink*