Wow, my blogging activity is a little lack luster these days, isn’t it? In part, it’s simply that I haven’t had the time or energy to actually write something that accurately reflects the current state of life these days. Not really sure I do today either, but I ought to at least give it a try, huh?

The last few weeks have been a challenge on the relationship(s) front. In the matters of the heart, the Universe has surely been sending me some very strong and clear signals about loving, letting go and attachments. Loving in that I can see how love changes its shape and form through the duration of any given relationship, but it still remains if it was there to begin with. Letting go in the sense of letting go of the history that no longer serves me well and releasing its pains and resentments to the Universe. Attachments in general, but specificailly attachments to outcomes. The latter of which I seem to struggle with on the regular. I get so caught up in what I see the outcomes becoming that I forget to enjoy getting there in the first place OR that it may not even go down that way to begin with. In fact, it’s most likely NOT going to go down the way in which one predicts, so why get stuck to it at all? Silly, SILLY rabbit.

This is also a reoccurring theme at work. I was notified today that my position will likely take a pretty drastic turn in the coming months and I will be doing considerabley less development and being required to pay my attention more to configuration management. I’m not sure how I feel about this yet. I like development and I feel I am consistently put on the back burner when it comes to new development for the company. Sure, I can manage all the legacy apps with my eyes half shut, no coffee and on 4 hours of sleep should I need to. But NEW development, that’s what I was really hoping for this year and now I’m going to be doing even less than I already do? Hmmmmmm, I don’t know about all that. Of course, the reality is that what I “want” and what I “need” are often two different things (why is that?) and I may not have much choice but to look at this transition as an “opportunity.” An opportunity to further my skill set in other area’s, there is a demand for “Configuration Managers” out there in the world and it would be a rather large transition in responsibility as well, so perhaps I should be flattered that my boss is considering me for the these tasks. Maybe. That or she just doesn’t have any other developers who consistently have gaps in their schedules b/c I am the ONLY one not doing .Net development on the new in house apps. I feel a small roar of discontent brewing over this new development, that’s probably obvious. To me it may represent a time to make choices and changes and I get anxious just thinking about that, so I should do what is best for now and that is, let’s just ride the wave and see what happens until reason is given to make decisions.

Love and life, it all kinda works the same doesn’t it?

I’m also starving and want to eat everything today, so that a surefire sign of hormone induced agony approaching. BOO FRIGGEN HISS.

We should start a “This is what I do when the Hormone Monster visits ME” website. As long as it says I can eat chocolate, potato chips and cheese all I want I’ll be the moderate AND no one will get hurt *wink*

The move of our office was a success over all. I’m eating blueberries in my new cube space, trying to decide if I really can wait until tomorrow to eat another cup. Berries and I, we go way back. Good stuff. Anywho, I am generally pretty happy about the new space and more than happy with the performance of our 24/7 team and the movers for expediting the entire experience and making it an almost seamless one for most of the staff. I know management is also thrilled that there was minimal down time and we were back up and running, being productive and moving forward with deadlines and planning right on time. Good job guys!

The new office is sunny and bright, with new cube walls and desks and furniture. The amount of natural light is probably the best thing that could have happened for all of us. The old office was a bit dreary and there were days when the gray cube walls, artificial lighting and obnoxiousness of that environment as a whole was a notable factor in the downward spiral of that particular day. The new space has many new features that I think we can all appreciate: bathrooms/kitchen separate from the common area, an actual break room with reasonably priced drinks and snacks (hey, we are a development shop, sometimes we ALL need sugar and salt to get through the day) and the machines actually give you what you selected and there is no lack of parking. The building itself is modern, only about 10 years old and is secure and has an on site utility staff – awesome.

Many things to be thrilled about! The only obvious downfall for all of us (except management of course LOL) is that we are all totally exposed to one another. It is a much more open environment and the cube walls are only half the size we are used to. In a nutshell, zero privacy. Not that you get much to begin with in ANY cube environment, but this is definitely much less than we are used to. In the old cube maze, the cubes had full walls and many of the staff were against walls and had a considerable amount of privacy. I, of course, did not…I sat RIGHT in the main thoroughfair for the development team and while I learned to ignore it, it took me a solid 6 months to get there. So, while I may be used to being this exposed, most of my team-mates are not and there is audible moaning and groaning. It is this developers opinion that the new environment might be a bit more condusive to actual team work, well…with the exception that the only other female developer on the team and I are completely separated from the guys. Was hard NOT to notice that little factoid, but hey, whatever. We have jobs, we are respected members of the team and now we have a 3 female member, a technical writer and that’s nice. It also helps, that the main boss lady, is a pretty inspiring woman…it helps.

So, some things to adjust to….sitting so close to members of other teams, hearing them talk, eat, etc…oh and I really don’t like the water. Ew. I might have to get one of those water pitchers with the filter for work b/c all the water here is tap water and while it’s nice to have a water machine and an ice maker, it’s no good when the water is THORNTON water. Yick. I suppose complaining about this makes me a total princess, I mean cripes, there are people in Haiti right now with no clean water…I should shut up.

Oh oh and another AWESOME MOST FANTASTIC AMAZING thing? No vent over my desk. No black stuff spewing out on me when the air turns on. No sneezing and hacking. The office is the perfect temp in my opinion, it’s good stuff.

I have a lovely sun beam on my desk as we speak….helllooooo sun beam. *pet pet*

Personal life swims along. There is some drama in the Sean field, but when isn’t there? He already filed his taxes and guess what? He claimed Max. Of COURSE he did, right? Don’t know why I was so shocked. Luckily, I fumed a bit and emotionally spanked myself for not thinking of this when Max went out to WY in the first place and then I let myself off the hook. The situation at the time was tense at best, I didn’t have my wits about me so whatever. It’ll all be dealt with in time. I’m far to happy to let that man have power over me any more. The only fears I have are related to Max, if any fallout from my responses to Sean’s behaviors will affect the boy. I sure hope not, but on the flip side, I can’t control that either. Max made his choice. I am making mine. What else can we do?

My birthday was really wonderful. Much celebration and good wishes from loved ones, I still have an entire table full of “loot” on display and I plan to keep it there for a bit longer. All those glittery cards and trinkets from those out in the world who think of me make me feel really warm and loved. Someday, I’ll get better about giving that love back.

I’m off for now, Bailey needs a walk. She’s getting fat as was pointed out by my vet friend the other night to which I responded, “She’s not FAT, she’s happy and we walk regularly so thbhghgghttt” so I have to keep up on that so I don’t feel guilty about my dog getting chubby. Can I help that our favorite thing to do together is take short walks together, eat snacks, play on the couch and snuggle on lazy Sunday mornings?

Love to you all
S

PS: Dream Fairy…you really have outdone yourself as of late. I dreamed last night that my Aunty MB had this long flowing white hair and I was spending the weekend at her house, but I’d forgotten to get someone to watch my cats in my absence and Bailey kept telling me “Momma, don’t worry…they’ll be fine…now let’s go swimming with the whales!”

Good times.