Kids are great, I adore them. Particularly between the ages of oh, 4 and 7 or so. Very cute, very funny and just old enough to have ALOT of fun with them and just young enough that they've not quite taken on the personality of a morose ogre living under a bridge, lamenting it's creator.
If the nurse had told me that the once sweet, kind, big blue eyed saint of a human that had just emerged from my body would some day become a conflicted, moody, demanding and arbitrarily defiant version of that same human, I might have asked her to put him back. But that's not how it works and alas, these ARE the growing pains of the many evolutions that occur in a single life time.
Max and I have grown through a lot together, we know each other on levels that not a single other person can understand. It is the bond you share with your children, it's a bond that doesn't exist with anyone else for the entire remainder of your life time once you are a) born b) become a mother. An immense novel like book could never clearly detail out what this love is and the intricate knowledge that we share of one another. And, with that knowledge comes times of both joy and discord between us. Love, has a way of doing that...emphasizing joy AND discord. Funny how that works.
Children, basically, want to be loved and adored I've learned. They really want to be mothered also, but like cats who will only allow cuddles on their terms, children of Max's age only want to be mothered on their terms. Which isn't always comfortable or at all convenient. Mothers, on the most simple level, only want for their children to be safe, healthy and happy.
But really, it's so much more complex than that and what I know to be true after raising a child for 15+ years is that the complexities shift based on personal growth, familial changes, external changes (work, etc.) and are also some how related to lunar cycles and planetary changes, or so I choose to believe as I often have no other explanation for it other that one of is about to transform into a werewolf at any moment.
What I've also learned, is that no matter how old you are, how much money you have, your social status, what kind of degree you have, how much experience you think you have or how spiritual your center may be....you WILL (I promise) make a lot of mistakes. And so will your kid(s) and ultimately, that is what life is about. Busting a knee cap, nursing it back to health and eye balling that wound for the rest of your life in the hopes that you don't do it again.
I've totally screwed some stuff up. Max has felt the repercussions of my choices off and on his entire life. After all, he didn't ASK to be born into this world and have me as his mother. Even if the Universe had other plans, this is what he got and I'm glad to have him even though he's not always so happy to have me. Thing is, in spite of my many faults, I do love him and I am here for him. I always have been, I may not always be 100% present for whatever reason, because my insides are convoluted and confused and often in pain...but I am here for him and I've worked hard to make a good life for him.
He may never be able to full understand these things, how we've struggled just to survive at various times in our lives. How I vowed he would never know what it was like to be beaten or hungry or humiliated or ignored. He will probably not know how I've agonized over trying to do every thing right and be a good mother for him so that he had least had a fighting chance in a world that will usually kick your ass first and then ask questions. About the years where all I did was work and take care of him and had absolutely no sense of self or time to discover who I was or what my purpose was and how that affects him now. Some days, I'm sure he wishes his life was a lot easier or that he had a different mother and probably really wishes he had a dad in his life. But he will never really know just how hard it can be. Not as long as he's with me anyway. And I am certain, that right now, as he's upstairs fuming and cussing me under his breathe over why I'm after him about maintaining basic grades, he cannot at all comprehend why I'm being so tough on him. Because he does not yet have the experience to truly fathom the love that mothers have for their children. Or human fallacy.
Poor kid, he's definitely got a few more bumps and bruises. But, I'll still be there to kiss them and help him up. Even if he doesn't want me or appreciate the person offering him a hand up. It's ok, it comes with time.
And really what he has to know, is that I will always love him...no matter what he does because he IS going to make some mistakes. We are going to disagree and I too, am going to royally screw stuff up and I've just accepted that and can appreciate my faults as an opportunity to face my fears and make great changes in my life when that opportunity makes itself clear.
But it doesn't mean I won't expect him to maintain a basic C average in school and it doesn't mean I won't expect him to pick up his room and it doesn't mean I will allow him to yell at his Momma, because it is NOT ok to yell at your Momma. Ever. Period.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Obama Caucus
http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/cocaucuscenter
Navigate to your state to find a local caucus center near you!
Navigate to your state to find a local caucus center near you!
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Wicked Good Fun!
This year, my birthday has quite possibley been the best in recent memory. I danced, I partied, I met a cute boy and I did a lot of eating and having fun with my dear friends and family. Tomorrow, we will wrap it up splendidly with Howard & Mary at Sushi Tazu in Cherry Creek. Oh la la!
I feel loved and happy and life is good. It's good to be me:)
Thank you to all of you who helped to make it special, I love you all!
I feel loved and happy and life is good. It's good to be me:)
Thank you to all of you who helped to make it special, I love you all!
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Yola!
I have coined a new term and feeling quite pleased with myself about it:
Yo + Hola = Yola!
I like it, I'm keeping it.
It's almost birthday time, woopy woopy woop woop!
Yo + Hola = Yola!
I like it, I'm keeping it.
It's almost birthday time, woopy woopy woop woop!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Busy Busy
Update:
- Max is on the mend and we have visits schedule with the nephrology department at Children's for follow up on the results of his kidney work up. Biopsy may be in order at this point, though luckily for Max, they are not nearly as invasive as they once were. All done with lasers and stuff, so maybe he'll think it's kind of cool more than scary. He's had the flu or some kind of virus, really nasty actually. It started out really bad, with throwing up and high fever and then kind of went into this head cold/coughing thing and then got worse again on Tuesday with the throwing up. Poor kid, he's really been through the wringer this week.
- I think Max's crud has it out for me, trying to stare me down. I am fighting it off tooth and nail. I feel it, trying to creep on me and I'm not having it. No flu bugs for moi, thanks though.
- My contract work is about 65% complete, mostly what's left is tweaking the data entry forms and writing reports. I will be submitting that to the client tomorrow for 1st phase review.
- Work is mostly quiet, for this week anyway. Next week, I'll be busy I'm sure. Partly b/c I'm taking my birthday off that Friday and following Monday (yay me!) and my clients love to panic when I have time scheduled off, so they'll probably come up with 10 things extra for me to do before I'm out.
- I am actively planning my trip to WA in June 2008. To say that this idea makes me happy and gives me something exciting to look forward to is a total understatement. I think a vacation is totally in order dammit, it's been one hairy year on this side of the world. Time to go be where I am the happiest and with a group of people who make me equally as happy. It's unfortunate that half of my closest relationships are so far away, but fortunate that they are all in the same place, talk about efficient vacationing! I like it.
- As you all know, my birthday is next week. I finally, after all these years, had an epiphany about why my birthday makes me so happy. I always gotta show up for myself, you know what I mean? If I don't take the time to celebrate my own life and reflect on what I know now that I didn't know the year before, why should any one else? Birthdays really are only indicators of life experience and a damn good excuse to make a big fuss about myself and eat a special meal and party with my loved ones and make Max be extra nice to his Momma. Nothing wrong with taking a day or two out of the daily grind to recognize it all. It's not a bad deal if you ask me.
Till next time, xo's and peace ya'll
S
Monday, January 14, 2008
Doggeh Dilemma's
As many of you know, my dog is something of a handful. At the very least, she is not the kind of dog you can easily board or have spend a few days with friends for the following reasons:
a) Any other dogs within any vicinity, either real or imagined, is considered a threat and thus fair game for whining and squaloring fit to wake those in another dimension. Besides the before mentioned verbal ques that there is another dog looming about, other signs can (and probably will) consist of scratching at the door/reachable windows, pacing, low growling followed by high yips and furrowing of the upper brow in a display of extreme concern all in an attempt to try and 'warn' you that there is another dog outside and immediate attention is required. All forms of anxieties that I've learned to curtail or flat out ignore (I can't ALWAYS drop everything I am doing to tend to the emotional whims of my completely neurotic puppy) but not the type of behavior many boarders or my friends could tolerate.
b) Kasha's opinion of felines varies from day to day and theirs of her. Mostly, a sense of peace has been established between The Gaia Cat (Kasha's most formidable enemy initially) and Kasha has been established, but there are still days. For example, because Gaia has been bitten on the ass (literally) one too many times by the various families of foxes living in our neighborhood, she has learned to stay within a very small parameter of the house knows as the "Kitty Safety Zone." Which now consists of the route from the front door, through our front yard and the favored neighbors yard to the East, hurriedly through the parking lot and to the back of the house to be let in through the back door as quickly as possible if it is getting dark out or to perch on the fence and jump up on the roof our carport and bake in the sun. Basically though, the front yard (ours and the Eastern neighbors) are her hangouts. From here, Gaia can survey the entire neighborhood in either direction for two full city blocks and to the South directly in front of her for quite some distance. She is totally content with this, and the occasional bug chasing or grass eating. Gaia is thus allowed "out" totally on her own and without supervision, because she is a good little kitty and has deemed herself trustworthy (sans the 2 fox incidents, for which she has been forgiven) and capable of such responsibilities. Plus, she's particularly intelligent (even for a cat, who I believe to contain supernatural wisdoms) and can pretty much handle herself out in the world for several hours at a time.
Kasha, on the other hand, is completely untrustworthy and has proven this time and time again. She cannot be left unsupervised, ANYWHERE in the front yard or anywhere else really for that matter that is outside so she is kept mostly on leashes or otherwise restrained.
When Gaia comes in from her external, solitary excursions, Kasha naturally wants to sniff Gaia and then all hell breaks loose. Typically ending in Gaia perched on the 3rd stair up, tail pumped up to maximum density and one paw, ready to strike and she doesn't mess around when she's in that pose. Gaia is not a force to be reckoned with and it WILL hurt if she gets you like that, I think she sharpens her paws on flint or something. But Kasha just can't help her curious doggeh self and sometimes ends up with a sliced nose and yelping generally ensues after. Which then results in Max and I initially coddling the poor little tormented puppy, only to end up laughing and scolding her for messing with Gaia, because by now she should know better and Gaia isn't EVER going to let Kasha sniff her butt without a fight, no matter what. It just isn't in the stars.
But she doesn't learn and that's why Kasha can't really be trusted with cats. Other peoples cats specifically if she were going to be watched by someone. She wouldn't hurt them on purpose, I know that for sure....she's had many opportunities and yes, she'll chase them and yes, Kasha will pester any new cat until it's had enough and takes a good swat at her...but I've never seen her actually bite one. Still, many people might find her tactics troublesome and certainly, think of the poor kitty involved having to tolerate that? Not to mention, Gaia isn't the first bad ass cat I've met in my days. We've had a tom or two that would wrestle raccoons, hell, Pumpkin (sweet toothless ole gal that she is) used to pick fights with dogs and even KILLED a raccoon once, according to my mother. And for all Kasha's machismo, I'd wager a raccoon is far more fierce than Kasha is, even in her dreams where she's 8 foot tall and bullet proof.
c) Kasha's energy level can be extreme at times. She needs to be played with ALOT. Ideally, she needs to be walked ALOT and she requires a certain amount of attention that some may not be able to tolerate. She must sleep in the bed with you, she will want to be in your lap at most times when playing is not going on (unless it's the middle of summer) and she follows her humans every where they go. If I leave a room, she is immediately in tow. Especially to the kitchen. Oh and she begs, like she's never eaten a day in her life. She bounces, yelps, howls, still nips occasionally (though she FINALLY stopped doing it every time I came home, which was nice) and will try to get your feet under the covers if she thinks it's play time. If the bathroom door is open and you are in the bath, be prepared. She doesn't care if you are taking a bath....all she see's is running water. Somewhere in her mind, running water only exists as a play thing for her and it doesn't matter if it's coming out of the bath tub, the hose or spilling out of a glass. It's cause for IMMEDIATE attention. She groans, she moans, she yawns and talks alot. She's generally very verbal, VERY.
Kasha is my baby, she is precious to me and all of these things I find either absolutely gut-breakingly freaking hilarious or have learned to manage in our daily life. I like the spirit within her and mostly find her to be one of the sweetest dogs I've ever known, she adores me completely. What's not to like about that? Besides, did I mention that she makes me laugh so hard my guts hurt? I have my days, where she gets on my nerves. It's true. But I can handle it. She is, in essence, my baby and like all mothers, you over look those things about your children that others may not find as funny or endearing as you do.
The dilemma? What to do with her when I come to Washington? I can't afford to board her, that's for sure. That is, if they would even allow her to come. Alot of places will not accept dog aggressive dogs. I can't really ask any of my friends to take her because they either have cats or dogs or both and Kasha would wreak total havoc on their household for 10 days. I am willing to pay someone to come to my house, but it must be someone 100% trustworthy. Again, we are talking about my baby! And that would probably be ideal b/c then they can feed the cats and give everyone lovey's.
So, since I don't have a solution for this yet, I am petitioning the Universe for assistance in this matter formally. I am open to many suggestions, options and idea's. I am confident that a solution can be reached, I just don't know what that looks like. I plan to ask Kristen, as she would be my first choice and it is convenient because she is less than half a mile from me. I also realize she is quite inundated with her own family, life and animals that I tend to avoid asking her for huge favors, but this is one of those that I might have to ask of her because it is a pretty important trip to me.
Kasha is a great doggeh woggeh, to the right person, this can be managed efficiently. I am sure of it!
a) Any other dogs within any vicinity, either real or imagined, is considered a threat and thus fair game for whining and squaloring fit to wake those in another dimension. Besides the before mentioned verbal ques that there is another dog looming about, other signs can (and probably will) consist of scratching at the door/reachable windows, pacing, low growling followed by high yips and furrowing of the upper brow in a display of extreme concern all in an attempt to try and 'warn' you that there is another dog outside and immediate attention is required. All forms of anxieties that I've learned to curtail or flat out ignore (I can't ALWAYS drop everything I am doing to tend to the emotional whims of my completely neurotic puppy) but not the type of behavior many boarders or my friends could tolerate.
b) Kasha's opinion of felines varies from day to day and theirs of her. Mostly, a sense of peace has been established between The Gaia Cat (Kasha's most formidable enemy initially) and Kasha has been established, but there are still days. For example, because Gaia has been bitten on the ass (literally) one too many times by the various families of foxes living in our neighborhood, she has learned to stay within a very small parameter of the house knows as the "Kitty Safety Zone." Which now consists of the route from the front door, through our front yard and the favored neighbors yard to the East, hurriedly through the parking lot and to the back of the house to be let in through the back door as quickly as possible if it is getting dark out or to perch on the fence and jump up on the roof our carport and bake in the sun. Basically though, the front yard (ours and the Eastern neighbors) are her hangouts. From here, Gaia can survey the entire neighborhood in either direction for two full city blocks and to the South directly in front of her for quite some distance. She is totally content with this, and the occasional bug chasing or grass eating. Gaia is thus allowed "out" totally on her own and without supervision, because she is a good little kitty and has deemed herself trustworthy (sans the 2 fox incidents, for which she has been forgiven) and capable of such responsibilities. Plus, she's particularly intelligent (even for a cat, who I believe to contain supernatural wisdoms) and can pretty much handle herself out in the world for several hours at a time.
Kasha, on the other hand, is completely untrustworthy and has proven this time and time again. She cannot be left unsupervised, ANYWHERE in the front yard or anywhere else really for that matter that is outside so she is kept mostly on leashes or otherwise restrained.
When Gaia comes in from her external, solitary excursions, Kasha naturally wants to sniff Gaia and then all hell breaks loose. Typically ending in Gaia perched on the 3rd stair up, tail pumped up to maximum density and one paw, ready to strike and she doesn't mess around when she's in that pose. Gaia is not a force to be reckoned with and it WILL hurt if she gets you like that, I think she sharpens her paws on flint or something. But Kasha just can't help her curious doggeh self and sometimes ends up with a sliced nose and yelping generally ensues after. Which then results in Max and I initially coddling the poor little tormented puppy, only to end up laughing and scolding her for messing with Gaia, because by now she should know better and Gaia isn't EVER going to let Kasha sniff her butt without a fight, no matter what. It just isn't in the stars.
But she doesn't learn and that's why Kasha can't really be trusted with cats. Other peoples cats specifically if she were going to be watched by someone. She wouldn't hurt them on purpose, I know that for sure....she's had many opportunities and yes, she'll chase them and yes, Kasha will pester any new cat until it's had enough and takes a good swat at her...but I've never seen her actually bite one. Still, many people might find her tactics troublesome and certainly, think of the poor kitty involved having to tolerate that? Not to mention, Gaia isn't the first bad ass cat I've met in my days. We've had a tom or two that would wrestle raccoons, hell, Pumpkin (sweet toothless ole gal that she is) used to pick fights with dogs and even KILLED a raccoon once, according to my mother. And for all Kasha's machismo, I'd wager a raccoon is far more fierce than Kasha is, even in her dreams where she's 8 foot tall and bullet proof.
c) Kasha's energy level can be extreme at times. She needs to be played with ALOT. Ideally, she needs to be walked ALOT and she requires a certain amount of attention that some may not be able to tolerate. She must sleep in the bed with you, she will want to be in your lap at most times when playing is not going on (unless it's the middle of summer) and she follows her humans every where they go. If I leave a room, she is immediately in tow. Especially to the kitchen. Oh and she begs, like she's never eaten a day in her life. She bounces, yelps, howls, still nips occasionally (though she FINALLY stopped doing it every time I came home, which was nice) and will try to get your feet under the covers if she thinks it's play time. If the bathroom door is open and you are in the bath, be prepared. She doesn't care if you are taking a bath....all she see's is running water. Somewhere in her mind, running water only exists as a play thing for her and it doesn't matter if it's coming out of the bath tub, the hose or spilling out of a glass. It's cause for IMMEDIATE attention. She groans, she moans, she yawns and talks alot. She's generally very verbal, VERY.
Kasha is my baby, she is precious to me and all of these things I find either absolutely gut-breakingly freaking hilarious or have learned to manage in our daily life. I like the spirit within her and mostly find her to be one of the sweetest dogs I've ever known, she adores me completely. What's not to like about that? Besides, did I mention that she makes me laugh so hard my guts hurt? I have my days, where she gets on my nerves. It's true. But I can handle it. She is, in essence, my baby and like all mothers, you over look those things about your children that others may not find as funny or endearing as you do.
The dilemma? What to do with her when I come to Washington? I can't afford to board her, that's for sure. That is, if they would even allow her to come. Alot of places will not accept dog aggressive dogs. I can't really ask any of my friends to take her because they either have cats or dogs or both and Kasha would wreak total havoc on their household for 10 days. I am willing to pay someone to come to my house, but it must be someone 100% trustworthy. Again, we are talking about my baby! And that would probably be ideal b/c then they can feed the cats and give everyone lovey's.
So, since I don't have a solution for this yet, I am petitioning the Universe for assistance in this matter formally. I am open to many suggestions, options and idea's. I am confident that a solution can be reached, I just don't know what that looks like. I plan to ask Kristen, as she would be my first choice and it is convenient because she is less than half a mile from me. I also realize she is quite inundated with her own family, life and animals that I tend to avoid asking her for huge favors, but this is one of those that I might have to ask of her because it is a pretty important trip to me.
Kasha is a great doggeh woggeh, to the right person, this can be managed efficiently. I am sure of it!
Understandably Distracted
Pretty distracted this morning, Max has some medical things going on and it's always this feeling of hurry up and wait. Lab work takes time to process. I have a dinner tomorrow night and have to present my first version of my contract database by Friday afternoon. I'm supposed to be figuring school out and getting vacation plans figured out to WA.
The distraction is warranted I'd say and I don't necessarily feel overwhelmed by it....just acknowledging it and letting it be what it is until it transitions into whatever is next.
I am currently reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. My Aunty MB recommended it months ago, which I did immediately put on hold at the 5 library branches in my county and still am not even close to having access to a copy for check out. Everyone wants it and I'm finding that if I really want to read a current book, I just have to buy it. Plus, I joined a book club in my area (woot woot) and it's the first book on our list. So, I had a number of reasons to spend the $16 on the book and have since fallen hard and fast for this author and her writing style, but mostly the wide ranging subject matter of the book itself. This author is hilarious and heart-breakingly authentic. I can now see why MB would say READ THIS NOW several months ago, because, in essence, this book describes much of the anxiety and pain and depression I had been feeling the latter half of 2007. In intricate, painful and gorgeous detail. I am about 3/4s of the way done. Thus far I have become completely enthralled by the descriptions of her pain, her travels, her experiences, her love and her loss and all the ways in which this woman finds glory and gratitude in the symbiotic relationships between her existence in this life time and the various spiritual realms she experiences. Ultimately, what I found in this book was the connection with someone out there that seemed to share such similar concepts as I about the spiritual path that was presented to her, her willingness to embark upon it in the first place and where her heart sits within it all. The journey is never over, the opportunity for further growth is literally right in front of us every day.
It's good stuff. It makes me very happy, it will be something I read again I am sure.
I'm not sure what's next, we'll see how the book club goes :)
More details on Max as they become available, love to you all.
S
The distraction is warranted I'd say and I don't necessarily feel overwhelmed by it....just acknowledging it and letting it be what it is until it transitions into whatever is next.
I am currently reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert. My Aunty MB recommended it months ago, which I did immediately put on hold at the 5 library branches in my county and still am not even close to having access to a copy for check out. Everyone wants it and I'm finding that if I really want to read a current book, I just have to buy it. Plus, I joined a book club in my area (woot woot) and it's the first book on our list. So, I had a number of reasons to spend the $16 on the book and have since fallen hard and fast for this author and her writing style, but mostly the wide ranging subject matter of the book itself. This author is hilarious and heart-breakingly authentic. I can now see why MB would say READ THIS NOW several months ago, because, in essence, this book describes much of the anxiety and pain and depression I had been feeling the latter half of 2007. In intricate, painful and gorgeous detail. I am about 3/4s of the way done. Thus far I have become completely enthralled by the descriptions of her pain, her travels, her experiences, her love and her loss and all the ways in which this woman finds glory and gratitude in the symbiotic relationships between her existence in this life time and the various spiritual realms she experiences. Ultimately, what I found in this book was the connection with someone out there that seemed to share such similar concepts as I about the spiritual path that was presented to her, her willingness to embark upon it in the first place and where her heart sits within it all. The journey is never over, the opportunity for further growth is literally right in front of us every day.
It's good stuff. It makes me very happy, it will be something I read again I am sure.
I'm not sure what's next, we'll see how the book club goes :)
More details on Max as they become available, love to you all.
S
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Random Thoughts
- Salad with mega doses of crunchy, raw vegetables and plastic forks don't play well together.
- I also finally, after 30+ years of really really trying, have decided that I just don't like raw broccoli. I like it cooked just fine, with some salt or lemon...but I've crinkled my nose for the last time at the sourness of it raw. It may just be, the first vegetable I've declared not to like in some capacity, but I am feeling ok with it. Sorry broccoli, we can no longer be meet over my salad bowl.
- I've recently discovered a new love: "Cuties", they are the ideal 'desk' food as they peel easy, aren't overly juicy (thus avoiding mass stickiness and keyboard/mouse activity) and are extra, extra good for you. Oh and they taste good too, and curb those nasty 3 PM sugar cravings.
- Dammit, I really should call my Grandma Barbie. I keep forgetting. She gets worried when it's more than a month with no word, the last email I got was rather threatening and entailed my getting a 'whoppin'.' I won't reminder that I've been easily 8" taller than here since I was 13 and that she never actually spanked me, but gave me a few raps over the knuckles with that awful wooden spoon as a youngster; but that I forgive her for that. I will also remind myself that Grandmothers love (and agonize over) their grandchildren like no other and there must be a special place in the after life for bad little girls who don't call, write and/or update them regularly.
- Hillary cried on national television. I can't decide how I feel about it except to say that no matter what I think, alot of people willl see it as a weakness. As an avid fan of crying myself, I know how it can be misconstrued by those who witness it.
- Mitt Romney annoys me, but McCain scares me a little. I am not holding my breathe yet, but 6 months from now should be a damn interesting time in American history.
- I wish my body would just pick a size and be it, I'm in between sizes (again) so it's either I am very close to wearing my favorite jeans with the cute shirt, or.....not. I think it's safe to assume that hormones having something to do with that. FREAKING HORMONES!
- Off for now....
Monday, January 07, 2008
I've fallen in love!
If it's possible to do so, I've fallen in love with my brand new vacuum cleaner. Tonight, I was finally able to really have fun with it. I'd put it together and used it briefly over the high traffic area's, but using it on the stairs and in all the area's that are perpetually covered with black, white/brown and orange (at least 3 different shades) of fur was more fun than one person should have with a vacuum cleaner. Oh and my hair (this is kind of wierd) attaches itself in odd places. Like seeds. Ha, Tree Fruit Seeds! Anyway, when it is long, I find it clinging to the carpet. Like little blonde leache. They don't just come out, you have to pull on them. Yank them out like weeds! They ATTACH themselves to the carpet, my car seats, clothes, other peoples clothes who might ride in my car OR they have been known to secure them selves into other people's car seats, jackets or hoodies if I where them. Which I always hear about later if someone happens upon them, I think it's hillarious. Not everyone thinks it's as hillarious as I do.
So, anyway, the vacuum, it's good. It has all these neat attachments that reach really far and I don't have to break my back to vacuum my stairs (all 4 flights) and when I vacuum, it ACTUALLY works! Wow, what a concept? And, it doesn't have that smell that vacuums you've had in your house for years with multiple animals have. AND....it's bagless (and won't get that smell can u can sanitize it), so I can actually see all the dirt whirling around in there and then when you turn it off, it settles down at the bottom and you CAN DUMP it out. Right then and there, it doesn't sit in the vacuum and get all nasty and build up dander and other creepy who knows what's? How cool is that?
Really, I haven't been this fascinated by a piece of machinery for some time. Partly, becuase it's pretty neat how everything is designed to make the vacuum-ers life a whole helluva lot easier (which is a mega score for me), but you can actually see it all, how it works on the inside. Perhaps I really am a mechanical nerd and just didn't know it yet?
Ok and I guess I like the feeling like my carpet is getting really clean. I am not like some maniachly anal clean freak, but I like my house to be at least tidy, neat and sanitary. And when you have animals, it doesn't take long for a house to get a little 'ripe' if you know what I mean. Not that I mind ripe nessisarly, but for me, it's not something I can deal with over time. So the bagless vacuum helps in that way too, is pretty cool.
Another thing I've fallen in love with? My favorite flannel sheets. Again :) I love flannel things. It shows my age, why? Cuz I am a child of the late 80's and early 90's when flannel was KING and dammit there was a good reason. a) It keeps you warm, but layers nicely. b) It comes an assortment of colors, blues/greens/reds/purples/white/reds....not bad colors to wrap yourself in, c) I feel I am in THE most secure, warm, comfortable and loving place on the earth when I get into bed at night AND finally (the best part) c) It's SO SOFT. Good flannel is soft like peach skin, a little fuzzy but not too much so that it's creepy AND good flannel doesn't fade over washings. It doesn't ball up in fuzzies, it doesn't get thread bare (unless it's 20 years old, then of course, that happens) and it always fades in color, but never in comfort :)
So, flannel things and I are friends. It's snowy, cold and wintery outside. I'm going to read on my flannel sheets.
Until next time, cheers wicked cool vacuum cleaners and comfy,sleep-the-best-nights-sleep-ever flannel sheets! Oh...and also cheers my friend who will remain nameless who is coming in late March for more good times and lots of smiles, hugs and smooches! YEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWW!
So, anyway, the vacuum, it's good. It has all these neat attachments that reach really far and I don't have to break my back to vacuum my stairs (all 4 flights) and when I vacuum, it ACTUALLY works! Wow, what a concept? And, it doesn't have that smell that vacuums you've had in your house for years with multiple animals have. AND....it's bagless (and won't get that smell can u can sanitize it), so I can actually see all the dirt whirling around in there and then when you turn it off, it settles down at the bottom and you CAN DUMP it out. Right then and there, it doesn't sit in the vacuum and get all nasty and build up dander and other creepy who knows what's? How cool is that?
Really, I haven't been this fascinated by a piece of machinery for some time. Partly, becuase it's pretty neat how everything is designed to make the vacuum-ers life a whole helluva lot easier (which is a mega score for me), but you can actually see it all, how it works on the inside. Perhaps I really am a mechanical nerd and just didn't know it yet?
Ok and I guess I like the feeling like my carpet is getting really clean. I am not like some maniachly anal clean freak, but I like my house to be at least tidy, neat and sanitary. And when you have animals, it doesn't take long for a house to get a little 'ripe' if you know what I mean. Not that I mind ripe nessisarly, but for me, it's not something I can deal with over time. So the bagless vacuum helps in that way too, is pretty cool.
Another thing I've fallen in love with? My favorite flannel sheets. Again :) I love flannel things. It shows my age, why? Cuz I am a child of the late 80's and early 90's when flannel was KING and dammit there was a good reason. a) It keeps you warm, but layers nicely. b) It comes an assortment of colors, blues/greens/reds/purples/white/reds....not bad colors to wrap yourself in, c) I feel I am in THE most secure, warm, comfortable and loving place on the earth when I get into bed at night AND finally (the best part) c) It's SO SOFT. Good flannel is soft like peach skin, a little fuzzy but not too much so that it's creepy AND good flannel doesn't fade over washings. It doesn't ball up in fuzzies, it doesn't get thread bare (unless it's 20 years old, then of course, that happens) and it always fades in color, but never in comfort :)
So, flannel things and I are friends. It's snowy, cold and wintery outside. I'm going to read on my flannel sheets.
Until next time, cheers wicked cool vacuum cleaners and comfy,sleep-the-best-nights-sleep-ever flannel sheets! Oh...and also cheers my friend who will remain nameless who is coming in late March for more good times and lots of smiles, hugs and smooches! YEEEEHAWWWWWWWWWW!
Happy Monday Matey's!
Hello friends, happy Monday to ya! It's supposed to snow today (only a few inches) and then we'll have weather in the 50's the rest of the week. Gotta love Colorado:) My car is in desperate need of a bath, this weather is hell on white paint and tinted windows, I'm telling ya!
Max is home from his visit with the grandparents, how I missed him. He seems happy to be home, going to a movie today with friends to round out the remainder of his winter break and then it's back to school tomorrow to begin a new semester. A new semester containing an actual GYM class which I think will either help improve his grades in other classes (less physical energy to distract him) or distract him further, it's hard to say. It changes every year with him. Boys are funny, but I love mine and am thrilled to have him home. His hair is SO cute, he looks so skater-boi, I love it on him. I swear his voice changed while he was gone that one week.....Mothers! That's what Max says to me now "Mom, your being a "Mother" again!" and I laugh at him and say "Damn skippy." It's a good way to keep things light.
So now begins 'real' life again after the Holidays end and normal life ensues, the grind as it were. Except, for the first time in many many moons I feel so incredibly, authentically and genuinely happy, positive and motivated that I feel more and more like that smiling, giggling girl we all know and love. Damn I've missed her, I know you have too! In any event, life promises to be busy this year, filled with new demands of both my mental capacity but of my emotional and physical as well, all which are conducive to completely well rounded tree fruit.
Speaking of fruit, I've decided to make a real effort to add it to my diet. I've recently re-discovered citrus fruits which I've avoided greatly for years for whatever reason. A big juicy, chilled orange is a great breakfast as it turns out. Also, I've noticed that the fruit seems to curb my sugar cravings. I know, I know, fruit is still loaded with sugars...but at least it's natural and not all that unrefined nastiness right?
Ok, back to this issue. For those of you who don't know, JavaScript and I are NOT friends. It's truly truly the dirge of my programming existence. Today tho, I will overcome it and if I don't actually overcome it, I'll work around it like everyone else does!
Max is home from his visit with the grandparents, how I missed him. He seems happy to be home, going to a movie today with friends to round out the remainder of his winter break and then it's back to school tomorrow to begin a new semester. A new semester containing an actual GYM class which I think will either help improve his grades in other classes (less physical energy to distract him) or distract him further, it's hard to say. It changes every year with him. Boys are funny, but I love mine and am thrilled to have him home. His hair is SO cute, he looks so skater-boi, I love it on him. I swear his voice changed while he was gone that one week.....Mothers! That's what Max says to me now "Mom, your being a "Mother" again!" and I laugh at him and say "Damn skippy." It's a good way to keep things light.
So now begins 'real' life again after the Holidays end and normal life ensues, the grind as it were. Except, for the first time in many many moons I feel so incredibly, authentically and genuinely happy, positive and motivated that I feel more and more like that smiling, giggling girl we all know and love. Damn I've missed her, I know you have too! In any event, life promises to be busy this year, filled with new demands of both my mental capacity but of my emotional and physical as well, all which are conducive to completely well rounded tree fruit.
Speaking of fruit, I've decided to make a real effort to add it to my diet. I've recently re-discovered citrus fruits which I've avoided greatly for years for whatever reason. A big juicy, chilled orange is a great breakfast as it turns out. Also, I've noticed that the fruit seems to curb my sugar cravings. I know, I know, fruit is still loaded with sugars...but at least it's natural and not all that unrefined nastiness right?
Ok, back to this issue. For those of you who don't know, JavaScript and I are NOT friends. It's truly truly the dirge of my programming existence. Today tho, I will overcome it and if I don't actually overcome it, I'll work around it like everyone else does!
Friday, January 04, 2008
When Things Click
Do you ever have that experience, where you might be discussing something with someone and you have this moment where something possibly profound clicks in your mind? Like all the mysteries surrounding quantum physics could be solved in an instant, like your close to something bigger than you've ever know before. On the edge of a breakthrough or some remarkable consensus to all your life long burning questions. I experience this regularly when I am communicating with certain humans, reading books, listening to music or being with the water. It's sort of an overwhelming sensation for me sometimes, primarily because I generally don't expect. Perhaps I should learn to acknowledge that my entire being sometimes goes into hyperactivity mode.
Over these past few days I've been programming in a language I haven't used for a while, I've been having the "clicking" experience a lot. More than a lot, I seem in a constant state "click."
For example, I was discussing with my Aunty MB (a notable click-inducer) about how boys take up so much space, in all ways. Teenage boys and young men, they have this energy that is wickedly delicious about them. They can also be so completely consuming it can engulf you in ways you never imagined. I was joking with her about Max and how some days I feel like he fills up the entire house by himself and I am squished into the corner by his enormity and then I realized, she had a ton of teenager brothers. Really, far more than any young girl should have to endure! And we had a good laugh about it and later I thought about Mary and how she too had several brothers, many many. And my Aunty Marcy of course, but she was the teenager so maybe all that testosterone was less inhibiting? I don't know. And my mother, she had 4 younger brothers. The click was being surrounded by men in your youth as a young woman must be a powerful shaping tool, because all the women I know who had more than 2 brothers in their lives have a unique quality about them. Strong outer shells, soft inner perhaps? I'm not sure, I can't really put a label on what that unique quality is because it's different for each of them, but I couldn't help but feel this pull that I might be onto something there. Men and how they shape us as women.
It then occurred to me that every single male relationship I've known for the past x amount of time, has changed drastically in the past year. Max, has grown so much. He's like a whole new person whom I am ever attempting to keep up with and just try to enjoy what I have with him. Bryan moved to DC in May and our contact is minimal, but sweet. I miss him some days more than I can stand, just a nice B hug would be good. I always appreciated his kind directness and unwavering faith that I was such a great chick. Justin and I are not really able to be in connect with one another right now and I am not sure if that will change, but I think it's healthy thing for both of us. For me, I know that's for certain. Dane has been gone forever, but he and I got closer over the summer and he was pretty supportive b/c he loves me, but also because his strong dislike for Chance was far to tempting a motivator to ignore. Now he's working like a mad man again and really, never has much time. Matt is starting a completely new phase in his own life and relationships with friends are always affected during that transition, it's only natural. Really, Howard has been the only mainstay on this level in my life this year, bless his heart. And my grandfathers are pretty great also of course! Consistency, not something I've ever felt with men. Ever.
My realization that these relationships have changed was slow in coming I think (again, I've been pretty damn self absorbed) and I had a moment of pure sadness for what feels like the loss of the men I've always held dear to my heart, as my own brothers of sorts I suppose. There was a time in my life when Bryan and I had dinner regularly, Justin and I talked at least 3 or 4 times a week and Dane would threaten to beat up any creep that might be eyeballing me inappropriately at the club. :)
My eyes got a little moist, I miss them sometimes. I really do. After my eyes dried out and my logical mind came back on board, it occurred to me that this is what happens in families. Kids grown up, get their own lives and drift apart. Certainly all the while I'd absorbed myself with Chance, these men in my life were probably wondering about me as well, though I doubt on such a sentimental level, but caring nonetheless. There may be something to this, cosmically. It seems no coincidence that this would all happen within a fairly short period of time and then I sort of got it. I haven't been able to emotionally engage a single one of them on any kind of real level for a very, very, very long time. That's also what happens in relationships, if your ability to connect dissipates for what ever reason, then the relationships gets sick and eventually, dies. With some, I haven't been able to simply for the fact that it's to painful. For others, it's because there is discord in the friendship and the timing was impeccable I suppose, but the flames had been fanning for sometime for something to blow up. And it did.
What I've been asking myself is if, how and why these relationships are important to me. I question why it takes far less effort in my friendships with men, I generally feel quite comfortable with them on that initial level. But not at all in my romantic relationships. It's all a puzzle really.
Then my entire perspective shifted to the bottom where while I've become mostly estranged from my long time male buddies, the relationships with the women in my life have strengthened ten fold this year. Perhaps it is the undying loyalty and nurturing support, or maybe I'm just incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such a fluid circle of feminine love, strength and empowerment. I am regularly acknowledge on that feminine plain by grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, best friends, cousins and daughters. All these vibrant, capable, intellectual and independent woman whom I've formed powerful bonds with since my own childhood. Half of them aren't even related to me. The other half carries a great physical distance between us, but they sort of connect me to the outer world that I sometimes escapes me and clues me into the bigger picture when I need that grounding. I can literally form a vision in my mind of these women, in a great circle and this great power love that comes from it.
This part of the clicking got pretty detailed, more than I can go into in one sitting. The summation of this experience for me is that maybe I am at a point in my life where I am reconnecting with that feminine aspect of who I am, and nurturing these relationships as they've been meant to be nurtured, but have been neglected for some time? I remember another time in my life, like this. Those were the days of Carin and drumming circles and sweats and things that made me laugh and smile a lot, and cry too, but in good ways. Those were times when I felt more connected with the Universe and God and The Divine Feminine than I could even absorb on an intellectual level, it just was what it was and it wasn't until later that I was able to full recognize it's impact on me. Maybe now I am more experienced and (as much as one silly tree fruit can be) can gauge more accurately the intricate inner workings of what my life experiences have taught me and where I am now and where, it is a good possibility that I might be going.
So many great questions in life, and so many interesting answers and possibilities.
Told you I was clicking away, like some insane dolphin trying to absorb it's new surroundings!
Over these past few days I've been programming in a language I haven't used for a while, I've been having the "clicking" experience a lot. More than a lot, I seem in a constant state "click."
For example, I was discussing with my Aunty MB (a notable click-inducer) about how boys take up so much space, in all ways. Teenage boys and young men, they have this energy that is wickedly delicious about them. They can also be so completely consuming it can engulf you in ways you never imagined. I was joking with her about Max and how some days I feel like he fills up the entire house by himself and I am squished into the corner by his enormity and then I realized, she had a ton of teenager brothers. Really, far more than any young girl should have to endure! And we had a good laugh about it and later I thought about Mary and how she too had several brothers, many many. And my Aunty Marcy of course, but she was the teenager so maybe all that testosterone was less inhibiting? I don't know. And my mother, she had 4 younger brothers. The click was being surrounded by men in your youth as a young woman must be a powerful shaping tool, because all the women I know who had more than 2 brothers in their lives have a unique quality about them. Strong outer shells, soft inner perhaps? I'm not sure, I can't really put a label on what that unique quality is because it's different for each of them, but I couldn't help but feel this pull that I might be onto something there. Men and how they shape us as women.
It then occurred to me that every single male relationship I've known for the past x amount of time, has changed drastically in the past year. Max, has grown so much. He's like a whole new person whom I am ever attempting to keep up with and just try to enjoy what I have with him. Bryan moved to DC in May and our contact is minimal, but sweet. I miss him some days more than I can stand, just a nice B hug would be good. I always appreciated his kind directness and unwavering faith that I was such a great chick. Justin and I are not really able to be in connect with one another right now and I am not sure if that will change, but I think it's healthy thing for both of us. For me, I know that's for certain. Dane has been gone forever, but he and I got closer over the summer and he was pretty supportive b/c he loves me, but also because his strong dislike for Chance was far to tempting a motivator to ignore. Now he's working like a mad man again and really, never has much time. Matt is starting a completely new phase in his own life and relationships with friends are always affected during that transition, it's only natural. Really, Howard has been the only mainstay on this level in my life this year, bless his heart. And my grandfathers are pretty great also of course! Consistency, not something I've ever felt with men. Ever.
My realization that these relationships have changed was slow in coming I think (again, I've been pretty damn self absorbed) and I had a moment of pure sadness for what feels like the loss of the men I've always held dear to my heart, as my own brothers of sorts I suppose. There was a time in my life when Bryan and I had dinner regularly, Justin and I talked at least 3 or 4 times a week and Dane would threaten to beat up any creep that might be eyeballing me inappropriately at the club. :)
My eyes got a little moist, I miss them sometimes. I really do. After my eyes dried out and my logical mind came back on board, it occurred to me that this is what happens in families. Kids grown up, get their own lives and drift apart. Certainly all the while I'd absorbed myself with Chance, these men in my life were probably wondering about me as well, though I doubt on such a sentimental level, but caring nonetheless. There may be something to this, cosmically. It seems no coincidence that this would all happen within a fairly short period of time and then I sort of got it. I haven't been able to emotionally engage a single one of them on any kind of real level for a very, very, very long time. That's also what happens in relationships, if your ability to connect dissipates for what ever reason, then the relationships gets sick and eventually, dies. With some, I haven't been able to simply for the fact that it's to painful. For others, it's because there is discord in the friendship and the timing was impeccable I suppose, but the flames had been fanning for sometime for something to blow up. And it did.
What I've been asking myself is if, how and why these relationships are important to me. I question why it takes far less effort in my friendships with men, I generally feel quite comfortable with them on that initial level. But not at all in my romantic relationships. It's all a puzzle really.
Then my entire perspective shifted to the bottom where while I've become mostly estranged from my long time male buddies, the relationships with the women in my life have strengthened ten fold this year. Perhaps it is the undying loyalty and nurturing support, or maybe I'm just incredibly blessed to be surrounded by such a fluid circle of feminine love, strength and empowerment. I am regularly acknowledge on that feminine plain by grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, best friends, cousins and daughters. All these vibrant, capable, intellectual and independent woman whom I've formed powerful bonds with since my own childhood. Half of them aren't even related to me. The other half carries a great physical distance between us, but they sort of connect me to the outer world that I sometimes escapes me and clues me into the bigger picture when I need that grounding. I can literally form a vision in my mind of these women, in a great circle and this great power love that comes from it.
This part of the clicking got pretty detailed, more than I can go into in one sitting. The summation of this experience for me is that maybe I am at a point in my life where I am reconnecting with that feminine aspect of who I am, and nurturing these relationships as they've been meant to be nurtured, but have been neglected for some time? I remember another time in my life, like this. Those were the days of Carin and drumming circles and sweats and things that made me laugh and smile a lot, and cry too, but in good ways. Those were times when I felt more connected with the Universe and God and The Divine Feminine than I could even absorb on an intellectual level, it just was what it was and it wasn't until later that I was able to full recognize it's impact on me. Maybe now I am more experienced and (as much as one silly tree fruit can be) can gauge more accurately the intricate inner workings of what my life experiences have taught me and where I am now and where, it is a good possibility that I might be going.
So many great questions in life, and so many interesting answers and possibilities.
Told you I was clicking away, like some insane dolphin trying to absorb it's new surroundings!
Thursday, January 03, 2008
I Got A Ra-aise, I Got A Ra-aise
Review time today, I was shocked at my performance review and the raise they gave me. The average raise was 4%, I got 8%. So, it's not just a cost of living raise this year. And Nancy said I deserved it, 3 years of working with this client deserves SOME kind of recognition.
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
Aunty, I might not have to get that second job after all....we'll have to see how it all pans out. We know for this month all is well cuz of the other contract job. I know that will make you happy, probably not as happy as it makes ME (buyyyaaaaah baby!) but I know you have expressed concern.
And I talked to her about vacation, she insisted I take real vacation this year. At least a week, maybe 2. Whoa. Ok.
And school, they'll pay the weeks I am out.
ha.
BUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also asked the Universe to send me an available, flexible and appropriate person to take care of my fur-babies while we are in Washington. OMG....we might actually REALLY get to go this year! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I can barely contain myself!
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
I Got A Ra-aise
Aunty, I might not have to get that second job after all....we'll have to see how it all pans out. We know for this month all is well cuz of the other contract job. I know that will make you happy, probably not as happy as it makes ME (buyyyaaaaah baby!) but I know you have expressed concern.
And I talked to her about vacation, she insisted I take real vacation this year. At least a week, maybe 2. Whoa. Ok.
And school, they'll pay the weeks I am out.
ha.
BUYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I also asked the Universe to send me an available, flexible and appropriate person to take care of my fur-babies while we are in Washington. OMG....we might actually REALLY get to go this year! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I can barely contain myself!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Reflections
2007 was a pivotal time for me.
- It tuaght me about loving, forgiveness, patience and humility. I learned that there is NOTHING a good coat of paint or 2 hours sobbing in the arms of your best friend can't solve.
- It taught me that there will always be dissapointments, that others will move in and of your life fluidly, that change is inevidable and best left unchallenged and that my emotional capacity to withstand pain and experience joy is far greater than even I had previously imagined.
- Somehow, I regained something I'd thought I'd lost out there, somewhere along the way. I realized that the quality of love that surrounds me is magnificent. That I am magnificent, in my own way. That I am loved and capable of loving, deeply. That my spirit is strong.
- And finally, I learned to trust my intuition, no matter how much it hurts or brings forth fears. And never to give anyone that power over me again, ever.
For 2008, in no particular order:
- Secure some type of part time work
- Get finances in order
- Retreat at Shambhala and visit The Great Stupa
- Strive toward balanced health, mind, body, spirit
- Go to Washington to reconnect with the water and visit my dearly missed loved ones
- Watch "Bridgette Jones" and "The Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy" on the bad days
- Take long walks with my dog and my favorite human (Max)
- Join a book club (ha, found one already. I'm ahead of the game!)
- Read. A lot.
- Rest. A lot.
- Eat hummus and pita often
- Go on at least once date with at least one really great person, but avoid any and all silly love drama's
- Oh yes, just avoid drama's and complications of all kinds would be ideal
- Begin hugmongous transition to .Net at work, which....will probably take up my life totally for quite some time once I get there, if I get there....?
- Ignore the extremes, EVERYTHING in moderation :)
- Take hot, uninterrupted baths when I feel like it
- Visit the Denver Aquariam
That's a pretty ambitous start......
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Let's Rock 2008!
I had such a fantastic evening last night, started a little rocky because of some unessisary moodiness (mine) but after we got things under way a good time was had by all. I danced, flirted and partook in generally sillyness until the wee hours. Met a cute boy, a few actually, kind of an ego boost I guess to get all that attention; but mostly it was all just a lot of fun and while I am suffering from a horrid head ache today (like a number of my fellow party goers last night I'm sure!) it was all worth it. The evening put some things in very clear perspective for me, that's for certain.
Bye bye 2007, I'm so over you! Helllllllooo 2008, Let's Do This!
Bye bye 2007, I'm so over you! Helllllllooo 2008, Let's Do This!
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