My Aunty Is Coming, My Aunty Is Coming!

My Aunty Mary Beth phoned Saturday morning (after numerous attempts to reach me the night before, we were out celebrating C's bday and I didn't check messages until the next day) to tell me she was coming to Colorado for Buddhist retreat and would have a window of visit time as she comes in and as she leaves. YAY AUNTY MB! My boss lady is cool with it, so I'll be able to leave early and spend time with her on March 1st and March 22nd (too and fro) and I am so happy she was able to make it all work in terms of flights and what not!

WOOP WOOP!

Made my entire weekend. I have been so excited since I talked to her. My Aunty Mary Beth so rocks, she is one of my favorite people and every time I see her I feel good and better and like I belong somewhere.

I can't wait to show her my house (which sometimes resembles a zoo, but that's ok) and my car and my wonderful guys:) Seeing Max is going to floor her, she has some experience with teenage boys due the many siblings she has, but.....still, it's pretty shocking to me, imagine if you hadn't seen him for 3 years! Whoa. Plus, I know she'll love the cats and the Kasha.

Oh did I mention we found a new home for Mr. Wiggles? For this, I am thankful to the Hamster Gods b/c Mr. Wiggles and Kasha puppy were in serious conflict. Luckily, Mr. Wiggles went to a new family who is very into hamsters and has lots of experience with them AND they live up the street so I get weekly reports on his condition and state of affairs, which brightens my day as well to know he is happy and Kasha is going in neurotic circles.

As you can imagine, I am very excited to see my Aunty and I can't wait for her to get here. Her visit has almost made me forget about this horrendous cold I've come down with, how broke I am and my impending dental procedures. Those things all suck, my Aunty MB is wicked cool so I'll think about her and not that stuff;)

YAY Aunty MB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 23rd 2007 (4:15 AM)

~ Bang ~ Thump-ump-ump-mp-p

Kasha:
Woof. Ruff. Woof. Ruff. (short little barks, something is amiss. DAD...wake up!)

Chance:
"Did you hear that?"

Sarah:
"Yes."

Kasha:
Woof. Ruff. Woof. Ruff. (short little barks, something is amiss. Yawwwn....but I'm tired)

Chance:
"What was it?"

Sarah:
"I don't know, go check!"

Kasha:
Woof. Ruff. Woof. Ruff. (short little barks, something is amiss. crawling back under covers)

Chance checks on possible intruder.

Sarah turns over to go back to sleep.

Chance returns.

Kasha:
Roowwwweeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr (Kasha makes her stretchy noise and passes out)

Chance:
"Your tree is destroyed?"

Sarah:
"WHAT? Which one?"

Chance:
"The one on the entertainment center."

Sarah:
"Oooooh, those cats. That sucks, Kristen gave me that as birthday present years ago. I bet it was Gaia." (Gai is "Chances" cat)

Chance:
"No way, it was Pumpkin. She was looking very guilty when I came downstairs to check." (Pumpkin is "my" cat)

Sarah:
"I doubt it, Gaia has been really bratty lately. I bet it was Gaia."

Chance:
"No, Gaia was sitting at the top of the steps wondering what was going on. I bet Pumpkin work her up with all that nonsense."

Sarah:
"It was Gaia. I'm sure of it."

Chance:
"It was Pumpkin, your cat was probably trying to eat it or something."

Kasha:
More noises and movement from the end of the bed, under the sheets...cold nose on my foot.

Sarah:
"It was Gaia." (have to get in the last word)

So much for our vicious attack dog. It's good to know that Kasha has our back, next time we leave the house our minds can rest easy that should a burglar ever decide to invade our home, Kasha will bark diligently and then pass out.

For the record....Pumpkin Cat is a tree/plant eater. She has been since she was a kitten, but she doesn't usually tip them over. So it probably was Gaia, since she is a fatty mcfat cat. She's HUGE.....Chance calls it winter weight. I call it lazy cat fat syndrome. And Gaia has been being really mean to me lately, yesterday she tried to swat at me coming down the stairs. Chance thinks its funny and she's trying to 'play' This cat doesn't play, she means business and she is a vicious, terrifying creature.

:)

Happy Birthday Chance!

Mega Squids

There was a squid discovery in New Zealand today that broke the records, wicked cool!

http://www.topix.net/content/ap/0759068941284529328508078016111732706341?threadid=CNFIFCQ2IBDB75NS

I LOVE squids....they are ginormous and alien and have HUGE eye balls. I wish they didn't have to be dead for people to find the really big ones....but the ocean works that way, it washes up what it is done with and moves on. And seeing that I currently don't have the power to form gills out of my lungs, I doubt I'll ever get to see one in this life time in it's natural habitat. So I guess I have to settle for the dead ones. But maybe we can grow gills, if you try real hard and they just pop out? I always thought something like that MUST be possible if you put enough energy into it? Like in those cartoons when they think real hard and their heads pop off? :) I don't want to pop my head off though, or anyone else's really....

GramE sent me this book a while back, "The Highest Tide" I LOVED it. I plan to give it to Max to read, but he's reading a Clive Cussler book at the moment about the military. He's pretty interested in war and blowing stuff up. Apparently the total mass of testosterone is directly proportionate to the quantity of desired explosives?

Anyhow...in that book, a young lad discovers a giant squid and describes his discovery in detail.

I wonder if that's how these guys felt, finding this enormous creature....funny how our planet seems so destined to die, doom and gloom seems eminent and then....new things are found, from a deep and dark place we cannot know yet. I'd like to think something like global warming is not the reason we are finding this sort of thing, I guess that's possible...but I try to be positive, otherwise I cry about it.

Sorry, it's my mood today. I'm sort of in and out of it, ah well...what do you do?

I should go, time to shove off....

My Beautiful Baby Jetta

I love my car.
I love my car.
I love my car.
I love my car.
I love my car.

I am so happy she's back. AND AND AND.....next Monday, she's going to the shop to patch up that busted up bumper (stoopid snowbank) and dented drivers side rocker arm (BAD SNOW BANK!) So soon, she'll be in tippy top shape. All pretty and beautiful again....woop. AND...all that is left is to get those running lights fixed and get an oil change. woop woop, then she'll be the happiest Baby Jetta EVER! This summer, I am hoping to put in some new speakers....she'll be so happy then. Then we cruise the boulevard, both looking hot and sounding so good with the sun roof open and the windows down...bumping to beats of Mangoliciousness. YAY Baby Jetta and Mango!

Is it ok to love a vehicle THIS much? I'm going to go ahead and say "Heck yeah!" I know a few others ladies in my life who can fully appreciate giant hunks of metal that hurtle you down the highway that bump your favorite tunes and are a whole lotta fun to drive. Foxy Lady comes to mind. And K's beast of a truck...and Colleen, she drives this insane massive truck as well. Little girls, BIG trucks! I am personally a big girl who likes fast cars, but to each his own yes?

I should get back to work. I am swamped and not as focused as I could be. Way too much on mind, most involving the all might dollar and trying to make it stretch and last to it's fullest. I'm thinking of picking up some kind of weekend work...we'll see, like my life isn't already complicated right?

Also, tomorrow is a big big day for my honey bunny! YAY C:)

Peace,
S

Let The Games Begin

Spring soccer starts for big man in a few weeks. 3 practices a week, 1 - 2 games during the weekend. From March through July it's on like Donkey Kong. The spring will blow by us in a blur. I'm excited though, this will be his last season before going Jr. Varsity next year in High School. My bebe is going to be playing big boy soccer soon with big boys at big boy school. sniff.

Chance and I have been experiencing an inordinate amount of stress these past few weeks due to car difficulties, work related stress, some minor issues with a few people in our lives, school (both C & Mj), illness and of course, the ever present financial dramas. My only current focus is getting my dang car back. Hopefully today. Dentist appointment for Max will prob have to be cancelled, oh well...it is what it is. He'll be disappointed, silly child LIKES the dentist. I cannot fathom this.

Anywho...due to this stress we have decided to hibernate and focus on our priorities. This probably sounds easier than it really is for us sometimes. We are both guilty of procrastination, distraction and the occasional bout of outright laziness. We both have distracting issues in our respective lives, we both have a fairly large platter of responsibilities and well....I think we are both a little exhausted by the stresses of these past months, which have been great...but also the good kind, that teach you about life and how to deal with it.

I am just tired today. And a little whiney. My back hurts like mad and I'd really like to get my dang car back, I'd feel a whole lot better having those keys in my hand. Course, it's going to cost me $400+ dollars to get those keys, with the car, back into my hand...but hey, you do what you gotta do right?

blah. will report back soon.

Baby Jetta....where are you???????????????????????????????? OHHHH BABY JETTTTTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Please come home to momma.....

This JUST in.....
I have been reunited with my precious Baby Jetta AND Max will make it after all to get his teeth pulled. I had to leave work early (again) and it's totally possible that my boss hates my guts at the moment, but....these things must be done. I also might now have to babysit this weekend as a favor to the person who picked me up, which I don't mind....this is all ok. I can't wait to come home, take a damn ibuoprofen for my back and lay on my couch that I worked so hard to put in this house!

Peace. All hail the mighty Baby Jetta for she is strong and uber Mangolicious!

Star Dust Children

My child asks me of the stars, my spirit comes to life with the innocence of his wonder
Flashbacks of moments without complexity or the tease of knowledge, just simple admiration

Why do they look so tiny, so close together,
When we know they are massive and powerful?

What causes some to seem bright and twinkling,
Yet others flash hue of softer color and texture?

How can something appear to be one thing,
When in fact it is something else all together?

Resisting the temptation to blurt out all my passion and blindside him,
With idea's, conceptualism....could he possibly know what he is asking the Universe?

I carefully refrain and focus on the basics of what I know for sure,
That we are all connected, we are all made of the same stuff.

It came from up there, the star dust,
We are down here, the same star dust.

Whatever exists in between up there and down here,
Might just be there to beckon us to think, to question, to explore.

My child asks of stars, of bigger things than himself,
I can only attempt to contain my excitement for him.

4 Day Weekends....who needs them?

It could've been a better weekend...it was going ok, but at some point...things pile up and you just throw your hands up and say "What the hell else?"

I was supposed to take Friday off, client didn't want me to have it off though it was approved by my supervisor. Client called supervisor and was pouty and acted like a child, luckily said supervisor said I shouldn't take Friday as a PTO day after all since I ended up having to be on call for inpatient client a (a is for a$$shole?) and apologized for having to call me in on my day off.

Ok, well sure...whatever, you deal with it...it's the nature of my business, sometimes you are on call. Ok, moving on.

Saturday/Sunday Max and I ended up with some freakish flu of the 48 - 72 hour sort, complete with fever, pounding headaches, chills, sore throats, coughs and congestion. The 3rd time in as many months have I've been really ill with some strange bug....and poor Max still sounds like he's got a rattling chest, he'll be into the doc if that doesn't get better within the next day or so.

Meanwhile, Chance is flying about like a mad man trying to finish up a big project he's been working on for school. He's a little cranky sometimes when he's in this mode...I think we only barked at each other 5 times on Saturday/Sunday, not tooo bad.

Oh and Max, well that's a whole other story...but let's just say he's not exactly getting a lot of privelages at the moment. Boys who are blowing it don't get to do fun stuff. But it's all a work in progress though and I love him no matter what, I've told him that about a billion times this week.

This morning, Max and I are both feeling mostly better but still off.....but I managed to get some grocieries in the house and take us out for lunch and a movie so we could have some fun time together.

Chance calls in a panic at 6:30 asking that I PLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE bring his laptop (which had the project he needed on it naturally) to him at school b/c HE HAS to turn it in immediately. Hey, it happens....I don't mind have my guys back, that's part of what this sort of thing is all about right?

Get in the car.....hrm, this is odd, we don't have any running lights. Hrm....what to do? Ok, we can handle this - drive w/ your hazards on (the guy busts his ass on his school work, I know it's important) and just get what he needs to him.

Turn the hazards ono...ok driving with these on is annoying. Turn of hazards and hope for the best....Ok, this is REALLY strange.....now I have no turn signals. Greaaaaaaaaaaat. It's dark, ok...dark AND cold.

This is all still fairly manageable....I'm not feeling to panicked b/c these are all easily fixable things but I do have to get C his laptop asap, I've got a sick kid in the car and someone had the BRILLIANT idea to bring the dog (that would be me, I take her everywhere with me) and the dog is restless.

BLAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. BLUB BLUB BLUB

F*cking POTHOLE! Anyone exit Colfax from I25 recently? There is a crater sized pothole just lurking there, and it's not close to the stop...it's a good distance so your still slowing down from highway speed. It was, in no way, forgiving at all.

Now, I am....upset, or something like it. Pulling out the calmish "Mom CAN handle everything!" attitude and then thinking of what to do. I call/text Matt AND Helen. No word, still no word actually and it's 3 hours later. Hope they are ok. The next obvious thing would be to throw the ole spare on there myself right? OF COURSE NOT b/c NOTHING can be that easy for me today.

Once upon a time the Baby Jetta got a flat tire and an valiant attempt was made by all to get the this one very stubborn and insanely tight lug nut off. It could not be done, not even the various heroes of my life could not use their mighty strength to pry that lug nut loose. Being that we'd JUST had the car serviced (tires rotated/aligned) by the Dealership, we felt it fitting to have them come and undo what ever super evile spell theyd cast and promptly come get the damn lug nut off. They couldn't do that, oh noo....but they agreed to tow it and fix the tire, free of charge. After Chance bitched at them for a good hour or so.

That's great, all is well in the happy kingdom of Mango when alas....she goes to have the tire replaced (it was only patched the last time and was in need of replacement) before the winter weather comes and the mechanics look at me like I am crazy. "Dear, do you see that at least 3 of these lug nuts are stripped to hell?" like I'm some kind of idiot (grr, I HATE that.)

No, I didn't know that but HOW WOULD I considering I'd had no problems since the last time....and I was trying to proactive and fix and got treated like some ditzy blonde anyawys (I HATE that) anyway, long story short....my lug nuts are all stripped to hell (as my previous mechanic so eloquently put it) and can not be pried loose by mere mortals. Heavy duty machinery with major sounding action is required to bust those puppies loose. But I thought that's why I took it to get fixed...oh no, it's not that simple...dealership has to fix it. ok. whatever.

So, I file this little deatil in my memory and have been meaning to get this fixed (which I'd planned for on Friday but couldn't b/c I HAD TO WORK and couldn't get it down in time for M to work on it)

So...yeah, lug nuts aren't moving. Chance calls and says where are you? I tell him (in brilliant detail of course) about the situation and the next step. Chance took the bus from school to try and come rescue his fair maiden, the little night and the galiant steed (Kasha dog could easily wooop someones ass if needed LOL) and one hour later he got there and began dutifully changing the tire. I said quietly...."But, I think it's stripped" I'd already called a tow truck. "Call and cancel that tow truck, I can get these off." Shrug. But...the lug nuts are stripped. Sometimes, you just gotta hope for the best. So while Chance yelled every curse word in the book in his attempts to what was later found out to be impossible...I called and cancelled the tow truck. Then all looked hopeless so I called again and said, ok we need a tow truck. Then...a lug nut came loose. So I called and cancelled. Then....after more curse words, Max and I standing out in the cold on the side of the road (Max was in his pajama's by the way, tshirt/shorts) shivvering and Kasha puppy looking very distraught...Chance said "Call the f*cking tow truck."

With the tow truck en route, Chance is worried about leaving us on the side of the road. Which is very sweet, but I did want to gently remind him that while I may be a fair maiden, I am a rather resourceful and capable individual, some even regard me as a force to be reckoned with (har har) and I was certain I could handle the situation. Instead I said "Don't worry baby, get back to school so you can turn that project in." He argued and finally I took the laptop out and shoved it in his face and told him to get moving. I apprciate his concern, but dammit...all this drama better not lead to nothing....go turn in that damn project NOW! But I handled it well and he could not hear my internal screaming, only external zen-ness. Yeah me. I am strangley calm with the big stuff. Usually. It's generally the small things that make me insane and act like a rotten fruit.

Tow truck driver shows up, sweetest guy ever and I was greatful for this b/c I couldn't deal with creepy tow truck drivers....seriously, I just could not tonight.

(Kasha INSISTS on sitting on my lap while I type, it's very cute...but pardon the typos)

We get home, get the car parked. The dearheart tow truck driver offers to try and get the lug nuts off with his tools (stock jack/tools from VW...not so great) and goes to work trying to get it off. Busts 2 sockets in the process and also cursed. Luckily his tools are insured. Max sure got an earful tonight. The f bomb has been thrown around more tonight than in your standard Quintan Terrentino flick. Ah well...not like he doesn't know those words. Except one that Chance said...he might not know that word. Well now he does I guess. Anway.....

Sweetheart tow truck drivers says "Girl, these things are stripped to hell!" I broke out into hysterical laughter, I almost started to cry at that point. I just nodded, I really couldn't say anything else. I did tell him this on the way, I guess he didn't believe me. He says "Yep, yer gonna have to take this to the dealership fer sure! I'd make them pay for it too!" The same thing Chance said the moment he met me out on Colfax earlier.

The neighbor walks up and asks if everything is alright? I say yeah He tried to poke me (these are the cute little youngin's who live next door) and ask if I was getting a reposession, I told him to piss off (I know choice language for such a fair maiden) and that of course I wasn't getting repoed. I told him about my night and he laughed and offered me a beer and gave me some more ribbing....

....actually, let me just note here that between Chance trying to save us, the sweet tow truck driver and my brother like neighbor guys who I am strangely fond of.....it actually made my whole night they were all so nice to me. It just felt good to have my guy, 1 guy i don't even know and 1 guys I barely know take care of me some how, just a sweet gesture by your average man out in the world. And Max...bless his heart, was trying VERY hard to play the big man role. In fact in he insisted he could change the tire when it first happened, luckily he was in his pajamas so I had a good reason for making him sit in the car while I figured this out..........

Finally now all is well, everyone goes home...

I walk in the door and Max tracked all the mud from standing on the side of the road into the house, up the stairs and into the bathroom.

I just deeply (very deeply) inhaled and slowly exhaled.

The carpets are getting cleaned anyway, what are you going to do?

And now, I am typing this in my blogg and thank goodness I have a ride to work tomorrow, Chance should be on his way home fairly soon and Max is in bed asleep and warm.

I am so ready to go to sleep and just start a new day tomorrow.

Here's to better tomorrows.
Cheers!

Freaking cheers.

goodnight.
s

Two words....

Hoo - Rah!

Hoo - Rah for 3 day weekends (coming up quick!)

Hoo - Rah for a beautiful and warm home.

Hoo - Rah for a Crystal's speedy recovery and rockin' body to boot.

Hoo - Rah for furry soft things that purr or bark and only want to love you and are never cruel.

Hoo - Rah that I made it safely to work without sliding into the guard rail.

Hoo - Rah that I have food to eat.

Hoo - Rah that people out in the world love me.

Hoo - Rah that I have a great job.

Hoo - Rah that my son is healthy and has opportunities.

Hoo - Rah that Chance has such opportunities with his career and education.

Hoo - Rah that changes are in motion.

Hoo - Rah that Mary is healing.

Hoo - Rah that life has blessed me with another day.

Hoo - Rah!

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day

May this day find you enjoying the fertile
opportunity of love in all it's beautiful form!

Peace to you all
Love
S

****************************

Mango's Question Of The Day:

Read the following quote

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get . . . Only with what you are expected to give. . . . Which is everything. --Katharine Hepburn

What are your thoughts on this? Do you give everything for love? Should your love be unconditional? Do you expect something in return? If so, what is it? What are your epectations in love?

****************************


Various info and opinions on the history of today's version of this his holiday:

http://www.goddessgift.com/pandora's_box/Valentine's_Day.htm

http://www.witchology.com/contents/february/valentines_static.php

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lupercalia

http://www.religioustolerance.org/valentine1.htm

A Lisa, Or A Bart...

Call #5 from Max’s math teacher today in the 6 days. This boy has a serious issue with authority, specifically women in authority. Isn’t that nice, he’s got this strong independent female as his mother….but some how, that’s still undermined by our culture…and probably his father and grandfather in some way. Effers. Ok, I should probably not go off on that rant.

As soon as he doesn’t ‘like’ a teacher, he just digs his heels in and expects the world to figure it out because he’s not budging. My patience level with him this past week on the whole math thing has reached its peak. Kid is facing summer school and he STILL fights it every single way. I already helped him out of a situation with a teacher he didn’t ‘like’ earlier this year and allowed him to drop the class. Now he’s asking me to help change his math teacher, because she is ‘mean’ and so on and so forth, the same shit I’ve been hearing from him since 5th grade. Every semester it’s a different teacher, he always picks at least one to totally dislike and take on. This isn’t new; this has been his nature since about 2nd grade. I think he is a Taurus, not a Virgo.

It’s so frustrating. What do you do with a kid that basically just refuses to try? He’s failing this class. He’s been failing it all year, we’ve tried to get him tutoring after school and he ‘forgets’ to go. He does nothing but fight me when I try to help him and gets very frustrated. He feels he’s so far behind that he’s not even going to try. He told me that today when I confronted him. He shows up purposefully without his supplies and then tells his teacher (this is classic) that I don’t buy him school supplies and that’s why he doesn’t have what he needs. Ms. Hecox calls me today saying, will you please BUY Max some school supplies….like I’m the reason he doesn’t have school supplies. I just bought him school supplies at the 1st of the year, plenty….enough for the whole school year. I asked his math teacher if Max has been showing up with supplies since the beginning of the year, she said…until last Monday. He told me that his ‘friends’ and him got into a paper fight (?) in the bathroom and his math notebook got destroyed. This happened a week ago, not a word was said to me. I even asked him if he had homework during the week….”Nope, we have CSAP this week” welllllllllllll….he DID have CSAP (standardized testing) but he still had homework to be completed by today, over the weekend…I just found out today.

But he couldn’t do his homework this weekend because he didn’t have any school supplies. Because his worthless mother doesn’t buy school supplies for her son. Poor little guy, man has he got it rough! It’s pretty obvious how neglected and abused he is at home I’m sure.

Now I know why Homer Simpson strangles his children.

The current theory with everyone we are working with is that Max may just have to crash and burn to figure this out, he may just have to go to summer school and if so….oh well. He is 14 for cripes sake. He is old enough to do is homework, show up to class with a freaking pencil and paper and everyone on the planet knows he’s a bright kid. Not a single soul questions whether or not he can do the work, he’s full capable….but you know the line, “He can do the work, he’s just not applying himself.” I almost screamed at the first teacher to give ME that line. I just looked at her and the images of the 10 billion teachers before her that had used that line on my mother and a million mothers before me flashed before my eyes. I mean, we KNOW that is what’s going on, maybe there’s a newer, more modern and original way of saying “Hey, your kid is distracted and we’ve got to figure it out or he/she is gonna blow it totally.”

And high school….oh boy, I mean high school is not forgiving in any way. And he goes on and on and on about his drivers license. I’m like HA…you think your getting a drivers license with those grades? Think again Mr. Man. And if you think you can get it without my permission, you are sadly mistaken. He was recently quite distressed to learn that news, which he had to verify with someone else b/c you know…I’m totally full of shit.

If I had the money, I’d stick his ass in private alternative school immediately. I’m terribly concerned about these next few years of school. He’s got the foundation, a loving family, a ton of support…we are getting him a private tutor….it’s up to him. Right?

I wish I could say that I was comfortable with just letting it be, living within my spirit and knowing that it’s up to him, that he’ll be protected…that he can get through this and he’s got to do a lot of it on his own.

The truth is, I worry endlessly. Every night I sit there and think….what has to happen for this kid to get this under control? What more can I do? How many more times do I need to communicate with the teachers? As much as it takes, I know.

At what point in life do you have to take a step back and let these kids figure it out on their own? This could very well be all my fault in the first place, for not giving him the skills to be independent….to function in the world, to be capable…

The fact that children come with no manual and really you are left out in the cold as a parent with all you know from what the world has taught you about being a parent…and a child…has got to be the biggest pile of steaming bullshit on the face of the planet. It is simply not fair that we all want better for our children but don’t know always know how to make that happen. It’s also not fair that you can’t like go back a few years and change this or that…I wish I lived on an episode of Bewitched. I always thought I’d make a much better Samantha anyway.

We’ve come too far to blow it now; I want so much for him. I want him to not have to work so hard in life to succeed and to know that life can be fun and not end up a statistic of a young, teen mother.

Even Homer Simpson who strangles his kids has brilliant, studious little Lisa Simpson…what does it all mean? That you can struggle and work hard and still end up with a Bart OR you can be a total looser of a parent and still end up with a Lisa? The grand question mark of parenting, yes?

Whether I have a Lisa or a Bart, I love him either way...I just wish I hadn't infected him with my 'difficult life' germ, I'd wanted so badly for him to be immunized against that when he was born...but I guess they don't give that to kids on Medicaid born to homeless 16 year old in California. Sucks for him eh?

Foggy Fridays

Fog isn't something you see a lot in Denver, especially not this thick. It's very pretty, but fog does have ominous undertones to me for some reason. Probably all those B horror flicks from my youth. The Fog, dun dun dun!!!!!! I always rather enjoyed it in San Francisco though, it has a smell. Like salty ocean water and fresh rain. I miss San Francisco sometimes, the vibrancy of the living there and the openness of the culture. I miss living in the city sometimes, the energies that exist with tens of thousands of people packed into square miles. I also miss the water, it feels like to long since I saw it last.

I am a bit foggy myself today, so it is fitting weather outside for my mood. Not melancholy in any way, just sort of out of it. I think I am pulling out of this sinus thing, but this past week feels like a blur of domestic existence, work, driving in my car and floating in water. The highlight of my week was definitely seeing Mary yesterday. I was able to get go to her earlier than we'd planned, so it was nice to steal her for a whole afternoon. I could tell she was tired, so I appreciate she stuck it out and gave me some food for thought.

This week we also got Mj registered for High School (if anyone had any doubt that he is in fact a full fledged teenager, let that doubt now cease) and he picked some great electives. I am excited for him, High School will be a lot of fun for him I think. I also finalized the child support order and Sean should receive notification within the next few weeks. I am a bit anxious about it, but I am grateful that it is now in motion. It would be great, if by some miraculous stage of events, we can all find a way to make this thing work so that ultimately it benefits Max and harms no one else. Either that, or that Sean would just go away until Max is older and let us live our lives without this constant distraction Max experiences over his Dad. That's probably not very nice and could be interpreted in many ways....but the impact Max's father has had on him in recent years has not been a good one, it's been extremely confusing for Max and he's still working desperately to figure out what this is all about. Now it is in the hands of the courts though and there is some relief for Max and I both in this.

This weekend I am going to have to work a bit to make up some time for being sick, go to my friends Bday party Sat night and hopefully just get caught up on some rest. I have all these plans, but my body may have other plans in mind. It's hard to say, we'll play it by ear.

C got his new laptop, let me just say that Mac's rock and I want one. Very lovely little pieces of wires and bits they are, I have a strange love affair with technology and all of its hardware. Sometimes I loathe it and feel inspired to completely break away entirely from the depths of dependence on it which engulfs my life. Other times, I could totally loose myself in all of it and get totally wired in. It becomes like a drug, technology and the internet. You become dependant on it and trust me, it is dependant on us The concept of technology as it's own live entity is real to me b/c I can see the inner workings of the logic behind it all and if you think of the cumulative effort by hundreds of thousands of programmers, IT professionals, web designers and administrators and so on to create their own little piece of the mega-pie, you are looking at a large collective thought process all moving in one forward motion. As a whole, a unit, with a similar intent. Then consider the millions of earthlings across the planet who are plugged into all of this information and have a regular user experience, that daily interaction with this information and technical process compounds the collective energy we are all putting into this technology. It's pretty massive.

eh eh, back to my programming....my precious.

It's Official

I like fruit again. Specifically berries and melon, especially blackberries (mmmmm, Homer like blackberry) and honeydew. Kiwi is also at the top of my list. I don't eat Mango's though, Mango's are not cannibalistic you see so I am simply physically unable to actually eat one, otherwise I'd be committing a tree fruit atrocity and then Chance would yell at me.

Today is the dentist. Booooooooooooooo, hissssssssssssssssssssss.
But I'm going, I'm going already.

Anti-botics also might be in order, I think I have a sinus infection...those generally do not go away on their own with me. Booooooooooooooo, hissssssssssssssssssssss.
But I'm going, I'm going already.

News Flash: Mary's daughter Kate has 2 very exciting educational opportunities to finish her graduate school...one of them from Yale! Freaking insane...these kids. Mary's son Daniel is going to NYU to major in Acting. I am so proud of these kids. The determination and perseverance they show in striving to achieve their goals is unwavering and totally inspiring. It helps to have a loving, supportive and nurturing family too! YAY Kate & Daniel! WOOT WOOT!

I watched this last night with Chance....
http://www.anunreasonableman.com/
I thought it was excellent, I had no idea how much ole Ralph had contributed so much to consumer safety and watch dog groups in the past 50 years. Pretty amazing dude, too bad he ended up as a scapegoat these past two elections. He really may have made on helluva president. Certainly we all know now that anything would've been better then Bush-nut.

Also, I'd like to pose this question....where in the world is Micheal Moore? Did he just like dissappear of the face of the earth or something? Chance and I think he might have been a left-gate keeper all along....but it's hard to say whether he was one from the beginning or turned into one after Farenheight 911. Certainly he owes me no explanation, I am just curious...I always thought he was a rather humrous artist out in the world trying to convey a message.

Off to worky work for me....watch as she silent creeps back into work mode and then quickly retreats out the door to the doctors office in which she will be poked and prodded and irritated, but she never waivers or whines...she is the strong and Mighty Tree Fruit!

Medication Induced Distraction

Hmmm, wonder if it's time to go home yet?

Dang, it's not.

I should be slaving away, writing code and optimizing my SQL queries...but I'm bored of that for today. I am heavily medicated and thus prone to distraction. I can't help it, it's not my fault. That's what I would say if I were 14 again. Max has gotten wise to using this sort of language with people, we all fall for it at least once or twice, but he keeps at it far after 'Adult Y' has gotten hip to his game. The man-child is persistent, I'll give him that. Now if only we could convince him to use his powers for GOOD!

I can hear today, isn't that nice? It doesn't sound like a swarm of bee's navigating the spaces in my ears. I'd definitely prefer that it doesn't sound like that and that I can actually hear people talking to me.

I can also open my eyes most of the way, this is also a good sign. This means that my face does not in fact, resemble a series of balloons tired together and that's good.

So now all that's left is this headache, nothing is draining (isn't that a pleasant word?) yet...so I am sure once it all comes out, the pressure will be relieved and I will get back to normal.

The Time Nazi's at my work sent me a report today. I cringe every time I see that report. We still log hours in two applications, why this is I cannot exactly tell you. The entire development team is completely at a loss about why we would still use 2 applications when one does the trick for reporting purposes to cooperate, but either we as the silly little developer children do not know what we are talking about OR our managers know something we don't. Or they don't get it. Or they wish to punish us. I'm not really sure. My supervisor is pretty kick ass, so I doubt it's her intention to make me crazy....but tracking hours, every little detail about the minutia of my day...in 2 applications, double the work....it flips my Type A personality button to "ON" and red lights start flashing and sirens begin screaming. Certainly the cost of doing something 2 or more times a day outweigh the benefits? Multiply that by 10 people. Hello. Not to mention that it's just annoying.

wah wah wah

I'm just cranky. I am sort of unmotivated and lacking of energy these past few days, probably from the head cold from hell mostly and the subsequent series of medications making my life tolerable...Chance is freakishly busy at the moment, these two classes he's taking now are proving more complex and demanding than his first two. I thought that might happen, but I thought I should shut my mouth. Sometimes silence is the best practice.

I am feeling motivated to write again though, so that's kind of fun. I wrote short story this morning, the first I actually followed through with. I can't post it yet as it's pretty personal, but I thought it came out quite well. C is critiquing. Lovers who critique one another's work could be dangerous ground, but we do good. We are both artists in some way or another, so we know how to be constructive without being hurtful. Plus, we respect one another's respective mediums and though I often touch on extremely intimate issues that he is well aware of, he still is able to step outside of himself and read it without getting to absorbed in the personal nature of it all. That's a good skill.

I should go, I'm sorta ready to be done with this day but when I leave here, it's just starting. Such is the life a working mother, no?

wub wub wub wub wubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

wub wub

~ This is the sound swooshing in my ears ~

wub wub wub

~ This is the the sound of whatever is wooshing up through my cheeks and into my forehead ~

wub wub wub wub

~ This is the sound of the awful grinding my teeth are doing from the sinus medicine and no food ~

wub wub wub wub wubbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb

~ This is the sound of my head hitting my desk, one eye open, mouth open...drool dripping ~

???

~ This is the sound of me going home and going to bed ~

To The Makers Of OTC Cold/Sinus Medication

My weekend plans were totally shot. Head cold, creepy thing in my throat...can't focus or think. At work this morning thinking of how warm and snuggly my bed is, would rather be there. But am here, blinding lights and people bothering me. I don't like to be around people when I am not well, I find them extremely irritating.

Today is Crystal's Birthday! Happy Birthday Crystal, I love you! So glad things are moving along swimmingly for you out there in the Northern Pacific. Will call later tonight.

Until then, I have something I'd like to say to the producers of over the counter cold/sinus medications...when someone is sick, they don't want to fight to open your package. Do you really think I have the energy to break open one of those little tamper resistant seals when my head is pounding like a Clydesdale? Sorry, I don't carry scissors in my purse or car to do so with and it's not like they just pop open as the directions imply. Do you think I can read all that fine print about dosage and drug allergy information when my eyeballs are all puffed up from sinus pressure? Do you think I care that your package has a new look? Not to mention the fact that I now have go to the pharmacy, sign my personal information and show a Drivers License in Colorado to purchase Advil Cold/Sinus and a myriad of other formally OTC meds because of the pseudoephedrine content. It's not my fault that the local area meth labs use pseudoephedrine in mass quantities to concoct their poisons that kill people. I'm not trying to contribute to addiction. I'm very sorry for that, I know what that crap can do to people...it's truly awful. I just no longer wish to feel like I am living in an aquarium. That's all, I'm not a criminal....I just want to take some medication and go to sleep. At least set it up so that if I am forced to purchase it from the pharmacy I don't have to sumo wrestle the packaging to get it open.

And no worries that you might loose me as a consumer. I live in a highly populated area of the country. I have a 14 year old who goes to school with 750+ other germ monsters who pass their crud around to each other by sharing food, drinks and who knows what else. I work with 30+ other people, 20% of whom have children under the age of 10, so they bring the germs their kids bring home from their respective schools and child care programs. And then we all pass it around at work. I wash my hands alot, I eat exceptionally well and I try to get enough rest. But my stress level is probably the kicker b/c we live in a stress induced society, and I suffer from anxiety - just like a million and on other people in Denver. So I do get sick some times, I get about 3 - 4 colds a year. Because I am not allowed to have 'down' time as a single (for all intensive purposes) working mother, I must subscribe to using your products in order to get me through the day and on to whatever is next needed from me.

My bottom line, if there is an option for me to purchase your medication in an easier to open package, please make it so. I am 100% for tamper resistant medication bottles, I love children and animals and I want to see them all grow up and be healthy and they are curious little boogers and get into everything sometimes, so the need is obvious. However, I am a full grown adult and I would just like to open up that packaging, take that happy little pill that's going to make my otherwise miserable cold a whole lot more manageable...without banging my head against the wall and ending up in tears in the process. You don't want to be responsible for my nervous breakdown, now do you?

That is all.

Mango's Don't Dance, They Boogey (Getchyo Boogey On)

Weekend To Do List:

Thursday (Someday my weekends will start on Thursday)
- Clean house after work
- Make dinner for the Monkey Men
- Research music download software (Bearshare and I are no longer friends)
- Start more laundry (Someday I won't have to do laundry either)

Thursday, 4:30 Update....
It's snowing like madness outside. I slipped and slid all the way home and now, I now not feeling even remotely interested in cleaning the house. Pooey on that. We are snuggling up with blankies and taking naps, reading until Chance gets home. All of us. The house will wait and so will all this other stuff that sucks up my time. It'll all be there tomorrow.

What does this say about me? That I am either a terrible, lazy procrastinator ~ OR ~ I will take this opportunity as it has been presented to me to lay on my couch and spend some quiet time with Max while the snow huddles us all into our homes while it blusters and blows outside.

Guess it depends on how you look at it , eh?

Friday
- Old Navy after work (Old Navy has my favorite jeans. And some uber cute sweaters at the moment - Thanks Mary!)
- Walk the Kasha butt (I mean mutt)
- Make grocery list
- Make dinner with Chance and chill (it's Friday yo)

Saturday
- Macy's (Unmentionable shopping, yay me! Might also get some new shoes, need new ones for the gym - thanks Mary!)
- Vitamin Cottage (MUCH cheaper than Whole Foods/Wild Oats and overall, good selection. It's not much higher than shopping at Safeway)
- Go To Comcast (also known as Buttcast) and discontinue cable television (Bad TV)
- Go home, make Max some lunch
- Walk the Kasha butt (I mean mutt)
- Visit Mary
- Call Progressive about the Baby Jetta ouchie and get that rolling
- Come home to a warm and loving and quiet house

Sunday
- Walk the Kasha butt (I mean mutt)
- Sign Up For Vonage
- Cook
I want to cook a few meals I can throw in the fridge, have for lunches ect
- Sleep/Rest
- Finish Laundry

Weekend To Don't List:
Mango will get her boogey on, but quietly and with no distractions. (either internal/external)
Mango and Monkey Man/Boy will have some quiet and undistracted time together as well.
Mango will be detoxing all weekend, so no wine, no sugar, no white starches AND NO poo poo thoughts. BAD POO POO!
Mango will meet Monday well rested and ready to face the week.