14 Year Old Male Wisdom

~ Mom's rockin' out to 'Just Lay Here' by SnowPatrol on the way home last night from 3 hours worth of errands ~

Max: "Mom, if you are a singer or you marry a singer or a singer is in your family, do you HAVE to listen to their music....being sung by the singer."

~ giggle, Max's vocabulary and grammar skills are still in development ~

Mom: "You don't HAVE to listen to any kind of music. You have the option and right to listen to any kind of music you want, knowing someone who sings in a band doesn't obligate you to listen to their music."

Max: "Ok, well then would you be EXPECTED to?"

~ Mom laughs ~

Mom: "Ah, isn't that the confusing part? The difference between the expectations others have of you and what you think you are supposed to do or the expectations you have for yourself?"

~ Max laughs ~

Max: "Yes it is! It's very frustrating. "

Mom: "What prompted this question?" (I'm still trying to compose myself because this is one of those rare moments in life when Max genuinely is interested in what I have to say and asking a serious question, but the humor here must be obvious?)

Max: "I don't know, I've just always wondered what I am supposed to do if I ever marry a rock star. What if I don't like her music?"

Mom: "If you don't like it, you don't like it...you are allowed to have opinions about everything Max. You have that freedom, to think what you want, to feel how you want, to listen to whatever kind of music it is that you like."

Max: "What if she gets mad at me for not liking it."

Mom: "I would think then that it's her choice to be angry and that maybe you might want to let her know it's not personal, just not the type of music you like."

Max: "Yeah....." (Interesting thought provoking silence ensues...)

~ a few moments pass ~

Max: "I bet I will probably like her music and the way she sings, why would I marry someone if I didn't like their music?"

~ giggle ~

Mom: "You are probably right Max, I guess it just depends on what is important to you. If music is important to you, then it's something you might have in common with her. Chance and I talk about music a lot, it is pretty important to both of us and though we don't always agree on everything, there are some artists that we both appreciate very deeply and it's even more enjoyable to listen to it together."

Max: "As long as she likes Bob Marley, we'll be fine I'm sure. Mom, why does Bob Marley smoke so much pot?"

~ oh boy ~

Mom: "Yeah ole Bob sure did like the weed. I think he believed, like a lot of people do, that marijuana is a gift from the Earth and should be appreciated by all Mother Earth's gifts. I think he was a good man, very loving and kind...and has a zillion kids to prove it! He was a busy guy."

~ Max laughs ~

Max: "Did you know it's not actually illegal to have in Colorado as long as you aren't going to sell it? Up to an ounce of weed."

~ My son just said weed. ~

Mom: "How did you know that?"

Max: "We talked about it today in my American History class."

Mom: "Really?" (Wondering why we never talked about the possession laws when I was a kid?)

Max: "Have you ever smoked pot?"

Mom: "Yes, when I was younger. I don't any more though, it's just not for me."

Max: "What did it feel like?"

Mom: "For me, it made me hungry and sleepy and giggly sometimes. I think it's different for everyone, I know some people find it to be a good experience."

Max: "What if my wife smokes pot and I don't want to?"

~ what? OK what is going on here? ~

Mom: "Max, has someone offered you pot?"

Max: "Nah, not yet. I know kids that smoke it though...I don't hang out with them."

Mom: "Just curious then?"

Max: "Kind of, I don't understand what the big deal is."

Mom: "Me either, I don't know why it's not fully legalized and we are farming hemp for paper and clothing and possibly alternative fuel resources."

Max: "But you don't smoke pot I thought?"

Mom: "You don't have to participate in something to see the validity of it's cause."

Max: "HUH?"

Mom: "I don't have to smoke weed to see that the legalization of marijuana could be beneficial for a number of different reasons. Besides, there a lot of people who smoke it already, I think our government is in denial about The Weed."

~ Max laughs ~

~ Long pause, we arrive at the house, get out of the car ~

Max: "Mom?"

Mom: "Yep?"

Max: "I think it's ok that I like Bob Marley and he smokes pot."

Mom: "Um yeah, I gave you your first Bob Marley CD for Christmas, remember?"

Max: "And I also think it's ok if I don't smoke pot and I like Bob Marley. People think that if you like Bob Marley that you smoke weed."

Mom: "Yeah well, sometimes people can't help but judge things they don't know or understand. It's not your fault, just listen to whatever you like."

Max: "I'm really tired."

Mom: "I know, go take a shower and get in bed, I'll be up in a minute to say good night."

~ deep breathe ~

************************************************************************
Proof that Max is growing up in a complicated world? Yes. Was I quite ready for The Weed conversation just yet? Um no, not quite. But I was proud of myself for not freaking and turning into Momzilla. Panicking. Now the question is, is in he fact already smoking The Weed and if so, when, where and with whom? I really don't think so, if anyone would know what it looks like when your kid comes home stoned...it would be me. See, there are some benefits to having a crazy childhood. sigh.

I'm pretty sure that at the moment, my baby is still pretty pure. I don't think he's been drinking or smoking anything at all, not cigarettes or anything else for that matter. I think he's probably been exploring The Females, but to what extent I don't know. Probably not too much yet, he's very shy in that regard.

Some might be shocked that we are already having this talk at 14, don't be. It's the reality and again, if anyone knows that...it's me.

Aside from the initial trauma of this conversation, I can now reflect on how proud of Max I am and can be. Look at him, how thoughtfully and carefully he thinks about things. Don't ask me how words like "wife" and "marry" have crawled into his daily conversation at 14, but it does more often than this. I think Max wants a big family, I think he fantasizes about it being there when he's a grown man, maybe to compensate for what he feels he doesn't have now. That's fair, it's not his fault he doesn't have a sibling or a huge immediate family like a lot of his friends. He knows he's loved and all I can do now is help support and nurture the sense of family that exists within us and to let him know that from across the miles, he is loved by many. Besides, he's trying on the archetype. Playing with the idea, that he might some day be a husband, a father. It wouldn't surprise me if Max ends up with 5 kids, even if he vehemently denies it now. Let's hope he doesn't do that in the next 10 years or so, this isn't the first 'adult' like conversation Max and I have had about things like drugs or sex. Max is a good looking guy, he's going to get attention, he already does. I am in no way ready to be Grandma at 35, or even earlier, thank you very much.

~ ponders locking Max in the closet for the next 5 years at least ~

So today, I am having a "I handled the Mom thing well" moment. I didn't panic, I didn't even flinch. I was right on my game. Wish I could that every day! Some day I suppose, even the best of us are still but pups in training yes?

Peace out homies.