And Kasha Makes 7

One 14 year old boy named Mad Max
One 30 something year old boy, (er...I mean man) name CMan
One 2 year old Gaia cat
One 17 year old Pumpkin cat
One 2 year old teddy bear hamster named Mr. Wiggles
One 1 year old Jack Russell Terrier named Kasha

I'm forgetting something. Oh! I know. Me. Hee hee, the sweetest fruit on the tree. Mango! I have no age, only increasing value and grace.

Chance won the race as to who would get their dog of choice first. But, I got to name her....BUYA!

Meet Kasha, our newest bestest puppy that ever was.....(better pics to come)




Let's see, things you should know about Kasha

She's a spaz.

She is a little over one year old.

She sleeps more than any dog I've ever seen. I personally think she acts more like an assertive cat. Hm, like Gaia kinda.

She thinks the cats are squeaky toys, but is
learning that they have claws.

She is extremely intelligent.

She has a ton of energy. She's a spaz.

She has one ear that flops over and one that stands straight up, she always looks like she's asking you a question.

She sleeps burrowed deeply under the bed covers, draped over my leg or
butt and she makes little snoring noises.

She believes she is a fearsome huntress and will let any dog who comes close know this.

She doesn't like the snow (It's snowing today.)

She's a total spaz, really.

She loves loves LOVES the bath tub. We found this out in a most
interesting fashion which ultimately ended up with me soaked and her needing a
nap after all that excitement.

She has to be wherever you are all times.

She likes to bark at her reflection in the plate glass window.

She likes to bark, I think she's talking to us.

She likes to be put up on the bed at night, even though she can jump perfectly fine. I sense a little princess syndrome.

She jumps a lot. She jumps more than a lot.

She's quite taken by Chances charms, like most females tend to be.

She lets you know when she needs out and it's imperative that you act on
this immediately.

She doesn't let her squeaky newspaper toy out of her vision for long.

She loves to snuggle me, I can tell she knows where the
warmest person in the house is.

So that was our excitement this weekend. I'd had big plans to call my family, email and write everyone and even get Christmas cards out. But to no avail. I ended up with a dog instead:)

What a great gift.

11/15/2006 Wednesday Wonders

The crispness of fall air fills my lungs and sunset this morning was vibrant and welcoming to my day.

Max gave me a kiss and a hug and went to tutoring yesterday afternoon with no arguments.

Chance got an A on his Mid-Term (woop woop, goooo Chance!)

I had vegetable eggrolls for breakfeast and they were delicious. I can eat whatever I want for breakfeast because I am a big girl now.

The past two days have been very productive in a positive way at work and home. I can see the outcomes of my focus and efforts. The outcomes are bountiful and warm.

I've worked out two days in a row and it feels fantastic. The image of my body and health are clearer, I know I can achieve my goals with patience and self-acceptance.

The vitamins, extra water, less over eating and better over all diet has increased my energy and fostered a more balanced emotional state. There are donuts and other gooey sugary things in the kitchen at work right now, I am in no way interested in eating any of them as I know doing so will not foster progress in my goals.

My work situation is less overwhelming and I have come to realize that here too, I have control of the outcomes. That my work is important and that my attitude is just as important in making the outcomes positive for my clients as well as myself.

Thanksgiving weekend is coming soon and I'm very excited about a long weekend to share with Max and Chance.

I give love and am loved.

We are going to look at a puppy on Saturday. We will also have Baby Evan on Saturday night so his Daddy can celebrate his 30-something Birthday. Which is a soooprize, so don't tell anyone. Baby Evan is alot of fun.....


My glasses came in, I can see. Everything is so clear. Now considering Lasik. I treasure my sight and am greatful for it.

My government can bring forthe change, I voted...we all voted. We brought forth opportunity as a unified source. The power of movement is extraordinary.

My breathe is concious and deep. My spirit is llifted, my mind alert, heart open.

Nameste

What Are Your Traditions?

The traditional American holiday known as Thanksgiving is soon approaching and Chance and I are planning a wonderful weekend full of ritual, blessings and warmth for the long weekend. My goal for this year is to further encourage the sense of unity with Max and establish traditions and memories, somehow, it feels more important to me than in years past. Maybe because Max seems to be growing up so fast, like time past has been wasted some how? Perhaps because our home now feels like a home, our lives are becoming more vibrant with our efforts and though my temperament has been funky these past few weeks, just taking the first, proactive steps to create and nurture a more focused, positive and healthy "me" lifts my spirits tremendously.

*Note: My first task is getting organized and creating a schedule. This may seem silly, but when your mind and life feel like chaos, it's time to take over the reins and get it on paper. I am a creature of habit I suppose, perhaps a little more routine would do me some good? I suspect it would also benefit the others in my home as I've noticed that if I am not on target, neither are they? Coincidence? Not hardly, it is only proof that I represent some level of balance to the menfolk, even if they resist it.

Moving on, this year I have planned to cook a healthy meal and bake some pies with Max (his favorite activity) and begin decorating our home and planning for the celebration of Winter Solstice. My hope is for the long weekend to be productive in a fun way, but equally relaxing and enjoyable. I'm looking forward to some relaxing time with friends and family, but mostly, focusing on Max and Chance.

There is so much for which to give thanks, so many blessings, so many ways in which we all can find love and comfort in our Earth and one another. What are you holiday traditions? How do you celebrate this time with your friends? Your family? What are your traditions?

On The Negative....

Chance commented to me this weekend that my attitude (and blogg posts) have been a bit negative as of late. I certainly didn't deny it, how can I? As someone who leans towards pursuing the positive aspects of all factions of our collective experiences, even I find myself in moments of dispair and fret.

Happily, our political climate has shifted and now faces the demanding, but at least now possible, challenge of change. Clearly this is something to be enthusiastic, if not totally hopeful about.

Yet, this morning, I came across this while surfing the net....


http://projects.washingtonpost.com/fallen/



The thousands of faces, most under 25 years of age, I can't find the words. Think of a similar project documenting faces of each Iraqi murdered in this war? There are numerous that detail the incidents and estimated deaths (http://www.iraqbodycount.org/database/) but the exact details, the faces, the mothers and children...

It's difficult to not feel dispairity over the massive loss of life. It's difficult to gather my thoughts, to fully comprehend the numbers, the lives, the impact this war will have on all of us over the long term.

The issues I am facing with Max's dad are pretty difficult and stressfull. It's nothing new to the countless other single mothers who have fought to manage this situation and I shall too, fight the fight to keep my child safe and mentally/emotionally sound through what may turn out to be rather ugly. Absentee fathers is an epidemic in our culture, in many. But no matter where you live, it's not being dealt with. These men are not being held accountable, and their lack of accountability is enraging generations of children. Affecting their self esteem, their self worth and pushing so many into poverty and with substandard opportunities. I cannot deny that I am angry with this man, any mother would be. Max deserves more. All of our children deserve more and not just from the fathers that mothers that aren't there to support and love them, but from our community and support systems across the board.

My stress level regarding a few different issues have hit the ceiling recently and my body has taken extreme measure to inform me that it is time to get the stress under control, else face the consequences.

With that in mind, I am having to make some changes. One of them being more of a focus on my own mental/physical/spiritual health. It's a beautiful idea in concept, but implimenting this plan of mine will take some effort, an effort worth it all eventually.

I suppose we'll see, but this past week has taught me some thing very vaulable and that is that I can give my love to those around me wholeheartedly, but becoming consumed by every emotion of every day is too much for anyone and at the end of the day, I must take care of me in order to care for the people and this life that I cherish.

How do you manage your stress? When negative, less than peaceful thoughts enter your mind?

Where Were You?

Where were you when he was circumcised
and I was totally hysterical and was asked to leave the room?

Where were you those nights when I'd rock him to sleep
and we'd gaze into each other's eyes like nothing else existed?

Where were you when he had colic
and screamed until we both almost went mad?

Where were you when he took a tentative first step
and babbled sounds resembling the word 'ball' and then 'Momma'?

Where were you when he was toddling
and climbing up, around, under every thing?

Where were you the first day I had to leave him at child care
and we both bawled for the entire day?

Where were you when he pointed at every thing
and said "Dat Momma, what dat?"

Where were you when we sledding in Bailey
and we stayed until everything was numb, but had to go just 'one more time?'

Where were you when he banged his head on that rocking chair
and needed stitches and couldn't sit still so he got an extra one?

Where were you when he was learning to use the potty
and using Cheerios for aim-practice was the funniest thing he'd ever heard of

Where were you when it was finals week my last semester and I had the flu
and he wanted one more glass of water, one more animal cracker, one more bed time story?

Where were you when it was HIS turn to read ME bed time stories
and I every page said cat, ball, moo, green and moon?

Where were you when he had a temperature of 104'
and I had to take him to the hospital in the middle of the night on the bus?

Where were you when he got his first bike
and took to it like he was born on it?

Where were you when he stuck a bead up his nose
and had to be rushed to the hospital, yet again?

Where were you on his first day of Kindergarten
and his picture ended up in the paper because of a special program his school was doing?

Where were you when the Columbine shootings occurred
and I had to show ID and be ID'd as his mother just to hold him close to me?

Where were you when on Sunday afternoons when we Candy Land
and Hi Ho Cheerio for hours, and then took naps?

Where were you when he was officially diagnosed with the kidney disease
and I cried for days and days and felt I had failed him somehow

Where were you when he would proudly display his finger paintings
and yarn work from 1st Grade?

Where were you when we put up our first Christmas tree together
and he had every ornament neatly organized on the floor, waiting with anticipation

Where were you when we both had terrible strep throat
and I couldn't take care of him, let alone myself...we both went to the hospital that day

Where were you all those nights that he had ear aches, colds and belly aches
and I had to send him to school anyway because I couldn't miss work?

Where were you when his first fish died
and we had to have a funeral in the toilet?

Where were you when after his first fish died, he started asking questions
about death and what happens to you and God?

Where were you during all those soccer games, baseball games, band concerts,
and karate tournaments?

Where were you when he kicked the winning goal, made a home run,
got 2nd place for his forms at tournament?

Where were you when he got in a fight at school
and I had to come explain to him that violence is not the answer?

Where were you when he was a shy 4th grader
and refused to actually sing, but could lip synch quite well?

Where were you when he asked were babies come from
and when I gave him the condensed version, which was immediately met with more questions?

Where were you when I was unemployed, had to have surgery, witnessed 2 friends loose their children, had to go back on food stamps,
and almost lost everything we'd work so hard for and I almost lost it on him?

Where were you when he started practicing his saxophone,
and everyone was convinced he'd be a musical genius, especially me?

Where were you when he graduated elementary school
and went to his first dance to celebrate?

Where were you when summers were full of swimming, hiking, put put golf
and all the other great stuff he gets to do at camp?

Where were you when he started 7th grade
and it felt like he'd suddenly grown and changed so much?

Where were you when his voice started cracking
and his face would turn bright red?

Where were you for all the doctors appointments, immunizations
and dentist appointments?

Where were you when he ran away from home to come find you
and I'd never been so utterly terrified in my entire life?

Where were you when he bought our first house
and he was so happy to have such a big room?

Where were you when he saw a homeless man on the street eating out of a garbage can
and it moved him to tears?

Where were you all those nights he is absolutely hilarious
and makes me laugh until my stomach hurts?

Where were you when his first crush was obvious
and he asked if he could use the phone to call her?

Where were you the first time I took him to see live music
and he looked completely shocked at what he saw there?

Where were you for the first time of anything
and the look on his face, the experiences we shared?

Where were you all those years, with all the love this child has
and he gives it so willingly, so freely?

Where were you as he learned about compassion and kindness
and integrity and honesty?

Where were you when he gave so much more to the world
and the world has given up on him in so many ways?

Where were you when the first shimmering lights of himself were being breaking the surface
and such a luminescent brilliance shown through?

Where were you when he....
Where were you when...
Where were you?

It's a long list, where were you? It's just a brush on the surface, where were you?
I would have been perfectly satisfied if I never knew....if you had never came back here.
He has a different perspective, he has different needs, he has that right.

These are the words he might bring to you at some later date, wondering where were you?
Where were you all this time that you couldn't find the time for me as your son? I'm your son!
Where were you?

He knows you cannot blame me, you cannot claim that I'd kept him from you.
He knows that, soundly...in his heart and it pains me greatly for him to know that.
I would gladly let his anger rage toward me ten fold than for him to draw painful conclusions about your absence.
Watching my child suffer because of your selfishness is heartbreaking.
If ever I had a reason to be angry with someone, this is it.
But I cannot be, I have to maintain composure and rationality.

I am not bitter or hateful toward you, I've forgiven you long ago for the stitches, the bruises, the vile words, the disrespect.
I am not resentful or spiteful toward you, I've forgiven you long ago for something no one can change.
I am not remorseful for the divine life that came out of that tragedy. Ever.
Though admittedly, I'd rather eat nails then speak to you or see your face.
I do not hate you, I do not live with hate inside me. It is poison.
I do not have to respect you though. I cannot. Until proven otherwise, I just cannot.
You have inflicted your own brand of abuse on something I cherish more than life itself.
The love a child, the love of my child.
I cannot respect that. I cannot respect anyone who would do that, not just you.

He is good, in that fundamental way in which children are.
He has not yet lost all of his innocence, something I am working hard to help him maintain as long as possible
He knows something about loss, how unfair things are...he knows that bad things can happen.
But some of that is still very mythical, possible yes...but not to him.
The world will bring reality to him soon enough, he's already experienced some strong doses as we all do.
Until that time, in which he braves out...it is my job to protect him.
And let me assure you that I will to the best of my ability.
You may not like it, he may not like it....but it must be done.
Anything else would be neglectful.

I will not be unfair to him, again, he has this right and it's nothing to do with me.
My only role in this scenario is to protect and care for him, and honor his needs by assisting his search for conclusion, resolution...something.
From you. That's all he wants, isn't it sad?
Just some...thing? His expectations of you are so low, that he'd take anything.
He doesn't care that you've displayed not an iota of support of any kind.
He doesn't care that you've never showed up for a single thing, nothing...
Because to him, you are nothing....YOU in the sense of the tangible you.
To him, you are an idolization, a fantasy, a dream....a man made of imagination and need.
Whether he is disappointed remains to be scene, not something I care to predict.

Let it be known that I will support my son wholeheartedly in knowing you,
But you should very carefully consider moving past your ego, your selfishness,
and any residual illusions you may have about a relationship between you and I.
Even if I were not living with the man I intend to marry, the man who holds more compassion and love in his pinky finger than 10 men, 10 x his size...
Even if he didn't love me and Max with great abundance....
Even if I was in the deepest depths of loneliness and need....
Even the very thought of any kind of relationship with you that doesn't involve my son is completely unfathomable. Incomprehensible. Impossible.
Fills me with disgust. Please never ever ever speak of it again, ever. Do not even allow the thought to enter your mind.
Forgiveness is a work in progress, I hope you can respect that and not cross those boundaries again.
You would do well to focus your energies, this great love you claim to have within you on your son.
Perhaps, with time...you may be able to repair some of this damage you have done unto him.
And if you think you have not inflicted damage unto him, you are sadly mistaken. Sadly.

You may see me as cruel, harsh, uncooperative or controlling.
You may not understand my decisions, behaviors or perspectives.
You can know that my years of devotion have had everything to do with loving him
and nothing to do with harming you.
You can trust that my intentions are good, that I am capable of approaching
situation with as much neutrality as is possible, because Max needs that from me.
The outcomes may not be comfortable for me, but I have accepted that I have little choice
but to support this child in this journey. Wherever it may lead.

I send this out to the Divine. The light of the Divine surrounds us all.
I trust this light to cast away shadows and bring anew rebirth and healing.

Blessed Be

All Hail Don Gato (The Cat)

This is a quick shot out to the Universe to keep a watchfull eye on the sweet Don Gato and his momma (Mrs. K) tonight. He's having a tough night, was diagnosed with lyphoma (sp?) and for kitties this means immediate chemo (Mom can't put him through it, don't blame her) that has a fairly low success rate or fairly rapid decline in health.
***********************************************
Much love to ya Don, dude you soooo rock! I hope this finds you comfortable, with visions of warm sun beaming through the window with your name on it, catnip and your spot on the couch with your Momma.

And Momma, I'm sorry baby girl...So many cannot fathom the pain people like you and B, S and myself...what we feel when we are faced with the suffering or loss of our furry families. They aren't just pets to us, they ARE our best friends, our confidents, our soul mates. There have been times when my kitties HAVE truly been the only beings in the world who I thought could truly hear me, allow my love, I even wanted to connect to at all in the first place....we just love each other because we do. Lie lazily in the sun, reading a book together...a blessed Sunday afternnon that you wouldn't change for a thing in the world. There's no judgement, no needless waste of energy, no ego's getting in the way, just love and affection. Wet noses and happy tails. Like Don and Gaia, with their own 'tudes, full of feline fiestiness, too funny! It's hard for me to understand how one CANNOT see the value in all that? It's so simple and kind... and just good, like in the most fundamental way. Like babies and lillies and skies bluer than seems possible. They embody love and life. And for what? I sometimes feel I give so little for the endless devotion, the countless hours of knee time...the purrs? And yet, we would do anything for them, right?

I know you feel the same, I guess I don't need to question with you the value of those four legged sillies circling our feet in the bathroom or burrowing under the covers in the chilly winter nights. You could probably articulate it all in a much more gracious way then myself, I guess I just wanted you to know that I don't know exactly what you are going through tonight with Don, but that I can empathize and the two of you are most definately in my thoughts..

I am very sad, for you both. Remember how much he loves you too dear heart! But, I guess...I dunno, I think cats live in their own universe. Their senses contain more than merely avoiding a stubbed paw in the dark or when earthquakes are about to occurr, I think they see things, know things...are things we don't fully know yet. Or accept even maybe? I don't know, it's different for everyone. I just know that Don is probably sad too, but knows it's not the forever kind of sad. If that makes any sense?

I hope your tears will be cleansing, I hope Don will be comfortable tonight and always.

Blessed be sweetnesses.

When Clients Just Can't Behave

I love my job, I mean I love where I work. What I do. Who I work with, I enjoy the challenges, the flexibility of this company. I enjoy working, I enjoy giving 110%. I could be here a while, this company has a large group of long timers, 5 or more years. It seems you either stay here long term, or you don't.

However, these clients are giving me an ulcer. The constant complaining, bitching about things that are out of my control, the seemingly endless demands. Something for nothing, NOW! The worst part? They don't want to pay for any of it. Do they expect me to work for free? If I could work for free, I'd be working with puppies or kids or teaching people how to use their computers. I wouldn't be working for free AND taking their abuse.

My poor boss, gets sucked into the middle of this crap on a regular basis. Like she's got time to babysit a bunch of whiney babies. If I don't have the time to hold their hands, how can she? One would think this some how implies that I am not doing an adequate job of managing my clients, but this is not the case. It's a history with them, constantly complaining about everything...I guess in the hopes that they'll get something for free?

Bad clients! BAD BAD BAD. Go to your room. Sit in the corner until you can behave yourself.

That is all, and don't come out until you can be GOOD!

14 Year Old Male Wisdom

~ Mom's rockin' out to 'Just Lay Here' by SnowPatrol on the way home last night from 3 hours worth of errands ~

Max: "Mom, if you are a singer or you marry a singer or a singer is in your family, do you HAVE to listen to their music....being sung by the singer."

~ giggle, Max's vocabulary and grammar skills are still in development ~

Mom: "You don't HAVE to listen to any kind of music. You have the option and right to listen to any kind of music you want, knowing someone who sings in a band doesn't obligate you to listen to their music."

Max: "Ok, well then would you be EXPECTED to?"

~ Mom laughs ~

Mom: "Ah, isn't that the confusing part? The difference between the expectations others have of you and what you think you are supposed to do or the expectations you have for yourself?"

~ Max laughs ~

Max: "Yes it is! It's very frustrating. "

Mom: "What prompted this question?" (I'm still trying to compose myself because this is one of those rare moments in life when Max genuinely is interested in what I have to say and asking a serious question, but the humor here must be obvious?)

Max: "I don't know, I've just always wondered what I am supposed to do if I ever marry a rock star. What if I don't like her music?"

Mom: "If you don't like it, you don't like it...you are allowed to have opinions about everything Max. You have that freedom, to think what you want, to feel how you want, to listen to whatever kind of music it is that you like."

Max: "What if she gets mad at me for not liking it."

Mom: "I would think then that it's her choice to be angry and that maybe you might want to let her know it's not personal, just not the type of music you like."

Max: "Yeah....." (Interesting thought provoking silence ensues...)

~ a few moments pass ~

Max: "I bet I will probably like her music and the way she sings, why would I marry someone if I didn't like their music?"

~ giggle ~

Mom: "You are probably right Max, I guess it just depends on what is important to you. If music is important to you, then it's something you might have in common with her. Chance and I talk about music a lot, it is pretty important to both of us and though we don't always agree on everything, there are some artists that we both appreciate very deeply and it's even more enjoyable to listen to it together."

Max: "As long as she likes Bob Marley, we'll be fine I'm sure. Mom, why does Bob Marley smoke so much pot?"

~ oh boy ~

Mom: "Yeah ole Bob sure did like the weed. I think he believed, like a lot of people do, that marijuana is a gift from the Earth and should be appreciated by all Mother Earth's gifts. I think he was a good man, very loving and kind...and has a zillion kids to prove it! He was a busy guy."

~ Max laughs ~

Max: "Did you know it's not actually illegal to have in Colorado as long as you aren't going to sell it? Up to an ounce of weed."

~ My son just said weed. ~

Mom: "How did you know that?"

Max: "We talked about it today in my American History class."

Mom: "Really?" (Wondering why we never talked about the possession laws when I was a kid?)

Max: "Have you ever smoked pot?"

Mom: "Yes, when I was younger. I don't any more though, it's just not for me."

Max: "What did it feel like?"

Mom: "For me, it made me hungry and sleepy and giggly sometimes. I think it's different for everyone, I know some people find it to be a good experience."

Max: "What if my wife smokes pot and I don't want to?"

~ what? OK what is going on here? ~

Mom: "Max, has someone offered you pot?"

Max: "Nah, not yet. I know kids that smoke it though...I don't hang out with them."

Mom: "Just curious then?"

Max: "Kind of, I don't understand what the big deal is."

Mom: "Me either, I don't know why it's not fully legalized and we are farming hemp for paper and clothing and possibly alternative fuel resources."

Max: "But you don't smoke pot I thought?"

Mom: "You don't have to participate in something to see the validity of it's cause."

Max: "HUH?"

Mom: "I don't have to smoke weed to see that the legalization of marijuana could be beneficial for a number of different reasons. Besides, there a lot of people who smoke it already, I think our government is in denial about The Weed."

~ Max laughs ~

~ Long pause, we arrive at the house, get out of the car ~

Max: "Mom?"

Mom: "Yep?"

Max: "I think it's ok that I like Bob Marley and he smokes pot."

Mom: "Um yeah, I gave you your first Bob Marley CD for Christmas, remember?"

Max: "And I also think it's ok if I don't smoke pot and I like Bob Marley. People think that if you like Bob Marley that you smoke weed."

Mom: "Yeah well, sometimes people can't help but judge things they don't know or understand. It's not your fault, just listen to whatever you like."

Max: "I'm really tired."

Mom: "I know, go take a shower and get in bed, I'll be up in a minute to say good night."

~ deep breathe ~

************************************************************************
Proof that Max is growing up in a complicated world? Yes. Was I quite ready for The Weed conversation just yet? Um no, not quite. But I was proud of myself for not freaking and turning into Momzilla. Panicking. Now the question is, is in he fact already smoking The Weed and if so, when, where and with whom? I really don't think so, if anyone would know what it looks like when your kid comes home stoned...it would be me. See, there are some benefits to having a crazy childhood. sigh.

I'm pretty sure that at the moment, my baby is still pretty pure. I don't think he's been drinking or smoking anything at all, not cigarettes or anything else for that matter. I think he's probably been exploring The Females, but to what extent I don't know. Probably not too much yet, he's very shy in that regard.

Some might be shocked that we are already having this talk at 14, don't be. It's the reality and again, if anyone knows that...it's me.

Aside from the initial trauma of this conversation, I can now reflect on how proud of Max I am and can be. Look at him, how thoughtfully and carefully he thinks about things. Don't ask me how words like "wife" and "marry" have crawled into his daily conversation at 14, but it does more often than this. I think Max wants a big family, I think he fantasizes about it being there when he's a grown man, maybe to compensate for what he feels he doesn't have now. That's fair, it's not his fault he doesn't have a sibling or a huge immediate family like a lot of his friends. He knows he's loved and all I can do now is help support and nurture the sense of family that exists within us and to let him know that from across the miles, he is loved by many. Besides, he's trying on the archetype. Playing with the idea, that he might some day be a husband, a father. It wouldn't surprise me if Max ends up with 5 kids, even if he vehemently denies it now. Let's hope he doesn't do that in the next 10 years or so, this isn't the first 'adult' like conversation Max and I have had about things like drugs or sex. Max is a good looking guy, he's going to get attention, he already does. I am in no way ready to be Grandma at 35, or even earlier, thank you very much.

~ ponders locking Max in the closet for the next 5 years at least ~

So today, I am having a "I handled the Mom thing well" moment. I didn't panic, I didn't even flinch. I was right on my game. Wish I could that every day! Some day I suppose, even the best of us are still but pups in training yes?

Peace out homies.

George Bush uses 'The Google'

It's quite possible that George W. Bush is in fact an alien or lizard man as we'd all quietly suspected. Speaking English seems increasingly difficult.....

What Does Your Heart Speak?

When you meet, what does your heart speak?

Are his eyes kind and searching yours?
Do they wash over you like hungry, selfish eagerness?
Does he remind you of someone, perhaps from a dream?
Maybe a heavenly, maybe perilous?

Were his first words to you thoughtful, curious?
Courteous? Interested? Interesting?
What of last night or at first days light?
Do those words still charm you? Woo you? Interest you?

Are his hands gentle, slow, patient?
Would another man pay if he touched you this way?
Can he forgive your insecurities, fears, your inadequacies?
Are you suffering for them and his too?

Is the door held for you, are you treated like a lady?
Not because you demand it, because you are worth it?
Is the door left closed, your needs neglected to meet his own?
Demands, requests, desires go unnoticed?

Do you see your path together, bright, meaningful, calmly meandering?
Too forced, too faked, too far gone?
Did you whisper his name and know it was perfect?
Did he says yours and know it was perfect, for now?

How you long to hear his voice, fill yourself with his smile, breathe him in?
How he must feel the same?
Surely he too must?
How you feel needy for something once endearing, now vulnerable, frightened, alone.
Surely he too does?

Did lazy Sunday mornings remind you of safety, something good, right?
Something you wanted and needed closer to you?
Can you forgive those Sundays now if they've gone forever?
Can you forgive the heart? For it's fickle ways and tendencies to dwadle?

When you meet, what does your heart speak?
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I wrote this with many people I love, and a few I don't in mind.
The woman we all are that search, hunger, thrive from love and passion.
The men who love us, who give to us, who make efforts to see our smile.
The men who don't, cannot, who still lost in their own cowardice.

I wrote this for all of us who see our partners as valuable, worthy, comfortable...and how easy it can be to loose it.
I wrote this for all the times I've wanted something so badly from someone and then I realized wanting it, simply did not make it so.

I wrote this for all the tears I've blinked back because of love, the good and the bad. I am still learning that even the best of people can still hurt you in the worst ways.

I wrote this for all moments I've acted like a complete jack ass because I didn't have the tools, the knowledge, the ability to give the man I love everything he needs and deserves from me.

I wrote this for all moments he acted like a complete jack ass because he didn't have the tools, the knowledge, the ability to give me everything I need and deserve from him.

I wrote this to remember, forgive, maybe you forget, maybe you don't. But you do your best to move past it and love each other any way.