It finally happened....

Much to my dismay, it has finally happened.

I have officially "blossomed" into the round, semi-gelatinous tree fruit that is my namesake.

Main Entry: man·go
Pronunciation: 'ma[ng]-(")gO
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural mangoes also mangos
Etymology: Portuguese manga, probably from Malayalam mAnna
1 : a tropical fruit commonly with a firm yellowish red skin, hard central stone, and juicy aromatic pulp; also : an evergreen tree (Mangifera indica) of the cashew family that bears mangoes

Thanks Chance, I hope you are happy ;-)

I just consumed a gigantic bag of Moose Munch. 8 oz. of dark chocolate, almondy crunch-n-munch goodness. Before that I ate a round chocolate ball filled with gooey gummy peanut butter.

For lunch I ate a bowl of very healthy, low sodium vegetable soup and quickly added about 3 good pinches of salt and pepper to it. Sort of defeats the purpose doesn't it? Chance would KILL me if he knew I had a secret stash of salt in my drawer at work.

For breakfast I ate a bowl of very healthy oatmeal with and then promptly drank 4 cups off coffee with cocoa in it. OMG....CHOCOLATE in my COFFEE! That's right kids, I stirred chocolate into my coffee cuz cream and sugar just wasn't cutting it this morning.

I am developing cube butt and my middle has grown exponentially in the past several months. FYI, the Moose Munch is now gurgling around in my tummy and my tummy is pretty happy about it. Thank you Moose Munch, I am so glad you are not really a Moose.

I am round. It is cold outside and I am packing on the blubber, I expect to go into hibernation at any moment. Mooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Or...wait, what do Bears say? ROOOOARRRRRRRRR! ~ Waddles Back To Hibernation Cave ~

I like salt, caffeine, sugar, cheese, peanut butter, wine and the occasional cigarette. I like all the things that are bad for me. I like all the things that are good for me too, I like almost all food and drink and know I am blessed to NOT be a "selective" eater...cuz there are so many delicious things to consume it's almost maddening to think of. What I don't really like is that my metabolism is noticeably pokey these days and I, unfortunately, have not been blessed with the ability to eat whatever I want and look simply dashing doing so.

THEN I've got the "I'm stressed so I'll start grazing" munchies. I'm a little tense these days, admittedly. Who wouldn't be? I'm buying a house, slammed at work, have "sort-of" quite smoking, I have a 13 year old who loves to torment me and a 33 year old who apparently also takes great joy in giving me a damn hard time AND it's the freaking Holidays. Don't even talk to me about money. What I want to know is, why then can't I be one of those people who gets THINNER when stressed? You know what I mean? Well not me, no maam. I just get hungrier and do tend to work out more, but that does NOTHING when you eat a whole bag of Moose Munch and a freaking peanut butter ball for your snack at your sedentary job where you sit for 8 - 10 hours a day. Nope, that is NOT conducive to a sleek and cellulite free body, nope nope nope.

Danget, where's that Moose Munch?

So, I'm done with that whole rant. I mostly just wanted everyone to know that I am a big round jiggly and giggly fruit now. Don't be alarmed when you see me. You'll be able to spot me by the long blonde hair atop my gigantic Mango head, supported by my huge Pear shaped body.

My primary concern at this point is that I may spontaneously combust into a large pitcher of Mango Juice which will make a huge mess in my cube or car.