Key:
MJLM = The sweetest, most thoughtful, gifted and just all around wonderful little man I've ever known
CSO = Typically very thoughtful, considerate, loving and kind Significant Other
JCat = Gato De Negro - Long Hair, Adult Female Known As Jessie
GCat = Gato De Negro - Short, Juvenile Female Known As Gaia
The following is an account of the events since I left my office in Thornton Colorado at approximately 4 PM Wednesday, May 11, 2005 until now, 8:15 AM, May 12, 2005:
- Drove home, encountered ridiculous traffic jam that nixed out the hour I allot myself to work out. Let the insanity begin.
- Made/ate dinner in a hurry as our attendance was requested at a Choir performance of one of our dear friends children.
- Rushing out the door it is clear that GCat has gone into heat within a matter of hours and is now behaving in that very primal ways in which our furry little buddies act when their bodies indicate it is time to procreate. Sigh.
- Drive to Choir performance, which coincidentally was at a beautiful Church downtown. However, Church's stir up a range of peculiar memories and thoughts and I'm feeling squeamish. Not to mention the pews are uncomfortable and we are all practically sitting on top of each other and MJLM & CSO are looking tired, slightly crusty and a little impatient, though they handled themselves swimmingly. I kept eyeballing them and smiling with pride at what good people they are for giving up their evening to honor someone else's hard work. The singing really was quite well done, teenagers these days...jeez!
- It is late and time to rush home to get MJML in the shower and into bed. Some lunatic women cuts me off and almost causes an accident. My son is in the car. She came really (REALLY) close, too close. I feel a moment of rage and envision chasing her down and beating her ass in the middle of the highway. CSO laughs at me as I slam on the accelerator and I act like a bratty child, but the moment passes and I return to my normal fairly well adjusted non-violent self. I still wanted to track her down and beat her ass though, my SON is in the car. argh. *breathes deep*
- Get home, attempt to get everyone settled for the night. MJ comes out of the shower with the GCat in tow talking about something, CSO is trying to describe and demonstrate the exciting things he is doing at work which I am interested in but I have to figure out MJML's soccer schedule for Fall, soon. All talking to me at once, all demanding my attention and my attention is clearly devoted to reading the soccer schedule for just...5 minutes, please. I do a fairly good job of redirecting everyone, but felt like I had let everyone down in the process because NO ONE got my attention that moment, except the soccer schedule.
- I am promptly fired from managing our Netflix account. This scene is quite humorous, though I bet CSO would beg to differ. The look on his face told me that he did not find it nearly as humorous as I did.
- Sit down for half an hour of a documentary and I fall asleep on the couch, wake up and munch some angel hair pasta and shrimp and nudge CSO to bed.
- Wake up late (again) CSO comes to greet me and it is nice, I like that. However, JCat has yacked all sorts of hairball goodness all over our computer chair. Adored by many, now with hairball juice saturating the seat. CSO is not happy. I am not happy. BAD MR. KITTY!
- Choice words are spoken, I have to get ready for work. Walk pass GCat, prancing about...ass up in the air, looking uncomfortable and confused. Again, sigh.
- After my shower, CSO meets me in the closet and gives me a warm hug and kiss as he is preparing to leave. JCat is flaunting about the bedroom seemingly proud of her hairball antics and I decide to put her out and let her hairball OUTSIDE. I am half naked, a small towel wrapped around me, semi wet from the shower and rather skittish cat in one hand while the other is being used to hold up the towel. Wet half naked human, skittish old very furry and Princess like cat. You do the math.
- As I go to put her out the door, CSO is holding the door open....JCat is feeling flighty at the very sight of the door and starts to squirm...my towel is falling. Water is dripping from my hair or something and I as I go to set her down JCat starts to wiggle like crazy and the entire incident turns into a fiasco. JCat basically jumped out of my hand, did a flippy thing and landed in a slightly compromising position. I shut the door quickly. All is silent for a moment.
- CSO looks at me like I am the ugliest, most degenerate person he's ever laid eyes on. CSO says to me, unpleasantly...'You didn't have to THROW her out the door. Damn' shaking his head and tsking me. I stomp off, last time I checked I am not some animal abuser and I feel offended by the comment. My heart belongs more with the creatures of this earth that are considered animals then human beings. I LOVE JCat, I didn't THROW her our the door, it all went down in one of those weird slow motion things....but now, I am a big meanie and yell from the bedroom 'Don't tell me how take care of my own cat.' Hisss. Hissssssssssssss.
- CSO leaves. Door shuts, no goodbye, no nothing. Just silence. GCat in the hall slithering around in some hormonal snake dance. *GAWD* I feel like screaming.
- Dress the rest of the way, go to do hair and make up and hear the onslaught of a cat fight ensuing from the kitchen. WTF? I JUST put that cat out! I come rushing to the kitchen, MJ standing there looking totally confused. 'What did you do?' I am almost yelling now, loudly....MJ says 'JCat was mewing and mewing so I let her in.' The two crabby cats are sitting their spitting and growling at each other and I feel just as crabby at this point. 'MJ! I just put JCat out. She has to be outside, she is hairballing everywhere!' MJ looks at me like I'm crazy and goes stomping off into his room to dress for school. I am now the most horrible mother in the world, an animal abuser and have been fired from my Netflix duties. Damn I suck!
- I finish preparing for work, Max walks out of his room dressed and clean and looking adorable and gives me a big hug. Silently starts to sweep up the kitty litter that spilled by accident when CSO cleaned the kitty poo poo box this morning and I feel like crying. MJ never stops loving me, no matter if I act crazy or loving or all the in betweens...he just keeps giving sweetly and generously, I have to be better at giving back. Sometimes I wonder how he landed in my lap, sometimes I think he deserves a lot more. I am the luckiest momma, that's for sure.
- I am walking out the door, trying to grab my lunch and figure out what I am missing in all the rush and chaos of the morning. MJLM smiles, hugs me again and wishes me a good day all the while trying to help me with me things. I think of the words CSO said in the closet "Think of all the good things in the world, all you have to look forward to." as his eyes glimmer at me genuinely and kisses me before the craziness of the morning began. I feel like crying again, because even though MJLM is growing exponentially and seems to change in some monumental way by the second AND CSO thinks I like to traumatize JCat just for fun AND money is tight, there is too much to do and not enough time and I didn't get to work out last night and I don't always know how to handle everything very well AND I am so freaking emotional sometimes and cry about EVERYTHING.....AND.....AND.....AND......
- Challenges always exist, but life is only as complex and difficult as you make it. All of us experience trying and difficult moments, but when life hands us beauty and softness, however fleeting, you have to experience that too. You have to allow it to exist and be for what it is. Just as much as the hardships, the quite gentle times teach us valuable lessons, lessons about breathe and warmth and things that make us squishy inside. Perspective.
- I am in a place in life I've never experienced before. I am loved, capable of great love and feel exceptionally positive and open to the possibilities of each new day. My mind and skills are moving in an exceptional direction. I am growing into the new phases of life and letting go of the old, just as much MJLM and CSO are...just as much as JCat and GCat. And all of us, in every moment...experiencing shifts and changes that help form and shape us into the beautiful spirits we become and already are. It doesn't always have to be hard, there doesn't always need to be a drama. Sometimes everything really is ok, even if the boys give me dirty looks and I'm not perfect and the weight of the world hurts my heart or had a bad day at work or GCat is squirming around like some freak. It really IS ok. Really.
- Poor GCat ;-(
