DING DING...Crystal Wins!!!

1) I believe that Unicorns are quite real and not merely the legends of myth.
True. I love them, they are gorgeous and I believe all 'mythical' animals are based on actual creature, of this earth or not, I don't know?

2) I originally started out going to school to become a graphic artist.
True. Until my student advisor talked me out of it, ah well, it all worked out just fine.

3) I have a butterfly on my butt.
True. Everyone knows that, ha ha ha. Well not everyone, but all my girls

4) I once started growing dreadlocks.
True. But they got cut off. *sniff*

5) I absolutely adore those sweet little creatures known as bats.
False! I love animals and bats are kind of cute, but they freak me out. Irrational fear.

6) I've got a large rather ominous mole in my lower left back area.
True. I am the Mole Queen or Queen Mole, however you want to look at it:)

7) I believe in past lives and souls and think that I am a old soul.
True. Definately.

8) I fantasize about a skinny white boy from the UK named Thom Yorke.
True. Front man for Radiohead, I had a 'moment' with him you know????

9) My first car was an '84 VW Rabbit.
False! My first car was actaully a '79 Mazda GLC Hatchback running on 3 cyclinders thank you very much!

10) I love the ocean and all things related.
True. Of course, I am a squishy fishy water bear-er kind of momma!

11) I am open minded but strong in personal opinion and passions.
True. I always wonder if one can label themselves as 'open minded' though, can you really declare yourself as something like that? I dunno, not really up to me I don't think, too many variables. We ALL think we are open minded, right?

8 Truths and 2 Lies About You

8 Truths and 2 Lies About You (let your readers guess which are the lies)

1) I believe that Unicorns are quite real and not merely the legends of myth.
2) I originally started out going to school to become a graphic artist.
3) I have a butterfly on my butt.
4) I once started growing dreadlocks.
5) I absolutely adore those sweet little creatures known as bats.
6) I've got a large rather ominous mole in my lower left back area.
7) I believe in past lives and souls and think that I am a old soul.
8) I fantasize about a skinny white boy from the UK named Thom Yorke.
9) My first car was an '84 VW Rabbit.
10) I love the ocean and all things related.
11) I am open minded but strong in personal opinion and passions.

Bathrooms are strange places. I never really thought about it until recently, I mean we go in there to do some pretty private stuff and a lot of the time there are other people in there with us. I guess we've just kind of learned to accept it, we live with billions of other people, we do not have the luxary of using The Little Girls room all alone any more, ever...at all. Period. Hrm?

Max used to follow me into the bathroom almost on cue when he was very small, he seemed curious about what I was doing in there and as most of you know...I have a pretty open door policy in my house...most doors stay open, most of the time. This became uncomfortable as he got older obviously, we both needed more privacy and it just occurrs naturally between boys and their Mom's. Plus, I've learned that budding young men don't really want to know about things like periods and shaving the legs and other umentionable areas. But it's not a big deal to me at all, if I really have to 'go' I'm gonna go and if he's with me in that situation, than so be it.

Same with C, I have no qualms about tinkling if he's shaving or something. Though, again...I've learned that most men don't really want to know about things like periods and shaving the legs and other umentionable areas ;-) *ggigle* I LOVE to mess with them, LOVE it! Silly boys, get grossed out pretty easily really. *ha*

I've used the bathroom a billion times with Crystal, Peck, Rhi and Kristen and Sandy and Kim and all my girls, even in some pretty nasty places. Once I had to stand in front of Kristen with a blanket on the side of the road. She wasn't holding it any more and we were on a long ass road trip in the middle of the night. Woops. Or the Ladies Room at The Deadbeat, yum...that's one of my favorites. Or The Church! HA HA, yuck...you have to be marginally intoxicated to go in there in the first place, if given a choice, I'd rather pee outside than in bathroom at the Deadbeat, but mostly we just go in there to socialize, check make up/hair and admire each others outfits or gossip. Sometimes it's a safety thing too...creepy guy alert, maybe your partying it up in a part of town that's known for being a little dingy...no biggy, common sense. It's true men, there's a reason why we go to the bathroom together, not to hard to figure out, ya know? :)

So, what's my point? Well, I mean really, when it boils down to it...I'm just not a very shy person over all. About some things yes, but not so much for the most part.

So, what's my next point? Well, if you are in a public restroom....say with someone you work with, and you don't know them very well at all and they are TALKING to you, through the stall...while your trying to pee and think about how to adequately and completely test the piece of code you just wrote so you can move onto the next task...it just seems a strange moment to have casual conversation to me.

If Crystal shouts 'Hey Sarah, I need some TP over here' or even something more personal...sure, I'll talk to her happily. If Max is calling for me through the house, I'll answer him...no big deal at all. If C needs to shave and there's only one bathroom, you do what you have to do, not a worry.

But this whole bathroom ettiquette at my work is really foreign to me. Where's the respect for personal space? Random Women A is going to holler at me through the bathroom stall or at me while she's on the toliet while I am trying to exit the restroom? I don't know you, what makes you think you can talk to me THROUGH the stall while I'm in disposed even if I didn't approach you with conversation? This is my private moment, why am I now responisble for upholding the standard social graces in the bathroom that are better suited for the lunch room or water cooler? Isn't it bad enough that I have to share this toliet with 20 other women?

Running around half naked (or completely in some cases) in front of very close friends and family seems very natural to me, using the bathroom with my girls...nah, whatever...next....BUT this thing at work is just totally off kilter to me. I think it boils down to this whole issue of respect and personal space/business. I've also noticed myself becoming increasingly irritable if someone is invading my physical space, say in the grocery store or something along those lines....

Maybes the living/working/breathing/driving/existing in close proximaty to thousands of people is getting to me? Maybe the cube walls and I are having issues? Maybe social standards have changed and I wasn't notified. Maybe I need a plant and a fish in my cube?

Maybe I'm just being too sensative? Maybe there's something wrong with me???? Nah, I'm pretty sure that no matter how ya slice it....yelling at a stranger through the bathroom stall door isn't really appropriate!

Calling all cube dwellers....

If you, like me, are a cube dweller...it is imperative that you take a moment to review this site:

http://www.cubefigures.com/home.html

Celibrate Solstice

Ancient Celts : Druids, the priestly/professional/diplomatic corps in Celtic countries, celebrated Alban Heruin ("Light of the Shore"). It was midway between the spring Equinox (Alban Eiler; "Light of the Earth") and the fall Equinox (Alban Elfed; "Light of the Water"). "This midsummer festival celebrates the apex of Light, sometimes symbolized in the crowning of the Oak King, God of the waxing year. At his crowning, the Oak King falls to his darker aspect, the Holly King, God of the waning year..." 13 The days following Alban Heruin form the waning part of the year because the days become shorter.

Anient China: Their summer solstice ceremony celebrated the earth, the feminine, and the yin forces. It complemented the winter solstice which celebrated the heavens, masculinity and yang forces.

Ancient Gaul: The Midsummer celebration was called Feast of Epona, named after a mare goddess who personified fertility, sovereignty and agriculture. She was portrayed as a woman riding a mare.

Ancient Germanic, Slav and Celtic tribes in Europe: Ancient Pagans celebrated Midsummer with bonfires. ''It was the night of fire festivals and of love magic, of love oracles and divination. It had to do with lovers and predictions, when pairs of lovers would jump through the luck-bringing flames...'' It was believed that the crops would grow as high as the couples were able to jump. Through the fire's power, ''...maidens would find out about their future husband, and spirits and demons were banished.'' Another function of bonfires was to generate sympathetic magic: giving a boost to the sun's energy so that it would remain potent throughout the rest of the growing season and guarantee a plentiful harvest.
Ancient Rome: The festival of Vestalia lasted from JUN-7 to JUN-15. It was held in honor of the Roman Goddess of the hearth, Vesta. Married women were able to enter the shrine of Vesta during the festival. At other times of the year, only the vestal virgins were permitted inside.

Ancient Sweden: A Midsummer tree was set up and decorated in each town. The villagers danced around it. Women and girls would customarily bathe in the local river. This was a magical ritual, intended to bring rain for the crops

Christian countries: After the conversion of Europe to Christianity, the feast day of St. John the Baptist was set as JUN-24. It "is one of the oldest feasts, if not the oldest feast, introduced into both the Greek and Latin liturgies to honour a saint." 16 Curiously, the feast is held on the alleged date of his birth. Other Christian saints' days are observed on the anniversary of their death. The Catholic Encyclopedia explains that St. John was "filled with the Holy Ghost even from his mother's womb...[thus his] birth...should be signalized as a day of triumph." 16 His feast day is offset a few days after the summer solstice, just as Christmas is fixed a few days after the winter solstice. 1 "Just as John was the forerunner to Jesus, midsummer forecasts the eventual arrival of" the winter solstice circa DEC-21.

Neopaganism: This is a group of religions which are attempted re-constructions of ancient Pagan religions. Of these, Wicca is the most common; it is loosely based partly on ancient Celtic beliefs and practices. Wiccans recognize eight seasonal days of celebration. Four are minor sabbats and occur at the two solstices and the two equinoxes. The other are major sabbats which happen approximately halfway between an equinox and solstice. The summer solstice sabbat is often called Midsummer or Litha. Wiccans may celebrate the sabbat on the evening before, at sunrise on the morning of the solstice, or at the exact time of the astronomical event. "Midsummer is the time when the sun reaches the peak of its power, the earth is green and holds the promise of a bountiful harvest. The Mother Goddess is viewed as heavily pregnant, and the God is at the apex of his manhood and is honored in his guise as the supreme sun."

Prehistoric Europe: Many remains of ancient stone structures can be found throughout Europe. Some date back many millennia BCE. Many appear to have religious/astronomical purposes; others are burial tombs. These structures were built before writing was developed. One can only speculate on the significance of the summer solstice to the builders. Perhaps the most famous of these structures is Stonehenge, a megalith monument on Salisbury Plain in Wiltshire. It was built in three stages, between circa 3000 and 1500 BCE. "The circular bank and ditch, double circle of 'bluestones' (spotted dolerite), and circle of sarsen stones (some with white lintels), are concentric, and the main axis is aligned on the midsummer sunrise--an orientation that was probably for ritual rather than scientific purposes.4 Four "station stones" within the monument form a rectangle whose shorter side also points in the direction of the midsummer sunrise.

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Fear is a great motivator but Love is the best reason to act.
Ellen Conlee, June 20th, 2005

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Celebrate Gaia, drink from the waters and breath conscious breathe. Acknowledge your surroundings and focus your affections for one moment to the Great Mother, for she gives so much to us without a question.

Let this day mark the change in seasons and the encourage us to reflect on the changes within ourselves.

Blessed Be Brothers & Sisters ;-)
peace & love
slc

Weekend Wonders.....

a) If someone is cooking dinner in a large, bubbling pot and asks if you'd like a taste, blow on it a little before moving forward as to avoid a scalded tongue and throat.

b) More than 2 males in one room, by default, becomes a 'Pack.' This is dangerous if you are the only female, a little tired and marginally ill feeling. Be prepared for relentless ribbing, but otherwise enjoyable.

c) Again, by default, males seem to have a difficult time with the concept of putting things back in there respective 'place.' This is known as leaving a 'trail'...around the entire, freaking house. In conjunction, there also seems to be some confusion about what keeping the house 'tidy, neat or clean' really means. This is possibley due to the lack of attention span, propegated by hundreds of hours playing video games?

d) No matter how wonderful some one is, your best friend, your spouse, your child or perhaps a co-worker; some times you just cannot take even one more smart ass comment or the butt of their jokes and you have to let them know this gently, becuase it doesn't matter how rotten or irritating their 'jokes' might be if you let them have it after weeks of aggrivation, your going to get a blank stare accompanied with a 'Jeez, don't take it so personal.' huh? wha? ok, moving on.

e) Witnessing a first time mother with her child is an experience totally and completely filled with warmth and love, I am overcome thinking of it.

f) C really does respect and consider my choice to limit meat in my diet, yay C, you are so good!

g) It is very easy to get dehydrated in Colorado, it's like a sauna in our house right now. Maybe I will loose some weight?

h) Some days it's harder to get up and go to work than others, sometimes the idea of having to work forever seems overwhelming. I really could've slept all day. I think I'm getting a cold or something? Sometimes I feel like whining.

i) My son is really growing quickly, it often catches me off guard and am wondering how long it will be until he towers over me. Shortly I'm thinking. Oh yeah and I have to get the 'Paintball Party' plans started for his 13th Bday. He's pretty excited, I hope he doesn't come home again with 10,000 bruises covering his body from the paintballs, this upsets me greatly.

j) I really love my life right now, it's pretty amazing stuff. Thanks to Max for being a great little dude and to C for just being himself and being a wonderful part of our lives;-)

k) I painted my toes yesterday with Carin's nail polish, it made me happy to use it. Maybe I should more, I never want to use it cuz I don't want to 'waste' it, she's probably laughing at me about that.

l) People who are not family or close friends or even compatible roomates were not meant to live with only 3" walls seperating your existance, our neighbors officially hate us now. I'm really glad we are trying to move, they bug me. Kudos to C for handling them with grace and style, I wanted to cuss at them again.

m) Back to work, woo hoo.

Mer-creatures

You scored as Mermaid. Mermaid: Mermaids are also known as Sirens. These creatures were beautiful women who tricked sailors into becoming completely entranced by their haunting voices and found death soon after. Not all stories of Mermaids are about gentle loving sea people. They are mystical, magical, and extremely dangerous. They have a way about them that brings anyone they are around to seem enchanted. They are very mysterious creatures and to meet one... Would mean certain Death. Let the song of the Sea fill your soul, for you are a Mermaid.

What Mythological Creature are you?

I wrote this for you in quiet sleep last night

I wrote this for you in quiet sleep last night
Wrote about how we met once before, in dreams of light

You had piercing blue eyes and skin the palest shade possible
Darling little giggles gurgling out of your mouth in gooey bubbles
Bestest baby bear ever and treasured moments we shared
You reach for me and rest your head over my heart

I wrote this for you in quiet sleep last night
Wrote about how we met once before, in dreams of light

A dark haired man with striking features, present and close to my side
Tranquil but animated, warm with expressions of how all would be fine
Someone of substance, and a will all your own, you were lucid and intense
You gave me a kiss and sat with me on the steps in comfortable silence

I wrote this for you in quiet sleep last night
Wrote about how we met once before, in dreams of light

I'm not sure exactly what you are, but you are almost always there
Pulsing and fluttering, colorless and formless, alien to others, familiar to me
Maybe some celestial angel fish, perhaps a tangible shape of my spirit or consciousness
It does not matter, you are everlasting and always welcome here

Since 4 PM Yesterday

Key:

MJLM = The sweetest, most thoughtful, gifted and just all around wonderful little man I've ever known
CSO = Typically very thoughtful, considerate, loving and kind Significant Other
JCat = Gato De Negro - Long Hair, Adult Female Known As Jessie
GCat = Gato De Negro - Short, Juvenile Female Known As Gaia

The following is an account of the events since I left my office in Thornton Colorado at approximately 4 PM Wednesday, May 11, 2005 until now, 8:15 AM, May 12, 2005:

• Drove home, encountered ridiculous traffic jam that nixed out the hour I allot myself to work out. Let the insanity begin.
  
  
• Made/ate dinner in a hurry as our attendance was requested at a Choir performance of one of our dear friends children.
  
  
• Rushing out the door it is clear that GCat has gone into heat within a matter of hours and is now behaving in that very primal ways in which our furry little buddies act when their bodies indicate it is time to procreate. Sigh.
  
  
• Drive to Choir performance, which coincidentally was at a beautiful Church downtown. However, Church's stir up a range of peculiar memories and thoughts and I'm feeling squeamish. Not to mention the pews are uncomfortable and we are all practically sitting on top of each other and MJLM & CSO are looking tired, slightly crusty and a little impatient, though they handled themselves swimmingly. I kept eyeballing them and smiling with pride at what good people they are for giving up their evening to honor someone else's hard work. The singing really was quite well done, teenagers these days...jeez!
  
  
• It is late and time to rush home to get MJML in the shower and into bed. Some lunatic women cuts me off and almost causes an accident. My son is in the car. She came really (REALLY) close, too close. I feel a moment of rage and envision chasing her down and beating her ass in the middle of the highway. CSO laughs at me as I slam on the accelerator and I act like a bratty child, but the moment passes and I return to my normal fairly well adjusted non-violent self. I still wanted to track her down and beat her ass though, my SON is in the car. argh. *breathes deep*
  
  
• Get home, attempt to get everyone settled for the night. MJ comes out of the shower with the GCat in tow talking about something, CSO is trying to describe and demonstrate the exciting things he is doing at work which I am interested in but I have to figure out MJML's soccer schedule for Fall, soon. All talking to me at once, all demanding my attention and my attention is clearly devoted to reading the soccer schedule for just...5 minutes, please. I do a fairly good job of redirecting everyone, but felt like I had let everyone down in the process because NO ONE got my attention that moment, except the soccer schedule.
  
  
• I am promptly fired from managing our Netflix account. This scene is quite humorous, though I bet CSO would beg to differ. The look on his face told me that he did not find it nearly as humorous as I did.
  
  
• Sit down for half an hour of a documentary and I fall asleep on the couch, wake up and munch some angel hair pasta and shrimp and nudge CSO to bed.
  
  
• Wake up late (again) CSO comes to greet me and it is nice, I like that. However, JCat has yacked all sorts of hairball goodness all over our computer chair. Adored by many, now with hairball juice saturating the seat. CSO is not happy. I am not happy. BAD MR. KITTY!
  
  
• Choice words are spoken, I have to get ready for work. Walk pass GCat, prancing about...ass up in the air, looking uncomfortable and confused. Again, sigh.
  
  
• After my shower, CSO meets me in the closet and gives me a warm hug and kiss as he is preparing to leave. JCat is flaunting about the bedroom seemingly proud of her hairball antics and I decide to put her out and let her hairball OUTSIDE. I am half naked, a small towel wrapped around me, semi wet from the shower and rather skittish cat in one hand while the other is being used to hold up the towel. Wet half naked human, skittish old very furry and Princess like cat. You do the math.
  
  
• As I go to put her out the door, CSO is holding the door open....JCat is feeling flighty at the very sight of the door and starts to squirm...my towel is falling. Water is dripping from my hair or something and I as I go to set her down JCat starts to wiggle like crazy and the entire incident turns into a fiasco. JCat basically jumped out of my hand, did a flippy thing and landed in a slightly compromising position. I shut the door quickly. All is silent for a moment.
  
  
• CSO looks at me like I am the ugliest, most degenerate person he's ever laid eyes on. CSO says to me, unpleasantly...'You didn't have to THROW her out the door. Damn' shaking his head and tsking me. I stomp off, last time I checked I am not some animal abuser and I feel offended by the comment. My heart belongs more with the creatures of this earth that are considered animals then human beings. I LOVE JCat, I didn't THROW her our the door, it all went down in one of those weird slow motion things....but now, I am a big meanie and yell from the bedroom 'Don't tell me how take care of my own cat.' Hisss. Hissssssssssssss.
  
  
• CSO leaves. Door shuts, no goodbye, no nothing. Just silence. GCat in the hall slithering around in some hormonal snake dance. *GAWD* I feel like screaming.
  
  
• Dress the rest of the way, go to do hair and make up and hear the onslaught of a cat fight ensuing from the kitchen. WTF? I JUST put that cat out! I come rushing to the kitchen, MJ standing there looking totally confused. 'What did you do?' I am almost yelling now, loudly....MJ says 'JCat was mewing and mewing so I let her in.' The two crabby cats are sitting their spitting and growling at each other and I feel just as crabby at this point. 'MJ! I just put JCat out. She has to be outside, she is hairballing everywhere!' MJ looks at me like I'm crazy and goes stomping off into his room to dress for school. I am now the most horrible mother in the world, an animal abuser and have been fired from my Netflix duties. Damn I suck!
  
  
• I finish preparing for work, Max walks out of his room dressed and clean and looking adorable and gives me a big hug. Silently starts to sweep up the kitty litter that spilled by accident when CSO cleaned the kitty poo poo box this morning and I feel like crying. MJ never stops loving me, no matter if I act crazy or loving or all the in betweens...he just keeps giving sweetly and generously, I have to be better at giving back. Sometimes I wonder how he landed in my lap, sometimes I think he deserves a lot more. I am the luckiest momma, that's for sure.
  
  
• I am walking out the door, trying to grab my lunch and figure out what I am missing in all the rush and chaos of the morning. MJLM smiles, hugs me again and wishes me a good day all the while trying to help me with me things. I think of the words CSO said in the closet "Think of all the good things in the world, all you have to look forward to." as his eyes glimmer at me genuinely and kisses me before the craziness of the morning began. I feel like crying again, because even though MJLM is growing exponentially and seems to change in some monumental way by the second AND CSO thinks I like to traumatize JCat just for fun AND money is tight, there is too much to do and not enough time and I didn't get to work out last night and I don't always know how to handle everything very well AND I am so freaking emotional sometimes and cry about EVERYTHING.....AND.....AND.....AND......
  
  
• Challenges always exist, but life is only as complex and difficult as you make it. All of us experience trying and difficult moments, but when life hands us beauty and softness, however fleeting, you have to experience that too. You have to allow it to exist and be for what it is. Just as much as the hardships, the quite gentle times teach us valuable lessons, lessons about breathe and warmth and things that make us squishy inside. Perspective.
  
  
• I am in a place in life I've never experienced before. I am loved, capable of great love and feel exceptionally positive and open to the possibilities of each new day. My mind and skills are moving in an exceptional direction. I am growing into the new phases of life and letting go of the old, just as much MJLM and CSO are...just as much as JCat and GCat. And all of us, in every moment...experiencing shifts and changes that help form and shape us into the beautiful spirits we become and already are. It doesn't always have to be hard, there doesn't always need to be a drama. Sometimes everything really is ok, even if the boys give me dirty looks and I'm not perfect and the weight of the world hurts my heart or had a bad day at work or GCat is squirming around like some freak. It really IS ok. Really.
  
  
• Poor GCat ;-(
  
  

Boooooooooooooooo!

Been kinda grumpy
Feelin' fat & dumpy

Hormones wildly flyin'
Tears I'm tired of cryin'

Definitely won't be singing the Thong Song
It's also wise to avoid looking at me wrong

While each month I am grateful
No matter how annoying or painful

And I don't think it's an excuse
To take it out on others or be a recluse

But still, the strange cravings persist and so does the need to blow of steam
Somebody please, just give me some freakin' peanut butter chocolate fudge ice cream!

Springtime Meets GreenMan

Should our nimble internal Crone become increasingly nervous?
Of outrighlty bold behavior of being deceitful and frivolous
No concern with lives of the Veiled or a First Born
Not an anxiety or fear seems to exist of immaterial scorn

And what of the divine spirit of all life?
Being crushed and extinguished with strife
It overwhelms and spills out in dismal streaks
Tears of grief flowing down our mother Gaia's cheeks

Perhaps it is the in between time of our communal travel?
The medium in which time and perceived realities unravel
Wrought with hostilities and intangible ambiguity
Lacking common respect or any notion of responsibility

And yet so clearly an opportunity for renewal and growth
A sacred cycle of demise and creation primed to spout forth
Like Springtime meets the GreenMan and balance is restored
Free to cultivate hope and sprout into flights unexplored

Love Out To The D-Man

The first time I met Dane was at The Deadbeat Club. Big surprise there, eh? I remember it *pretty* clearly, I was out on a girls night with a few friends of mine. Drinking, having way too much fun for my britches when to my surprise as I was heading to the Little Girls Room, there appears a much beloved Randall Turner who I'd not seen for too many moons at that point. I was so happy to see Randall, he gave me a big bear hug and insisted that I meet his friend Dane. When I saw Dane, first thing I thought was that he was mighty damn tall and *gasp* look at that beautiful hair! Dane bought a round of shots (I liked him already!) and actually danced with me. I was pleased to have met a man that could actually dance well ;-) Dane and Randall came back over to my place with the rest of the girls and we partied until wee hours of the morning...and then I didn't see him for quite some time after that.

Randall and I kept in better touch after that night and he inevitable said 'You MUST meet my friends Crystal & Peck!' Crys and I met and became instant friends, but did not get real close for a few months...there were many difficult events occurring in both of our lives, but mostly in hers and I felt it necessary to be 'there' but give her lots of space and flexibility. And then....we were able to spend more time together and after a time there appeared sweet Dane again and I was thrilled, because I thought of him as a sweet heart, based on my first impressions.

The rest is history as they say, yes! Many a fuzzy night spent out at the clubs, drinking and dancing. Walden, Halloweens (dude!), Thanksgivings, Bdays...allot of memories. Can you believe it's been something like 4 years now? Wowsers!

And in all of if, Dane has continued to stand tall ;-) And I don't just mean physically. My respect for Dane is far reaching, I find him to be a gentle and kind man...I love the way he loves one of my favorite girls ever. In my own selfish times of need, Dane has been a warm, consoling and trusted shoulder to cry on. And when I have shed the tears, he has always put his arms around me and comforted me in anyway he could. No matter whether he agreed or not...he has always been there if I needed him, in spite of any frustration he may have had with me or whatever the pending situation in which my tears may have resulted from. I know that if I call on him, he would be there.

I am not the only one either, I've seen him go to bat for more than just this female. He is protective of his 'girls' for certain. The closest I've ever seen him come to violence has only been as a result in coming to the defense of one of us crazy girls, even if we were out of line ;-)

And of course, we cannot forget the times he has spent with my son. Max adores Dane, truly...and I think Dane can understand Max in a way that I've not always known how. Luckily, Dane has given me some insights on being raised by a single mother and I have found them beneficial. Frankly, I've found that some of THE most wonderful men I've known have been raised by single mother's. I hate to make that sort of broad sweeping statement, but it is true from what I can see.

I can keep spouting out about how wonderful D is, but anyone who knows him aready knows that and he bottom line for me is that while Dane and I have certainly encountered trials in our friendship, I feel that we have a loving bond between us that has remained in spite (or perhaps becuase of?) of our differences and I am grateful for that. I know he will missed, not only by Max and I...but everyone in Colorado.

Best of luck to you D, I am so proud of you and I know you are going to do so great! We'll see ya sometime soon and remember you are loved as you are out there exploring the world:)

I am Yetti Hear Me Roar!

I've decided to make a list of words that make me giggle....in honor of Paula, I will start with Yetti!

Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti! Yetti!

Somebody's Gettin' On My Nerves...

Now somebody's gettin' on my nerves, and I'm wrecked to get crazy
It never fails to amaze me
How people never miss a possip and just believe the gossip
Instead of finding out the truth of what's up
It's got my nostrils flairin'
I'd be a fool if I believe half of the dumb shit I be hearing....

----Forget that you're a lady, and give 'em what they deserve

Salt & Peppa
Very Necessary

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Last night C and I were recovering from a long and difficult day for both of us. Just kicking back, organizing music files, drinking some wine just hanging out, no harm, no foul.

The phone rings at 10:30 pm. Oh crap, that is usually NOT a good thing. It's my landlady, someone called to complain about the 'noise'. Excuse me? The NOISE?

I've lived at my apartment for 6 full years now and have never had a complaint, ever, not even once. I've had people over at all hours of the night, music bumpin' and having fun...but have never been disrespectful or had anything too crazy going on. WTF? My landlady even said 'Sarah, I've never had a problem with you.' And I told her I didn't know what was going on and of course apologized becuase it is crappy that she's got to deal with this sort of thing at all.

Argh, grr and all that. I am pissed. I then got all onery and C had to calm me down, I knew EXACTLY who had called her and I was going to go let them have it, that is such crap. You don't need to act like an ass and go and call my landlady. Why not simply knock on the door and ask me to turn the music down? Or leave it alone until the next day and leave me a note or come talk to me then? I can understand if you ask someone repeatedly and still have a problem, THEN you might call the landlady...but I've never even talked to these people. Some f*cking nerve, oooooohhhh, I'm still pissed. I was a little buzzed last night, so it's a good thing C was there to keep me in line, otherwise I'm might've done something to escalate the situation. I was all yelling through my closet at them, what a dork I am!

*blush*

Anyway, I understand their frustrations about the music. It may have been a little loud, but just suck it up and have some class why don't ya? How hard is it to go to your neighbor and say 'Howdy neighbor, can I getchya to turn that down a notch?' or 'Hey, I noticed your bass is thumping my headboard, maybe you could turn it down?' or even 'I'm trying to sleep, now be a good little neighbor and turn that shit down!' any of that would've been better then them bringing my landlady into it.

And let's not EVEN start on all the crap I've put up w/ while living there. We've had some real charachters in that place, but I've never complained about something as silly as the music being up too loud, I've never complained at all. It wasn't even that late! I can understand at 2 AM, sure...but it was like 10 PM....not that late and it wasn't THAT loud! Jeesh, the two guys that lived there before had all sorts of parties and people in and out and who knows what else going on over there, but never had a problem with them, they were good kids and they respected Max and I, in fact I always got the feeling that they were kinda trying to keep an eye on us.

I dunno, maybe I'm trying to justify my actions, but I still think they over reacted and I'm pretty irritated.

Had a bad day...

MJ left this morning for Outdoor Lab. For those of you who don't know, this is a rite of passage for Colorado Sixth Graders. He will be at the Mount Evans wilderness lab until Friday afternoon, with 90 of his closest friends learning survival skills, Colorado history, wildlife education, photography, archery...all sorts of wholesome goodness.

The children are separated into several bunk houses, by gender (thank goodness, raging hormones and all!) with a teen team leader and one teacher per bunk. That's 1 adult, 1/2 an adult and 20 something 11/12/13 years old running about. These teachers are braver souls than I, that's for sure.

He will be exhausted each night when he falls into his bunk, they run these kids ragged which I'm sure is mostly so they stay in line and sleep at night while they are up there. I attended Outdoor Lab in my Sixth Grade Year. I will never forget it, it was an excellent experience and one I am sure Max will revel in for years to come. In reflection, it was very much a 'turning point' for me personally. Going from a young girl to onset of being a young women, a time without my mother and no family members to parent me. A time to be with friends and feel like I was kind of 'on my own.'

I am sad today because of this. I am happy for my son, but my heart feels heavy. Probably because of my memories of Outdoor Lab and how it was indeed a pivotal event for me in my own young life. He is growing so quickly. It feels too fast. I feel like I am loosing him already and all in one blink of an eye. I think of all the things I could've done better and how I still have days where I bark at him for no reason or seem to have unrealistic expectations or am just plain impatient.

This reminds me that I do not have much time left with him as a child He certainly is no longer a little boy and much more the beginning stages of a man. I must use this time wisely, for both of us. I must remember each moment will not occur again, that his sweet face will grow more broad and will require a razor at some point. His trusting and loving eyes will be filled with angst and questions that I cannot answer for him, that only he can answer for himself. That there are some things I cannot protect him from, no matter how I wish that weren't so.

*sigh*

It does not help this this morning started out a little off color and I did not handle it very well. I wanted so badly to send him on his way in a very calm and loving manner and boom - you mix a misplaced set of keys, a long and exhausting weekend, running late and trying to get all his stuff in the car and make sure it's all there before he goes and you've got a slightly frazzled mother and a very anxious 12 year old boy. Poor little guy. I'm sorry, Max for what it's worth.

Then we get to the school and there are children milling around with excitement and getting ready to go and I'm waiting there with him to put him on the bus. I've forgotten that I am not longer the 'cool' Mom and not really allowed to be affectionate with him in public (i.e....his peer group) and wanted to give him a kiss and a hug and he pretty much resisted that idea. When I did go to hug him goodbye, he instantly stiffened up and seemed like he couldn't wait to get away from me. I felt a little put off and hurt, I know it's silly, he's a kid, they act like this. But he's going to be gone for a week and with the morning we'd had, I wanted to hug and kiss him until the moment he got on the bus.

So, I am feeling a little down today I guess. I've managed to upset, irritate, hurt or in some way screw up my interactions this morning with my most beloved men. I'm not perfect, I'm sorry, I'm just not.

The good news is that I finally got a project wrapped up at work, my first big one...finally OK'd by my supervisor. That's good right?

What The Hell Is Wrong With People?

I'm sorry, I have to rant for just one second. If I hear one more account of white, middle aged, right wing conservative MEN stepping all over legislation designed to empower WOMEN with something as simple as choice, I am going to loose it.

Case in point, Bill Owen's veto of House Bill 1042 which from what I understand is/was designed to mandate that ALL hospitals, even faith based owned & operated, to offer information and referral on how a women can access emergency contraception, specifically after a rape.

If a women is in the emergency room, completely traumatized, suffering the humiliation of a rape exam...what is so f*cking wrong with informing her of her options? That she may have the ability to prevent a pregnancy resulting from her rape?

A rape that will no doubt haunt her on some level for the remainder of her physical life (and I wonder if it leaves an imprint on your spirit in some manner and what that means after our physical body has died, but that's another topic) and that will no doubt have changed the very core of who she is...this guy is making the decision FOR HER....to deny her access to information that could be critical?

What the hell is wrong with people?

That Is A Really Good Point...

My GramE (Grandmother on Dad's side in my beloved Pacific Northwest) called me Sunday while it was blizzarding here in Colorado. I laughed when she said 'Well, honey, I saw the weather and this means you are probably at home and I just had to give it a shot.' She likes to tease me about how busy I am and how she has to hunt me down sometimes.

It was a wonderful vocal visit and I felt my normal rosy glow after talking with her, what a kind and beautiful soul. I've never known anyone like her before and know that I never will.

We were discussing this and that and catching up and she asked about my new job. I said, 'I'm adjusting to life NOT being so crazy every day that I want to pull my hair out. ' That's a pretty sad answer I guess, we do get used to insanity don't we?

I am so used to people screaming at me every day and dealing with crisis that now that I am not surrounded by that madness, I find myself kind of looking around me and blinking big *blink* *blinks*...like, wow...is this real?

It's almost to good to be true. Great job, wonderful kid, I am loved and nurtured beyond belief...food, water, half a brain in my head, place to sleep...what a deal!

Then my GramE said, 'Honey, remember...this too shall pass' and I thought wow, that is a really good point. Understand that this women has got to be one of THE least negative individuals I know, so it wasn't as if she was attempting to bring me down or in any way poo poo on my parade. She was simply pointing out a very realistic and true reality of human life.

There are great peaks and valleys in each of our lives. We face periods of grief and pain and difficulty and equally ones of great joy, pleasure and ease. At every turn, presented with opportunities AND challenges and we have the choice to embrace each with enthusiasm and strength or stumble through and reach levels of detrimental stress.

Each moment passes by us quicker than the one before and regardless of the content of that moment, it is up to live it to it's fullest potential, because this too...shall pass.

Wise words from a wise women, I love you GramE.

Big fat squishy tears...

And ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
~ Kahlil Gibran-The Prophet

Using a phrase like "I will miss you" doesn't do my emotions justice because they range from pure and total joy for you both and huge drippy selfish tears that keep burning my eyes. But the fact remains that I WILL miss you both, terribly. We have been through allot, have we not? Ranging from some pretty rough times to some of the most carefree and warm moments of my life time.

Thank you. Thank you for loving me and my son. Thank you for every night we fell down laughing our asses off or sat on the front step in deep discussion. Thank you for bringing Chance into my life, he has brightened it considerably. Thank you for every time you took care of me and allowed me to act like a silly teenager, let me...let loose and know that I was safe. Thank you for going many miles out of your way to come to my home and hang out. Thank you for your words and ever open arms. Thank you for listening. Thank you for dancing with me. Thank you for being in our lives.

I wish you both the best of luck and do not forget the blonde ones will be out to visit, you couldn't have chose a better location!!!!!!

Another Day...

Another day in which I am blessed with the graces of you
Another day in which I tremble with experiences anew

Many days before dismissed, only the ones I do not miss
Many days before but a simple annoyance compared to this

Tomorrow not so much the focus as it may seem
Tomorrow not so much the light from where I might beam

It is in this moment where this dawn may exist
It is in this moment where it is lucid and I cannot resist

If it were just one more second we are fortunate and love we emit
If it were just one more second, I wouldn't hesitate one single bit

Tuesday Is Tuesday

1) I am, it seems, on the sh*t list of the oh so venerated Goddess of Technology today.
I am s sorry dear one for any way in which I may have offended thee, I repent, I repent!

2) Would you rather do the right thing for the wrong reason - or - the wrong thing for the right reason?
My first reaction was "wrong thing, right reason" as in the end justify the means...and then I realized that one could argue basically the same logic for "right reason, wrong thing" and THEN it occurred to me that this one of those hypothetical questions designed to travel in loops and thus...an ethical/moral/logical nightmare..(logical fallacy if you CM)

3) Working in that hell-hole was like being in the most horribly abusive relationship and I've escaped, once again. YAY ME!
Every day I wake up and don't have to go to TNT Sales feels like a rebirth. Every day that I don't feel opressed, unappreciated, abused and disrespected my heart swells larger and eyes gleam brighter. My big toothy smile has made an appearance more in the past 2.5 weeks than it has in years, life feels better and the LACK of stress from 40 hours a week has allowed me to reiterate the positivity in my life in all directions.

4) If the people in my life get any more wonderful, I might burst into a million bubbles.
I don't know where they came from or why exactly they are here, but good gracious am I a lucky damn women.

5) Rumble young man, rumble.
What might happen if the world focused a mere percentage of it's collective energy on creating global change? What might happened if we started with ourselves first? What do I do with "it"? How do "I" start today?