Windy Wednesdays Wishes

What a blustery day, windy windy...but warm, pleasant really. Wind like this tends to leave me a little on edge, a little anxious, I know that it moves the air and the water and those are two things certainly in motion at the moment.

I awoke to a lovely bouquet of flowers from my roses bushes, blooming and fragrant. Max, bless his heart. He seems suddenly to feel as if he needs to care for me, I don't think that he at all appreciates my current emotional state and seems to be making a lot of effort to help around the house and generally cheer me up. It's all very sweet.

My session last night with Georgia was really helpful, granted it is her job to be my cheerleader...but it doesn't hurt to have another person rooting for your recovery from a painful experience. It's nice to have someone I can just vent on, tell everyone and not feel in danger of offending anyone. Neutral parties really are a fantastic source of feedback.

Some random thoughts/ideas....

• I finally feel ready to do some house cleaning. Though, I strangely don't feel the normal pressure to do so. More important things to do and honestly, if I go home and it doesn't get done...oh well. My energy level for such things has been minimal and I am giving into that for a little while.
• I need to find an adapter for the digital camera that Gayle gave us, I'd like to begin using it regularly.
• I have a MySpace account now and am inching towards actually doing something with it. But I need some new pics, that sort of thing and...some content I suppose.
• I'm looking for a local book club, something my age group...preferably women of the progressive nature.
• Max will be in TN through most of July, I think he's coming back on the 20th. I'm feeling some anxiety on what exactly I will do with a house with out my boy and without my ex-partner/current housemate. I am thinking it's going to be a fantastic personal challenge, having that sort of solitude...it's been a very very long time. Actually, I've never spent 3 weeks totally on my own in my life. Max has always been with me and for the short periods he's not been (weekends with Grandparents, etc..) I've had extensive plans. C and I had planned to do some 'reconnecting' during that time, I was looking forward to that...but, things being what they are...I'll be doing a whole lot of reconnecting with my sweet self.
• Speaking of, I've decided reinstate date night. With myself. I will buy/make my favorite foods, take a long bath, get soft and comfortable and smelly good and watch a chicky movie and sleep really really good. Always a favorite healing activity of mine.
• I'm pondering contract work, finances are going to a killer...it might be a wise decision for me to start seeking it out now and see if I can find something through the summer....just to help with the pending fall school fee's, clothing, etc...etc.. not to mention Mj's bday will be coming up soon too.
• sigh.....

A Funny Thing Happened On My Way To My Nervous Breakdown....

Funny thing....when crisis hits and life sucks the big one, I find out that I have this like AMAZING support system, whom I believe, genuinely love me and authentically believe that I (wierd I know!) am a strong and capable individual. It's been ego boosting the past several days to be told how wonderful and special I am, how strong I am and how everyone knows I am going to succeed, move past this and become a healthier, stronger and even more capable individual for doing so. Whoa.

So, either I need a lot of hand holding and loving to get through crisis in tact...or, I'm pretty loved? Probably somewhere in the middle, leaning towards the loved thing from whatever everyone tells me. Wow, that's some pretty wicked cool stuff for me to know right now.

All this positive reinforcement is really messing with my head people...come on! Nah...I keed keed, I love it:) It's great, it thrive off the energy and it does help me to believe more in myself. I've also been really good at letting everyone tell me how great I am and how much they care for me and that this does suck, but I will get through it. And BELIEVING it! Ha, that's the big thing right...like letting down your ego long enough to let others tell you what a wonderful person you are and that you actually let yourself believe it, absorb it..become part of you? That's a milestone for me and I'll take it.

Thanks to everyone who's listened to my blubbering, complaining, whinning and crying over the past several days. It is only phase one of what I anticipate to be a fairly long journey, but having support is a pretty outstanding experience. This is what happens when people love and give to you...isn't it the strangest thing?

Tell me...how greaaaaat I AM LOL LOL

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

Pro's & Con's Of Heartbreak & Sadness

In no particular order...

Con's

• Probability of bursting into tears at random moments increases 10 fold, not so good for work purposes.
• Lack of mental clarity, total distraction.
• Listening to the radio reinforces a range of emotions (I heard this song today and totally lost it....
  http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/ace+of+base/dont+turn+around_20003641.html
• Lack of energy, lethargic.
• Feeling pathetic and feeling like everyone else feels like I am pathetic too.
• The weather isn't cooperating with my mood (should be dark, raining, cloudy and dreary.)
• Sleeping is all I want to do, but actually doing it is harder than it should be.
• Chance is everyone in my life, and in reality...he is. My home, my work, my car, my spirit.
• Just getting through the day is my only goal at the moment, I can't think of much else.
• I know this is going to go on for a long time, months probably....I could do without that.
• I don't feel like talking to anyone and being alone is my preferred state at the moment, this isn't like me but I am honoring it.
• I am just sad...it's not fun, being depressed is pretty crappy.
  
  Pro's
  
• I become largely inspired and creative during these periods of depression.
• Eating doesn't seem terribly important at the moment.
• When the sadness passes and my sunshine returns, I will be SO much happier for it.
• I am overcome at the outpouring of support by my friends and family, everyone has been so kind and sweet and not hating on either of us, that's the best part. We've reached a point in life where no one HAS to hate anyone, this is just the way it is and it's sad and we deal with it.
• Max has been THE sweetest baby boy on the planet, he knows I'm not a happy kiddo at the moment and sends me funny emails and hugs me a lot. Huh, who knew?
• Changes of this nature bring about new (and potential exciting as one of my favorite people on the planet pointed out) possibilities for growth and life.
• Learning through this process will be good for me, I will be reminded of my strength and my purpose...perhaps I will even be inspired to seek my passions as I've been longing to do for so long.

Lisa (I knew it, she's my girl!)

You Are Lisa Simpson

A total child prodigy and super genius, you have the mind for world domination. But you prefer world peace, Buddhism, and tofu dogs. You will be remembered for: all your academic accomplishments Your life philosophy: "I refuse to believe that everybody refuses to believe the truth"

The Simpsons Personality Test

Your Birthdate: January 25

Your Birthdate: January 25

You excel at anything difficult or high tech. In other words, you're a total (brilliant) geek. It's difficult for you to find people worth spending time with. Which is probably why you'll take over the world with your evil robots! Your strength: Your unfailing logic Your weakness: Loving machines more than people Your power color: Tan Your power symbol: Pi Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

One Thing I Know About Grief...

...is that the world does not stop for your tears, your heartache.

This morning, when I didn't get my normal email from him...that says "Hello, have a good day. I love you." It reminded me that this is my life now, there will be no more "Hello Mango's" or hugs or waking up next to him in the morning.

I know this will pass, this feeling like my body will split in half from grief and loss and sadness. I know that someday, I will find a way to look back at this and not fall apart.

But today is not that day and I AM falling apart and I DO need to cry and be sad and feel everything because I don't know what else to do right now. Eventually, I won't be able to cry any more I know that too. My eyes will just dry up and there won't be anything else for a while...and then suddenly, it will all start up again at some random moment when I least expect it.

Hurting like this is awful....going to sleep and waking up to a new life, sans that big drippy tears and sobbing, and without that terribely gnawing my gut....that would be good. But I guess without this, I do not learn the lesson. What that is yet, I don't know.

Max's 8th Grade Continuation (05/30/2007)

Big big news...big big Man had continuation this past Wednesday and though I am not typically fond of such stuffy formalities, this event proved to be surprisingly enjoyable and not at all stuffy! And NOT just because my baby boy was participating (though that was the best part of course) but also because it was a lot of fun seeing all these awkward teenagers, graduating towards the beginning of a life time of possibility.

Strange how there are some things that never ever really change. 13 and 14 year old girls spend 2 weeks deciding on what to wear, giggle nervously, clique up and cannot seem to resist talking to and teasing one another. 13 and 14 year old boys throw on whatever smells clean, snicker at everything and brandish a smirk that indicates that they are almost certainly all too cool to even acknowledge this sort of ceremonial ridiculousness...but they show up cuz it makes Mom happy, plus their are 'hot chicks' at this sort of event. Together, they make up 300 kids who have a shot at seeking out their passions. They don't know it yet, but that is what they are doing in all their silly goofing with each other, figuring out the ranks and trying to identify how/where/why and/or IF they fit into the cycle.

Bless their little hearts.

I even got choked up when the principal read her speech. A blathering idiot I will be at Max's graduation I am sure. I can't help it, I am a fan of sentiment. Feeling is good, believe it or not and I don't see myself attending another 8th grade continuation for one of my own children again...so I'll go ahead and steep in the sentiment and all it's glory. I love my baby and I am proud of him.

Howard attended and I think that had something to do with the joy added to our evening. It's nice having family, it was nice to have someone to share the evening with! Plus, I know it means the world to Maxter! YAY Howard:)



Fun evening, I am glad we attended and am even more appreciative of my new found hope for the future. Kids are fabulous for inspiring that I hope I suppose, I will take that and run with it.

Congrats Maxter....let's rock your freshmen year and make it something to be proud of! Whatever you do, I know it will end up being the right thing for you in the long run. Just hang in there...some of us are STILL trying to find our passions in life.

peace



PS: A little Friday funny....http://funny-cute-cats.freeonlinegames.com/

Whoa, took me a minute...

Finally joined MySpace, not b/c I am ready to join that chaos yet (no offense MySpacers, I just do not have the energy for that yet`) but b/c I wanted to see the Amsterdam pics from Crys's blogg. Which are, at the very least, what I expected and I'm am extremely happy to see two of the most awesome chicks on the planet having a great time over sea's.

Curiosity overcame me and I began browsing the profiles of Cry's friends on MySpace. I knew a few of them, but most I didn't. So, I only visited the ones I knew, is it bad form to creep unto someone elses blogg and view other people's profiles? I don't know, on this blogg site...it seems far less intense, less...personal I guess. MySpace is pretty darn detailed, I mean you know everything about that person that they wish to share and there's A LOT of sharing going on.

Anyway....back to topic. I was happy to see Snowman, BlakePhotography & RAGE's sites all listed. I am really happy that Sean B pursued his photography career in Houston, he's a pretty talented guy. Snowman and I touch base periodically, so it's good to see him happy as ever and RAGE seems to be doing well also in Houston and that is happy news to my ears. I like hearing that the people from my past are happy and doing well...as well as can be described in a blogg I suppose. For me, there is something satisfying about knowing we are all growing...that life is progressing.

So, as I'm surfing various blog sites...reading through Crys's more indepthly and everyone elses as much as I felt comfortable doing so...and I see all these unique, exciting and eventful lives out there. I suddenly had a thought. My daily life...well it seems pretty uneventful and almost painfully routine and montonous.

Wonderful things happen, Aunties come to visit, Max's gain wisdoms, Mango's go to Mexico for one of her best friends weddings and C's Mom comes to visit. Some nights at home are lovely and warm and full of compassion and love.

I am not complaining, I certainly do have a great life. But as I surfed random bloggs and read through the hobbies, events of each respective bloggers details...I sort of realized that my entire life seems almost totally focused around the men, the house and my job. Of course, I choose the things as priorities and choose them willingly and happily.

But the slow realization that something within me is not being fullfilled by my current situation is creeping to the forefront at ever quicker pace. I also now realize that I've been blaming this lack of...personal direction (?)....on everything from Chance, to Max, to my work or my weight or some random flu...blah blah...blah. You get the point...blaming this lack of 'something' in my life on everyone else is so much easier than taking responsibility for it myself.

Wow. duh. The fundamental roots of so much of what I've practiced and believe in subscribes to the concept that we are responsible for our own happiness, that we create it and live it each day.

Seems I have definately lost focus of that whole idea and for that, I feel like a completel fool. I've been doing this now for quite a while and I suspect it is after we moved into the house. I had this fantasy dreamland of what life in the new house would be like. With Chance and Max, and a dog and so many things I always wanted to do with my living space. I began claiming all of my sources of happiness from external places, from external people, external things....from somewhere else entirely and not me at all. This is not to say that this current situation isn't a powerful one, b/c it is...but I won't deny that I've felt myself feel very let down a few different times in the past year and a half. And very frankly, by Chance and Max. But, I'm getting it here right now...that I've placed so much of my happiness in the hands of these two people and my work and my home and whatever else might make me happy for a brief moment...that I've left little room for me to create my own happiness and goodness for myself. And how, is it even possible, for either of the boys to live up to my very high expectations if I cannot even create what I expect of them for myself?

So, today I had a moment in time in which I was able to see something bigger than somebodies blogg or a picture of someone next to their Jeep out on a trail. I saw that I am not living my true happiness every day, I am not living in a place where I seeking my passion and making it happen, I have lost myself some where and I miss her. I miss her a lot and I am sad for that girl who worked so hard to figure out who she was, and here she is again....lost and feeling a little without direction. And so the journey begins again, another process of trying to find her passion again and live it.

I'm not even sure where to start....

Look, it FINALLY happened...

A web site, totally focused and in honor of...MEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Besides this one of course....

Mad 4 Mango

It's good to know I am loved!

There are all sorts of other sites, Mango Madness and Mango The King (They meant QUEEN!) of Fruit. But they are both not exactly family friendly, so I'll just cut to the point and that is....be sure to include alot of Mango's in your diet. Not only are they the cutest little tree fruits you ever did see...but they are good for you too! Go figure? In one mango you will find a ton of Potassium and Vitamin A/C and a whole bunch of Folate. Low in cals, a little high in sugar (anything worth eating has a little too much sugar in it, so ignore that part) and a good dose of fiber. Just be careful when you are choosing your mangos, not to squeeze them to firmly...they tend to bruise easily and once bruised, they are not particularly responsive and become prickly and abbrasive. Also, you don't want to go over board and eat to many, there are plenty to go around but if too many mangos are consumed, there could be a shortage and no one wants that!

Happy Mango hunting!

Max's Summer

Sent this email out this morning...Max's schedule will be keeping him busy, but...I think he has a fun summmer ahead...
***************************************************
Hello All,

I am sending this email out to several folks based on what has been planned thus far for Max's summer 2007. Some of the dates are negotiable of course, but I am trying to firm up things like travel plans and dates in which he'll be working with his most excellent math tutor and other support services he is receiving.

Please review the following and respond with any questions or comments regarding plans that pertain to you. Thanks to you all for your support, dedication and love in helping this kiddo get on track. Here's to a positive and healthy start to High School in August 2007!

Warmest Regards,
Sarah

Wednesday, May 23rd:
Last day with Linda until August 13th

Tuesday, May 29th:
Elitches w/ School

Wednesday, May 30th:
8th Grade Continuation
7PM - Wheat Ridge High School

Friday, June 1st:
Last Day Of School

Tuesday, June 5th:
Register for summer school

Tuesday, June 12th:
Last visit with Georgia until August 14th.

Wednesday, June 6th - June 26th:
Summer School: 8 - 11 AM
Oberon Middle School http://jeffcoweb.jeffco.k12.co.us/profiles/map/middle/oberon.html

Thursday, June 27th - Approximately July 27th (Ticket will be open ended)
TN with Grandparents

Soccer Camp Fits in here somewhere....
Details to come....

Monday, August 8th
Register/Pictures for High School

Monday, August 13th
M/W with Linda Mathews

Tuesday, August 14thResume visits with Georgia, 2x/month

Tuesday, August 22nd
Freshmen Report to High School (8 am - 12 am)

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?

Guess who were the only 'guest speakers' who attended Max's career day at school? Yep, you guessed it...all facets of the military. Army, Navy, Marines. Almost every other group that signed up to participate didn't show. Hm, that's strange.

Max came home complete with a "Go Army 2007" yellow wrist band, pamphlets, a head full of idea's (lies) about where he'd be 'stationed' if he signed up and completed boot camp AND an itemized list of all the 'perks' he would receive directly from the military. Including, the infamous GI Bill (which now doesn't pay enough for a kid to go to community college in Colorado), housing for his family (this is a good thing, I agree...except I've heard some pretty interesting stories about the conditions of military housing in the past 10 years) and spending money ($150 a week?) so he can purchase his own clothes and cd's (amongst a myriad of other items the recruiter used to appeal to a 14 year old.)

argh.

Then I read THIS!

http://www.alternet.org/story/51889/

Please do not mistake my disgust with recruitment practices with lack of support for these kids or as a disrespect for the thousands of veterans who served with honor and pride. That is in no way my intention and I mean no disrespect.

But, my son isn't going to this war and I'll be damned if someone with clearly less than ethical 'business' practice's is going to come to his school and somehow pollute his mind about the 'benefits' he'll receive he signs up. Benefits for vets is a thing of the past, these kids aren't receiving 'benefits.' They ARE receiving a shit load of mixed messages, zero mental heal support services upon returning home and minimal physical treatment for injuries.

I get that this has been going on now for years, but....it finally hit home and the gall of those bastards to come and try to encourage an innocent, naive young person to enlist in a military fighting an illegal war.

Not my kid buddy. Not Anyone's kid. No way.

Beat it, scram. You are not wanted here.

Joining the military should be voluntary, better yet...if you join the military, you should have the choice about whether you want to fight in a war like this. You certainly should NOT be harangued and deceived into joining. There is nothing, at all, even remotely ethical about that.

EFFERS!

Busy Week Ahead

The week ahead promises to be as busy as the past several, don't expect to see much of me on blogger as between work, Maxter's after school schedule and the standard keeping up the house and what not will be leaving me with little time for much else.

The good news? Mj will be out of soccer at the end of this week. A few make up games remain and a tournament in June, but otherwise, the bulk of it is over for Spring Soccer and as always, it comes with a small sigh of relief. I enjoy the games and the team atmosphere, but I won't lie and say that the getting him to and fro practice 3x a week is something I look forward to each season:)

Max is out of school June 1st. June 6 - 26th he attends summer school. June 28th he leaves for TN and returns the first week in August. On June 30th I leave for Cabos! Whoa Mommma! I already feel nuts just thinking about all that!

Clients are already panicking about the fact that I'll be gone that 1st week in July but I am being firm about it. I am panicking a little about the money involved, but I feel like I need this. Not only for Crys & Dane but for me too, I plan to use that time to reflect a little on some pending emotional issues.

This past weekend was pretty good, mowed the lawn, spent Saturday carting the boys around, slept a little. I'm still tired though, looking forward to this long weekend coming up. We had planned to go camping Memorial Day, but C has big projects due the following week so him going is out of the question and neither of us can afford it ($45 to fill up my car this past week, woo hoo!), so even if I wanted to go without him, I really can't. Besides, I don't really want to be away from Max that whole weekend and it is not something I can take him too, so that's that. I suspect everyone will have fun regardless of our involvement, I doubt highly I will be missed in this case, that's for sure.

Off to work for me...crazy week, better stop procrastinating.

Oh, we watched "Bobby" last night...it was a fantastic movie, not at all what I expected and I would recommend it to anyway.

peace
xo
s

Because Of You - Kelly Clarkson

Lyrics

Video

HA

Where are we going and why am I in this handbasket?

I am the Queen. Why? Because my pantyhose say so.

Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.

If you drink like a fish. Drink what a fish drinks.

If all is not lost, where is it.

I only do what my Rice Crispies tell me to do.

If I has two dead mice, Id give you one.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

Everything is okay in the end. If its not, then its not the end.

You cant have everything. Where would you put it.

If you dont want cat hair on your clothes then stay off the furniture.

Server Down, Server Down!

yargh. servers are down at work today, intermittantly...it's like opening a present only to have the box lid slam down on you again right as you peak in.

i have internet. i don't have internet.
i have email. i don't have email.
i can access the sql server....whooops, no you can't!

and so on and so forth.

what a lovely day it would be to go clean my house, but instead i must stay and play FreeCell in between it all.

obviously i hvae connection at the moment but i won't count on it for too long.

lessee here....Jerry Falwell passed away today. I wonder how many gay, liberal, feminist and Teletubbies he'll meet on the other side? Better yet, maybe he'll come back as a liberal gay Teletubby? HA - I hope so.

Saw this today on Google News
http://www.nzherald.co.nz/section/story.cfm?c_id=5&objectid=10439881

I would totally be down for this, though...I have to say, it seems a little creepy. Like 'produce, produce, produce!' What next? Feeding tubes so we don't have to get up and eat?

But assuming this isn't the beginning of The Matrix, I think it's a cool idea.

Urm...it rained last night and hailed all over my plants, strangely though....my lawn looks great today! Guess they are tough enough to brave the storm. good little baby flowbers!

Ooops, better get back...i thini the network is going down agian....

Indigo Girls-Closer To Fine

Today, I was driving and heard a live version of this song and had to stop the car I sat and cried so hard. I never understood this song when I was younger, I don't remember the first time I heard it but I was young, 16? I sort of dismissed it at the time as I was in a totally different musical head space a that moment, which reflected my life style at the time.

A few years later, around 21 or so...I heard it on a KBCO or something and I cried that day in my car too for all this song said to me, for all the pain of trying to understand this life and why it all feels so hard some days and not others, why some of us take ourselves so seriously and some of us can just put it all down at the end of day, the energies and loves we put into finding our way, thus the chorus that immediately grabbed my attention:

I went to the doctor,
I went to the mountains
I looked to the children,
I drank from the fountains
There's more than one answer to these questions pointing me in a crooked line
And the less I seek my source for some definitive
(the less I seek my source)
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine

And here I am, 10 years later...feeling much in the same place of confusion. I think I've got it figured it out now though....there is no 'figuring it out' in this game. This is what life is, every day there is beauty and every day there is something to cry about. The balance is within us and not from an external source, this balance means something different to all of us. Some of us will spend our lives seeking it and some of us are just born with it.

Buddha teaches us that suffering is the first experience of many to achieve peace...release. To live, to exist is to suffer. It is only one small step, acknowledgement I suppose...because this life is so impermanent.

This is where I am stuck, the idea that suffering...just trying to understand so many things that maybe I am not meant to...that is where I am stuck in my spiritual journey. And it is the same place that I was 10 years ago, allthough not nearly as deeply. Since, experience has taught me a great deal about suffering and the possible and/or inevidable outcomes. Attaching oneself to the suffering is the very cause of it. Noble Truth #2.

It only took me a decade to reach some understand of the second Noble Truth. Perhaps it is time to revisit those concepts more carefully.

In any event, please read the lyrics to this song and watch the video if you've never heard it before. It is a profoundly moving piece of each art to me and I wish to share it with you as a gift to all of you.

Link To Lyrics

Watch The Video

Weekend Recap

Friday:
Came home from work, took a night. Was supposed to meet Bryan for drinks, he wanted to watch the Red Wings game and hockey on tv isn't my gig these days so we rescheduled for Saturday. C got home, we hung out for a bit out in the back and enjoyed a wonderful spring evening. C's buddy stopped by to show us his new bike, good for him. Max accidentally tipped it over, woops! Number one rule with motorcycles, don't tip over another dude's bike! EVER. Eh, you live and learn right? I felt bad about it, but no harm, no foul from what I can tell. After the house fell quiet, we hung out, watched movies drank some wine and relaxed together.


Saturday:
B came over 'bout 11 am. We went for a long walk before Max's soccer game and talked about the changes coming in his life. There is a part of me that is quite sad for him, this must all be very difficult and another that feels that this is a new beginning and that those beginnings in life inherently bring forth progress and growth. He is an incredibly strong and kind individual, he's going to go places and I'm very happy for him. Bryan has been one of my closest friends for upwards of 8 years, I've always loved and admired him tremendously and he is someone I respect professionally, personally and spiritually, our friendship has been blessed with a comfortable, honest and clear connection with one another that has lasted 9 years through various phases and stages of our respective lives. Relationships with staying power are the ones that are consistently tolerant, patient and compassionate. He has been one of the few I've shared that with and I am grateful. I will miss him, that's for certain but it doesn't weigh me down. I know him to be a person who maintains friendships through distance and time. Besides, he'll be back in the fall for the graduation of his nephew. Score!

The soccer game was perfect, Gayle (C's Mom) is in town and took the time out of her day to come to Mj's game. The 3 of us all hung out and enjoyed the weather, Max's team play hard and each other's company.

What a great day! C got home from school and we snuggled and watched movies quietly. I loved it, it really was a day for the scrap books.

Sunday:
I slept most of the day. LOL. Seriously, I did. C got up, went to school. Max did the dishes for me (thanks Max) and I spent the day sleeping, and watched a few gooshy movies in between it all. Gayle and Jeff came over for dinner, we had a wonderful meal thank's to Chance's culinary expertise and I received a lovely Mother's Day basket full of goodies from Gayle. What a thoughtful gift:) I think EVERY Sunday should be Mother's Day!

The weekend wrapped up with C and I falling asleep trying to watch Boston Legal and Kasha Puppy trying to take up the whole bed. How a dog who weighs all of 11 lbs can move around two large humans is beyond me, but we are suckers and accommodate her.

Cheers to a great weekend and many more to come!

Little Miss Mango, How Does Your Garden Grow?

I've decided to start posting pics of my planting progress. I feel proud of it, however rudimentary it might be. So, you'll have to bear with me as I learn and take pride in my accomplishments!

This is the front of my home, near my mail box. Those larger green plants are going to be day lillies, I also planted echnaciea, something that's supposed to be large and yellow and you can sort of see the bluish flowers along the fence.

This is the phalic fairy, nestled between what will eventually be a field of day lillies.

This is my first attempt at using planters, rather than ground planting. There are about 4 different plants/flowers in this pot and I think it's going to look splendid in about 2 weeks.


This is the back porch, a funky vew of my petunia's. And my foot it seems. Woops.

This is another attempt at potted lovelieness.


This is atop our patio furnishings, C's Mom Gail gave us this before they moved and it's really a lovely set. I found a citronella candle that smells really good (not at all like citronella!) and an ashtray for our smoker friends (so they can STOP THROWING THEIR CIGARETTE BUTTS IN MY BACK PATIO! This not a subtle hint in case you didn't notice smoker friends!)
That's about it for now, more and better quality pics to come.

TGIF? Oh yes, let me count the ways!

It's Friday folks and I am damn happy for it. Not because I want wish my life away, each moment IS a gift that is for certain. However, this week has been an emotional, physical and mental rollercoaster that I'll gladly be happy to move on from. What did I learn? Let's see, shall we:

a) Focusing on breathe outside of meditation is a fantastic stress reliever AND way to center myself. This must be done on a more regular basis, or I just cry for no reason and crying seems to upset the men for some reason.

b) I love yard work! It has essentially become my new vice and I have to tell you, this project has been rewarding in ways I couldn't have imagined. A sanctuary of my own choosing, a sacred spot on the planet in which I can beautify and support life? I think about my yard quite a lot now and it feels really good to have something, not work related, not family related, no related to ANYTHING except loving the earth and myself in the process, wow...what a deal! Plus, Kristen loves this subject so I like to see her get so excited about the whole thing. She's quite cute with it.

c) Max and I can't be friends every day. As much as I'd like for it to be different, it's just the way things are right now. It's his JOB to break away from me and it's my job to stay consistent with the rules/boundaries, whether he likes them or not. It's not easy being such a sensitive person though, I have to tell you that. I don't like feeling like my kid hates me, I don't like it when there is so much tension in our house and I sure don't like seeing him be all over the place like he is. I can't fix everything for him, I've done well in many ways with him and he is loved and that is the bottom line of it all.

d) I really miss eating fish, specifically sushi. It is the ONLY protein I've craved regularly for some time now. I have no desire to eat any other animal product, it mostly just makes me sick anyway, but fish...ooooh, I LOVE fish. I love Mahi Mahi, Ahi Tuna, Snapper, Salmon, Shell Fish of all kinds, and I adore unagi. ADORE IT! I may have to indulge myself a little in some good, fresh fish.

Peace out ya'll! Happy Mothers Day and Happy Friday!

https://civ.moveon.org/momsrisingdvds/?id=10310-5983100-Ftr8Au&t=1